Have a Little Faith
by nikkipattinson
Summary: Set in Alabama. Esme is dying, but she wants Edward to be settled before she goes... and she's running out of time. Is Bella the answer to her prayers? Out of great tragedy springs great love.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**No copying of this work, no reproduction of this work, no created downloads of this work, and/or no linking of this work to another website is allowed without the express written permission of the author.**

**_Have a Little Faith_ copyright 2011 nikkipattinson**

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 1

My mother is dying.

She has a very rare, very aggressive form of cancer... mantle-cell lymphoma. There is no treatment. There is no cure. There are experimental things that they want to try, but they have nothing that has proven effective. They... the doctors... estimate that a person has six months to three years from the date of diagnosis. It's just an estimate. No one has ever lived more than a few months after being diagnosed. My mother received this death sentence in November of 2008. It's September of 2009; ten months. She's an anomaly, but I could have told them that.

Since she has survived this long, she has become a case study. She and my father fly to M.D. Anderson in Texas once a month for tests. Papers have been written and published in medical journals about her. The doctors can't figure out why she's still here and relatively healthy. It just solidifies my belief that doctors aren't as smart as they think they are. My mother is showing them just how powerful faith is. They aren't God and she's exposing they mortality. My mother and my father have faith that she can beat this. Considering all the things that she has survived in her life, I have no doubt that she will give mantle-cell lymphoma a run for its money.

Esme Platt didn't have the best home life growing up in rural Walker County, Alabama. She was the third of four children. Her mother was a housewife and her father worked for Alabama Power Company as a foreman at their Gorgas power plant. My 'grandmother,' I use the term lightly, was a local beauty; tall, blond, blue eyed. This was her definition of beautiful. My mother had the misfortune of being the only child of Lillian Platt who looked like my grandfather. She was always small for her age. She had dark brown hair and dark brown, almost black, eyes. In my 'grandmother's' estimation, she wasn't beautiful. Apparently, this greatly disappointed Lillian.

The bitch... sorry, force of habit... my 'grandmother' verbally, mentally and physically abused my mother. I've heard the stories. She once beat my mother with a broom because she missed a spot while sweeping out the carport. She routinely hit her in the head with a hair brush if she dared flinch while having her hair brushed. When her younger sister, Phyllis, arrived, my mother was repeatedly told how she would never be as beautiful or as wonderful as her blond haired, blue eyed sister. My 'grandmother' would tell her that she was stupid and that no one would ever want her. She was told that she would never be married; she would always be alone. She was useless.

It's little wonder that as soon as an opportunity arose for her to escape she did. You see, my mother wasn't stupid. She is in fact borderline genius. While her mother was abusing her and her father was pretending that it wasn't happening, my mother was working her ass off. She graduated from Martin School at seventeen with a full academic scholarship to the University of Alabama.

Esme Platt left for Tuscaloosa, Alabama in August of 1966 and never looked back. She never went back to Walker County again. She had never worked a day in her life; she couldn't. Her 'mother' required her to do all the housework and take care of Phyllis. She was determined to not ask her family for help. Her scholarship covered all of her school expenses... even room and board, but it didn't cover any incidentals. She had to get a job. She took a full load of classes and worked part-time at the public library for spending money. She received special permission to stay in the dormitory during the holidays every year. She did everything possible to keep away from Walker County. Considering that not one member of her family ever called to check on her or to ask when she was coming home, she assumed that they were happy with the arrangement as well.

She took classes year-round and managed to graduate with her BA in Education in three years. In February of 1969 she and her best friend, Gwendolyn, applied for positions as student teachers at Etowah County High School in Attalla, Alabama. Gwendolyn taught history and my mother taught English to juniors and seniors. This student teaching job is how I came into existence. It's how she met my father.

Carlisle Cullen graduated from Etowah County High School in May of 1964. He went to work full-time at his father's automotive repair business. His older brother, Edward, Jr., had been learning the business for the previous two years as he had been tapped by Edward, Sr. to take over when he decided to retire. Carlisle was working there to pass the time until he decided what he wanted to do with his life. Unlike most of his friends, Carlisle had graduated without a girlfriend to marry. His possibilities were endless.

Unfortunately for Carlisle, the U.S. government had other plans. In 1965, President Johnson committed ground troops to Vietnam and the draft cards went out. Carlisle's cousins, Garrett and Charles, received their cards and were drafted into the Marines. Carlisle heard from his uncles about how hard it was for them in the Marines. He also heard that the Marines were being sent to the frontlines. Most were not coming home alive. Edward, Jr. was exempt from the draft as he had a young wife and two children. He was also the eldest son who was next in line to take over a very prosperous family business from a legally blind father. Carlisle's younger brother, my uncle Emmett, was a junior in high school. If anyone in the family would be drafted, it would be Carlisle.

Not wanting to be in the Marines and not particularly keen on the idea of coming home in a body bag, my father enlisted in the Air Force in January of 1966. He was immediately shipped to basic training at Pope Air Force Base in Fayetteville, North Carolina. It was the first time that Carlisle had ever been out of Alabama. He loved it. He excelled in the Air Force. Years of working in his father's automotive repair business made him an excellent mechanic. He was sent to school to become a jet fighter mechanic at Luke Air Force Base in Glendale, Arizona.

Arizona agreed with Carlisle. Its warm climate reminded him of Alabama without the annoyance of ninety percent humidity. He became one of the best aircraft mechanics in the Air Force. At the age of twenty he became the youngest crew chief in the history of the Air Force. He received numerous commendations. Letters were sent home, but Carlisle received no correspondence from his parents. He wasn't surprised when a letter he sent to his mother informing her of his deployment to Vietnam went unanswered. Thus began years of feeling that his mother never loved him.

Carlisle was sent to a base in the jungles of Vietnam that wasn't there. If you search the government records you will find no mention of it or of anyone being stationed there. The section in Carlisle's military record that mentions it is blacked out. He officially wasn't there. He will argue the contrary. He jokingly says that when he arrived they took his rifle and handed him a wrench. At least I think he's joking. He was there to do one thing... keep the planes in the air. He did his job masterfully.

He's often told me that even after all the horrors of war, and there were many, he would have stayed in the Air Force and made a career out of the military if he had been given the choice, but he wasn't. He had been in the Air Force for three years and was days away from re-enlisting when his commanding officer came into the hanger to inform him that his older brother, Edward Jr., had been killed in a car crash.

"You're going home, son," the officer said with a smile. Little did he know that it was the last thing Carlisle wanted. He had planned on never returning to Gadsden, Alabama again. He was going to make the military his career. He had plans; plans that were dashed in one drunken night on a back road in Alabama.

So, Carlisle Cullen returned to Gadsden to take his brother's place in a family business that he despised; his hopes and dreams of a future in the Air Force gone. He returned to a family in which he felt complete isolation. The friends he had left behind were all married; most had children. Carlisle had no prospects. In truth, he really wasn't interested in the girls of Gadsden. He knew them all and knew their ways. He found them intolerable and inane.

His younger brother, Emmett, was working part-time after school at the shop. Emmett refused to let Carlisle wallow in his own self-pity. Emmett was as different from Carlisle as night and day. While Carlisle was calm and introverted, prone often to stoicism, Emmett was exuberant and extroverted. He is still described as 'a fun guy to have around.' With Emmett, it's always party time.

Emmett would careen into the shop every afternoon with tales of the 'fox' that was teaching his English class. My father would roll his eyes and tell Emmett to shut-up and get to work. After all, what did he care of a seventeen year old's fantasies about a high school English teacher. He had work to do. As well as running the family business, Carlisle was also going to school at night to get his business degree. He had other things on his mind.

In 1969, there was a drive-in restaurant in Gadsden called Billy Boy's. It's a McDonald's now, but in the 1960s it was the place to be on a Saturday night. Carlisle and Emmett had worked all day one Saturday at the mechanic shop. Carlisle had plans to go home, take a shower, and start studying for the economics mid-term he had on Tuesday night. Emmett, being his usual self, wanted to go to Billy Boy's and hangout with his friends... maybe pick up a girl and have some fun. They were covered in dirt and grease, but Emmett wanted to 'make an appearance.'

Emmett began to beg and plead and eventually whine for my dad to stop at Billy Boy's 'for just a minute.' Carlisle reluctantly agreed. He pulled his Studebaker into an empty stall at the drive-in. Emmett immediately jumped out to join his buddies. Carlisle ordered a cheeseburger and a Coke from the carhop. As he ate his food, he looked around at the silly, giggling teenagers and felt out of place. He finished the last of his Coke and felt the return of his stoicism and self-pity. He felt trapped and alone. He'd been too many places and seen too many things to be stuck in Gadsden, Alabama for the rest of his life.

Carlisle got out of the car and looked around for Emmett. He was done with this scene and was ready to go home. He was dog tired and wanted a shower. He didn't want to be hanging out with teenagers. Emmett had disappeared into the crowd. Carlisle began walking around the lot looking for Emmett. He asked a few people if they had seen him. He finally found a group that pointed him inside the restaurant.

"Great," he thought. The last thing he wanted to do was go inside a restaurant covered in grease and grime. As he approached the door of the restaurant, he could see Emmett inside talking to an attractive blonde. Leave it to Emmett to find the prettiest girl in the room and hit on her.

Carlisle started walking toward Emmett determined to drag him out of the establishment if necessary. He could hit on the blonde later. Carlisle was ready to go home and start studying. He came up behind the blonde and said, "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but it's time to go, Emmett."

That's when it happened. Emmett shifted to the right and Carlisle's eyes fell upon the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She looked exactly like Natalie Wood. Carlisle felt all the blood in his body rush to his face and he lost the ability to breathe. He pushed past Emmett and almost ran past 'Natalie's' table into the men's restroom. Emmett followed him, thinking he was sick. When he got inside the restroom he found Carlisle holding onto one of the sinks... hyperventilating.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Emmett said as he approached Carlisle. "You're gonna pass out if you don't quit breathin' like that."

"Didn't you see her?"

"Hell, yeah, I saw her. Why do you think that I was talkin' to her? She's a stone cold fox."

"Not her. The girl with the brown hair... sitting at the booth in the corner." Emmett's brow furrowed as he thought about it.

Sudden recognition appeared on his face and he said, "Oh yeah, that's Miss Platt. She's that English teacher I've been tellin' you about."

"That's your English teacher!" Carlisle exclaimed. "I thought that it was Natalie Wood."

"Hmm, I guess. Now that you mention it, I can see a resemblance. I told you she's a fox. Wanna meet her?"

"No!" Carlisle said quickly. "I... I can't. Look at me. I'm filthy. I can't meet her looking like this."

"There's a sink; there's some soap. Wash up."

"Look at my clothes. I can't, Emmett."

"Fine," Emmett said in defeat. "Be a little pussy. You ready to go?"

"What about the blonde?"

"Aw, I got her number. I'll call her later. I ain't got any money on me tonight anyway. Let's go."

Carlisle sighed and said, "Okay." He's told me that looking back he should have noticed the gleam in Emmett's eye, but he was a little preoccupied. They exited the restroom and started for the front door. As they neared Esme's table, Carlisle lowered his head and tried to slide past without making eye contact. He was trying so hard to not look at her that he ran into Emmett, who had stopped at the side of the table.

"Hey, Miss Platt, this is my brother, Carlisle," Emmett said as he stepped back and pushed Carlisle forward.

My dad tripped and almost fell onto the table. He regained his footing and said, "Um, hey." If he had known then what my mother told me later he might not have been so nervous.

Esme had seen Carlisle when he walked in the front door of Billy Boy's. She's told me that the sight of him made her heart skip a beat. According to her, my father was the best looking man she had ever seen who wasn't on a movie screen. He had his blond hair cut short, which was completely out of style for the time. She had no idea about his military service, which was the reason for the close cropped hair, but she has said that the end all and be all was his eyes. They were, and still are today, a stunning shade of blue. Depending on what color shirt my dad is wearing, his eyes vary from grey to a deep, dark blue. The night he met my mother, he had on a navy blue shirt and navy pants, making his eyes this deep, hypnotizing blue.

If he had known that she was as taken with him as he was with her, then he might have been a little more charming... more suave. As it was, he quickly said 'hey' and then sprinted for the door, leaving Emmett to apologize for Carlisle's rudeness.

Carlisle dove into his car and started the engine. Emmett finally got in the passenger seat and said, "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I don't know," Carlisle groaned as he leaned over and put his forehead on the steering wheel. "I just freaked out."

"You were rude, Carlisle. I had to apologize for you. Do you realize that she's gradin' me? She could fail me, you know."

"She won't fail you for me being an ass." Carlisle glanced once more into the restaurant. He could see Esme and her friend, Gwendolyn, still sitting at their table. He sighed and put the car in reverse. "Let's get home. I have a mid-term to study for."

It was over a month later before Esme Platt and Carlisle Cullen would cross paths again. For weeks Carlisle would rush home after work on Saturday to shower and change his clothes. Then he would rush back down the mountain to Billy Boy's to wait for my mother's arrival. He was disappointed every time.

On the fateful night, Carlisle was driving down Lookout Mountain... alone. Emmett had a date with the blonde, whose name turned out to be Rosalie Hale. The whole way down he told himself that this would be the last Saturday that he would endure the annoying children at Billy Boy's. If she wasn't there this Saturday night, then it wasn't meant to be.

He parked in the lot... not in a stall... and entered the building. He looked around and his heart sank. She wasn't there. He turned to leave and literally ran into her.

"Oh, um, hey," he stammered as he tried to appear less shocked to see her. She was even more beautiful than the first time he had laid eyes on her. "You... you, uh, cut your hair."

Esme reached up and touched the ends of her hair. She had cut it to her shoulders in an attempt to appear older than her students... it wasn't working. "Excuse me?" she said.

"The last time I saw you... your hair... it was longer... than it is now," he again stammered.

"Yes," she said slowly and then walked past him into the restaurant.

"I like it," he called after her. "It looks good."

Esme and Gwendolyn turned to stare at him. Esme slowly answered, "Thank you?"

"Well, um, can I buy you dinner?" Carlisle asked nervously.

"I'm here with a friend," Esme said, gesturing to Gwendolyn.

Summoning all his courage, Carlisle said, "Can I buy you _both_ dinner?"

Esme looked at Gwendolyn and she shrugged. _What the hell._ This was the man that Esme had been talking about almost non-stop for weeks. Gwendolyn nodded her agreement and it was settled. Carlisle followed the two women to a corner booth and asked them what they wanted. He then went to the counter and placed the order.

As they ate, they talked. Carlisle learned that Esme was from Walker County originally, but that she had no plans to return there. She liked Gadsden. It had that small town feel she grew up with, but had more things to do than Oakman or Jasper. She missed Tuscaloosa because it truly felt like home, but she was happy in Gadsden. She loved her job. Teaching was a challenge for her and she enjoyed challenges. She didn't really mention a family and Carlisle didn't push it. After all, it was only the first 'date.'

Carlisle told them about his military service. He saw Gwendolyn's mouth curl into a disapproving frown, but Esme smiled and nodded her understanding. He told them about working at the garage. He saw both their eyebrows rise when he mentioned going to school at night. They all talked about Emmett. Gwendolyn had Emmett in her World History class and thought that he was a disruptive influence. Esme disagreed. She found him delightful, if not a little prone to being a class clown.

"I like Emmett," she said. "I think that he is very bright and has a lot of potential."

"If you say so," Gwendolyn said with a roll of her eyes.

"He wants to be a lawyer," Carlisle told them.

"Hmph," Gwendolyn said as she turned to stare out the window.

Esme smiled sweetly and said, "I have no doubt that he will be exactly that."

As the ladies were leaving, Carlisle asked permission to call Esme. She agreed and gave him her telephone number. "I'm gonna marry that girl," he muttered to himself as he watched them drive away.

Carlisle and Esme began to see each other every Saturday night. Carlisle introduced her to his family. She met his friends. They had been dating for six months when Carlisle presented Esme with a near flawless third carat diamond ring. Before she could accept it, she knew that she had to tell him about her family.

"There are some things that you need to know before I can give you an answer. You may change your mind about me once you hear it."

Carlisle shook his head and said, "No way."

"We'll see. Haven't you ever wondered why I don't talk about my family or why I don't go back to Walker County to visit?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. I thought that maybe you would take me to meet your family after we're engaged."

Esme shook her head. "No. I won't go back there."

"I don't understand," Carlisle said as he took her hands.

"I haven't been back to Beat Ten since August of 1966." Esme paused and took a deep breath. "I don't think that I've been missed. My mother never really wanted me anyway and my father always deferred to her on everything. Mother has Phyllis; she's all the daughter Mother needs."

"I'm sorry, but would you believe that I understand. I was in the Air Force for three years and I never received a single letter or call from my mother or father. Emmett wrote me a few times, but not my parents."

"Did they beat you?"

Carlisle thought for a moment before he answered. "A few times. I remember getting a beating because Edward made a D on his report card. Daddy said that he wanted me to know what would happen if I ever brought home a bad mark."

Esme nodded. "Did they tell you that you're stupid and ugly and that no one would want you?"

Carlisle let out a grunting laugh and replied, "It was implied."

"How did you go back? Why did you go back?"

"I had no choice in coming back. The Air Force honorably discharged me for family hardship and I really had nowhere else to go. Plus, the family needed me. And by family I mean Emmett. He's so smart. He can do anything... be anything. If I hadn't come back, then he would have been forced to take over the business. He's too good for that. He's going to college and he's going to be a lawyer. I'll make sure of that."

"I have brothers too, but I don't miss them. They're much older than I am. They were out of the house with wives and children when I was still at Martin School. I really don't miss Phyllis. She was a horrible child... spoiled and mean. I think of my father sometimes. He tried to be good to me, but he was never a strong man. Mother ruled the house and she did it with an iron fist."

"Nothing that you've told me changes the way I feel for you, Esme. I love you. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. Please," Carlisle paused as he took a knee, "be my wife. We'll make our own family."

With tears in her eyes, Esme Platt whispered, "Yes."

They were married two months later at Mt. Pisgah Baptist Church in front of their friends and my father's family. Esme sent a postcard to her father a month later telling him of the nuptials. He didn't reply.

Carlisle and Esme moved into a trailer home in Rainbow City, Alabama. The location seemed like a logical choice since it was fifteen minutes to Etowah County High School and fifteen minutes to Cullen Tire and Automotive. Carlisle could drop Esme off at the school before he went to the shop. Gwendolyn could give her a ride home. This arrangement worked for three months. Then Esme's contact was not renewed for the 1970 – 1971 school year. So she took a job teaching pre-school at the Etowah County Headstart Program. For a year she would ride into work with Carlisle and then take the bus to the shop after the pre-school let out for the day.

After teaching at the Headstart Program for a year, Esme received a call to apply for a position at Sand Rock School in Cherokee County, Alabama. She would be teaching second grade, but there might be an opportunity for her to teach high school English again in the future. It was an excellent opportunity. The only downside was that the job was in Cherokee County... forty-five minutes from their home in Rainbow City. And Esme didn't drive. She would have to learn.

Carlisle went to the Ford dealership and bought a 1970 Ford Pinto. It was red with a white top and a manual transmission. He put Esme in the passenger seat of the car on the Sunday before the Monday she was to report to take the driving test and drove around the deserted parking lot of the K-Mart. He showed her how to work the clutch and to shift the gears. He stopped the car and they traded places. Esme stalled the car the first two times she tried to go forward. Fear made her start to cry. Carlisle took her hands and firmly told her that she would have to learn to drive. He couldn't drive her to work every morning and pick her up every afternoon and still run the business.

"You can do this," he said to her. "I have faith in you. Try again."

Esme wiped her eyes and bit her lower lip as she turned the key in the ignition. She pressed the clutch and put the car into first gear. She slowly let off the clutch and the car leapt forward, but it didn't stall. She drove forward until she heard Carlisle say 'now' and then she shifted into second. The gears ground a little, but the little car didn't stall.

They drove around the deserted parking lot for over an hour. Then Carlisle suddenly said, "Drive us home, darlin'."

"What?" Esme exclaimed as she stopped the car; it stalled.

"You've got the hang of it; drive us home."

"No. I... I can't. What if I hit someone or I stall it in the middle of traffic?"

"When you take the test tomorrow, the officer won't bring you to the K-Mart parking lot and let you drive around. You'll have to drive in traffic. You need the practice. Drive us home."

Esme frowned as she saw the stubborn look in Carlisle's eyes. He wasn't going to budge. She turned to look out the windshield and scowled at the exit of the parking lot. There was a traffic light so she wouldn't have to worry about on-coming traffic when she pulled out. She turned back to Carlisle and sighed.

"Fine," she huffed as she started the car. She put it in gear and drove to the traffic light to wait for it to change to green.

They made it home without Esme hitting another car. She also managed to only stall out once. Carlisle took that next morning off from the garage and went with Esme to take the test. She scored perfectly on the written portion, but Carlisle expected that. She took his hand before she got in the car with the officer to take the driving part. Her hands were wet with sweat.

"I'm so nervous," she whispered.

"Don't be; you can do this."

Esme nodded and slid into the driver's seat. The officer got in the passenger seat and shook Esme's hand. She glanced out the window at Carlisle one last time before she pulled out of the lot and into traffic.

Thirty minutes later, they were pulling back into the lot. Carlisle had been sitting on a bench outside of the testing office. He leapt to his feet and approached the Pinto as Esme gingerly parked it. The officer got out of the car shaking his head. Carlisle knew that look... she had failed.

Carlisle approached the officer. "Excuse me. I'm her husband. How did she do?" The officer looked at Carlisle and shook his head. "Oh," Carlisle said. He looked over the officer's shoulder and saw Esme sitting in the car with a sheepish smile on her face. "Did you tell her that she failed?"

"Not yet."

"Listen, she has a teaching job in Cherokee County. She starts next Monday. She has to drive to work and back. If I promise you that she will drive me to work and back home every day this week and that she will drive everywhere we go this weekend, will you please give her a license? I will guarantee to you that she will be able to drive well by next Monday."

The officer raised an eyebrow and then turned to look at Esme as she sat in the car. He turned back to Carlisle and said, "She drives everywhere and if she has an accident, this conversation never happened."

Carlisle shook his hand. The officer gave Esme the lowest passing score he could. That's how my mother got her driver's license. She wouldn't know about the deal Carlisle made until twenty years later.

Esme began her career at Sand Rock School in 1971. She soon realized that teaching second graders was a lot harder than teaching high school students. She also found that there was a lot more outside work to do. She didn't teach a single subject... she had to teach all subjects. But Esme liked a challenge and she put in the extra time and effort. Her contract was renewed after the first year.

She and Carlisle had also decided to start trying to have a child. My dad often jokes that the two years they tried to have a baby were the most fun he'd ever had in his entire life. For two years they had fun trying to make a baby and for one year they stressed about why it wasn't happening. Finally, Esme went to the doctor. The news wasn't good.

Carlisle held Esme's hand as the doctor explained about Esme's inverted uterus. He explained that she may never be able to conceive a child and that if she did, she would most likely never be able to carry it to term. Esme burst into tears. Carlisle wrapped her in his arms.

"It's alright," he whispered. "Shh, it's okay. We can adopt. We'll still make a family."

They left the office and drove home in silence. Esme entered a deep depression. Carlisle tried everything to pull her out of it. They fought a lot, but would always make up. It was a bad time for them. Gerald Ford was president and interest rates on loans were so high that all small businesses were hurting. The tire and automotive business took a turn for the worst. With the gas shortages, most people weren't driving much. The cost of rubber and oil went through the roof.

The gas for the hour and a half trip Esme made to and from work every day was taking its toll on their finances. Edward, Sr. gave them permission to move their trailer onto a tract of land he owned just inside Cherokee County. It would cut Esme's daily drive in half, but would increase Carlisle's by twenty minutes. In the end, the money they would save in lot rental made the move economical.

They had been living on the forty acre tract of land for about two months when Esme became violently ill. She had been vomiting almost constantly for three days. Everything she ate came right back up. She had to take off work. Carlisle was getting worried. Esme insisted that it was a stomach virus, but Carlisle wasn't convinced. A stomach virus didn't usually last this long.

On the fourth straight day of vomiting, Carlisle loaded Esme in the car and took her to the doctor. The nurses took blood and urine samples. The doctor came in and listened to her heart and lungs and then he felt of her stomach. Carlisle and Esme were left in the room alone to wait for some answers as to why she couldn't eat without throwing up.

"I'm sure that it's nothing," she said, trying to reassure Carlisle. "It's just a stomach bug. The doctor will give me something to make the vomiting stop and I'll be right as rain. You'll see. There's no reason to worry."

"Yeah, I know."

The doctor came back into the room and said, "I want to do a pregnancy test."

"I'm not pregnant," Esme told him. "I can't get pregnant."

"Humor me," the doctor replied.

So Esme agreed to the test, knowing that the result would be negative. Fifteen minutes later the doctor came back in with a smile on his face.

"It's exactly what I thought. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. You are indeed pregnant."

Carlisle calls it the yell heard 'round Gadsden. He literally yelled with excitement. The one thing they had been praying for had happened. Esme was pregnant.

"Wait," Esme said, bringing Carlisle back down to earth. "I could still miscarry. How far along am I?"

"I'm not sure. You'll need to go to your gynecologists to find out."

"Take a wild guess," Esme demanded.

"Hmm, well, judging by the morning sickness, I'd say you're at least eight weeks along; give or take a week."

They left the doctor's office with Carlisle walking on a cloud. Esme wasn't as excited. She had heard what her gynecologist had said a year ago. She would most likely miscarry this child. She was scared, but Carlisle was over the moon. He insisted that she make an appointment with her gynecologist for the next day. Never mind that the next day was Saturday and the doctor wouldn't be in the office. So, first thing Monday morning, Esme called Dr. McKee and made an appointment for that Wednesday afternoon. She would have to take another day off work, but neither she nor Carlisle wanted to wait to find out what the doctor would say about their miracle.

Dr. McKee was cautiously realistic about Esme's pregnancy. He determined that she was probably seven to eight weeks along. He made sure that they understood the risks associated with her condition. He didn't push for her to terminate the pregnancy because he was almost certain that she wouldn't carry to term.

"If you make it through your first trimester without any problems, I'll be surprised. If you make it through the second trimester, I'll be more optimistic. If you get that far, then I would say that you might actually carry to term," Dr McKee told them.

Esme wiped a tear from her cheek and Carlisle frowned at the doctor. "I appreciate your honesty, but we have a little more faith than that. We're having this baby."

"A positive attitude always helps. This pregnancy surprised you, Esme. Didn't you miss a cycle?"

"I've never been regular. I've skipped a month or two before and haven't been pregnant. It seemed normal to miss one," Esme said with a shrug.

"Hmm, well, I want you to come back in two weeks for another check."

For two weeks Esme was on pins and needles waiting for the miscarriage that she was expecting. For two weeks she remained pregnant. Dr. McKee was happy, but surprised that she was still pregnant when she arrived at his office for her appointment. Not only was she still pregnant, but she was also doing quite well. Carlisle was partially to blame for that.

He would get up every morning and fix Esme breakfast. He would make her two eggs, either bacon or sausage, and toast. Then he would have her drink a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice. Coffee was strictly forbidden as was tea. Carlisle quit smoking; a habit he had picked up in the Air Force. At night he would prepare her an equally healthy dinner, complete with another glass of milk. Carlisle was determined to not only have the baby, he intended for it to be a healthy baby.

Esme made it through the first trimester without incident. She made it through the second trimester. At seven months Dr. McKee finally became optimistic that the baby might make it. The heartbeat was strong. Esme's blood pressure and blood sugar were good. The only problem was that she was gaining a lot of weight. She had gone from ninety-six pounds before she became pregnant to one hundred thirty-five pounds at seven months. It was becoming difficult for her to get around. She couldn't get out of the bed by herself. She couldn't get out of a chair without assistance. Driving was almost impossible. It was January 1975 and a decision had to be made. Could she still work?

Esme applied for a one year leave from her teaching position at Sand Rock and in February began the wait for Little Baby Cullen to be born. And wait she did. Her due date was March fourteenth. The day came and went with no baby being born. The next day... nothing. The next week... still no baby. Esme was beginning to get concerned; concerned and bigger. She now weighed one hundred fifty pounds. She could hardly move.

She and Carlisle went back to see Dr. McKee. Not only was she two weeks past her due date, but she was also showing no signs of going into labor anytime soon. "Get it out!" she demanded. It was decided that Dr. McKee would induce labor. The baby's heartbeat was strong and Esme was miserably large. It was time.

Esme and Carlisle arrived at the Holy Name of Jesus Hospital at eight o'clock on the morning of April ninth to have their baby. Dr. McKee induced and the baby was born at ten o'clock that night; Edward Anthony Cullen, III... me. I was named for my grandfather and an uncle I would never know.

I don't have many memories about the first three years of my life. I have heard stories from my parents and my uncle; much of which I've already told you. I don't remember Uncle Emmett marrying Aunt Rosalie; I was one. I don't remember breaking my baby bed by swinging over the side and dropping to the floor. I don't remember dragging the phone off the bedside table in my parent's room and saying "Oh, Pawpaw, oh" because I wanted to talk to my grandfather on the phone. I don't remember my daddy carrying me around by one ankle and calling me 'his opossum'. I don't remember this freaking out my mother or that at one of my check-ups the doctor did the very same thing to check my reflexes. I don't remember that I never slept or Daddy asking the doctor to give me something to make me sleep. The doctor apparently told him no, so my daddy asked for something to make himself sleep.

The first real memory that I can recall involves my cousin, Alice. I was three when Alice was born. I remember that Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie brought her to Pawpaw and Grandma's house for some occasion that I don't recall. Aunt Rosalie, who I have loved for as long as I can remember, told me to sit on the couch. She then carefully placed a baby in my arms.

"Hold her tight, but not too tight. Be real still. She's very fragile so be careful," she told me.

I sat on that couch and held my baby cousin for the first time. I was in awe. Aunt Rosalie pulled back the blanket so I could see her face. She was so beautiful, with her tiny turned up nose and pink bowtie shaped lips. I remember that she yawned and opened her eyes and then she smiled.

"She smiled at me!" I exclaimed.

"Naw, it's just gas," Emmett said from across the room.

"Emmett!" Rosalie reprimanded him. She turned back to me and said, "She likes you. You're going to be best friends."

Aunt Rosalie was right. Alice and I grew to be very close. She was more like a younger sister than a cousin. She was always small; a direct side-effect of being born six weeks premature. I took care of her. She's quite possibly the smartest person I know. She was reading at a second grade level by the time she was three. Aunt Rosalie worked with her constantly. I used to love going to their house as a child, because they always had really interesting games and puzzles. Looking back I now understand that it was all educational. Alice skipped kindergarten and first grade, which meant that she was only a grade level behind me.

We were almost inseparable growing up in Gadsden. Emmett and Rosalie were both lawyers with a small firm in Gadsden. Momma was a teacher and Daddy ran the family business. Every day after school, Alice and I would get off the bus at Pawpaw and Grandma's house. Their gravel driveway was almost a mile long... all uphill. One day when Alice was six and I was nine, she tripped and fell in the gravel. Her knee split wide open. She was bleeding and crying. I dropped my book-bag and carried her all the way up that driveway and into the house. She still has a scar on her right knee from that.

Those times at my grandparent's house were some my happiest. I loved my pawpaw. I know that he was hard on my daddy and my uncles, but he was always good to me. I would follow him everywhere on that old one hundred sixty acre farm. I helped feed the chickens and the cows. I went fishing with him at the pond on the back side of the property. He let me plant sunflowers for Alice in the garden one year. He was quite possibly my favorite person when I was a kid.

Edward Anthony Cullen the First was a remarkable man. He was born into an impoverished family of eight with one very distinct disadvantage... he was near-sighted. I don't mean that he had difficulty seeing things in the distance. My pawpaw was legally blind. He could see some, but whatever he was looking at had to be extremely close to his face. I remember watching him read a newspaper without his glasses by placing it on his nose and moving it from right to left.

He was also left handed. This may not seem like an infirmity, but when he was in school in the early part of the twentieth century being left handed was a bad thing. You see, the pens they wrote with weren't like the ones we use today. The ink didn't dry quickly. A left handed person would smear the ink as their arm dragged across the paper. So, the teachers bound my pawpaw's left hand to his side and forced him to use his right hand. This created a unique talent in Edward Cullen, I; he became ambidextrous. There are many people in the world who have this talent, but most can only mimic with their non-dominant hand. Some, like a girl I went to middle school with, could mirror image with her non-dominant hand. My pawpaw was different. He could write two different things at the same time. Or he could write a letter with one hand and draw a picture with the other. He would do this 'parlor trick' as he called it for me when I was little. I always thought it was so cool.

He didn't finish school. He dropped out in the seventh grade at the age of fourteen. It was the Great Depression and money was more than tight in the Cullen household; it was non-existent. He and his brother, George, left the family homestead in Hokes Bluff, Alabama and set out to find work. They ended up 'hobo-ing' across the country. They traveled around for seven years. In that time, Edward learned how to work on cars. You know how you always hear that when one of your senses is deficient the others become extremely acute to make up for it. My pawpaw always said that it was the truth. He couldn't see, but his hearing was impeccable. This ability made him an excellent mechanic. He could hear the problem in a car and determine how to repair it. His sense of touch was also highly developed. He could feel vibrations and other problems that most other mechanics would never even realize were there.

At twenty-one, he returned to Gadsden after leaving George in Texas. George had met a young lady named Evelyn at a fair in Lubbock. Her father worked for Standard Oil. When George and Evie became engaged, her father got George a job at Standard. Edward knew that it was time to go home. He moved into a track home in downtown Gadsden and started working at Firestone as a mechanic. A few months later he met my grandma, Elizabeth, at a dance. They married and moved into his small apartment. They scrimped and saved for years until they were able to buy the one hundred and sixty acre farm that became my father's childhood home. They raised three children in that small shotgun house on the hill.

More saving and more sacrificing and Edward was able to buy a small building in Central Gadsden just across the Broad Street bridge. Cullen Tire and Automotive was born. Five years later a second location was opened in East Gadsden. Ten years after that a third location opened in West Gadsden. This was the 'empire' that my father inherited.

Pawpaw died of black mole melanoma when I was ten. My grandma announced to the entire family at the funeral that I was Pawpaw's favorite. Maybe I was. It was most likely because I was such a pest. I was literally his shadow. From the time I walked into his house at half past three every afternoon until Momma picked me up at five, I followed him everywhere he went. I would climb up into his lap and 'make' him watch cartoons with me. I think I made him love me. Or maybe he loved me because I loved him so much. I don't know. Talking about him is still painful.

When I was five, Ronald Reagan was elected President. This was very significant in my house. As a small business owner, my daddy had struggled through the Ford and the Carter Years. Inflation was high and gas prices continued to soar. I remember that we had to buy my clothes and shoes at K-Mart and Woolworths instead of Pizitz's and Belk where Aunt Rosalie bought Alice's things. But in 1980, things began to change.

'Reaganomics' apparently changed my family's life. Inflation began to decrease. During Carter's last year in office inflation was at 12.5%; it was 4.4% in Reagan's last year. The unemployment rate declined. He advocated a laissez-faire philosophy to stimulate the economy with large tax cuts. Income tax rates were lowered and he revised the tax code with the Tax Reform Act of 1986. Reagan ended the price controls on domestic oil that had contributed to the energy crisis; the price of oil dropped.

I know all these things because Reagan was a god in my house. My daddy still calls him the greatest President that this country has ever had. Reagan's two terms in office kept my family out of bankruptcy. Momma could finally afford to buy me nicer clothes at better stores. My parents were able to buy a house. We moved into a neighborhood not far from Alice's house when I was seven. I remember that year quite well. That was the year that I met Jasper Whitlock.

Even though we were living in Cherokee County, I didn't go to Sand Rock School. Instead, my dad would drop me at Highland Elementary on his way to the shop every morning. It was on his way and it was in Etowah County. My parents had given the school my grandparents address and that's how I was able to go there without a fuss. You would think that when we moved into the new house the school district problem would have been a moot point, but it wasn't. I was now supposed to go to R.A. Mitchell Elementary instead of Highland. I didn't want to do this because I would have to leave Alice, who was in Highland's district. We continued to use my grandparent's address and I now rode to school with Alice and Aunt Rosalie.

But now a new problem surfaced. All the kids in our neighborhood attended Mitchell and I was the outsider. Have you ever been the new kid in a school full of kids that have known each other their entire lives? If you have then you know how uncomfortable and alienating it can be. That's how I felt in the new house. Most of the kids were around my age, but they didn't know me and I didn't know them. Alice's house was about two miles away, across Tabor Road, which was an extremely busy thoroughfare. For the first couple of months, I would ride my bike across Tabor to Alice's house almost every day. Then the near accident happened and that ended.

I was on my way to Alice's house. I made it to the intersection of our street and Tabor without incident. I know that I looked both directions; I distinctly remember doing that. The coast was clear so I started across. I have no idea where the truck came from, but I thank God every day that the driver wasn't driving over the speed limit like most people do on Tabor. He clipped the front tire of my bike and I went down on the pavement. I hit my head and blacked out. The next thing I remember is a man in a uniform standing over my waving a light in my face and asking if I could tell him my name. I told him my name and my address before I burst into tears and cried out for my mommy. That was my last bicycle trip to Alice's house.

After 'the incident on the road' Momma told me that I had to try to make friends with the neighborhood kids. That's how I met Jasper. He lived next door to us with his parents, of course, and his older brother, Grant. I only mention Grant because we was... well... weird. Grant was eight years older than Jasper and a genius in every aspect of the word. He scored a perfect thirty-six on his ACT... six times! He had to take it repeatedly because the ACT board thought that he was cheating. The last time he took it, he was in front of a panel of judges who were watching to see how he was cheating. He wasn't cheating; he's that smart. Needless to say, he didn't pay for college or law school.

Jasper was a complete opposite of Grant. I don't mean that he was stupid, but he wasn't a genius. Jasper was more into sports than Grant. That was my in with Jasper. I _love_ football. One Saturday afternoon after 'the incident' I was out in the front yard tossing a football in the air and catching it; essentially playing by myself. I was extremely bored. Daddy was at the shop and Momma was making bulletin boards on the kitchen table. I had been inside 'helping' until Momma told me to go outside and play. Apparently, I wasn't helping as much as I thought that I was.

Anyway, Jasper came outside with his dog to play fetch and saw what I was doing. He yelled over to me, "Ya havin' fun playin' football all by ya lonesome?"

I stopped and turned to face him. We had been living in the neighborhood for two months and these were the first words that had been spoken to me by anyone except my family. "Not really," I replied.

He cocked his head to the side and stared at me for a long moment before he said, "Wanna come over here and play with me and my dawg?"

My eyes widened and I dropped the football on the ground. "Yeah!" I exclaimed and ran over to his yard. Alice may have been, and still is, my best friend, but from that moment forward, Jasper was my pal.

Jasper was my 'in' with the rest of the neighborhood kids. I was suddenly included in backyard football games and twilight hide and seek games. He also talked me into asking Momma if I could tryout for peewee football. All the boys in the neighborhood played football for the Mountain Rams. I begged and pleaded with Momma and Daddy until they agreed to let me sign-up. Being on the football team opened me up to many more friendships with boys that I would never have met in any other way. It also prepared me to play in middle school and high school.

It's also how Jasper met Alice, leading to another lifelong relationship. Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie came to every game the first season that I was on the team. Notice that I didn't say the first season that I played, because I didn't play at all the first season. Because they were there, so was Alice. She never actually watched the game; she watched the cheerleaders. The following spring Aunt Rosalie let her start taking gymnastics. That fall, Alice tried out for cheerleader for the Mountain Rams and made it.

Cheerleading practice and football practice coincided, so we would often carpool with Jasper. I should have known that something was up with Jasper and Alice early on. He picked on her incessantly. In the beginning she hated him. She didn't understand why he was so 'mean' to her. I tried to get Jasper to stop, but he refused. Now I understand what was happening; he picked on her because he liked her.

This behavior continued until we entered middle school. I went to Etowah Middle School and Jasper went to General Forest Middle School. This made us rivals on the football field, but it couldn't break-up our friendship. No matter who won the game, we were as tight as ever. I think that's because we understood each other. Or maybe it was because he was in love with Alice.

I noticed the change in Jasper's behavior toward Alice the second season we played JV football at our respective schools. Alice was going to Etowah too by then and she had made cheerleader. We played Forrest the fifth game of the season. After the game the players and the cheerleaders from both teams would meet on the field to say 'good game' and shake hands. Jasper and I found each other like we always did, but this time Alice found us too. I remember how Jasper's eyes widened when he saw her. It had been over a year since they had been that close to each other. Alice wasn't particularly fond of him, so I would avoid going to his house or asking him over to mine when Alice was there. Therefore, Alice didn't have the same reaction when she saw him. I remember that she wrinkled her nose and sneered at him before she turned to walk away.

"Hey, Alice!" he called out to her.

She stopped and slowly turned around. "Don't speak to me."

"Aw, c'mon now, don't be that way. We're friends, right?"

Her mouth dropped open with shock. "No," she said with disbelief.

Jasper smiled a crooked smile and said, "Wanna be?"

She raised one eyebrow and then narrowed her eyes at him. Then she turned and marched back to our side of the field.

I looked at Jasper and shook my head. "She really doesn't like you, " I said.

"She will," he said confidently.

I had a blissful childhood. I was completely unaware of any strife in my parent's marriage until I was fifteen years old. It was September 1990 and I was a sophomore at Etowah High School. I had made the varsity football team. I couldn't drive yet, but one of the seniors, John Nance, lived across the road from Grandma. My house was on his way home, so I rode home from practice with him. It was a Wednesday, I remember this little detail but I don't know why, and my daddy was home when John dropped me off. He was never home when I got in from practice. He usually didn't make it home until after seven most nights.

I walked into the house and saw my momma and daddy sitting at the dining room table. "C'mon in and have a seat, Edward," Daddy said. I reluctantly took my seat across from my momma.

"Son," Carlisle started, "your mother and I have come to a decision." My heart leapt into my throat. I had a few friends at school whose parents were divorced. I had a bad feeling that I knew what was coming.

Carlisle continued. "We've been arguing a lot lately. We've been trying to figure out why... trying to fix it." He stopped and looked over at my mother. He took her hand and a tear rolled down her cheek. I swallowed back the lump that had formed in my throat.

"You know that the automotive shop was your grandfather's and that he left it for me to run, right?" I nodded. "He had hoped that it would always stay in the family and that it would be yours someday."

"I don't want it," I interrupted. "I don't want to be a mechanic. I want to be a lawyer... like Uncle Emmett."

"We know that, Edward," my momma said, soothing me. "That's why we've decided to sell the business. Your father is miserable and it's making me miserable. We want to be happy again."

It took me a minute to process that the word 'divorce' had not been mentioned. My next concern was the one that I voiced. "What will we do for money?"

"I work, Edward," Esme reminded me.

"We'll get a nice sum for the business. It's successful and Baker Tire has shown interest in the past. We'll be fine," Daddy said as he patted my arm. "I'm going back to school. I'm going to be a nurse."

"A nurse?" I said, surprised. I'd never known a man who was a nurse.

"Male nurses are in high demand right now. The admissions counselor at GSCC says that I would be hired as soon as I graduate. They have a two year program. I could get my associates degree and be working as an RN before you start college."

"I didn't know you wanted to be a nurse," I said, still confused.

Carlisle smiled and said, "I want to do something to support my family that has absolutely nothing to do with cars. It'll work out, Edward; you'll see."

He was right. Daddy graduated in December of my senior year of high school. He already had a job at the Gambro dialysis clinic in Fort Payne, Alabama. I graduated the following May with an academic scholarship to the University of Alabama. I had talked Jasper into applying there also, even though he was a fanatical Auburn fan. He applied to Auburn as well. He got into both, but opted for Auburn. I was slightly disappointed, but I had been in this position before; the new kid with no friends.

My parents moved me into the honors dormitory in Tuscaloosa in August of 1993. One of the guys that was on the football team with me, Lee Copeland, also got into the University and was able to fulfill the requirements to live in the honors dorm. We became roommates our freshman year and remained roommates until we both graduated in 1997.

Jasper and I remained close despite the distance and the rivalry. We entered law school at the University of Alabama in 1997. We moved into a small two bedroom house just off campus. For two years we studied hard and partied even harder. Then Alice showed up and the partying ended for Jasper.

Alice had grown into an extremely beautiful young woman. She had taken after Uncle Emmett as far as her coloring. She had dark brown hair and the trademark ice blue 'Cullen' eyes. But she had the delicate facial features of my equally beautiful Aunt Rosalie. It was her looks as well as her brains that led her to the University of Georgia, where she majored in broadcast journalism. She completed her bachelor and master degrees at Georgia in five years (I told you she was smart). She had decided to come to the University of Alabama to get her doctorate.

She rented an apartment at University Downs on Fifteenth Street. Jasper and I helped her move in. That was the last day that it was 'me and Jasper.' Over the years, Jasper had pursued Alice relentlessly and she always shot him down. He had left for Auburn still pining for her. Don't get me wrong; he was far from celibate for those years, but no one ever became serious. Alice on the other hand always had a boyfriend. She had dated a guy named David through most of high school and her freshman year at Georgia. She had played the field for a little over a year after they broke up. Christmas of 1997 she brought home a boy named Jeff. They dated for a couple of years, but ended the relationship just before she moved to Tuscaloosa from Athens.

She and Jasper were both single in 1999. That lasted for all of two weeks. I've known both of them most of my life, and I love them both dearly, but I never would have put them together until that day in Alice's apartment. Jasper had been vile to Alice our entire childhood and had become an annoyance to her through our teen years. Maybe it was the years of being apart that changed her outlook. Maybe it was the failed relationships that she had endured. Maybe it was that they had both matured. Whatever it was, the spark was undeniable. I could almost feel the electricity in the room when they were together. They've been married for five years now and I still feel that when we're all together.

Jasper and I graduated from law school in 2000. I was third in our class; Jasper was sixth. We both had offers from Najjar Denaburg in Birmingham. We started working there in June of 2000. Most of our job was to study for the bar exam, which was coming up in July. Truthfully, our employment depended on us passing that exam. The most stressful week of my life was that week in Montgomery. The most stress months were the two I waited for the results to arrive in the mail. I received my resulted two days before Jasper; I passed. Jasper passed too.

Jasper began working in the domestic relations division at the firm. I had developed a love of property law in law school so I went into the property division. Jasper considers this a mental defect. He detests property. On the advice of one of the partners, I took and passed the patent bar. I do a lot of copyright and patent law. I make a good living since I am one of only three lawyers in Alabama who do any type of intellectual property work. To say that my parents are proud is an understatement.

My momma taught second grade at Sand Rock School for thirty-two years. She officially retired at the age of fifty-five. My daddy worked at the dialysis clinic in Fort Payne for ten years and then he went on contract. This meant that he would work at a different dialysis clinic in the area for a week or two and then move on to somewhere else. The contract left him with flexibility to work when he wanted. It was like semi-retirement. They bought an RV and traveled. I'd never seen them happier.

Then Momma got sick.


	2. Chapter 2

_I know that it has been a while since the last chapter posted. I warn you now that it will probably be this way until the end. I am currently preparing to take the bar exam in July and my time to devote to things I enjoy is limited. I can promise you long chapters and from this point forward a lot of E X B._

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 2

It was October of 2005 and Hurricane Katrina had devastated New Orleans, Louisiana. I was sitting in my office reviewing a patent application when my cell phone rang. I see 'Daddy and Momma Home' on the screen so I accepted the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, son, you busy?" Daddy asked.

I glanced at the application for a product that I would most likely see on a late night infomercial if ever in the market at all and said, "Nope. What's up?"

"Your momma and I want to discuss something with you."

"Hey, baby," my momma called out. I shook my head. I had bought them a new telephone system for the house for Christmas the previous year. It had a speakerphone feature that I had, regrettably now, taught them how to use. I would forever be on speaker when I talked to them on the phone.

"Hey, Momma. What do ya'll need?"

"Well," Daddy started, "an opportunity has presented itself and we thought that it should be a family decision."

"I don't care if you sell the house," I said as I opened my e-mail and started deleting the junk that had accumulated since that morning.

"We're not selling the house. This has nothing to do with the house."

_Thank, God,_ I thought. We'd had this discussion on numerous occasions and, frankly, I was tired of it.

"Back to the original question... what's up?"

"Jane called me and wants me to go to St. Charles, Louisiana to help with the overload at the Davita clinic there. Their patient load has more than doubled with all of the New Orleans refugees. They're looking at running twenty-four, seven for the next several months. They're going to pay me per diem and I'll make $52 per hour."

"Go... have fun." I didn't understand why this warranted a family meeting, but whatever.

"We'll be there for six months."

"Okay."

"We'll be there through Christmas," Momma said loudly. She thinks she has to shout when she has me on speakerphone.

"Wait... did you say 'per diem?' Do I have to keep the dog?" My mother bought a Pomeranian right after she retired. She named it Suzanne Sugarbaker. This dog is the devil. Suzy, as she's called, hates everyone and everything. She can't be around other dogs because she bites without warning. She tolerates me, but I'm the only one. You can say Emmett's name and the dog turns into a Tasmanian devil. She is the dog from hell. I really didn't want her in my house. I had just bought the house and I wanted it to stay nice for as long as possible. I also had just started dating this woman I had met at the hair salon the last time I got my hair cut. I couldn't have 'guests' with Suzy in the house.

"No, we're taking the RV so that she can go," my dad answered with a chuckle. He knew how I felt about the Devil Dog. "Your mother is more concerned with the Christmas thing."

"I'm sure that I'll be okay. I can go to Aunt Rosalie's without you guys."

"What about Christmas day?" Momma shouted.

I shook my head. "I'll come up with something. I'll be fine for one year. I'm a big boy." If things worked out with Tanya, I had planned on spending the holiday with her and her family anyway.

"Are you sure, baby?"

"I'm sure, Momma. Go... be a hero. I'll see ya'll in a few months."

"We'll call every day," Momma yelled.

"We'll call every few days," Daddy corrected her. "We're not going to annoy our son for six months."

"It's not annoying when it's done with love."

I hear Daddy sigh. "Well, that's all we had. If you're okay with it, we'll start making plans to leave next Monday."

"I'm okay with it. I'll talk to ya'll soon." We hung up the phone and my parents start preparing to live in Louisiana in an RV for six months.

Part of those preparations was that Esme had to cancel her annual mammogram. Looking back, it was probably a good decision considering what happened six months later.

Carlisle and Esme returned from Louisiana at the end of April 2006. Carlisle had kept his promise and kept the phone calls to a minimum; they called twice a week. Momma called me on Christmas Day and was thrilled that I wasn't alone, but insisted on meeting 'this Tanya' the second they returned to Gadsden. They had left my presents with Aunt Rosalie so I got to open presents early that year instead of waiting until Christmas day like Momma usually insisted we do. I received my birthday present in the mail a few days before my birthday. Being several hundred miles apart didn't affect our familial bond.

After they had settled back into being at home, Momma rescheduled all of their doctor's appointments. They called one day in mid-May to tell me that they would be in Birmingham for Momma's mammogram on the following Friday and wanted to know if I would meet them for lunch. I agreed and we planned to meet at Niki's West at one o'clock.

I was really looking forward to lunch that Friday because Niki's has veal. They're one of the few places in Birmingham that serves it and it is wonderful. I get it every time I go there... lunch or dinner. So when my cell phone rang at twelve and I saw 'Daddy' on the caller ID, I was really hoping that he wanted to meet earlier than one. I was disappointed.

"Hey, Daddy, is it lunch time?"

"Uh, Edward, can we make it dinner?"

I was confused. "Sure. Is something wrong?"

"Probably not, but the doctor wants to be sure. They want to do another mammogram and maybe an ultrasound."

My heart sank. "What's wrong, Daddy?"

"They found a mass on the mammogram."

I started rubbing the bridge of my nose. "How's Momma?"

"Better than me. I have to get back into the room. How's six?"

"I'll be there at six. Call me if you need me."

Momma and Daddy were waiting on me when I got to Niki's a little before six. I could tell that Momma had been crying. Daddy was sitting on the same side of the booth with his arm around her shoulders. "Hey," I said as I slide in across from them.

My mother reached across the table for my hand. "Hey, baby. How was your day?"

"Fine, Momma. How was yours?" I asked, pointedly.

"I've had better," she replied. "I have a lump."

"You have a pea," Carlisle corrected.

Esme rolled her eyes and said, "I have a lump that is the size of a pea, but it's still a lump. It's still scary."

"So, what now?" I asked.

"Well, we have to find out what it is. I'm scheduled for a biopsy Monday morning…."

"What time? I'll be there."

"Edward, you don't have to come. It's just a biopsy. I'll call you when she's done and let you know. It's probably nothing anyway; a benign cyst."

"Then why has she been crying?"

"It's scary, Edward. I'm scared. I don't want to have cancer. We've just started to have fun. I want to travel more. I don't want to be sick."

"You probably don't have cancer," Daddy said as he pulled her closer to him. "And even if you do, it's early. I saw the mammogram; there's hardly anything there. A simple lumpectomy will take care of it. You probably won't even need chemo. We'll be back on the road in no time."

Daddy's optimism held me the weekend. It sustained me through Monday morning. I was still good when I met Tanya for lunch. Everything changed at three o'clock that Monday afternoon in May.

"Hey, Daddy," I said cheerily into the phone. "How's Momma?"

"Edward."

I could tell by the sound of his voice that something was wrong.

"Edward," he said again and I began to really worry. "She… your mother… it's cancer and it's bad. Her pea was the diameter of a silver dollar this morning. It's growing rapidly."

"Oh, God. Is she okay?"

"She's holding it together. The doctor wants to remove her breasts. We're in his office. I stepped out to call you. Can you come... can you come to the cancer center? I… I need somebody here with me when we discuss the options with her. "

"It's in both breasts?"

"No... I don't think so. Can you come?"

"I'm on my way." I practically ran out to my car. The only thought running through my mind was, 'my momma has cancer... my momma has cancer.' I was terrified. I made the drive to St. Vincent's Medical Center in record time. I don't think that an ambulance with its siren blaring could have made it in better time.

I ran into the doctor's office and rushed to the receptionist's desk. "The Cullens... I'm with the Cullens. I'm their son."

"Um, okay...," she said, looking at me like I had a second head. I was slightly confused for a moment until I realized that I probably looked like a lunatic.

"I'm sorry. I'm Edward Cullen. My mother is Esme Cullen. My father called me and asked that I meet them here."

"Oh, you're Esme's son! We just love her. She's the sweetest."

I nodded and smiled. I was rapidly losing patience with this woman. "Thank you. Do you know where they are?"

"Of course. Go through that door on your right. Go all the way down the hallway. Dr. Gorenski's office is at the very end. His name's on the door." She lowered her eyes and raised her left hand very conspicuously. "It was _very_ nice to meet _you_, Edward Cullen."

"Yes, well, thank you. It was nice to meet you too..."

"Jessica. My name is Jessica."

"Jessica," I said as I reached for the door. I tried to walk down the hall, but I ended up doing a combination run, walk, skip. I know that I looked insane, but I was nervous. I tend to revert to my inner dork when I'm nervous.

"Momma!" I exclaimed as I burst through the office door. Judging by the startled expressions on everyone's faces, I had interrupted something. Dr. Gorenski was on his feet and staring at me with obvious shock. Much to my mother's credit, she handled it all with her usual grace.

"Dr. Gorenski, this is our son... Edward. I know that it may seem odd, but we never make any major decisions without discussing it with the entire family. Edward will be as big a part of my recovery as you and Carlisle. He needs to hear everything too."

"Well, it is unusual, but not the most unusual thing I've ever heard. Should I start over?" Dr. Gorenski asked.

"Yes, please," I quickly replied. I closed the door and went to stand behind my mother's chair. I placed my hand on her shoulder and waited for the doctor to speak.

"As I was saying, when we saw the mass on the mammogram it was very small; barely the diameter of an English pea. When I did the biopsy this morning it was the size of a silver dollar. It's growing quite rapidly. Even without the test results, I can tell you that it is cancer, but it isn't normal breast cancer. I think that it's lobular carcinoma. There really isn't a lump like we see in ductile carcinoma. It's more of a thickening of the breast tissue."

"What's the difference? What does it mean?" my mother asked.

"Well, lobular carcinoma is more rare. It begins in the milk-producing glands of the breast. It also has a tendency to break out of the lobule and spread to other parts of the body."

"What other parts?" I asked.

"It can be very invasive. It can spread throughout the entire body. It's a good thing that you cancelled your mammogram in October. It probably wouldn't have shown up then and you would have waited until the next October to have another screening. By then it might have been too far advanced."

"I would have come in when I noticed the lump," Esme said.

"There may never have been a noticeable lump, Esme. This is a very different type of breast cancer. I want to schedule your mastectomy for Friday... and I want to take both breasts."

"So it is in both breasts," I said and I gave my mother's shoulder a squeeze.

"Not yet," Dr. Gorenski replied, "but it will be."

I hadn't noticed that my mother was crying until she turned to look at my father. They had been holding hands the entire time. Daddy released her hand and placed his hands on the sides of her face.

"I'm not in love with your breasts. I can live without them. I cannot live without you. We do whatever it takes to keep you alive."

Momma squared her shoulders, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and said, "You said Friday? What time?"

We met at St. Vincent's that Friday at seven o'clock in the morning. Everyone came. Aunt Rosalie thought of Momma as a sister and insisted that she would be there. Alice and Jasper came to support me. They really didn't understand our family. Not that we didn't want them there; they just weren't necessary. Daddy, Momma, and I are a unit. We _are_ each other's support system. Momma wasn't kidding when she told the doctor that we make all decisions as a family. That's the way it's always been. My college choice was decided by 'committee'. Taking the job at Najjar... committee'. The house I bought in Mountain Brook another 'committee' decision. All major life choices are preceded by a consultation. It's what we do.

Everyone hugged Esme's neck and wished her well as she was being rolled into surgery. I was the last to say anything. "I love you, Momma."

She grasped my hand with more strength than I thought she had. "I'm scared."

I nodded. "I know. We'll be here when you get out of surgery."

"Edward," she said, her voice cracking, "How does something so small get cancer in it?"

I couldn't help myself... I laughed. My mother has always been small. She weighed barely ninety-six pounds when she became pregnant with me. I'd never known her to weigh any more that one hundred fifteen pounds. Therefore, she had always been small-chested. So, when she asked that question, with all the stress and tension about the situation, I found it absolutely hilarious.

When I finally regained my composure, I said, "As in most situations, Momma, I don't think that size matters."

She smiled and said, "I guess not. I'll see you in a little while." I watched as she was wheeled through the doors with my father following behind. They were going to let him stay with her for as long as possible.

"She's gonna be fine," Jasper drawled from behind me.

"I know," I said as I turned to face my extended family. "It's still scary though. What would Daddy and I do without her?"

Alice wrapped her arm around my waist and walked with me to the waiting room to hurry up and wait.

"Carlisle?" Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett stood as my father entered the waiting room.

"They've taken her into surgery. We got the biopsy results before she went back... it's definitely lobular carcinoma." He sighed and collapsed into the chair beside me. For the first time in my life, my father looked his age. He looked over at me and smiled a small, tired smile. He patted my knee and said, "We'll get through this. I have faith that God has a plan. He won't take her from us right now; there's more for her to do. She wants to see you married; she wants to see her grandchildren. There's too much for her to see and do. It isn't her time... I have to believe that."

I fought back the tears as I said, "She may be waiting a while. I don't think I'm marriage ready yet."

Several hours later, Dr. Gorenski entered the waiting room still in his scrubs. "Mr. Cullen, she's in recovery. We'll be moving her to a room in a couple of hours."

"How did it go?" my father asked.

"It went very well. We took both breasts and the lymph nodes on the right side."

"Why did you take the lymph nodes? What does that mean?" Aunt Rosalie asked.

"It means that it had spread," Carlisle answered.

"Yes, it had spread to the lymph nodes. We found it in the sentinel biopsy. It also means that she will most definitely have to have some chemotherapy. If it hadn't spread, we might have been able to forego that, but I don't want to take any chances now. Do you have any more questions?"

"When can we see her?" I asked.

"Someone will come get you when she's moved into a room. It will be at least an hour. I suggest that you all go get something to eat... somewhere besides the cafeteria." He wrinkled his nose and said, "Really bad food. There are a couple of good places within walking distance of the hospital."

"Thank you, Dr. Gorenski," Daddy said as he shook the doctor's hands.

"You're welcome. Be back in an hour."

"So, what are we in the mood for?" Daddy asked, with a forced smile. Worry was still etched on his face.

"You're familiar with area, Edward. What do you suggest?" Jasper said with a smirk.

"I'm only familiar with the Barking Kudu and I don't think that it's open at this hour," I replied as I glared at Jasper. "I think that there may be a barbeque joint a few blocks over. We can try that."

So we walked out the front door of the hospital and down University Boulevard for a couple of blocks. We turned down 29th Street and walked about another block before our noses took over and led us to Moe's Original Barbeque.

"What a hole," Rosalie said as we stood outside the converted two-story house.

"But it smells so good," Emmett said as he started up the front steps.

The choice to enter Moe's proved an excellent one. The food was amazing. Emmett ended up ordering five sandwiches to go, 'just in case.' I was afraid to ask in case of what. We made it back to the hospital in under an hour and were sitting in the waiting room when the nurse announced, "Cullen family?"

"Right here," Carlisle said quickly as he stood and took a few steps forward.

"Mrs. Cullen is in room 416 South Tower. You can take those elevators down the hall. They open in the South Tower."

"Thank you," Daddy said as he started walking quickly down the hall. We all followed, trying to keep up. We rode the elevator to the fourth floor in silence; none of us knew what to say. When the doors opened, Daddy was the first one out, followed closely by me. We looked around and finally saw the sign pointing us in the direction of room 416. Again, we were almost running trying to keep up with Carlisle.

We all stopped outside the door of Momma's room. I saw my daddy take a breath and square his shoulders. He turned to all of us and said, "No matter what, we stay positive. She's probably still drowsy from the anesthesia and may say things that are... difficult to hear. She's going to be scared. I want all smiles in there. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Rosalie answered for us.

Daddy nodded and turned to softly knock on the door. "Esme, honey, can we come in?"

"Carlisle?"

We almost didn't hear her; her voice was so faint. We walked into the room and saw her in that large hospital bed. She looked so small and fragile. She turned her head toward us and smiled. "Hey, baby," she said as she reached out her hand. She winced and quickly withdrew her arm.

"Don't try to lift your arms right now, okay?" Daddy said as he approached the bed. "Are you in a lot of pain?" he asked as he gently took her hand.

"Hmm... yes... no... I don't know. Who's here?"

"Everyone," I replied as I walked up behind my daddy.

"Is Rose?"

"I'm right here, sis," Rosalie said as she walked around to the other side of the bed. "Can I get you anything?"

"You have to promise me..." Esme started and then stopped.

"Anything, Ez. You know that."

"Promise me... that you'll... you'll take care of my boys."

"That's enough of that," Carlisle said firmly. "You are going to continue to take care of us yourself."

Esme turned to my father and closed her eyes. A single tear rolled out of her eye and onto her pillow. She turned back to Rosalie. "Promise."

"You aren't going anywhere, Esme," Rosalie said as she took Momma's other hand.

"Please, Ro... promise. I can't rest until you promise."

"Fine... I promise, but it's going to be a very long time before I have to make good on it. You have to stick around. I need someone to keep me from going broke at the jewelry store. You know that you're the only one who can talk me out of buying rings that I don't need."

"Yeah, please continue to help her curb that particular urge," Emmett said as he walked around to stand behind Rosalie. "I work way too hard to earn the money to have her blow it on shiny metal and polished rocks."

Rosalie elbowed her husband and said, "See what I have to put up with? I need my sister to help me with Mr. Unreasonable here."

"Children," Alice said from the foot of the bed, "behave or I'll have to take you out in the hallway for a talking to. Hey, Aunt Esme. How do you feel?"

"Tired and sore. Something is under my arm. Carlisle, what is it?"

"You have drains, honey. You'll build fluid as your body tries to heal. I'll have to empty the drains every so often."

"Hmm, okay. I'm sorry. I'm so tired. I can't keep my eyes open. I'm sorry," Momma said as she drifted off to sleep.

Momma slept through the night. Daddy never left her side. Emmett and Rosalie stayed with Jasper and Alice that night so that Rosalie could help Daddy get Momma home the next day. She went home with strict orders to not lift her arms above her head. Daddy was terribly afraid that she would develop lymphedema in the right arm, the side that now had no lymph nodes, and waited on her hand and foot for the two weeks while she recuperated at home before the chemotherapy started.

The first chemo session wasn't too bad for Esme. She and Daddy met me for lunch at Niki's afterward. I remember that particular lunch because she kept hounding me to meet Tanya. I guess that it was time and I deserved the needling. Tanya and I had been seeing each other for about eight months. We had even talked about moving in together. I promised to talk to Tanya about meeting them for dinner soon.

The second chemo session was a little worse. They cancelled our lunch date and went straight home. Esme said that she felt nauseated and thought that it best to just go home and lay down. It was after this treatment that her hair began to come out. It started small; almost like shedding. Daddy said that he found a few strands in the sink and on her pillow.

Things took a drastic turn for the worst after the third chemo treatment. She couldn't even make it home before the vomiting began. Daddy called to tell me that they were going to my house until she could stop throwing up. I hadn't seen Momma in a couple of weeks so when I got home that night I was shocked. There was noticeable thinning of her beautiful dark brown hair and she was very pale as she lay sleeping on my living room couch.

I found Daddy in the kitchen. He was sitting at the breakfast table drinking one of the Sam Adam's Lights that I tend to keep in the vegetable crisper in the refrigerator. I dropped my briefcase by the back stairs and got my own beer before joining him at the table.

"You could have let her sleep in my bedroom. I'm sure that my bed is more comfortable than the couch."

"She wouldn't have it. She feels bad enough invading your space this way." He sighed and started to peel the label from his beer bottle. "She's really tired. I thought that I'd let her sleep for a few hours before we head back to Gadsden."

"You don't have to go back tonight. I have plenty of room."

"I don't think she can make it up the stairs."

"Take my room. Better yet, move in here until the chemo is done."

"We would never intrude..."

"You wouldn't be intruding," I interrupted. "I insist. I want ya'll to stay with me. Hell, it wouldn't be like I'd know that ya'll were here. I have three other bedrooms upstairs that I know have never been slept in. Ya'll take my room and I'll move upstairs. If I use the back stairs and garage door and ya'll use the front door, we'd never even have to see each other."

"Yeah, that's just what you need; your parents living with you. I'm sure your little girlfriend would love that."

"How many more treatments does she have?"

"Nine, I think."

"I think that Tanya can endure nine weeks. I insist."

Carlisle stared at me for a few moments. I could see the wheels turning. "I'll talk to her about it. I need to check her drains. She's passing a lot of fluid. I emptied them this morning and again before the treatment started. I've emptied them twice since we got here this afternoon. I hope that she isn't developing an infection. It would delay her treatment."

"How bad is it... really?"

He looked down at his now naked beer bottle, took a long drink and then said, "It's bad. She's very sick. The woman has never done anything halfway; cancer is no exception."

He stood and walked into the living room; I followed. "What can I do?"

"You're doing it, Edward. She loves you very much... _we_ love you very much."

"I know that. I mean, what can I do right now?"

"Well, you can help me with these drains and then help me convince her to stay here at least tonight. I think you have a great idea about us moving in while she's having the chemo, but getting her to warm up to the idea may take some work."

After much debating of the pros and cons of my parents moving in with me for the next couple of months, Momma was finally convinced. The pros far outweighed the cons, so the decision was kind of obvious. Daddy and I changed the sheets on my bed and moved my things to the far right bedroom and bathroom upstairs. I chose that one because it is closest to the stairs. In truth, I have more house than I need. One of the perks of working in the property department is that I find out about the foreclosures before everyone else. I lucked up with this beauty. I bought it for the payoff amount on the mortgage a month after the redemption rights expired.

I took the following day off work and stayed with Momma while Daddy went back to Gadsden to pack their things. They decided that he would pack like they were taking a two week vacation at an all inclusive resort. All he would need to bring would be clothes, toiletries, and medicines... oh, yeah, and the dog. I had forgotten about the little mongrel when I came up with my brilliant idea. Remembering wouldn't have changed my mind, but... still. I hate that dog.

"We're home!" Daddy announced when he returned from Gadsden that day. The next thing I heard was the 'click-click-click' of toenails on my newly refinished hardwood floor. I winced which caused my mother to giggle.

"We're in the living room, darling. Where's my baby girl?" Upon hearing my mother's voice, the demon dog clickity-clacked into the living room. She saw Momma and immediately started barking and excitedly dancing around in a circle. Images of circular scratches flashed through my mind.

"Edward, please pick her up and put her in my lap. I can't lift her."

I reached for the dog and jumped back to avoid the dog's teeth. "She's going to bite me!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, she won't bite. She's just playing with you. Aren't you, baby girl? Give her to me."

I slowly reached for her again. Suzy turned toward me, narrowed her eyes, and let out a low growl. I looked up at Momma with an 'I told you so' expression.

Carlisle came into the living room and laughed at me predicament. "She weighs all of ten pounds, Edward. Just pick her up."

"I like my fingers. I tend to use them on occasion. You pick her up."

"You're a wimp," Daddy said with a laugh as he picked up the little terror and placed her in my mother's lap. "See how easy that was?"

"That's a good girl; protect Momma," Esme cooed to the overgrown rat. I stared in disbelief at the change in Suzy when she settled into my mother's lap. She went from a snarling hell hound to a sweet, loving companion in a matter of seconds.

I had cancelled a date with Tanya for that night so that I could help my parents get settled into my house. She wasn't too thrilled, but then I promised to take her 'clubbing' that Friday night and she forgave me. I wasn't much on the clubbing. I may still have been a bachelor, but I was a thirty year old bachelor who had a career, a car payment, and a mortgage. I much preferred dinner, a movie, and calling it an early night. Tanya, on the other hand, loved a good party. She was... younger than me. Not a lot younger, but enough that there were a few... um... generational differences at times. Like I distinctly remember the eighties and she was an infant. I remember when Pearl Jam released the _Ten_ album and she thought that Pearl Jam was classic rock. Just a few generational differences.

I mentioned to Momma that I had a date Friday night and she asked, "With Tanya?"

I turn to give her a crooked smile. "Of course with Tanya. Who else?"

"I want to meet her, Edward," she said as she pointed a warning finger at me.

"You aren't supposed to raise your arms," I tease her.

"Ha ha. Seriously, your father and I need to meet this girl that you seem to be so taken with."

"Well, we were going out to a club Friday night. I guess I could see if she wanted to have dinner here before we head out."

"Yes," she said. "Carlisle can grill steaks."

"You can't eat steak right now," I remind her.

"Ya'll can have steak; I'll have something more bland. I'm actually beginning to like chicken broth and Jello. I could probably stomach a baked potato. We'll make it work. I want to meet Tanya."

I called Tanya a few hours later and told her about the change of plans. She whined, which set my teeth on edge, but I held firm. I told her that it was time for them to meet. She argued a bit, before agreeing to meet me at my house for dinner with my parents. I hung up the phone... exhausted. Sometimes talking to her was a strain.

I picked up the steaks on my way home Thursday night. When I got home, Daddy was in the kitchen making cream of chicken soup and cream potatoes for Momma. I could smell the pizza cooking in the oven for us.

"Where did you get the pizza?" I asked as I placed the grocery bags on the island.

"Sam's," he replied as he continued to stir the potatoes. "I ran out while she was sleeping this morning to get my meds filled. It's meatball and pepperoni. Did you get the steaks?"

"Sure did and four baking potatoes too. Don't you think she's getting tired of chicken soup and potatoes?"

"I don't know. She has mouth sores and says that the potatoes and soup don't irritate her mouth as much. She also seems to be able to keep it down better." He sighed. "You know her. She doesn't complain. I just want her to keep something down. We lost this morning's oatmeal. She ate a few saltines for lunch, but said she couldn't eat anything else. I gave her a Boost."

"So, she had a bad day?"

"She had a typical day. It wasn't as bad as it could be, but it wasn't as great as it's been. She's running a slight fever too that has me worried."

"What does that mean?"

"I could mean nothing... just an effect of the chemo. Or it could mean that she's developing an infection. We'll just have to wait and see. Her next treatment is Monday morning. I'll let them know about the fever then. Anyway," he said as he removed the potatoes from the stove, "let me see those steaks."

Daddy rubbed the steaks with his special meat-tenderizing blend of spices that he says I'll get the recipe for after he dies. Apparently, he's put it in the will with express instructions that I give it to my son only and in the exact same way that it came to me; in a will after death. He then placed them in the refrigerator. He would take them out the next day to marinate in a special blend of Moore's and spices; another recipe I'll get after he dies.

I wanted to get to work early Friday morning so I could be home early to get ready for that night. I could hear Daddy in the kitchen, so I went down the front stairs and peeked into the living room. Momma wasn't on the couch or the love seat so I walked softly to their bedroom. The door was cracked open a bit. I pushed it further open so that I could look in on her. She was sleeping peacefully on her side. I could see her face. She was getting so thin and she wasn't a big woman before. She let out a sigh and rolled over and that's when I noticed it... her hair. When she rolled over her hair literally stayed on the pillow. Her beautiful, dark brown hair was slowly falling out.

I turned to join Daddy in the kitchen and let out a yelp. There on what used to be my dresser was a set of boobs. Two perfectly shaped tits were sitting in a plastic tray on my dresser. I closed my eyes and shook my head as I tried to expel the image from my mind. I was still wincing from the sight as I entered the kitchen.

"What's wrong with you?" Daddy asked as I came in from the living room.

"I just saw Momma's boobs," I moaned.

He immediately stopped what he was doing and said, "Excuse me?"

"Her boobs... I saw her boobs. I never, ever wanted to see her boobs."

"Edward, she doesn't have any boobs. Did you see her scars?"

"No, I don't want to see that either. I saw her boobs; the ones on the dresser." He doubled over with laughter. "It's not funny. I'm traumatized."

"You saw her prosthetics and it traumatized you?"

"Well, yeah. They're very life-like."

"They feel real too."

I put my fingers in my ears and said, "Na na na na, not listening. Too much information."

"Oh, c'mon. You're a grown man. I know you've felt a woman's breasts before."

"Not my mother's"

"Yeah, you have."

"No, I haven't."

"Trust me," he said with a wicked smile, "you have."

"Don't talk anymore," I said as I grabbed a banana from the counter before rushing out the door to the garage.

I managed to get out the door of the office by four o'clock. In Birmingham, that's a big deal. If you don't get onto I-65 before four thirty on Friday afternoon you can bank on at least a half hour wait on the interstate. If I had been any later, I probably would have tried to fight the back roads to the house. Either way, it would have been a nightmare.

I had gone out at lunch and picked up a bottle of Ecco Domani Merlot for dinner. It was really just for Tanya and me. Daddy is more of a beer man and Momma has never been a drinker. I pulled into the garage a little before five. I could smell the grill the moment I turned into the driveway. I walked around to the patio and saw Daddy surveying the grill and Momma lying on a chaise by the pool. I walked over to Momma and stepped into her sun.

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled. "Hey, baby. How was work?"

"Boring. Why did I become a lawyer again?"

"Because it looked so exciting on 'Law and Order?'"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. What a crock of shit."

"Edward! Language!"

"Momma! English!" That's been our little joke since I was a teenager. For some reason, I developed a serious case of potty mouth in my teens. I was forever hearing 'Edward! Language!' from my mother. I had to come back with something.

Esme swatted my leg with the magazine that had been on her chest, but she was smiling so I knew that I wasn't in any real trouble. "How was your day?" I asked.

"Boring. Tell me again why I decided to get cancer?"

"Not funny," I said with a frown.

"That's subjective. When's this Tanya going to be here?"

"I told her six thirty."

"Hmm, I should probably go in and freshen up. Help me get up, okay?"

"Sure." I reach down and almost pick her up. "Whoa, you're as light as a bird. I almost threw you over my shoulder."

"Cancer... the ultimate diet plan," she deadpanned as she straightened up.

"Again with the not funny," I said with shock. How could she make jokes?

"Still subjective." She reached up and touched her head. She frowned and said, "Whatever will I do with my hair." I rolled my eyes. "Oh, c'mon, Edward. Ya gotta laugh at it. It's a ridiculous situation. To cure me, they have to almost kill me. In the process of almost killing me, they have to make me look like crap. It's ridiculous. Lighten up. Laugh about it. It's better than crying."

She started for the back door and then turned back to face me. "By the way, they're not real and they're fabulous." I furrowed my brow in confusion. "My boobs, silly." She then began laughing hysterically as she walked into the house.

I walked over to Daddy and the grill. "She seems to have had a good day."

"She did," he said as he stoked the coals before lowering the rack. "She kept down breakfast and lunch. She doesn't have a fever today, so I think it was the chemo and not an infection. She's been out here with me for about thirty minutes."

"Do you need any help?"

"Nope. Got the potatoes in the coals and the steaks in the marinade. I just need to know how Tanya likes hers."

"You know… I don't know. She's supposed to be here around six thirty. By the way, did you have to tell Momma about this morning?"

"Oh, you know I did. It was too funny to keep to myself. I may even tell Tanya."

"You do, and I tell Momma about the cigar stash in your garage."

"Truce! You plannin' on wearin' your work clothes all night?"

"No. I'm going to change into something a little more comfortable for tonight. I'll be back down in a minute."

I walked back into the house and went up the back stairs to my room. I changed from my business casual into a pair of jeans and a black tee-shirt before descending down into the kitchen. Daddy was in there taking the steaks out of the refrigerator and arranging them on a platter. I could smell the delicious smell of the marinade from the doorway. "They smell great," I said.

"I can't wait to get them on the grill. You did a great job pickin' them. Just the right amount of marblin'. I taught you well."

"That you did." I checked my watch. It was getting close to six o'clock. "I'm going to check on Momma." Daddy nodded. I turned and walked across the living room to their bedroom door.

I knocked lightly on the closed door. I didn't hear anything so I turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. "Momma?" Then I heard the shower. I closed the door and went back into the kitchen. "She's in the shower. Have you made the salads?"

Daddy stopped stirring the soup he was making for Momma and said, "Did you hear anything besides the shower running?"

"No. Why?"

"I'll be right back." He wiped his hands on a dish rag and walked past me to the bedroom. I turned and watched the door waiting for his return. Several minutes later he came back and brushed past me into the kitchen.

"Well?" I asked with a shrug.

"She fell in the bathroom a couple of days ago. I've started checking on her when she's in the shower... just in case."

"Well, is she okay?"

"She's fine. She has a bruise on her right hip and one on her right elbow, but other than that, she's okay. That's one tough lady."

I turned and looked back toward the bedroom. I wondered if we'd hear her if she fell again. "How did you know that she had fallen?"

"She yelled for me. She couldn't get back up by herself. Nothin' was broken, so we didn't want to worry you. She's fine… really."

"Hmm, okay." I wasn't completely convinced. I walked over to the counter and started helping with the salads.

After I had bumped into Daddy several times he finally said, "You know what? We should eat in the gazebo." I have a screened in gazebo on the patio by the pool with a large table a chairs inside. "Why don't you go out and set the table and put the salad dressins' and the steak sauces out there? That would really help me."

"You want me out of the kitchen, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Fine," I said with resignation. I gathered the plates and flatware and went outside to get out of his hair. I was leaving the gazebo to go in for the sauces when I saw Momma through the bedroom window. She had Suzy on the bed and was brushing her long, thick fur. The dog was licking Momma's face. She placed the hair-filled brush on the bed and then ran her hand through her own hair. Several thick strands came out in her hand. She sighed and placed the dog on the floor. I watched as she stared forlornly at the hair in her hand. I had to smile when she shrugged and balled the hair up before getting up to back into the bathroom; out of my sight.

I walked into the house just in time to hear the doorbell ring. I looked at my watch. Tanya was uncharacteristically early. I opened the front door and immediately said, "Oh, good God." I stepped out onto the front stoop and closed the door behind me. "What the hell do you have on?"

She looked down at herself before answering. "Um, a skirt? What's wrong with it?"

"Where's the rest of it?"

"What do you mean? This is all of it."

"I don't think so. Do you have anything that you can change into?"

"No. Why are you bein' such a prude? You know that this is what I wear to go out to the clubs."

"There's nothing that you've left here that you can change into?"

"No, Edward. Stop it. You're bein' stupid."

"You can't meet my parents like that."

"And why not?"

"It's… inappropriate."

"Why?"

"You have to ask that?"

"I bet your daddy will like it," she said with a smug grin.

"Doubtful." I looked her up and down again and then began rubbing the bridge of my nose. "Haven't you ever met parents before?"

"No. I don't generally date people that are as old fashioned as you."

I was standing there rubbing the bridge of my nose and trying to fight the urge to throttle her, when the door behind me opened. "Edward, is everything okay?" my mother asked. I watched as her eyes fell on Tanya. A strained smile came across her face as she looked her up and down. "Well, hello, dear. You must be Tanya."

"Yes, I am. And who are you?" I could have killed her for the attitude she was throwing around. Who the hell did she think was here?

Momma stepped out onto the stoop and extended her hand. "I'm Mrs. Cullen… Edward's mother."

"Oh, well, hey. I guess I was expectin' someone older, since Edward is so old and all," Tanya said as she shook Momma's hand.

"Edward is only thirty-one," Momma said as she turned to look at me. "How old are you, Tanya?"

"I'm twenty-two."

"Are you, now," Momma said to me… not Tanya. "That's interesting."

"We should probably go inside," I said as I opened the door for the ladies. Momma motioned for Tanya to enter first.

As she walked past me, Momma leaned in and said, "What an interesting development." The strained smile remained on her face.

"This is going to be such fun," I muttered to myself as I followed them into the living room.

Daddy came out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a dish towel. He took one look at Tanya and turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "And who do we have here?"

"Daddy, this is Tanya. Tanya this is my father," I said. Even I could hear the panic in my voice.

"Yes," my mother said as she stepped around Tanya to my father's side, "this is _Mister_ Cullen; my husband."

Carlisle looked at Esme with a look of confusion before he slowly said, "Yes, Mr. Cullen. I am Mr. Cullen. It's nice to meet you, Tanya." He stepped forward with an extended hand.

"It is _so_ nice to meet you. I can see where Edward gets his good looks." Tanya took my father's hand and held it just a little too long for my comfort. I watched my mother's eyes narrow.

"Yes, well," Carlisle said as he pulled his hand from Tanya's grip. "How do you like your steak?"

"Oh, I don't eat steak. I don't like cutting it. I don't like fighting with my food."

Carlisle looked at me with the strangest expression. My mother cocked her head to the side like she was confused. "Excuse me?" she asked.

"I don't like to fight with it. Cutting steak is just too much work. I don't want to fool with it."

"I can cut it for you," I said quickly.

"That's okay. I'll just have a salad. I gotta stay thin, ya know. Men hate fat women. I mean obviously you like skinny women, Mr. Cullen," Tanya said as she gestured to my mother. "What is your secret? You aren't, like, anorexic or anything? Are you?"

I turn to see my mother standing there staring at Tanya with her mouth open in shock. "No," she said curtly. "I'm not anorexic. I'm also not usually this 'skinny.' I'm undergoing treatment for cancer." She then turned to look at me with an expression I can only describe as 'You're kidding me, right?'

"That's a relief," Tanya sighed. "I thought that you were just going bald and I was going to suggest that you come to the salon to see if maybe I could do something with the hair you have left, but if it's all going to fall out anyway, don't bother."

"Don't worry... I won't," Momma said. I looked at Daddy just to see him glaring at Tanya. Just then the demon dog barked from the bedroom. "Oh, my Suzy. Tanya, you simply must meet Suzy."

"Momma," I warned.

"What, Edward? I love dogs."

"You don't understand," I started.

"Oh, c'mon, Edward. Let her meet the dog," Daddy said with a raised eyebrow and an evil smile.

This was turning into a first rate disaster. I knew that the dog would either try to bite Tanya or succeed at it. I quickly took both women by the arms and said, "Let's all go sit out by the pool while Daddy grills the steaks."

The evening just went downhill from there. Tanya couldn't seem to stop saying completely inappropriate things to my mother nor could she stop flirting with my father. By the time the food was on the table, Daddy was no longer talking to anyone and my mother was saying pseudo-nice things to Tanya in a voice so laced with false sweetness I'm surprised that we all didn't become raging diabetics that night.

Tanya looked over to the soup and dry potato that my mother was eating and said, "Are you sure you aren't anorexic?"

Momma dropped her spoon in the bowl of soup and turned to Tanya. "I'm positive," she snipped. "Obviously, you have never been in the company of someone undergoing chemotherapy, so I'm going to do my best to ignore your apparent and continuing displays of ignorance. Someone, such as myself, who is having chemo treatments sometimes develop mouth sores. Bland foods are easier to consume. We also tend to have trouble keeping food down, hence the bland food again. Do you understand?"

"Uh huh, your mouth hurts and you throw up a lot. Still, it's a pretty awesome diet," Tanya said with a bob of her head.

Esme sighed, closed her eyes and said, "Yes, that's exactly what I said."

We finished eating and Daddy allowed Momma to help him clear the table; something he had forbidden her to do since the mastectomy. I could hear them whispering in the kitchen from the living room, where Tanya and I had retired.

Tanya took me by the arm and started pulling me toward the door. "Let's go," she said.

I was completely out of the mood to go out now. Frankly, I was exhausted. So I said, "Let's just stay in tonight, Okay? They'll go to bed soon and then we can go upstairs."

"No, Edward," she whined. "You promised." She stomped her foot before saying, "I want to go out."

It was like I was seeing her for the first time. No longer was she the young, beautiful woman I had been seeing for the last eight months. She was no longer the woman I thought I might have a future with. She was a spoil, pouting shrew, which I couldn't see spending the next five minutes with, much less the rest of my life.

"Why don't you go on without me?"

"What?"

"Go. Without. Me." I hoped that my tone would get the point across.

"You do realize that I won't be able to beat them off with a stick the way I look tonight, right?"

"Don't bother. Leave the stick in the car."

"What are you sayin'?"

"I'm saying go on without me."

"Are you breakin' up with me?"

"Do you care?"

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me. "Listen, you stuck up little Momma's boy, I'm the best you'll ever have. I mean look at me. I'm young and I'm hot. You're going to be callin' be beggin' me to come back before I even get on the road."

"Yeah," I said as I took her by the arm and marched her to the door, "you be waiting on that call, okay? Goodbye, Tanya." I opened the door and helped her through it.

"Unbelievable!" she exclaimed.

"Believe it," I said as I closed the door in her face. I turned and leaned against the door. It was several long seconds before I heard her stomp off the front stoop and get into her car. She then loudly pealed out of the driveway. I dropped my chin to my chest and only looked up when Momma spoke.

"Did Tanya leave?" she asked.

I sighed and said, "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly. "I guess I could have tried harder."

"She didn't break up with me; I broke up with her."

"In that case... thank God. She was horrendous. I didn't like her at all."

Daddy came out of the kitchen and said, "I hated her. We should have let Suzy out. She would have handled the situation earlier and we could have enjoyed dinner."

I couldn't help myself... I started to laugh. "It was awful, wasn't it? I'm sorry. I knew that she was a little ditzy, but I never imagined..."

"It's okay, baby," Momma said as she wrapped an arm around my waist. "She just wasn't the one. You'll find her someday. It will be when you aren't looking and when you least expect it."

Daddy and Momma stayed with me for six more weeks. I never called Tanya again, but she blew up my phone with messages and texts. I assume that she finally met someone else, because she abruptly stopped calling after a few weeks. I had to find another hair salon, but it was worth a couple of bad haircuts to never see her again.

Momma completely recovered from the breast cancer. She went through reconstructive surgery and the embarrassing prosthetics found a home in a dresser drawer at their house. In March of 2007 the doctors proclaimed her cancer free. She and Daddy resumed their roaming. They came back to Alabama every four months for Esme to have blood work done to confirm that the cancer had not returned. Everything was fine until November of 2008.

Carlisle and Esme returned to Alabama from a trip to Hilton Head, South Carolina with Emmett and Rosalie. Esme had a doctor's appointment. We had scheduled our usual meeting for a meal for six that night at Niki's. I was finishing up at the office when my cell rang.

"Hey, Daddy," I said. "I'm just finishing up."

"Edward." The tone of his voice made me stop. I had heard that voice before.

"What? What's wrong?"

"They found something in the blood work. We're at your house."

"I'm on my way." I closed my phone and left the office without even closing or locking my door. I don't remember the drive home. My next memory is of standing over my sobbing mother in my living room.

"What is it? Is it the cancer? Is it back?"

"They don't know. Dr. Gorenski says that he's never seen anything like it. They have a new resident from M.D. Anderson that is looking at it now. They're also sending some samples to Texas for review. We don't know what it is, but it's not normal cells."

"But it could be nothing?" I hoped that it was nothing.

"No," Daddy said, shaking his head. "It's definitely somethin'."

I sat down on the couch next to Momma and pulled her from Daddy's arms into mine. She was sobbing uncontrollably. "How long has she been like this?"

"Since we got here. She held it together longer than I could have."

"When will we know anything?"

"A couple of days."

But it wasn't a couple of days. It was next day. Dr. Gorenski called Daddy and said that he wanted to see them in his office that afternoon. Daddy called me and I met them there at three o'clock. We walked into his office as a united front. Momma had stopped crying sometime in the middle of the night, but her face was still blotchy from several hours of sobbing. She had a death grip on my hand and on Daddy's as we were led back to Dr. Gorenski's personal office.

The doctor opened the file on his desk and looked up at us before he spoke. "Esme, we're fairly sure that you have lymphoma. There are about sixteen different types. There's Hodgkins, and non-Hodgkins. There's T-cell and B-cell; small cell and large cell. They're all different and most are completely treatable and curable."

I saw my mother breathe for the first time in twenty-four hours. I think we all sighed with relief.

"But what you have is different. I've never seen a case before. It's called mantle-cell lymphoma. It is a rare type of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. It is most often seen in men aged fifty to seventy years. Out of 1,000 persons diagnosed with mantle cell, approximately 33% will be women."

"What stage is she?" Daddy asked.

"There is no formal staging system for mantle cell lymphoma and no standard treatment has yet been adopted for MCL patients. I'm sorry, but this cancer has the shortest average survival of all lymphoma types. There is no cure for mantle cell lymphoma. As with other slow-growing lymphomas, spontaneous remissions have been reported, but only partial, lasting a year at the most. All mantle cell lymphoma experts agree that the long-term prognosis of MCL patients receiving conventional treatment is poor."

"Oh, God," Momma said as she dropped her head into her hands.

"But we have an ace in the hole. We have a new resident who did her internship at M.D. Anderson. She's familiar with the M.D. Anderson Protocol, which is high-dose chemotherapy with or without a stem cell transplant; that would be your choice." Dr. Gorenski rose from his desk and walked to the door of his office. "I'd like for you to meet her. She can answer your questions better than I can."

He stepped out into the hallway and returned a few moments later with a very small, dark haired woman. "Esme... Carlisle, this is Dr. Isabella Swan. Dr. Swan, meet the Cullens."


	3. Chapter 3

_I have taken the bar exam and can now devote time to writing this story. I'm not going to promise weekly updates, but the updates will be more regular. We move along a little this chapter and have some ExB interaction. For those of you who have stuck with me, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review! Also, I have started a one-shot that has a bit of a twist ending. If you are a talented banner maker, I would love to post it with an awesome banner. Please PM me if you're interested and I will give you a brief rundown of the premise of the story._

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 3

My dad stood and extended his hand. "I'm Carlisle Cullen. This is my wife, Esme, and my son, Edward." We all nodded in greeting as Daddy took his seat..

"It's very nice to meet you all," Dr. Swan said as she walked around Dr. Gorenski's desk to pick up Momma's medical file. "I just wish it was under better circumstances. Before I get started, is there anything that you would like to ask me?"

Momma and Daddy looked at each other and a non-verbal conversation transpired in a matter of seconds. Momma nodded before Daddy said, "How old are you?"

It seemed like a valid question to me. We had been told that we would be meeting with a resident. This woman looked barely old enough to be starting medical school, much less have graduated and be well on her way to a career.

Dr. Swan smiled and said, "I'm thirty-five. I get that question a lot. I'm sure you get it too, Mrs. Cullen?"

My mother cocked her head to one side and asked, "Why do you say that?"

"If I didn't have your medical records at my disposal, with your date of birth prominently displayed, I would have never guessed that you were any older than forty-five... fifty at the most."

Momma's posture relaxed a bit and she smiled for the first time that day. "Thank you and please... call me Esme."

"Only if you will call me Bella. We will be working quite closely during this fight; we should be on a first name basis. Don't you agree?"

I caught myself nodding at this question although I wasn't sure who she was addressing. I had never seen a person who appeared so young have such a commanding presence in a room. I was in awe of her; I had only known her for five minutes and I had yet to speak a word to her.

"Is there anything else?" I again found myself responding my shaking my head no. "Well, then," she said as she slid her glasses from the top of her head down to the bridge of her nose, "the good news is that you are asymptomatic. We have found the cells in your blood, but other than that you show no other signs of the disease."

"That's what I kept telling Carlisle last night. I don't feel sick. I'm a little tired, but I'm in my sixties. Shouldn't I get tired more quickly now?"

"MCL is... different. The reason I believe that the mortality rate is so high is that most people don't know they have it until it's too late. By the time most people start showing symptoms, it has already spread throughout their body. No amount of chemotherapy can combat it then."

I finally found my voice and asked, "What are the symptoms?"

"MCL can cause what is called 'B-symptoms.' These symptoms often resemble the flu or mono, which is why most people are not diagnosed initially. If you had not had a previous history of cancer and had not been coming in for routine blood work, it may have never been diagnosed properly.

"In more advanced stages painless swelling in the neck, armpit, or groin will occur from enlargement of the lymph nodes. Oftentimes, more than one group of nodes is affected. It has also been found in the bone marrow, the stomach, the liver, and the spleen."

"How do we fight it? _Can_ we fight it?" Daddy asked.

"We are most definitely going to fight it," Bella replied. "The first thing that I want to do is send you to M.D. Anderson for more tests. They have a study currently underway that I would like to get you in. I think you are an excellent candidate. It appears that we have caught it early and that will give us more time to devise a treatment schedule."

Daddy and Momma started another non-verbal conversation. When Momma turned to face Bella again, she asked, "What kind of tests?"

"They'll do a CT of the chest, the abdomen, the pelvic area; maybe a bone marrow biopsy and a lumbar puncture. Are you having any abdominal or gastrointestinal issues?"

"Like what?" Momma asked.

"Constipation, diarrhea, anything abnormal?"

"No, nothing at all abnormal."

"Then they will probably forgo the colonoscopy for now. They'll do a physical exam, paying particular attention to the node-bearing areas of your body, including the Waldever's ring."

"What is that?" I interrupted.

"The Waldever's ring?" I nodded. "It's the lymphoid tissue ring located in the pharynx and to the back of the oral cavity."

"I'm a lawyer. You're going to have to break that down a little more."

She smiled and lightly touched her throat. "Your adenoids and your tonsils. Um, where was I? Oh yeah, they'll look at the size of your liver and your spleen; those are the organs it favors. And of course more blood work."

"When do you want me to go?" Esme asked.

"Monday," Bella responded. My mother gasped with surprise. "I know that it seems sudden and that you've been hit with a lot of information today, but I really would like to get the diagnosis nailed down and get you approved for the study as quickly as possible."

"How are the other people in the study responding to treatment?" Carlisle asked.

Bella slid her glasses back on top of her head. "I'm not going to lie to you; some respond better than others."

"How much time do I have if I don't have treatment?"

"Six months... maybe a year... maybe longer. You're asymptomatic now, but you won't remain that way. It will start to grow and it will spread and when it does... it's fast. I've heard it called lymphoma on speed."

"How much time with the treatment?"

"One to three years... maybe more we don't know. We have a subject in the study now who has survived for three years. We have no other subject on which to base a more definite timeline. I don't want to give you false hope, because this disease is incurable, but I can tell you that we learn more the longer you live and the longer you live the more protocols we can try to keep you alive."

"If it were you, what would you do?" I asked.

"I'd have the treatment."

"Are you saying that so that she will and you can study her?"

"I know that you don't know me, but I ask that you trust that I would never manipulate a patient in that way. If it were me, and I was given the option of three years versus one... I'd take the three."

"Well, I guess we get to book a flight and a hotel room," Esme said, making her decision.

"So, you're going to do this?" I asked.

"I'm not done yet. I want to see my grandchildren."

"Momma, I'm not married. I'm not even dating anyone right now."

"That is precisely why I have to fight this. I have too much left to do to let this kill me so soon."

"I was hoping that you would agree to go," Bella said as she sighed with apparent relief. "Don't worry about booking flights or hotels. M.D. Anderson has use of a private plane. You can leave out of the Birmingham Airport on Monday morning. There is a hotel attached to the hospital that we use to accommodate patients and their families. I will set everything up for you and call you tomorrow with all the details.

"Do you have any questions for me now?" Bella asked.

We all looked at each other before Carlisle said, "Not right now. I think we're all just trying to process it. Can we call if we think of anything?"

"Of course," Bella said as she took a business card from the pocket of her lab coat. She slid her glasses back onto her nose and wrote a number on the back of the card. "If it's after hours, you can call me on my cell phone." She handed the card to my mother and pushed the glasses back up onto her head.

"Oh, we would never..." Momma started before Bella interrupted her.

"Believe me when I tell you that my work is my life. Your health and your concerns for your health are my priority. I insist that you feel free to call me at any time."

"She's not kidding," Dr. Gorenski said from behind us. "Bella practically lives at the hospital."

"May I ask you a question, Esme?"

"Sure," Momma said with a shrug.

"May I pray with you?"

I took a step back at this question. You see, I had been an agnostic for quite a few years... much to my parents chagrin. While Momma and Daddy were at church every Sunday no matter where they were, I hadn't set foot in a church since Jasper and Alice were married. I never prayed. I thought it a waste of time. There was no higher power guiding our lives... things just happened. That a doctor... an educated person... would believe in such things threw me for a loop.

My mother nodded and Bella walked around the desk. She knelt in front of their chairs and took my mother's hands in her own. She bowed her head and began to pray.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

"Dear Father, I come to You now, Your humble servant. I pray for You to be with Esme and her family. Give them strength to fight this scourge that has invaded her body. Give them comfort as they know that Your plan will be fulfilled. Touch them now and shine Your love down on them during this time. Father, I pray for You to be with me and to guide me. Use me as Your vessel, Lord. Give me the knowledge I need to lead Esme in her fight. These things we ask in the name of Your son, our savior, Jesus Christ. Amen."

As Bella prayed, I looked around the room. My head was the only one in the room not bowed. My eyes were the only eyes that were open. I was the only non-believer in the room.

Bella raised her head and opened her eyes. I don't know why, but she turned to me and our eyes locked. A small smile formed on her face. "I hope that will give you some measure of comfort."

"Um, yeah," I muttered. "Some." I nodded and looked away; embarrassed for the first time at my lack of faith.

We left the doctor's office and walked out into the lobby of the Bruno Cancer Center. I was just a scared as when I walked in, but for some reason I felt calmer. I didn't want to explode and scream obscenities at the air. I didn't want to scream and curse at the sky; asking why my angel of a mother... why her? It was a strange feeling for me.

I stuffed my hands in my trouser pockets and stared at my feet for a while. I finally noticed that no one was talking. I looked up to see my parents staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you okay?" Daddy asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"I'm fine. I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you."

"I don't have cancer. Worry about Momma," I replied. I kicked at one of the floor tiles and then turned for the door. "I want Niki's," I said over my shoulder. "I need veal."

They followed me to the restaurant. We were silent as we ate our meal. Finally, no longer able to stand it, my mother broke the silence.

"Edward, you have to talk to us about this. This is going to be a team effort. I want you on board. You can't shut us out and not expect us to worry. This isn't like you."

I looked up from my plate and saw my mother's brown eyes brimming with tears. "Please don't," I said with a groan. I sighed. "I'm scared, alright? I'm scared and I'm confused, and I'm... I don't know what I am." I gritted my teeth to fight back the tears that I felt forming behind my eyes. "I'm not ready... to lose you."

A single tear rolled down my mother's cheek. "I'm not ready to go. That's why I'm going fight this."

"But three years... that isn't enough time," I whispered.

"It's never enough time," Daddy said as he reached across the table to touch my arm. "Thirty years wouldn't be enough time and three years isn't guaranteed. We'll take what we can get and make the most of it."

I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "I wish it were me. I wish you didn't have to go through this again."

"No, Edward," Momma said as she got up and slide into the chair next to me. "I never want you to think like that. I would never wish this for you or anyone. I don't even wish it for myself, but it's a reality. I have cancer. I have a cancer that has no cure. It doesn't mean that I won't fight it for every second I have left. Every minute, every hour, every day that I live is another day that mantle-cell lymphoma can't take from me. The longer I live, the closer they get to a cure."

"How can you be so calm about it all?" I asked.

"I've given it to God," she replied. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Don't do that. I know that you don't believe. As much as I hate it, I accept it, but don't discount my faith."

I lowered my eyes to my lap. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't worry, son, It will all work out the way it's supposed to in the end," Daddy said as he stood. He started walking to the front door. Momma patted my hand and moved to follow him. It took me several seconds to compose myself enough to follow. Only then did I notice that the sneaky, old man had taken the check and paid for our dinner.

I drove Momma and Daddy to the airport the following Monday morning. None of us had ever been on a private plane before. We had no idea what the protocols for it were. How do you check in? Is it different than a commercial airline? In truth, it was much different. We didn't go to the main terminal. We turned onto a road about two miles from the main terminal and went to a different, smaller airfield.

A security guard at the gate stopped us and checked our identification. He matched it to the names on a list he had and directed us to drive until we got to the runway marked 'B'. As we approached the runway, I noticed that the airplane sitting on the runway was emblazoned with the words 'Dean Foods' in large navy blue and dark green letters. This was somewhat confusing.

A man was standing at the foot of a set of stairs that led to the open door of the plane. He wasn't dressed as I thought a pilot would be dressed which just added to my confusion. I got out of the car and stood looking over the top of it waiting for instructions from Daddy. I was thinking that we may be at the wrong place.

The man approached our car and said, "Are you the Cullens?"

"Um, yeah," my daddy said with a furrowed brow. "I'm Carlisle and this is Esme." He gestured to Momma as she slowly got out of the front passenger seat. "I don't know if we're in the right place."

"Oh, you're in the right place," the man said cheerfully. "I'm Eric and I'll be your attendant for the flight to Texas."

I was staring at the words printed on the side of the plane when Eric spoke again. "Dean Foods donates the use of its corporate jet, as do many other Texas based companies, to M.D. Anderson. I assume that it's a tax write-off or something. I can assure you that you are in the right place and that we will get you to the hospital; or at least to Love Field. I think you'll probably want to take a car to the hospital," he said with a chuckle. "Can I help you with your bags?"

I walked around to the trunk and started to remove the suitcases. Eric joined me and picked up the smallest one of the bunch. He smiled at me and said, "I thought there were only two Cullens today, but," he lowered his chin and looked at me through his lashes, "I think I can make room for one more."

I said, in what I hoped was my most masculine voice, "That won't be necessary. I'm only providing the taxi service today."

"Hmm, pity," he said as his eyes swept from my head to my feet. He turned and started for the stairs. I sighed and shook my head as I followed with the larger cases. That was not the first time that I had been flirted with by a man, nor would it be the last.

I followed Eric to the back of the plane and placed the bags in the area he indicated. While he secured them in place, I looked around. The plane wasn't what I expected. I guess I'd seen too many movies with replicated interiors of Air Force One. I also noticed that there wasn't a stripper pole like in _Iron Man_. The plane was actually smaller than I thought it would be. We were standing in what was obviously a small cargo area. We had walked through what appeared to be a small kitchenette. I looked back into the fuselage and saw that there were eight seats on the right and four seats on the left with the aisle running through the middle. In truth, it looked like a miniature commercial airline plane. It wasn't fancy; it was functional.

Momma and Daddy had entered the plane and were also looking around. Momma hates to fly. She's never been comfortable with it. When I was a senior in high school, I had the opportunity to go to New York with the Future Business Leaders of America. Momma chaperoned. We, of course, flew. She held my hand and rubbed my thumbnail with her thumb until it was shining like I had polished it. When I turned and saw the death grip she had on Daddy's arm and hand I couldn't help by smirk. He was going to have one shiny thumbnail when they got home.

"Well," Eric started, "the pilot is almost done with the pre-flight and we've gotten word from the tower. We'll be getting ready to take off in about five minutes. So, unless you've changed your mind and want to go with us, I think it's time for the 'see ya laters'." With a little hop, he glided to the front of the plane and entered the cockpit.

I pulled Momma into a hug and noticed that she was trembling slightly. "It'll be okay," I reminded her. "More people die in car accidents than plane crashes."

"Please don't say 'die' and 'plane crash' in the same sentence while I'm on a plane ever again," she said. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Call me when you get there." I waved to them one last time before exiting the plane.

A few hours later, Daddy called to let me know that they had made it and were checked into the hotel. I asked him about his thumbnail and he said that it was shining like a diamond. I heard Momma tell him to shut it before we both started laughing. They promised to call the next day to let me know how it was going.

I had to be at the courthouse the next day. I sometimes assist Jasper on divorce cases, especially when there is a lot of real property involved. He had one of those and it was not going well. Mediation had not been successful; therefore, it was going to court. I was his co-counsel.

After much arguing back and forth, the judge finally concluded what we knew all along... the wife was being unreasonably vindictive. Don't get me wrong. The guy she was divorcing, our client, was an asshole, but she couldn't take it all. Alabama is a community property/no fault state. Yes, he cheated, but that still didn't entitle her to every single property, every car, all the money, and everything else of value. Then again, all that would have been moot with a halfway decent pre-nup.

In the end, the judge told us to get together and write up a fair and equal (emphasis on the equal) property settlement and submit it to him by the end of the next week. Jasper scheduled a meeting with the opposing counsel for that Friday and we left the courthouse in time for lunch.

We decided to grab a bite at Taziki's; a Greek restaurant on 18th Street. We had ordered and taken our seats, when Dr. Swan walked in. For some reason that I couldn't explain at the time, I stood when I saw her come through the door. Jasper looked at me like I'd lost my mind and said, "Dude, you okay?"

"What?" I asked as I looked down at him.

"Why are you standing?" he asked.

I sat back down and mumbled, "I know that woman."

Jasper turned and asked, "Which one?"

"Um, the one standing at the take-out counter." I hadn't seen Dr. Swan since the day that she prayed with my parents in Dr. Gorenski's office, but that didn't mean that she had left my mind. I had found myself thinking about her more than I wanted to admit. She intrigued me. She was different. Most doctors that I had encountered thought that they _were_ God and I had certainly never seen one pray_ to_ God. She was also so confident; she commanded the room. I found this fascinating.

Jasper turned back to me and said, "Nice. She's hot."

"What?"

"She's really good-looking. Did you date her?"

"No," I said, taken slightly aback. "She's one of Momma's doctors."

He turned to look at her again. "She's a doctor? She doesn't look old enough."

"She's thirty-five," I mumbled, still staring at her.

Jasper smirks and said, "An older woman... niiiiice."

"Fucking shut up," I said as I finally looked back at him. "It's not like that."

"Then why are you blushing."

"I'm not blushing."

"Okay," Jasper said with a dismissive shrug. "You do realize that she'll have to walk past us to get out the door, right?"

"So," I said with a shrug. "She walked past us to get in and she didn't recognize me."

"You were at her back. She'll actually see you when she leaves."

"Again… so? I've only seen her once before today. She barely paid attention to me then. She won't recognize me," I said as I took a bite of roasted potato.

"Yeah, like you're so forgettable," Jasper said, putting a chip in his mouth.

I rolled my eyes and continued to eat my food. I had just taken a bite of my chicken roll-up when Dr. Swan started walking toward the door. I looked up and our eyes met. She paused a few steps from our table and cocked her head to one side. I watched as the recognition lit up her eyes. She smiled and walked to our table.

"You're Esme Cullen's son, right?" she asked.

I hurriedly tried to swallow my food without choking. "Um, yes, I am. And you're Dr. Swan."

"I thought that was you," she said cheerily. "How is your mother?"

"Don't you know?" I asked, more than a little confused.

Dr. Swan laughed and said, "I've seen her test results, yes, but I want to know how _she_ is… and your father."

"Oh, they're fine. Momma says that she feels like a pincushion and isn't looking forward to the lumbar puncture, but they're doing well." Jasper kicked me hard under the table.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Dr. Swan said with a smile. "Did you get a sudden, sharp pain in your shin?"

"It's nothing compared to sharp pain in my a… neck," I said as I glared at Jasper. "Dr. Swan, this is my _associate_, Jasper Whitlock."

Jasper turned and extended his hand. "Don't let him fool ya. I'm more than an associate. We're practically brothers. "

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Jasper. Please call me Bella. You too… um, Edward, right?"

"Yeah, it's Edward."

"I'll let you get back to your lunches. It was nice seeing you again."

"Yes, you too." I watched her walk out the door.

"Um hmmm," Jasper said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

"'It's not like that.'"

I can't say that there was much of anything good that came out of my relationship with Tanya, but one thing stayed with me… her soap. She used this particular type of Dead Sea Minerals soap and I had fallen in love with it. It left me feeling squeaky clean. No joke… I actually squeaked. The only problem was that I could only find it at this one kiosk in the Brookwood Mall.

Being a normal, heterosexual male, I hate the Mall. Any mall is Hell. I know that loving a soap makes me sound very metrosexual, but I swear that it's my only metro quirk. I don't shop. I don't go into stores and look around. I treat stores and shopping like battlefields and missions. I make detailed plans of attack… lists. I get in and get out. The quicker the better.

Such was the plan the Thursday of the week that Momma and Daddy were in Texas. I needed soap. The kiosk was on the Belk end of the Mall. I parked in the deck on that end and walked as quickly as possible to the escalator in Belk. I rode to the second floor. I practically sprinted through Belk. I made it to the kiosk and asked for three bars of my precious soap… a six months supply.

I paid for my purchase and turned back toward Belk. That's when I saw her. Dr. Swan was walking right toward me. Her head was down so she didn't immediately see me. I froze. I didn't know what to do. Fate made my mind up for me when Dr. Swan looked up and our eyes locked. She smiled and I felt my face flush, although I had no idea why I would be blushing.

"Edward Cullen," she said as she approached me. "We really have to stop meeting like this. People will talk."

"Wha… pardon me?"

"I was making a joke."

"Oh, yeah," I stuttered. "Funny."

"Yeah, obviously," she said and her smile faltered.

"No really, it was funny. I just wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I come here once a month to get a pedicure." She pointed down to her feet. "What do you think?"

"I think that I would never have pegged you for a red toenails kind of girl."

"It's called 'Dear Santa.'" I must have smirked a little because she said, "Hey, I didn't name it; I just read the bottom of the bottle. So, what are you doing here?"

"Buying soap," I said as I held up my bag.

She looked confused before she said, "Isn't that something you would get at Wal-Mart?"

"Not this kind. Trust me… I tried." She raised an eyebrow, so before she could ask, I said, "It's a long story… don't ask."

"How much does mall soap cost?"

I half-smiled in embarrassment as I confessed the absurdity of my addiction to this soap. "Ten bucks." I reached up with my right hand and began rubbing the back of my neck as I waited for the normal disbelief response.

"Per bar?" she asked.

"Um, yeah."

"Must be good soap."

"You have no idea." To this day I'm wondering what part on my brain was controlling my mouth when I asked her, "Have you eaten dinner?"

"No, not yet. That's where I was going. I was headed for the Food Court."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

She hesitated a moment, which made me totally regret letting this mystery part of my brain retain control of my mouth. I was about to tell her to forget it and be on my way when she said, "Sure, why not."

"You really don't mind?"

"If I didn't want your company, I would have told you 'yes, I mind,'" she said matter-of-factly. She took a few steps toward the middle of the mall and then turned back to where I was rooted. "Well?"

"Okay," I said a little too enthusiastically. I fell in step with her as we walked through my own personal Hell, which was strangely not as hellish that day. As we approached the Food Court, I realized that I had never been this far into the Brookwood Mall before and had no idea what I wanted to eat. In truth, there weren't too many choices. I could get Chinese, if I wanted subpar, preprepared, overcooked sesame chicken. Something called a 'McAlister's Express' was my next choice... tempting. Something that I thought might be Japanese food, but I wasn't sure, was next. Of course, there was a Sbarro. Every mall in the country had a Sbarro. It was as constant as Chick-fil-A, which, not surprisingly, was to my left. There was a Bar-b-que place that looked closed and a Charley's Subs as well. None of the choices leapt out and screamed 'eat me'.

I was standing there trying to decide what would give me the less severe case of indigestion, when I felt Dr. Swan's hand on my wrist.

"C'mon," she said as she started pulling me toward the Chick-fil-A. I remember thinking that a chicken sandwich would be good. I was still thinking that as she walked past the 'stand,' for lack of better word, and stopped in front of Charley's Subs. A girl was standing there with a tray of samples. Dr. Swan took one off the plate and popped it in her mouth. She then motioned for me to do the same.

I picked up the tidbit of sandwich and looked at it. I opened it to see what it was. It looked like chicken and maybe cheese. I was still eyeballing it when Dr. Swan said, with much exasperation, "Just eat it."

"What is it?" I asked.

The girl holding the sample said, "Chicken California."

I was opening my mouth to ask what exactly Chicken California entailed, when Dr. Swan said again, "Would you just eat it? It's good. I get it every time I come here. I would never poison you. Eat it."

I slowly took a small bite out of the sample. I had to admit it was good. I popped the rest in my mouth and smiled. "Not bad."

Dr. Swan turned to the man behind the counter and said, "Two Chicken Californias, an order of bacon/cheese fries, a Sierra Mist, and a..." She turned to me and raised her eyebrows.

"Diet Pepsi," I replied.

"And a Diet Pepsi," she said, finishing the order. She reached into her purse and this time I grabbed her wrist.

"I don't think so. I kind of invited myself. This one is on me." I took out my wallet and handed over my debit card.

"Thanks, Edward. I appreciate it. Now I really hope that you like this sandwich, so I don't feel bad that you paid for it."

"I'm sure I'll love it," I said as I smiled down at her. I suddenly had the strangest sensation in my chest. The only way to describe it is to call it a flutter. My goddamn chest fluttered when I looked at her! It made my face redden and I had to quickly look away.

I started paying way too much attention to the guy making our food. I watched him grill the chicken, toast the buns, add the cheese, and dice it all together before he slid it onto the buns. He then slathered the whole thing in ranch salad dressing. Dr. Swan had him add lettuce to her sandwich, but I left mine plain. He then covered a heaping plate of French fries with melted cheese and bacon bits.

I took the tray of food from the counter and followed Dr. Swan to a table by the railing. As I sat the tray on the table, I looked up and we made eye contact. That fluttering happened again and I furrowed my brow in confusion. I didn't understand this reaction to looking at her. She smiled a little half-smile, half-smirk at me and sat down.

She took her sandwich off the tray and took a large bite. I watched as her eyes rolled back in her head.

I laughed, causing her to look at me. "Anything that elicits that type of reaction has to be good."

"It's fabulous," she sighed. She then reached across the table to snag a cheese covered fry. "These are fabulous too. I never finish a whole order, so I only got the one for us to share. They are absolutely divine."

I took a fry from the plate and popped it in my mouth. "Oh, good God," I moaned. "You're right." They were divine. I completely forgot about the sandwich for a minute as I quickly devoured three more cheese covered pieces of heaven. I finally took a bite of my sandwich and had to agree with her assessment... it was fabulous.

We quietly continued to enjoy the surprisingly delicious food. I would occasionally steal a glance at her to see if I got the fluttering feeling again. She caught me looking at her a couple of times and smiled... that's when the flutter happened. I didn't understand it. It was a weird reaction to making eye contact with someone and one I'd never had before. I didn't really know what to make of it.

I watched as the devouring of her meal slowed and she began to have a sated look on her face. She finally placed the last little bit of her sandwich down and pushed the plate away. "Oh, I'm stuffed," she moaned.

"You can't be 'stuffed,'" I teased. "There are still fries left on the plate."

"You're on your own," she said as she pushed them closer to me.

"Nuh, uh. You ordered them; you made me love them; you have to finish them."

"That makes no sense, whatsoever."

"I can't do it alone," I said as I pushed the plate back toward her. "At least eat a few more."

"Seriously... I can't. I'll pop... I swear," she said as she again pushed the plate in my direction.

"C'mon, Dr. Swan. Can you tell me of at least one medical case where someone has 'popped' from overeating?"

"Why do you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?" I was more than a little confused. I thought we were joking around; teasing each other. She seemed so serious when she asked me that question.

"Why do you call me 'Dr. Swan'?"

"Well, that's... who you are," I said, still confused.

"No, I'm Bella. What I do for a living is 'doctor' and my surname is Swan, but _I_ am Bella. It would be like me calling you 'Attorney Cullen' every time I addressed you. I'm not your doctor and even if I were, I would want you to call me Bella."

As she spoke, my heart started doing the flutter thing again. I had never met a woman quite like her. She was smart and funny and so confident. I could feel my mouth begin to twitch into a smirk as she berated me. Usually, I would have hated being reprimanded like this; it would have embarrassed me, but not this time. It just made her more intriguing to me.

"Okay, Bella it is. I didn't mean to offend," I said as I fought to keep for smiling at her like an idiot.

"Thank you. And no... there are no documented cases that I know of, but I could be the first." She crossed her arms and scowled at me as I began to laugh. "And obviously, you would have no sympathy. You'd just sit there and laugh." This sent me over the edge into hysterics. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and doubled over.

"Are you okay?" she asked through her own laughter.

"You're a nut," I said, gasping for air.

"And you're insane," she replied.

"Well... yeah, I am a little. I think it's a job requirement." I paused and looked at her, causing the fluttering again. "I'm having a really good time."

"You sound surprised."

"I don't usually have that great of a time in the mall, but I am tonight. Thank you."

"I'm having a good time too. I don't know that many people yet, so it's nice to have company for dinner. So, thank you, Edward... for having dinner with me."

"How long have you been living in Birmingham?"

"Only four months. I rent an apartment at Stonegate. I've met a couple of my neighbors, but I spend so much time at the hospital that I haven't made any friends really."

"And you lived in Houston before?"

"Yes, but I was in Palo Alto before that and Tempe before that. I'm from Phoenix, Arizona originally. What about you? Have you always lived in Alabama?"

"Yep," I said as I popped another fry into my mouth. I was bordering on uncomfortable, I was so full of food, but they really were irresistible. "I grew up in Gadsden, went to Tuscaloosa for college and law school, and then moved here when I got the job at Najjar. I'm an Alabama boy; born and raised."

"Never wanted to go anywhere else?" she asked.

I shrugged and said, "I don't know. I've never really given it much thought. My family is here and my friends are here. I have a good job. I have a nice home. I have a good life here. What about you? Why Alabama?"

"It was a good opportunity. I've always lived in the West. I thought that it would be a good experience to try something new. I had other offers up North, but I don't think that I would enjoy the climate. I have thin blood and thinner skin," she said with a laugh. "Alabama seemed like a good choice. The Bruno Center is highly respected and they work very closely with Anderson."

"I'm sure that you miss your family though and your friends."

"It's just my dad. I do miss him, but he supports my decision to explore my options."

"You don't miss your mother?"

"My mom passed away when I was fourteen."

I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"How could you?" she said with a smile. "It's okay… really. She's the reason I became a doctor. She had cancer."

"Was it…?" I asked, thinking that her mother might have had MCL too.

"No, it was pancreatic. It was too far advanced by the time they caught it for anything to be done. Usually, if you catch pancreatic cancer early, it's treatable, but in advanced stages… it's as deadly as MCL. It's just as hard to diagnose too. My dad and I watched her just… waste away. I knew then that I didn't want other families to have to go through that if I could help it. So, I started studying more and worked my rear end off to get the best grades possible. Dad could never have afforded to pay for college without my help and I knew it. I got scholarships to pay for my entire undergrad at ASU and student loans for medical school. I'm still paying those suckers off!" she said with a chuckle.

"I got lucky with the internship at Anderson. They are doing great things there. Many of the most effective treatments that we use today were developed from research done in Houston, Texas."

"Then why not stay?"

"I was an intern. It was never meant to be a permanent position. I had to move on to a residency. This job became available and I took it. It's as simple as that.

"What about you? Why a lawyer?"

"My uncle and my aunt are attorneys. You'd have to know my Uncle Emmett to understand, but I've always looked up to him. I guess I wanted to be him."

"I bet he's proud of you."

"I guess. He and Aunt Ro are criminal defense attorneys and... well... I'm not."

"What do you do?"

"It's really boring," I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. I don't know why, but I was slightly embarrassed. "It's very unglamorous."

"What?" she asked with a confused smile.

"I'm... a patent lawyer. I help people get patents with the U.S. government." I nodded my head and smiled sheepishly. "It's very boring."

"I bet you see some really interesting inventions," she said. "That doesn't sound boring."

"Do it for a few years. Anyway, it's not nearly as interesting as being a doctor... saving lives. That's glamorous."

"Do it for a few years," she said with a laugh. The mall public address system suddenly announced that the mall would be closing in fifteen minutes. I looked down at my watch and, sure enough, it was fifteen minutes until nine.

"Wow, I didn't realize it had gotten so late," Bella said as she started cleaning up our mess.

"Let me get that," I said. I took the tray to the garbage and disposed of our trash. I got back to the table to Bella digging around in her bag. "I had fun tonight."

"I did too, Edward. Thanks for the company." She located her keys and jangled them in front of her face in triumph.

"Do you think... I mean... I'd like to... you know... maybe... do this again," I stuttered out like an idiot.

"I don't know, Edward. That may not be such a great idea."

"Oh. Well, okay. Um, thanks... for dinner and the conversation."

"Okay, now I've hurt your feelings and that wasn't my intention. It's not that I didn't have a good time tonight... I did. But, Edward, I'm one of your mother's doctors. I'm sure that there is some ethical issue involved with going out with you. That's why I don't think it's a good idea. It's not that I don't find you attractive, because I do, but it's bad timing. Please tell me you understand."

"I do." And I did. That didn't mean I had to like it. "You're right. At least let me walk you to your car." I walked Bella to her car and waved to her as she drove out of the deck. She may have said no to a date, but if we ran into each other again... who knows. I vowed to need soap again next month.

Momma and Daddy returned from Texas a couple of days after my non-date with Bella. I didn't mention it to them. After all, it wasn't really anything. Right?

Momma had been poked and prodded incessantly. She'd had blood work, a lumbar puncture, and a bone marrow biopsy. Daddy said that she'd endured it all without complaint, which was typical Momma. She never seemed to complain. The MCL was of course in her blood, but they also found it in her bone marrow. This was a bit disturbing for the doctors since they couldn't find it in any of her lymph bearing areas. Leave it to Momma to be atypical.

Momma had been accepted into the research study, so the doctors wanted to start treatment right away. Momma had other ideas. The holidays were right around the corner and Momma didn't want to be sick from the chemo through the holidays. Her reasoning was that she felt great at the moment, the cancer wasn't in any of her lymph nodes, and it was her body and her decision. No one was happy about it, but she was right. It was her decision. So, the doctors, including Bella, reluctantly agreed to wait until the first of the year... with some conditions. Momma had a standing appointment with Bella every Monday until the treatments started in Houston in January.

Momma's decision made for an interesting Thanksgiving. Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett have a massive house. So, it has become the family gathering place. Every holiday is spent at their house. Aunt Ro goes all out in the decorating department. Thanksgiving is no exception. We have a relatively small family. It's usually just Aunt Ro, Uncle Em, Alice, Jasper, Momma, Daddy, and me, but that doesn't faze my aunt. She has the whole thing catered. There's always too much food.

Thanksgiving 2008 was no exception. I walked in behind Momma and Daddy and instantly smelled the turkey. There's always a ham as well, so Momma made a pineapple casserole, which is really the only thing I would eat if given the choice. We made our way into the kitchen where Rosalie was busy pointing out where everything was to go to the caterer. I'm sure that the poor woman would much rather have been home with her own family, but I was also sure that Rosalie was paying her handsomely for her time. Regardless, I stepped in to help.

"Here, let me. Ro, let the woman go home. We're here and there are more than enough hands to put the food out." I turned to the caterer and said, "Happy Thanksgiving. Go home."

The woman glanced around me to Rosalie.

Rosalie let out a sigh and said, "He's right. Thank you so much for all your work. Please go home." She reached into her purse and handed the woman a very thick envelope that I assumed contained a large amount of cash.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen, thank you so much. I hope ya'll enjoy it all. Happy Thanksgivin'." She left quickly through the back door.

I turned to Rosalie and said, "Where to?"

We finished putting out the food and took our places at the table. Just like every year, Rosalie insisted that we join hands to pray and give thanks for all our blessing. I joined hands just so I didn't rock the boat, but as usual I left the praying to the others.

Emmett started the prayer. "Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day and the bounty before us. Thank you for all the blessings that you have bestowed on this family. We ask, although we know we are unworthy to ask you for anything, that you look down on Esme and be with her through her battle with this cancer. We leave it with you, for you have a plan for all of us and we know that you have a plan for Esme. In the name of your son, our savior, Jesus Christ, amen."

A chorus of 'Amen' followed before we all began passing plates around. After our plates had been made and everyone had started to eat, the shit hit the fan.

"When do you leave for Texas, Ez?" Rosalie asked.

"January fourth," Momma answered as she took a bite of turkey.

"January fourth?" Momma nodded. "Why so long? Why not next week?"

"I don't want to be sick through the holidays."

"Esme, this could kill you! You can't postpone treatment just because you don't want to be sick during Christmas. Your health is too important. You have to go next week."

"I leave January fourth," Momma said calmly as she placed her fork on the table. "End of discussion."

Daddy and I know what a calm Esme means. We both angled our bodies away from the two women at the end of the table.

"Hell, no, it is not the end of the discussion," Aunt Rosalie practically yelled. "Have you thought about the rest of us, Esme. What do you think losing you would do to _us_?"

"It's my body," Momma said calmly as she wiped the corner of her mouth with her napkin, "and my decision. I expect my family to respect that."

"You expect me to respect you putting your life in danger?"

"Rosalie," Uncle Emmett said as he stood from his place at the head of the table.

"Don't," she said as she glared at him.

""Let's not talk about this right now, Rosalie." We all knew that when the two of them reverted to full names that it was go time. They were both mad and it was obviously simmering at the surface for both of them.

Rosalie stood from her place at the end of the table. "I love you, Esme. You are my sister. I can't lose you. You have made a bad decision. You need to leave as soon as possible and start the treatments. You need to leave next week."

"No."

"Esme..."

"Enough!" Momma yelled as she stood. "It is _my_ decision! I have none of the typical symptoms. If you'd bothered to ask I would have explained all that to you. But, no, not Rosalie. You just had to have it your way. This isn't about you or anyone else in this room. It's about me. It's my life and my choice. The doctors have agreed to it. This is truly the end of the discussion." She threw her napkin down onto the table and stomped out of the room.

I looked around the room at the stunned expressions that I knew mirrored my own. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Daddy stood up and started to follow Momma from the room.

"Carlisle?" Rosalie said.

"It's in her blood and her bone marrow, but it isn't in any of her lymph bearing areas. It also doesn't seem to be in her stomach, pancreas, liver or colon. Right now she has it but she's asymptomatic and healthy. The doctors would prefer that she start treatment immediately, but they don't think that it will hurt anything to wait seven weeks. She will be monitored here at Bruno weekly."

"I didn't know," Rosalie said as she lowered her head.

"You didn't ask," Daddy said as he turned to find Momma.

Rosalie slowly sat in her seat. She turned to me and said, "I'm sorry."

I nodded and said, "I know. For what it's worth, I agree with you. I wish that she would reconsider and go next week too. She's just so stubborn. She's made up her mind and nothing, except made symptoms suddenly showing up, will change it."

"So, she's really healthy, but has cancer?" Alice asked.

"Apparently," I replied. "That's why this type is so difficult to diagnose. If she hadn't gone in for her check-up, it probably wouldn't have been found until it was too late."

"There are people in the world that have this and don't know?" Alice said with a look of almost horror on her face.

"Yes. Only about six percent of the people diagnosed with lymphoma have this type and most don't live very long after being diagnosed."

"Wow," she said. "I'd never even heard of it until Aunt Ez got it. You never hear about it in the media. I've never even heard of a charity that funds its research."

"I know. They treat it like a dirty little secret."

"Do you think that Aunt Ez would let the station do a story about her and this cancer? We could get the word out. Maybe get funding for more research."

"I don't know," I replied. "You'd have to ask her."

"Ask me what?" Momma said as she and Daddy came back into the dining room.

"Ez?" Rosalie said as she stood and started around the table.

Momma held up her hand stopping Rosalie in her tracks. "Let it go, Ro. We can talk about it later." She took her seat and turned to Alice. "What did you want to ask me, dear?"

"Well, I'd never heard of mantle cell lymphoma until you were diagnosed. I don't think that anyone has really heard of it. So, I was thinking... if we did a story on you and your treatment we could maybe get the word out. You know... maybe get it more funding for research. What do you think?"

"I don't know, Alice. I've never been on camera before. I don't know that I would be very comfortable."

"Please, Aunt Ez. We need to get the word out. We could do a whole series on it. We could follow your treatment and everything. Please at least think about it."

"Okay," she acquiesced, "I'll think about it."

We finished our meal in relative peace. The tension in the air was still high. Everyone noticed that not long after the dishes were deposited in the kitchen, Momma and Aunt Ro went upstairs and didn't come down for a long time. When we did finally see them again, they were in the kitchen washing the dishes and laughing like nothing had happened.

Momma started her weekly check-ups with Bella the Monday after Thanksgiving. For three weeks, Daddy would drive her to Birmingham from Gadsden for her one hour 'visit' with Bella. But then, on the Sunday of week four, I got a phone call from Daddy.

"Edward, I hate to bother you, but I have a problem."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Maggie at the clinic in Fort Payne has a family emergency out of state and they need me to come in tomorrow to fill-in. Your momma's appointment with Bella is tomorrow. Could you take her?"

"Let me check my calendar." I walked to my home office and opened my book. "I have a thing in the afternoon that I can postpone until Tuesday. What time is her appointment?"

"It's at two."

"Yeah, I can do it. I'll make the call first thing in the morning to move this appointment to Tuesday and be there to pick her up at ten. Is that too late?"

"Ten is fine, honey," Momma yelled from the background causing my eyes to roll.

"Can you eat before the appointment?"

"I suppose," she replied.

"Then we'll get some lunch and then go see Bella. How does that sound?"

"It sounds wonderful! I can't wait to see you, baby."

"See you tomorrow," I said as I disconnected the call.

I picked Momma up a little after ten and started back to Birmingham. We stopped at the Taziki's in Mountain Brook for lunch before going to the Bruno Center for her appointment. At ten minutes past two, the nurse came into the waiting area for Momma.

"Do I go back with you?" I asked as she was walking to the door.

"No need. You can wait here. Someone will come get you if I need you."

"I'll be here then," I said with a smile. I sat back down and took out my Blackberry to check my messages.

About an hour later Momma and Bella walked out into the waiting room. I was surprised to see Bella, but I was even more surprised that when she looked at me and smiled I got that flutter in my chest again.

"Edward, hi!" she said enthusiastically. "Your mother said that you were out her and I just had to step out to say hi. How have you been?"

"I've been good. What about you?"

"I'm okay."

"You didn't tell me that you and Bella had dinner while I was in Texas." Momma not so gently punched my shoulder.

"We just kind of ran into each other," I said as I rubbed my arm.

"Edward took pity on me, I think," Bella explained.

"I think it was the other way around," I joked. "It was really good to see you again, Bella.

She extended her hand to me and I didn't hesitate to take it. The sensation that ran up my arm was intense and it left me momentarily speechless. "Um, yeah," Bella said as her eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "It was great to see you too."

I reluctantly withdrew my hand and smiled weakly at Bella. Momma and I turned for the door.

Suddenly, Bella said, "Oh, Edward, I found that soap you love for $7.34 a bar on Amazon... with free shipping."

"Oh, well, thanks," I said with a huge smile. With that one comment I knew. Bella Swan was thinking about me just as much as I was thinking about her.


	4. Chapter 4

**I need to thank Charmie for her help with this chapter. It's been a long time coming so hope the few of you that are following this one enjoy it and enjoy it enough to recommend it to your friends. Please leave a review to let me know what you think.**

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 4

I had no sooner closed the door of the car when Momma asked, "Why didn't you tell me that you and Bella had gone to dinner?"

"I don't know," I said as I started the car. "I didn't really think about it." I had just lied to my mother. I had found myself thinking about Bella and our non-date dinner more than I cared to admit.

"You go to dinner with a beautiful, intelligent, interesting woman and you don't think about it?"

I turned to smirk at her. "How do you know that she's interesting?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen, don't use your lawyer mind tricks on your mother. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't a big deal. We ran into each other in the Mall and ate a meal together. It wasn't like it was a date or anything."

"She's very pretty."

"I suppose," I answered, trying to sound uninterested.

"She's smart."

"Yes, I would gather that she would be… being a doctor and all."

"She spent Thanksgiving alone."

"What?" I was truly stunned. I had assumed that she went to Phoenix to see her dad.

"You didn't know?"

"Momma, we don't talk. We're not dating. I don't even know if you'd call us friends. We ran into each other and ate a meal. That was it; nothing more. How would I know that she spent the holiday alone?"

"She's not going home for Christmas either."

"Oh, well, that's unfortunate." Again, I was trying to sound uninterested.

"I invited her to Christmas."

I almost rear-ended the car in front of me. "You did what?" I asked in disbelief.

"No one should be alone on Christmas. I invited her to come with us to Ro and Emmett's."

"I don't think that's very appropriate. She's your doctor. There's probably some ethical reason for her to not spend Christmas with us."

"Yeah, she tried that argument with me too. It didn't work for her either. You need to pick her up before you come to Gadsden on Wednesday."

I had assumed that she would say no, much like she had to my request for a date. I underestimated Momma. "Did you badger her into saying yes?"

"I didn't badger… I just wouldn't take no for an answer. I have her address here." Momma took a card out of her purse and handed it to me. "I told her that you would be by around eleven on Wednesday morning. You'll need to pick her up a gift before then."

I took the card and glanced at it before I said, "Seriously? I can't believe this." I put the card in the cup holder between the seats. "This isn't a good idea."

"Why not? She's a sweet person and I like her. She shouldn't be alone on Christmas."

"It's just bad. Where's she going to stay? And why do I have to buy her a gift?" I asked.

"She's staying in our guest room and we're all buying her a gift. Quit being so difficult. You should be happy. You won't be the odd man out this year."

"Here we go. The real reason you invited her is that you want to play matchmaker. Not gonna happen." I hated to tell Momma, but Bella had made her position on me crystal clear at the Mall.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Momma said with feigned innocence.

"Um hmm. Play dumb if you want to. Bella Swan absolutely does _not_ want to date me."

"How do you know?" she asked.

"She was pretty clear about it when I tried to ask her out. She said that she couldn't for ethical reasons. She's your doctor… or have you forgotten that?"

"So, there _was_ more to dinner than you're letting on," she said with a smug smile on her face.

"No, there really wasn't. I asked… kind of… and she shot me down."

"So, she said, 'no I will not date you'?"

"Well, no, not in those exact words. She said something about it being unethical."

"Then she never said that she didn't _want_ to go out with you?"

"She doesn't."

"We'll see about that."

I sighed and shook my head. I was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my mother had invited the woman that I had been somewhat obsessing about for the past several weeks to spend Christmas with our family. One part of me was jumping up and down and doing cartwheels at the prospect. The other part was reminding me of all the reasons why it was a bad idea.

"What?" Momma asked.

"Nothing," I said. I really didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Edward, it will be fine. She's a really nice person and she doesn't deserve to be alone."

"Why will she be alone anyway? Why isn't she going to Phoenix to see her dad?"

"Apparently, he's dating a woman and will be spending Christmas with her and her family. Bella feels like she would be intruding or something. I told her that she was being ridiculous; that a parent always wants to see their kids. She says that she doesn't think that she'd be very comfortable. It doesn't matter now anyway, because she'll be with us."

"Emmett will scare the shit out of her," I mumbled.

"Edward!"

"Yeah, I know… language. But really, you know that we're all insane. She'll probably run screaming from the house."

"We're not that bad," Momma said incredulously.

"We're not that good either," I muttered. "What am I supposed to get her for a gift?"

"I don't know, but make sure it's nice. I'm invoking the 'no re-gifting rule' in this case."

I turned and looked at her in disbelief. "And just what would I re-gift her? Maybe that hideous pea green and purple shirt that Emmett bought me last year? I don't think that it would fit her."

"You know that was a gag gift, right?" she asked. I rolled my eyes and nodded. "I don't care what you get, but it better be nice. You had a conversation with her. Get her something that she would enjoy or be interested in having. Think about it. You have all day tomorrow."

Wonderful! I had twenty-four whole hours to come up with a Christmas gift for the woman who might possibly be the woman of my dreams. No pressure.

I dropped Momma off at her house and started back to Birmingham. I had absolutely no idea what to get Bella for Christmas. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got at Momma for inviting her. This was going to be a disaster. Everyone would think that she was there for me. I could just imagine what Emmett, Jasper, and Alice would do. I'd be in a perpetual state of embarrassment the entire weekend.

That was the other thing. Christmas for us wasn't just a couple of days. It was the _whole_ weekend. I wouldn't be going back to Birmingham until Sunday afternoon. Since Bella would be with me, that would mean she would be stuck with my family and our insanity for the entire four days. It was going to be bad. I could feel it.

I replayed our conversation in the Mall looking for a clue as to what to get Bella. I kept coming back to those red toenails. Damn those toenails. I can't lie… I had some pretty wonderful fantasies about Bella and her red toenails in the last few weeks. Something about red nail polish is just sexy to me.

I glanced at the clock on the radio and saw that it was just past four o'clock. I sighed and decided to bite the bullet. I was going to the Mall.

I got off I-459 onto I-65 and went to the Lakeshore Drive exit. I pulled into the Belk parking deck a little before five and walked into the cursed store. I went to the first salesperson I saw and, with an extremely red face, asked where I could get a pedicure. She smiled as she told me to go to the second floor, go out into the Mall and look to the left. Apparently, a place called 1st Nails was directly outside the Belk entrance. I thanked her and headed for the escalator.

The first thing I noticed as I approached the front of 1st Nails was the large number of women sitting in chairs getting their toenails painted. The second thing I noticed was the strong chemical smell. I wrinkled my nose at it as I walked in the door. A small Asian man walked to the counter and asked if I needed help.

"Uh, yeah. How much for a pedicure?"

He took out a price list and started to point out the different types and the prices. Then he motioned to an empty chair.

"Oh, no. It's not for me. I want to maybe get a gift certificate or something like that for a… friend… of mine. Do you sell anything like that?"

He nodded his head and reached under the counter. He pulled out a thin slip of paper and asked me how much I wanted to put on it.

I looked at the price list again and pointed to the deluxe pedicure. "Enough for one of these," I said.

He wrote fifty dollars on the certificate and then signed it. He handed it to me and asked if I needed anything else.

"Yeah, is there a place to buy a Christmas card in here?" I asked as I gestured out into the Mall.

He nodded again and said, "Hallmark." He pointed away from Belk and then said, "Past Food Court."

I thanked him and started down the Mall. I was gritting my teeth as I walked. I was definitely out of my comfort zone. I had the gift certificate in my hand and was consciously trying to not ball it up in my fist. I made it to the Hallmark store and was extremely grateful to find it relatively empty. I walked around until I found the Christmas cards. I read several before I found one that made me laugh out loud. I was walking to the register to buy it when I noticed the ornaments hanging on one of the walls.

There was one ornament that called to me. It was white and pink with a butterfly on it. Written in pink were the words, 'True beauty comes from within.' I touched it and watched the pink crystal hanging from the bottom reflect the light. I read the description… 2008 TRUE BEAUTY - KOMEN BREAST CANCER. I had already bought Momma a peridot necklace, but I wasn't leaving the store without that ornament. I asked the salesclerk for help finding it.

I was walking back toward Belk with my Hallmark purchases when I stopped to look in the window of one of the jewelry stores. Hanging on a display neck from a thin sliver chain was a small silver swan. I smiled at the irony. I walked in and bought the ridiculous thing for Bella without even thinking twice.

I arrived at Bella's apartment complex at a quarter past eleven on Wednesday. I entered in the code she had given Momma.

"Hello?" Bella's voice called from the speaker by the gate.

"Hey, it's me... Edward."

"Come on through the gate and take a right. I'm all the way down on the left," she called as the gate began to rise. I drove the way she told me and quickly found her building. Bella was coming down the stairs lugging a small suitcase and a toiletries bag as well as her purse. I parked quickly and hurried to help her.

"Here," I said as I took the suitcase from her, "let me get that."

"Thanks," she said. "I thought that I had packed light, but that thing is crazy heavy."

I chuckled as I put her suitcase next to mine in the trunk of the car. She put the toiletries bag in there as well.

"Don't close it yet. I have one more bag."

"Okay. Do you need help?" I asked.

"No, it isn't heavy. I'll be right back." I watched her run back up the stairs. A moment later she came back down carrying a huge gift bag with a large Santa face on the side.

One eyebrow went up in confusion as she got to the car. "What's in the bag?" I asked.

"Christmas presents," she said matter-of-factly.

I looked into the bag and said, "Jeez, Bella, who all do you expect to be there?" There had to be at least ten small, wrapped boxes in the bag.

"Well, you, of course, and your mom and your dad. Your mom told me that your aunt and uncle would be there and your cousins."

"_Cousin_," I emphasized.

"What about Jasper?"

"He isn't my cousin."

"He's married to Alice, right?" I nodded. "Who _is_ your cousin?" I nodded again. "He's your cousin," she said with an eye roll before she started for the passenger door.

I smiled and shook my head as I followed her. I helped her into the car, still thinking about how she always managed to find a way to tease me.

"What?" she asked as I climbed into the car.

"Nothing. You're a nut."

"I think we established both of our mental states in an earlier conversation," she said with a grin.

"You're going to fit right in."

"Your mom said the same thing."

We made pleasant conversation all the way to I-459. Then I asked, "So, why aren't you going to Phoenix?"

She was quiet for so long that I actually turned to see if she was alright. She was looking at her hands in her lap.

"Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you didn't. I'm fine. It's… complicated," she said softly and sighed.

"Okay," I answered slowly. "I think I can keep up… that is if you want to talk about it."

"It's just… my dad… he's… seeing someone."

"And you don't like her?"

"I like her very much. I love her like she was my own mother."

"Okay, now I don't understand."

"It's a long story and I would have to start at the beginning."

"It's an hour and a half drive. We have time."

"I was engaged to her son."

"Okay, not so long a story. I can see why you wouldn't want to go home to that. Was it a difficult break-up?"

"We didn't break-up," she whispered. "He died."

I truly had no idea what to say to that. My throat went dry and I stared at the road as I tried to process it. "I'm sorry," I finally managed to say. I reached across the console and touched her hands. A warm sensation traveled up my arm and to my chest. I quickly returned my hand to the steering wheel.

She sighed and said, "We were high school sweethearts. Actually, we were lifetime sweethearts. I don't remember a time that I didn't know Jacob. I loved him for as long as I knew him. He asked me to marry him at our high school graduation in front of our entire class. I said yes. He was going with me to Arizona State. We had such plans." She paused and I glanced at her. She had turned her face toward the window and was using her hair to hide.

"He was working that last summer before we left at the movie theater in town. I had been at the theater that night. I remember that I had watched _The Silence of the Lambs_ for the third time; I was developing a crush on Anthony Hopkins. I had left at ten, but Jacob had to close. He was driving home after midnight when he was hit head-on by a drunk driver. Jacob never wore a seatbelt. He thought that he was indestructible. He wasn't. He went through the windshield; he died instantly."

"I'm sorry," I said again, not knowing what else to say.

"That first semester at ASU was hard. I didn't think that I would make it, but I did. I went home for Christmas. I went to the cemetery and I… I fell apart. I haven't been back since. I just can't. You'd think that I would be over it, but I don't think that I can go into Sue's house… his house… and see all the pictures and the memories. I've had to close that chapter and move on. I just don't think I can go there… not yet."

She turned to look at me. "Selfish… isn't it?"

"I don't think so. It's more like self-preservation. Do you miss your dad during the holidays?"

"This is the first one we won't spend together."

"Oh, I thought…."

"He usually flies to wherever I'm living for Thanksgiving and we take a week's vacation for Christmas. We go somewhere tropical. Last year we went to Jamaica."

"Oh, wow, I want to join your family. Take me to Jamaica!" She laughed at this, which made me feel better. "Seriously, Jamaica… the Bahamas… the Cayman Islands. Hell, Florida! Let's ditch Gadsden and go to the beach!"

She shook her head and continued to laugh. "Your mom would kill us." I looked over to see her biting down on her lower lip. After a few seconds she said, "I don't know why I feel compelled to tell you my entire life story. I never talk about these things... my mother and Jacob... but with you I feel like I need you to know. Why is that?"

"I don't know. Maybe since I'm a stranger you feel more comfortable."

"You aren't a stranger." I turned to see that she was staring at me. "You've never been a stranger to me."

I held her gaze for several seconds before I returned to staring at the interstate. A few minutes of uncomfortable silence followed. I didn't know what to say to her. I agreed with her. From the moment of our first conversation, I'd felt like I had known her my entire life. She wasn't a stranger to me either, but I didn't know if I should say that to her... yet.

I cleared my throat and said, "Um, well, you may change your mind when you meet the rest of my family. We're pretty strange."

She laughed which helped with the tension in the car, and said, "Esme kind of warned me that it gets interesting with your family sometimes. I don't know whether I should be excited or afraid."

I turned to her and, with feigned dread in my voice, said, "Be afraid... be very afraid." I smiled as she laughed again. I wanted to take out my phone and record her laughter. I'd make it my ringtone. It was a beautiful sound.

We fell into comfortable conversation for the remainder of the trip. I found out that she didn't have a lot of family; hence, the excited comment. A family Christmas that included more than just her father and herself would be new for her. I tried to get her to tell me what all was in the big Santa bag. She refused and punched me in the arm when I persisted. It was all very comfortable... too comfortable.

The longer we were in the car together, the more I felt a pull toward her. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to hold her hand in mine. I wanted to kiss her cheek and breathe in her aroma. I felt a warmth in my chest that I'd never felt before in my entire life. It was scaring the hell out of me.

The more I focused on the fact that I wanted Bella, the warmer I began to get. It was fucking December and I wanted to turn on the air conditioner. I even contemplated cracking the window a bit. I would steal glances in her direction to see if she was feeling as fluster as I was, but she appeared fine. She was chatting away while I was sitting there burning with desire for her. I knew that I had to get it under control or this was going to be a long weekend.

I also knew that if I didn't get a hold of myself, then Alice would pick up on it. That could be disastrous. Alice and Jasper would love nothing more than to call me out on this shit. Momma already appeared to be playing matchmaker. If she got the whole family involved, and she would recruit as necessary, then I would be the first person to actually die of embarrassment. Not to mention that Bella would probably not appreciate their efforts. I had to nip this in bud and quick. We'd be at my parent's house in less than thirty minutes.

I began to focus more on dispelling my thoughts and feelings about Bella and less on what she was saying. I found that I was answering her more and more with an 'uh uh' or an 'hmm', which was unfair to her. She finally called me out on it... in her way.

"And then I said to him, 'It's standard procedure to remove a testicle when ones vocal cords cease to function.'"

"Hmm. What!"

"Edward, you haven't heard a word I've said for the last twenty minutes. And you have the most unattractive expression on your face that I've ever seen. What gives?"

"Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about," I said as I continued to stare out at the road.

"If you grip the steering wheel any tighter, you're going to break it off the steering column. Seriously, are you okay? Did I say something to make you angry?"

"I'm not angry," I said as I turned to smile at her. My smile faltered when I saw the apparent hurt etched across her face. "Shit," I muttered under my breath. "I'm sorry. I'm not angry at you. I'm just... anxious. I don't want my family to embarrass you... or me... and they tend to take great pleasure in doing just that. I think they have a contest to see who can get me to leave the room first. It goes into overdrive when someone new is thrown into the mix. It's nothing you've said or done. It's me."

I thought that was a better explanation than the real one. It was partially true. If I didn't get my desire for her in check, then my family would pick up on it and use it to embarrass the hell out of me.

My explanation seemed to satisfy her because she reached up and touched my shoulder as she said, "I'm sure that it will be fine."

If the sensation of her touch on my shoulder was any indication, then the weekend was most certainly not going to be fine.

It wasn't long before we were pulling into the driveway at my parent's house in Gadsden. I barely had the car in park before Momma and Suzy came out the front door.

"Crap," I said as I saw the dog. "I forgot to warn you about the mutt. That's Suzy and she bites. She doesn't like anybody, so don't be offended. It's not you; it's the mongrel. Just keep your distance and you should be fine. Don't try to pet her. She _will _bite you."

"That little thing? You're afraid of a ten pound dog? Seriously, Edward?"

"You're a doctor... I would think that you'd want all of your fingers attached to your body. I'm not kidding. She's vicious."

Bella shook her head at me and said, "You're sad." She got out of the car and started toward Momma.

I got out and yelled across the top of the car, "It's your fingers." I popped the trunk and began unloading our bags.

I had both of our suitcases out of the car and had started for the front door when I dropped my own bag on the concrete in disbelief. Bella was standing in the driveway holding Suzy as the mutt showered Bella's face with sloppy, wet dog kisses.

"Holy, fuck."

"Edward! Language!"

I couldn't even give Momma the normal response. I was in shock. If that demon dog was that close to _my_ face I'd be missing a nose. I'd never seen Suzy act that way around anyone except Momma since they brought her home from the breeder.

Bella was giggling when she turned to me and said, "I don't know what you were talking about, Edward. This baby is precious."

"You can close your mouth," Momma said as she reached to take Bella's rolling suitcase from my hand. "Suzy is a sweetheart. You just antagonize her." She took Bella's bag and they started for the door. Bella was still holding the hound from Hell. I shook my head and got Bella's toiletries bag out of the trunk, picked up my suitcase, and walked to the garage. Daddy was taking Bella's suitcase from Momma. He cocked one eyebrow as he looked at Bella and Suzy.

"I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm in an alternate dimension," I said when I saw him.

He shrugged and asked, "Is there anything else?"

"Just one more bag; I can get it." I handed him Bella's other bag and set mine just inside the door before I went back for Bella's Santa sack of presents. I had sent my own gifts for the family back with Momma and Daddy a few weeks before. Well, all of them except the ones I had bought a couple of days ago.

Momma was giving Bella a quick tour of the house when I came inside. "This is the bathroom if you want to freshen up. I'm making a light lunch. We have to be at Ro's by six o'clock."

"Thanks, Esme," Bella said. "I really appreciate you having me. I'm going to get settled and be out in a minute." She retreated into the guest room at the end of the hall and closed the door. Suzy followed her and pawed at the door a couple of times before lying down to wait on her.

"That's so weird," I muttered as I took my own bag to my old bedroom. I could barely call it my bedroom anymore. Momma had redecorated the entire house a few years ago. Gone were my blue walls and navy comforter. I now slept in a sea of light green and pink whenever I came 'home' to visit. It was slightly emasculating. At least I didn't have to stay in the guest room. It looked like a Magnolia tree had vomited in there.

I opened my suitcase and took out the three gifts I had bought at the Mall. I carried the ornament and Bella's necklace into the living room and put them under the tree. I gave the card with Bella's gift certificate inside to Momma.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Bella's gift for Ro's house. Put it in your purse so I don't forget it."

"What is it?"

"A gift certificate for a pedicure," I answered as I popped a pig-in-a-blanket in my mouth.

"I told you to get her something nice."

"You said to get her something that she would like. She likes pedicures." I ate another biscuit covered cocktail weenie.

Momma swatted my hand and moved the tray out of my reach. "Stop it. Those are for tonight. You couldn't come up with something else besides a gift certificate? It's so... impersonal."

"She's_ not_ my girlfriend," I stressed to her again. "Anyway, I got her something else for tomorrow morning. You'll probably find it more appropriate."

"Well, what is it?"

I reached around her and snagged another pig-in-a-blanket. "You'll have to find out when she does," I said as I left the kitchen. Bella was walking into the living room with her big Santa bag. "Need any help?" I asked.

"I don't know your family's gift protocol," she said nervously.

"Well, we take one gift to Ro and Emmett's for tonight and leave the rest here for tomorrow morning."

"I have a little something for everyone," she said sheepishly.

"You didn't have to do that. I'm sure that you being here is gift enough for Momma. You probably shopped all day yesterday, didn't you?"

"Not really. I already had something for your mom and your dad... and you. I just had to get something for everyone else."

"You already had Momma a gift?" Wait... she also had a gift for me already. What the fuck?

"Yes. I was going to give it to her Monday and then she invited me here, so I just waited. I really like your parents. I think that I may be getting a little too close to them, but I can't help it. You have a wonderful family."

"Wait until you meet the rest of us," I said with a smirk. "We can be a little hard to take in large doses."

She smiled and said, "I think I can handle it. Help me sort through these." We sat on the couch as she took the small boxes out of the bag. She held up two boxes. "These are for your mom, but they kind of go together."

"What are they?"

"I'm not telling!" she said as she gave me a shove. "I think I'll give her this one tonight and save this one for tomorrow." I took the larger of the two and placed it under the tree.

"This is for your dad, but I only got him one thing."

"Save it for tomorrow," I said as I took it from her and put it under the tree. "Trust me; he won't notice if he doesn't get a gift tonight."

"These four are for your aunt, your uncle, and your cousins."

"Put them in the bag to take with us."

"Um, these three... these are for you," she said as her cheeks changed to a bright scarlet.

"Three? Was I that good of a boy this year?" I teased.

"Apparently," she said with a shy grin.

"Pick one for tonight and put it in the bag." She looked at them for a few minutes before she picked one for the Santa bag. I picked up the other two and shook them.

"No fair," she cried. "You're trying to guess. Just put them under the tree."

I looked them over before I said, "You do realize that I am very adept at cutting the tape and re-wrapping gifts. I have done this on numerous occasions."

She stood up and took the two wrapped packages from my hands. "Then I'll just keep these in my room for now." She retreated down the hallway to the guest room. When she reappeared, she didn't have the presents.

"You're big on the surprises, aren't you?"

"It's the best part of Christmas," she said as she walked into the kitchen to ask Momma if she needed any help.

Daddy and I loaded the food Momma had fixed and all of the gifts into their car. Bella and I would be taking my car so that Momma and Daddy could leave early. I usually stayed a little later to hang out with Jasper and Alice.

I had noticed Bella looking at the trays of food and the crock-pot in Momma's kitchen with a somewhat perplexed expression. I thought that I should explain Christmas Eve 'dinner' before we got to Aunt Ro's.

"Ro doesn't cook," I said as we turned onto Tabor Road.

"What?" she asked obviously confused.

"Rosalie can't cook. Well, she can cook at little, but not that well. She caters Thanksgiving, but she does finger food for Christmas. She's very good at heating up Bagel Bites and Pizza Rolls. I thought this was so wonderful as a kid, but now… not so much. It's become a tradition though, so we just keep doing it. Momma always does pigs-in-a-blanket, barbeque cocktail sausages, sausage balls, and lady fingers. Everything else is either from a box or the deli counter at Wal-Mart."

"Oh," she said. I could tell by her tone that she was disappointed.

"Don't worry. Momma does a traditional Christmas dinner tomorrow afternoon. Ro and Emmett come over."

"What about Alice and Jasper?"

"They'll be with Jasper's family, but they'll come over later that night."

"Hmm, okay."

"Is everything alright"

"Yeah, I'm just a little nervous. I really only know your parents and you. It's a little intimidating."

I laughed. "You… intimidated. You're the most confident person I know."

"When I'm in my element… yeah. Not so much when I'm thrown into the great unknown."

"Don't be nervous. We're all harmless. If anything, they'll go overboard trying to embarrass me in front of you. _I_ should be nervous; not you."

"Are you nervous?"

I had to think about my answer to her question. Yes, I was nervous, but not for the reasons that I should be. "I don't know," I finally said. "I guess a little. I think I'm more wary of what they'll say."

"Now you're scaring me," she said.

"Don't be. Think about it. These people have known me my entire life. They have stories. I haven't always been as debonair as I am now," I teased.

"I don't think you're that 'debonair'. You're still kind of geeky, if you ask me," she teased back.

"Yeah… you'll fit right in," I said as I turned into Rosalie and Emmett's driveway. Daddy was pulling trays out of the trunk and handing them to Momma. I took the crock-pot from him. I turned just in time to see Emmett barreling out of the house.

"Brother… sister… nephew," he bellowed. "And nephew's plus one."

Before I could correct him, he had Bella's arms pinned to her sides in a huge bear hug. He had her lifted off the ground and was swinging her around. I couldn't even properly assist her.

"Emmett," Momma yelled, "put the girl down. She isn't Edward's plus one. She's my guest. Please don't bruise her."

Bella's eyes were wide with shock as she was placed back on the ground. She stumbled a little and Emmett caught her.

"Whoa, there, little bit. I'm Emmett. You must be Dr. Bella."

"Um, it's just Bella," she mumbled as she tried to get her bearings.

"Well, Just Bella, c'mon and join the festivities." Emmett took her by the arm and started leading her to the front door.

"I should help..."

"Nah, they can get it. C'mon… you gotta meet Rosie."

I watched them go with a frown. Momma must have noticed because she said, "She'll be fine."

"He's already drunk," I whispered to her.

"No, not yet, but he's well on the way. Don't worry, you're daddy will get him to start pacing himself better."

I started to follow them into the house. I stopped Daddy on the front stoop. "Emmett's drunk," I said.

Daddy laughed and said, "So what's new. He always gets three sheets to the wind at Christmas. It's the eggnog."

"Make him behave," I warned.

"Yeah, good luck with that," he said as he pushed past me.

I was still frowning when I caught up with everyone in the kitchen. Momma pointed to the counter, so I put down the crock-pot and plugged it in. When I turned, Emmett was giving Bella a cup of eggnog.

"No!" I cried as I lunged for it. I managed to knock it out of Bella's hand. Unfortunately, I coated Emmett with it.

"What the hell, Edward?" Emmett yelled.

"_Not_ the special blend!" I exclaimed.

"What's the special blend?" Bella asked as she stepped away from the eggnog puddle on the floor.

"One part eggnog, two parts bourbon," Daddy said with a smirk.

"You're cleaning that up," Rosalie said to me as she walked past us into the dining room.

"I don't think I want the special blend. No offense, Emmett," Bella said.

"None taken. It ain't for everyone. I'll be back; I have to change," he said as he glared at me.

"I'll help you clean this up," Bella said as she reached for the paper towels on the counter.

"Thanks," I muttered. I'd managed to embarrass myself without anyone's help.

Bella and I wiped up the eggnog as best we could, using almost an entire roll of paper towels, before I had to get out the mop to finish up. I waved Bella off when she tried to take it from me; my mess, my job to clean it up. I had just finished when Rosalie announced that we could all start fixing plates of food. We all converged on the kitchen. Rosalie spreads everything out across the counters and the bar that separates the kitchen and the dining room. I noticed the little smile on Bella's face as she eyed the food.

I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Kind of ridiculous, huh?" She smiled up at me and shook her head.

Bella and I were walking from the kitchen to the dining room when Alice came bouncing into the room. "Hey, I'm Alice," she said to Bella.

Um, Bella. It's nice to meet you."

"You too! Look up."

"Pardon me?" Bella asked.

"Look up." Bella's eyebrows furrowed as she slowly looked above her head. I groaned internally. I should have known to use the other door.

"Mistletoe… you have to kiss," Alice said with a smug look on her face.

"Alice… I don't…."

"No, Edward, she's right. It's the rules. You have to kiss me."

Don't get me wrong. I wanted nothing more than to kiss Bella. I wanted to kiss her within an inch of her life… just not with my family watching. And definitely not because it was the rules.

"Alice, grow up," I said as I tried to push past her.

"What?" Bella said. "Do I offend? Do I have bad breath? "

"No. It's just… I shouldn't… you said… but…."

"Stop your stuttering and kiss the woman," Alice said as she defiantly stood in my way.

"Edward, it's just a peck under the mistletoe. It's not a big deal," Bella said tilting her head up and closing her eyes.

I glared at Alice as I leaned down to give a Bella a chaste kiss. At least that's what I intended to do. That isn't exactly how it turned out. The second our lips touched something… happened. I couldn't explain it then and I can't explain it now. It was like my lips had finally found their home and never wanted to leave. What I intended to be a quick peck on the lips ended up being a too long, almost make out session with my family watching. When I was finally able to extricate my lips from Bella's, we stared at each other for an uncomfortably long time before Alice finally broke the tension.

"Well… that was interesting," she said as she looked between me and Bella. "I guess we'll have to keep you two out of the doorways from now on." She walked in-between us into the kitchen.

I looked back at Bella. She was blushing bright red and looking at the floor. "We should find somewhere to sit," I managed to squeak out. She nodded and followed me into the dining room. We sat in uncomfortable silence as everyone joined us around the table.

"Do you drink eggnog, Bella?" Rosalie asked.

"Not the way Emmett makes it," she replied with a laugh.

"Not many of us can handle his concoction. We usually leave it to him and Carlisle. I make an eggnog punch that's non-alcoholic. Would you like to try it or would you prefer something else to drink?"

"What's in it?" Bella asked.

"It's the best," Alice said as she sat next to Bella. "It's Barber's eggnog, because really is there any other brand that's drinkable, and peppermint stick ice cream. It's delicious."

"It sounds good. I'll try it. Thank you, Rosalie." Rosalie went to the kitchen and returned with a cup for Bella and one for me.

I handed it back to her and said, "I'll take a cup of just eggnog, please."

Rosalie looked at me like I'd sprouted a second head. "Since when am I your drink fetcher? If you want something else, then get it yourself." She sat at the foot of the table and gave me an evil grin.

"And so it begins," I mumbled as I got up to get myself a straight eggnog. Her 'punch' was a little too sweet for my palette. As I returned to the table, I noticed that everyone's attention was on Bella.

"No humidity? Really?" Alice was saying as I sat down.

"Well, some, but not like here. When you guys have a one hundred degree day, it's stifling because of the one hundred percent humidity. But in Arizona, one hundred degrees isn't so bad, because it's a dry heat."

"Heat is heat," Carlisle said from across the table. "I lived in Arizona for a while. It's not as sticky, but it's still hot."

"Say that again," Emmett said to Bella.

"Which part?"

"'Youse guys'," Emmett said as he nearly fell out of his chair laughing.

"Would you rather I say 'ya'll'?"

Just the way she said it had us all in tears.

"You're as crazy as we are," Alice said as she threw her arm around Bella's shoulders. "You're going to fit right in."

"You all keep saying that and it's beginning to frighten me," she said with a grin.

"'You all'," Emmett said as he continued to laugh hysterically.

We finished our 'meal' and threw away the plates. Rosalie also doesn't do dishes. Her housekeeper wouldn't be back in until Tuesday, so everything she and Emmett, and consequently the rest of us, would eat off of until then was disposable.

As we retired to the living room, Bella excused herself to the bathroom. I went to my usual spot on the hearth of the fireplace. I usually left the couches and the loveseat for the couples. Alice suddenly bounced down next to me.

"I like her," she said. "She's funny and smart. She's really pretty too."

"Have you been talking to Momma?"

"No. Why?"

"Nothing; never mind. I like her too."

Alice bumped her shoulder into mine, nearly knocking me into the Christmas tree. "I _knew _it," she whispered.

"No, you know nothing," I clarified. "It's not like that. I think she's a nice person. She's interesting and fun to talk to. There's nothing more."

"Um hmm, tell that to the mistletoe, buddy." I rolled my eyes as I watched her skip across the room to join Jasper on the loveseat.

Bella appeared from upstairs and looked at me quizzically. I gave her a little half smile and a shrug. Momma waved to her and patted the seat next to her on one of the couches. Bella walked across the room and sat next to Momma.

"You can start now, Edward," Rosalie said as she sat next to Emmett on the other couch. Since I was a child, I had been the official Santa of the family. Even as a kid, I much preferred to give the gifts than to receive them. I love to see a person's face when they tear off the paper. That look of pure joy when it's just the right thing or the look of surprise and then knowing when it's a gag gift. Even the disappointment when it's not exactly what you wanted is exciting for me to observe.

I picked up the first gift and saw that it was for me, so I set it to the side. The next one was for Alice. She hopped up and snatched it from my hands. This continued until all of the presents were with their rightful owners and I had a pile for me at my feet.

The sound of ripping paper followed. This was my favorite part, so I waited to open my own gifts. Emmett opened one of his and then excused himself to the kitchen for more eggnog. Daddy actually opened two this year before he joined Emmett. Christmas is hard for them. They were so dirt poor growing up that they rarely received gifts at Christmas. Daddy can only remember one time that they actually got a toy for the holiday. Grandmamma and Pawpaw bought a cowboy set. Edward, Jr. got the gun, Daddy got the hat, and Emmett got the vest. Daddy has learned to keep his opinion on the whole holiday season to himself, but Momma and I know that he and Emmett both think that it's a huge waste of money.

Rosalie shifted to the other couch to sit next to Momma. They were comparing jewelry. Alice held up a similar piece and then ran over to hug Bella. Jasper slid off the loveseat and was sitting at the coffee table playing with a miniature 'scales of justice.' He was comparing the weight of a pecan and a walnut.

I was smiling from ear to ear when I glanced up at Bella. "Aren't you going to open one?" she asked me.

I smiled wider as I started picking through my pile. I finally found the one from Bella. I picked it up and shook it. I furrowed my brow as I listened to it clunk against the side of the box.

"Will it break?" I asked.

"Maybe if you drop it off the roof," she said. "Just open it."

I ripped the paper from the package to discover that it covered not one box, but three. "Oh, God," I groaned as I removed the rest of the paper. "You bought me soap?"

"You said it was the best. Anyway, I got you three bars for the same price that you pay at the Mall for two. You really should shop Amazon more often."

"Wait, wait, wait," Jasper said. "Is that the salt soap you like so much?"

"It's not just salt; it's Dead Sea salt."

"Have you been to his house yet?" Alice asked Bella.

"Um... no," Bella replied.

"Edward has a bit of the OCD," Jasper explained.

"I do not!"

"Oh, you _so_ do," Alice said. "He's a neat freak. He's always been a neat freak. Even as a kid, he wanted everything in its place."

"I'm not that bad."

"Dude, I love ya, but seriously. Even your desk at work is immaculate. I moved his stapler from its spot one day and he started to twitch until he moved it back."

"You're exaggerating."

"He's not," Alice said to Bella. "I used to go into his room when we were kids and move things just to see how long it took him to notice and move it back. He could walk to the threshold and just _know_. It was weird."

"You were always a... clean child. I never had to make him take a bath," Momma interjected.

"Why would he need a bath?" Jasper asked. "He never got dirty. You could've put white on him as a kid and not had to worry about it. He's the only guy I've ever known that could play four quarters of football in his away jersey and not get at least one grass stain on it."

"That's not true..."

"You should see him brush his teeth," Alice said excitedly.

"No, you should _hear_ him brush his teeth. He has one of those battery powered toothbrushes. It sounds like a weed eater or somethin'," Jasper said as he started to laugh.

"That's enough," I said.

"He doesn't have a cavity in his head," Momma said, proudly.

"Not one cavity?" Bella asked. I shrugged and shook my head.

"A cavity couldn't survive his attack," Jasper said through his laughter. "He brushes with that contraption for at least twenty minutes, three times a day."

"Did you brush your teeth after lunch today?" Bella asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"That's what that noise was!" she exclaimed. "I thought it was... something else." She blushed a delightful shade of red when she said this.

"What did you think it was?" Alice asked.

"Nothing," Bella said, shaking her head.

"No, you have to tell us. What?" Jasper pressed.

Bella bit her lip and smiled shyly before she said, "I thought it was a vibrator." The whole room erupted into hysterical laughter.

"I hate you people," I said as I stood and went into the kitchen. Daddy and Emmett had retreated to the sunroom with much larger red Solo cups in their hands. I was pouring myself a small cup of 'special blend' when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and there was Bella... smiling at me.

"I'm not that bad," I said quickly.

"It's okay if you are. There's nothing wrong with being clean and neat. I'm sorry I jumped in. I couldn't help myself."

"It's okay; I'm used to it. I told you that you'd fit right in."

"Still," she said and shrugged. "I love my gift certificate, by the way. Thank you. Alice and I are going to go next week."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "That's great. I like my soap. It was very thoughtful. I'll have to try Amazon like you said."

What followed was the mother of all uncomfortable silences. Bella and I were alone in the kitchen. I don't know if she felt it, but I could feel the electricity pulsing around us. Her mouth twitched a little on the right. I ran my hand through my hair. She shifted from one foot to the other. I rubbed the back of my neck. She licked her lips. I nearly lost my shit.

The sight of her tiny pink tongue wetting her full, red lips... I instantly had a raging hard-on. I shifted uncomfortably and cleared my throat. "We should go back to the living room," I said, finally.

"We should," she agreed, but didn't make a move for the door. Neither did I. I took a step closer to her instead. She didn't move, but I noticed that her eyes got wider. She bit her lip as I closed the gap even further and yet she still didn't move.

I licked my lips and reached my hand out for her as I whispered, "Bella."

"Hey," Jasper said as he came into the room, "are you still mad at us?"

I dropped my hand and took a quick step back. I wasn't quick enough for Jasper to not pick up on the mood in the room. "Oops. Sorry," he said as he backed out of the kitchen. It was too late; the moment was gone.

"I'm... going back to the living room," Bella said as she quickly turned and fled out the door.

"Damn it," I muttered as I leaned forward to rest my forehead on one of the kitchen cabinets.

"Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't know," Jasper said as he came in from the dining room.

"Yeah, whatever," I said as I straightened up and downed my bourbon and eggnog. I grabbed the pitcher to pour myself another. I sighed and downed it too. This was going to be a long weekend.

"I thought you said that it wasn't like that," Jasper said from behind me.

I turned to face him. "It wasn't." I lowered my head and said, "It isn't. She doesn't want me."

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"She would have stopped me. She's made her stance on the matter clear."

"What if she hadn't stopped you?"

I smiled and said, "If ifs and buts were candy and nuts..." I shrugged and poured myself an eggnog minus the bourbon and went back to the living room.

Bella and I stayed at Rosalie and Emmett's well past midnight, so I was surprised when I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door at six o'clock the next morning. I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my glasses off the nightstand. I stumbled into my house shoes as I shuffled to the door.

"What?" I groaned as I was expecting my mother. Instead, I got Bella; looking way more beautiful than anyone should first thing in the morning.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought... You wear glasses?"

"I can't sleep in my contacts. I'm near-sighted. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just... it's Christmas morning."

"Okay," I said slowly. I'm sure the confusion was evident in my voice.

"Well, what time do you guys wake up... on Christmas... usually?"

I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. "Later," I mumbled before I let out a huge yawn.

"Oh, well, I guess I'll just wait in the living room." She started down the hall.

"Wait," I said as I stepped out of the room. "I'll go with you."

"It's okay... really. Go back to bed."

"I'm awake now. Let me make a pit stop and I'll start breakfast."

"Okay," she said, giddily. "I'll start the coffee."

"It's in the cabinet above the coffeemaker," I said as I entered the bathroom. I relieved myself and then picked up my toothbrush. I made quick work of getting rid of my morning breath without turning on the 'contraption' as Jasper likes to call it. I was using Momma and Daddy's bathroom this weekend and I didn't want to wake them yet.

As I walked out into the hallway, I could smell the coffee. I was definitely going to need it this morning. I got to the kitchen and saw Bella in the door of the refrigerator. She was wearing red and green plaid flannel pajamas. She looked adorable.

"What are you looking for?" I asked causing her to jump.

"Something to make for breakfast," she said.

"It's on the bottom shelf." Bella took out the large lasagna type pan and looked at me questioningly. "It's a breakfast casserole. Momma's been making it for the last several years. It's actually pretty good. It has eggs, sausage, and cheese in it. Give it to me and I'll put it in the oven."

"There's a ham in the oven," Bella said as she placed the casserole on the counter.

"I know. Momma leaves room to put this on the top rack. It'll be fine. It only needs to bake for about twenty minutes." I took the dish from the counter and put it in the oven.

"So, we're having ham today?"

"Yeah, and turkey. Daddy smokes the turkey in his smoker. The rest of the meal is probably out in Daddy's beer refrigerator in the garage."

"What else are we having?"

"Momma does a regular dressing for Aunt Ro and me, but she does a dressing casserole for everyone else."

"What's dressing and why is the casserole version different?"

"Really?" She nodded. "Dressing is like stuffing, but we make it with cornbread, not loaf bread. And we don't put it in the turkey's ass. We cook it in a casserole dish like you're supposed to."

Bella smirked at me and asked, "And the casserole version?"

"I have no idea what Momma puts in it, but Ro and I hate it. Everyone else loves it though. You may like it. Daddy can eat a whole one by himself. All I can say is try both and make up your own mind."

"What else?"

"Macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, turnip greens, baked corn, cornbread, rolls... you know... the usual."

"Coffee," Daddy muttered as he entered the kitchen.

"Hangover?" I asked.

"You better be glad that Bella is here or we would be communicating via sign language right now."

"Don't let me stop you," Bella giggled.

Daddy promptly flipped my off. He took a mug from the cabinet and filled it to the top with coffee.

"Nice... classy," I teased him.

"Shut up. Have you put breakfast in the oven?"

"Yep, are you hungry?"

"God, no, but your momma will be. What time did ya'll get in?"

"It was almost one," Bella told him.

"And you're up?" he asked me.

"I woke him up. I didn't know."

"Did he try to kill you?"

"No. He was fine."

"He must really like you."

This time I flipped him off... and was immediately busted.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! Did you just give your father the finger?" Momma scolded me.

"He started it," I whined.

"I have no idea what he's talking about," he said as he winked at Bella.

"He flipped me off first. Bella saw him."

"I didn't see a thing," the little traitor said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Just because Santa delivered last night doesn't mean I have to let you have the gifts, Edward." Momma walked past me and poured her own cup of coffee. "Only good little boys get Christmas presents."

Bella was biting her lip to keep from laughing. I stepped past them all to the coffee maker. "Get out of the way. I need coffee."

"There's my morning grizzly. He doesn't like us as much as he likes Bella," Daddy explained to Momma.

"Right now, I don't like a single one of you." I crossed to the refrigerator to retrieve the creamer. "Breakfast should be finished if someone wants to get it out of the oven."

After breakfast we went into the living room to open presents. The two that Bella had taken from me the day before were now under the tree. Momma cried when she opened the ornament from me. She hugged my neck and then put it front and center on the tree. She opened Bella's gift and gasped. She pulled a scarf from the box. It was blue with dark red C's all over it.

"Oh, Bella... it's beautiful. You shouldn't have spent so much."

"It goes with the scarf clip from last night. I saw it and immediately thought that it would look perfect on you," Bella said.

"I love it!" Momma wrapped it around her neck and tied it in a loose knot. She stood up and hugged Bella.

Momma got Daddy a GPS 'for when we start travelling again' and Daddy got her three links for her diamond bracelet. Bella opened her necklace and smiled. She looked up at me and shook her head.

"What?" I asked.

"Where did you find this?"

"I got it at the Mall. Why?"

"My parents bought me one almost just like it when I was twelve, but I lost it. I've been looking for a replacement for years. Thank you so much, Edward."

"Oh. I'm glad you like it. You're welcome."

"I love it," she said as she crossed the room. The next thing I knew, Bella was hugging me tightly. "You've made my Christmas," she whispered in my ear. With that hug, she made mine.

After we opened gifts, we changed into our clothes for the day. Momma had to finish with dinner and Daddy and I were going to help with the turkey and the ham. Bella and I were sitting on the couch waiting for Momma and Daddy to emerge from their room.

I noticed that Bella was sitting on the far end of the couch; as far from me as possible. She wasn't looking at me and I was wondering if she was feeling the same emotions that I was feeling. I had a difficult time sleeping the night before. I couldn't get her or our mistletoe kiss out of my mind. It didn't help that only a thin wall separated us. All night, I had that almost too warm feeling that I get when I'm near her. There were several times that I had to talk myself out of getting up, going to her room, and crawling into bed with her. The hug this morning was nearly the death of me. I couldn't deny it to myself any longer… I wanted her.

And I needed to talk to her about. "Bella… about last night…."

"What about it, Edward? Nothing happened. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

"I don't want to forget about it. When I kissed you…."

"It was just a silly mistletoe kiss. It didn't mean anything. I get it."

It didn't mean anything? "But it did mean something… to me. What about later; in the kitchen?"

She turned to look at me. "Edward, please, not right now. It's just… it's a little confusing for me."

"And it's not for me? I think we need to talk about this. I'm feeling things…."

"Bella," Daddy said as he came into the living room, "can you come in here for a minute? There's something I need you to look at for me."

She looked over at me confused and then stood. "Sure, Carlisle. Is everything okay?

I followed out of curiosity. When I rounded the corner into the doorway of my parent's bedroom, I saw Bella looking intently at Momma's neck. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"I think we have our first symptom," Bella said cryptically. "Your mother has a lump."

"What does that mean?" I asked as I stepped further into the room.

"It means that it's progressing," Daddy answered me as he and Bella continued to examine Momma's neck.

"Please look at me," I demanded. Three sets of eyes turned in my direction. "_What does that mean_?"

"It means that we aren't waiting until the first of the year to start the protocol," Bella answered me.

"So they leave tomorrow?"

"They could, but I doubt anyone would be there on the day after Christmas. I know that they won't be there on Saturday or Sunday. They can leave out Monday and start treatment on Tuesday."

"But you said that once it started progressing that it would be fast. _You_ called it 'lymphoma on speed.' We can't wait!"

"Edward, you need to calm down," Daddy said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged him off. "Don't tell me to calm down. This is serious. Bella, tell him."

"Edward," Momma said, stepping forward. She placed her hands on my shoulders and said, "I'm not going to die from this overnight and waiting a few days won't make much of a difference. Right, Bella?"

"It shouldn't."

"But it might," I said as I tried to reason with them.

"And it might not. We can't do anything today or for the next few days. It's Christmas. I don't want to spoil the holiday for everyone, so no one says a word to Ro or to Emmett. This stays in this room. Got it?"

"But..."

"_Got it?_" she stressed as she stared deep into my eyes.

I returned her gaze then looked around the room at Daddy and finally at Bella. Bella nodded her head. I felt my shoulders slump as I gave in. "Fine. I won't say anything."

"Thank you." Momma hugged me and then turned to Daddy and Bella. "Everybody out. I'm going to wear the beautiful scarf that Bella gave me and this outfit doesn't match. Now, scoot so I can change."

We left the room. Daddy went outside to the smoker. Bella started for the living room when I grabbed her arm. I dragged her into my room and closed the door.

"Be honest with me. What are we looking at here?"

"It's a normal symptom. Actually, it's usually the first symptom we see. I still think it's early. You shouldn't worry about it today. I'll make the arrangements tomorrow for them to leave Monday. It's just a few days. Your mother is right, it won't kill her overnight."

"We can't lose her."

"I'll do everything I know to do. You have to calm down. With the way you're acting, everyone will know that something is up."

As we stood there in my room, I felt the urge to embrace her more strongly than ever. "Bella, there's more than this bothering me today."

"I know, but we can't. Especially not now."

"Why?" I had heard her reasoning before, but it made no sense to me now.

"I told you why. I just can't."

"Tell me that you don't feel anything for me."

"Edward..."

"Tell me."

She stared into my eyes and I lost the ability to breathe. I reached out and touched her cheek. She closed her eyes. I leaned in to kiss her and her eyes suddenly popped open.

"I don't feel anything for you," she said flatly.

I looked into her eyes and could see that she wasn't telling me the truth. Hell, she probably couldn't even admit the truth to herself. "You're lying."


	5. Chapter 5

Much thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Reviews are the only way that we know you guys are out there and reading. Please leave the authors that you read some feedback, but please keep it respectful.

I can't thank Charmie enough for all her help with this story and for the forum on Twilighted. There isn't much on it yet, so please go and leave us a post. I do occasionally post teasers for upcoming chapters. I have always been known to put up discussion questions.

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 5

"I know you're lying. I can see it in your eyes." She looked away from me. "Don't do that. Look at me. I know that you feel this." I ran my hand down her arm and took her hand. "This... this is real."

She pulled her hand from mine and looked away again. "It doesn't matter," she whispered.

I reached for her hand again and she took a step back. "How can you say that? How can you not want to feel this?"

She looked at me finally and said, "Because I've felt it before, Edward. And I've felt what it's like to lose it. Besides that, I'm your mother's doctor. We can't do this. I'm too close already. I shouldn't have come this weekend, but I couldn't tell her no."

"You couldn't or you didn't want to?"

She bit her lower lip and looked at the floor. I reached out and took her chin in my hand to raise her eyes back to mine. "Be honest... for both of our sakes."

"I can't. I can't do this." She turned to leave. I grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Please let me go."

"I can't. I won't." I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms. "I won't let you go." I leaned down to kiss her and she turned. I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek instead. "I won't give up."

"And I won't give in," she said as she pushed away from me. She paused a moment and I could see regret in her eyes. She turned and left my room without another word.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and let my head fall into my hands.

"Hey." I looked up to see Daddy standing in the doorway. "She's going to be fine. They've caught it early. The treatments will work. You just have to have faith, Edward."

"I know," I said as I looked back down at the floor.

"That's not what's bothering you, is it?" he asked as he sat next to me on the bed.

"It's part of it," I replied.

"But not the biggest part."

"Does that make me a bad person?" I asked as I looked up at him.

"No. Can I ask what _is_ bothering you?"

"It's nothing. I'll figure it out."

"It's Bella, isn't it?"

I smirked and nodded. "That obvious, huh?"

"You can't keep your eyes off her. I noticed it the second ya'll stepped out of the car yesterday. Ya'll obviously like each other, so what's the problem?"

"She doesn't want me," I said as I dropped my head back into my hands.

"This is uncharted territory for you. She's probably the first woman that hasn't thrown herself at you… ever."

"That's not true. Plenty of women have shot me down."

"Name three."

I thought for a minute. "Okay… what's your point?"

"My point is that you're going to have to work for this one. If you want her, you're going to have to fight for her. You'll need to be the pursuer instead of the pursuee. Like I said, something completely new for you."

"I told her that I won't give up and she said that she won't give in."

"Just to satisfy my own curiosity… what's her reasoning for not giving in?"

"She says that we can't be together for ethical reasons because she's Momma's doctor, but I think there's more to it than that."

"Why?"

"If that were the only reason, why not just excuse herself from Momma's case and move forward with me?"

"You're thinking like an attorney. If there's a conflict you'd just… what's the word?"

"Recuse."

"Right. You'd recuse yourself from the case and be with the girl. It's different for a doctor. She holds a life in her hands. She can't just discard a patient for her own desires. It's a different mindset."

"I think that's an excuse. I think she has other, more personal reasons."

"Why is that?"

"I don't think it's my story to tell."

"It's that personal?"

"Yeah."

"And she's shared this with you?" I nodded. "Don't give up. If she's sharing personal information with you, then she feels something. She'll come around." He stood and walked to the door. "Or she won't. Either way… isn't it an amazing feeling?"

"What? Being unwanted?"

"Being in love," he said as he turned and left the room.

I sat there, staring into the hallway, for a long time. Was he right? Was I in love with her? I knew that I felt drawn to her. I'd felt that the moment that I first laid eyes on her. But love? I wasn't sure. I'd never been in love before. I'd never had that magical moment that I'd always heard about before. Is the pull I'm feeling to her what Jasper had always felt for Alice? Is this why he never gave up hope that she'd come around?

I didn't think that I loved her… not yet anyway. I was extremely attracted to her. I found myself wanting to touch her almost constantly. After that kiss under the mistletoe, I'd had an overwhelming urge to do it again. Having her in my arms felt right.

But besides the physical attraction I was feeling, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to know her… really know her. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted her to know everything about me. I wanted to spend hours just hearing her voice. I wanted to wipe away her tears when she was sad and I wanted to laugh with her when she was happy.

But is that love?

"Edward," Momma called from the kitchen, "could you please get out there and help your daddy. He's trying to get that huge bird out of the smoker and onto the platter by himself. He's gonna drop it."

"Yeah, sure, I'll be right there." I walked out of my room and looked down the hall into the kitchen. Bella was standing at the stove beside my momma. She looked up and gave me a small smile. I stared at her for a moment, God she was beautiful, before I returned it and walked out the back door.

I helped Daddy get the turkey onto the platter. Momma was right, he would have dropped it. We got the ham from the kitchen and placed it in the smoker to finish cooking. Emmett showed up just as we were finishing up.

"How do you do it?" I asked him as he walked out the back door.

"Do what?"

"You always manage to show up _after _all the work has been done. Do you have a camera installed so you can watch us bust our asses or do you just inherently know?"

"It's a gift," he said with a smirk. "Smells good though. I think I'll marry for culinary ability instead of beauty next time."

"You better not let Ro hear you say that," Daddy warned him.

"Aw, she knows I ain't goin' no where. She's the love of my life."

"How do you know? When did you know?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Jeez, kid, what's got into you?"

"Edward is in love," Daddy said with a grin.

"No, I'm not. I'm just curious about how you knew that Aunt Ro was the one."

"Are you in love with Just Bella?" Emmett asked.

"I said no. Never mind. Forget I asked." I turned back to unnecessarily check on the ham.

"I didn't know at first," Emmett said. I turned back to him as he continued. "When I first saw her I thought that she was an angel. She was beautiful, wasn't she Carlisle?"

"She's still beautiful," Daddy said with a gentle smile.

"Yes, she is," Emmett said wistfully. "But I wasn't looking for 'the one' when I met her. Hell, I was only sixteen and she had a mouth on her. Our first date was a disaster. We disagreed about everything. We fought like cats and dogs, remember?"

"I remember," Daddy said with a smile. "I remember that she put you in your place more times than I could count. She still does."

"She also refused to go out with me again after that first date."

"Then what happened? How did the two of you end up married?" I asked.

"It was like she was always there. I'd be out with the guys and turn around… Rosalie. I'd be out with Carlisle… Rosalie. I'd go down the street to get a part for the shop… Rosalie. She was everywhere. And every time I ran into her, she'd bust my chops. Finally, about a year after that first date, I ran into her and a few of her girlfriends at the drive-in that used to be just outside of town. Before she could lay into me I said something like, 'Why don't you quit fighting me and just admit that you like me?'"

"What did she say?" I asked.

"She kissed me," he replied.

"Oh."

"That's what I said. Then I kissed her. We were inseparable after that. I asked her to marry me a year later. I've never regretted it. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and she gave me the greatest gift in the world… my Alice. She didn't make it easy, but it was worth it."

"So you fought for her."

"In our way, we fought for each other. If it had been easy, I don't think that we'd be together now. The more she fought me and the more she pushed me away, the more I wanted her. I fell in love with her stubbornness. I fell in love with her sass. I fell in love with her passion. I fell in love with _her_."

"But you were attracted to her already?"

"Hell, boy, look at her. She's pushing sixty and she's still sexy."

"That's gross," I said.

"Trust me. When you and Bella get to be this age, you'll still think she's the hottest thing walking. That's love, my boy."

"When she's lost all her hair and weighs barely ninety pounds. When she's almost unrecognizable from chemo and surgeries, but she still takes your breath away. That's love," Daddy said with tears in his eyes. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed back the lump in his throat.

"Well, I'll probably never get to experience that with Bella. She's made up her mind and I don't know if I can get her to change it."

"You're an attorney... it's your job to convincingly plead your case and to turn things in the direction that most benefits your client. In this case, you _are_ the client. Use your words and your actions. You're a smart boy. Change her mind," Emmett said matter-of-factly.

"You make it sound so simple. It's not simple," I said.

"You're already halfway there," Emmett said as he draped his massive arm around my shoulders.

"I am? Why do you say that?"

"She's here, isn't she? She'll be here until Sunday and then she'll be stuck in a car with you on the way back home. That's plenty of time. Change her mind." He pulled me into a headlock and messed up my hair. He let me go and laughed at me as he went back into the house.

"He's kind of right," Daddy said. "It's obvious that she likes you; that's always a good place to start. Just be yourself around her. Charm her, but don't push her. She strikes me as the type of person that will pull away when pushed. Just take it slow. I truly believe that she'll come around."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I have faith," he said with a smile. "I always have faith that things will work out the way that they're supposed to in the end. There's a bigger plan in place."

"Whatever," I muttered.

"You'll see," he said with confidence. "Go in and get the other platter from your mother."

I got the platter and went back out to help Daddy get the ham out of the smoker. By the time we got back inside, Momma, Rosalie, and Bella were busy in the kitchen. Emmett had the turkey on the counter and was carving it. Daddy took the ham, set it next to the turkey, and started cutting and separating it along the spiral cuts.

"What can I do?" I asked.

Momma smiled and looked at Rosalie. "Why don't you help Bella finish setting the table?"

I looked into the dining room and then turned back to Momma. "I think she's got it."

Momma gave Aunt Ro a look. Rosalie picked up the plate of cornbread and the platter of rolls. "Here," she said as she thrust the dishes at me. "Put these on the table." Momma had recruited.

I walked into the dining room with the plates. "Hi," I said as I placed them on the table. "I'm supposed to help you."

"You can do that side," Bella said as she gave me a handful of silverware.

I went around to the other side of the table and started to lay out the place settings. I glanced back into the kitchen. Everyone appeared to be preoccupied so I whispered across the table to Bella, "Hey, are we okay?"

She smiled and nodded. "We're fine, Edward."

"Still friends?"

She smiled even wider and said, "Yes, we're still very good friends."

"I'll take that," I said out loud, but in my head I added '_for now_.'

Bella continued to set the other side of the table. I noticed as she bent over to adjust a fork that she had on the necklace I had bought her. Before I could comment on it, Daddy and Emmett came in with the turkey and the ham. They placed one at each end of the table. This was our cue to take our places. I walked around to where Bella was standing and stood behind my usual chair. Bella looked at me questioningly.

"Daddy will say grace and then we can fix our plates," I told her. She nodded and looked around. "I think Momma wants you to sit next to me."

"Oh," she replied.

"It's just that Daddy sits at the head of the table and Momma sits at the foot. Usually Emmett and Ro take that side and this has always been my seat. Since there's a chair next to mine this year, I just assumed that Momma wants you to sit in it. If you're uncomfortable, then I'm sure that Rosalie would swap with you." I was truly hoping that she wouldn't take that option.

"No, it's fine," she said and smiled.

With everyone standing behind their seats, Daddy said, "Would everyone please join hands?" Emmett and I both looked at him like he'd lost his mind. We'd never done the hand holding thing before. Then it hit me... Momma had recruited again. Emmett shrugged and took Rosalie and Daddy's hands.

I took Daddy's other hand and then reached for Bella's. She hesitated a moment and then wrapped her tiny hand around mine. I heard the soft gasp that escaped her lips as our skin touched. She felt it too... the electricity between us. It thought back to what Emmett and Daddy had said. I had the rest of the weekend and she obviously likes me too. It was as good a place as any to start I guess.

"Heavenly Father," Daddy began, "please bless this food we are about to receive for the nourishment of our bodies. Be with Your children who are less fortunate as we are and bring them love and peace at this time. We celebrate the birth of Your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ, and thank You for sending Him to pay the ultimate price for our sins. We ask that You be with..."

I looked over at Daddy to see him biting his upper lip as he tried to control his emotions. I squeezed his hand. He opened his eyes and I nodded that it was okay.

He took a deep breath and continued, "Be with our Esme while she fights MCL. We love her and we need her."

Momma then, for some reason, interrupted him. "But, Father, if You need me more, then I'm ready. We know that it is _Your_ will that will be done."

I looked again at Daddy to see him staring at her in disbelief. He shook his head and I could almost hear his thoughts. '_But I'm not ready.'_ He regained his composure slightly and finished, "In Your name and the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ... Amen."

A chorus of 'amens' followed. We were all slower than usual to pick up our plates and dig into the food. Even at a slower pace, Emmett was first to the kitchen. I followed behind everyone else. I watched Bella peruse the food. She took a large helping of green bean casserole, but only took small portions of dressing, dressing casserole, and turnip greens.

I leaned over her shoulder and whispered, "The greens aren't so bad. Momma knows how to season them."

"I've never been one to eat grass," she replied.

I laughed. "It's not grass and don't let anyone hear you call it that. Just try it. You may like it."

"I got a scoop," she said, defending herself. "I intend to try everything at least once."

We made our way back to the table and I watched as she took a small bite of dressing. She must have liked it because she took a much larger bite and nodded her head at me. Then she tried the casserole. She wrinkled her nose a bit. She looked at me and shrugged. I pointed to the turnip greens and said, "Take a bite of those and then take a bite of cornbread behind it."

She cocked one eyebrow at me, but did as I said. She chewed quickly and ate another forkful. "Not bad," she said. "Are the turnip greens the reason that there is cornbread and rolls?"

"Yep. You can't eat greens with a roll. It has to be cornbread. Daddy will take the pot liquor and soak cornbread in it."

"The what?" she asked.

"The pot liquor... the juice from the greens. You are so new."

"Southerners eat strange things," she muttered to herself.

"If you stay here long, you'll be eating the same things and calling them delicacies." I finally pulled my attention from Bella and looked around the table. Daddy and Emmett were in a heated discussion about the upcoming bowl games, but Momma and Ro were staring at me and smiling. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. They definitely had an agenda.

Bella got up and got more dressing. She surprised me by also getting more turnip greens. I smiled when she sat back down. We ate in comfortable silence for the rest of the meal. Momma and Ro finally quit staring at us. They pulled Bella into a conversation about after Christmas sales. Apparently, the plan for the next day was to hit the Mall and to hit it hard. I knew that Daddy would be going to Emmett's to watch football on the big screen. Jasper and I would finalize our plans tonight.

I helped Momma and Bella clear the table. I ushered Momma out of the kitchen and started to clean-up. I was rinsing plates and putting them in the dishwasher when Bella came up behind me.

"Need any help?" she asked.

"Sure," I said. "I'll rinse and you can load." We worked quickly and were soon finished with that part. I took out the Saran wrap and started covering the food. Bella took it away from me, so I went back to washing dishes. I had washed a few pans and placed them in the drainer, when Bella stepped up next to me and started drying them.

"We make a good team," I commented. She just smiled. Before I knew it, we were finished with the dishes. I wiped down what I could of the counters while Bella cleaned the table. I had never finished the clean-up that quickly. We were able to join the 'grown-ups' in the living room sooner than normal.

"Finished?" Momma asked.

"Yep," I replied. "I had an assistant this year. So, what are ya'll talking about?"

"Oh, nothing," Momma said with a grin. "Are you going with Jasper and Alice to look at the lights tonight?"

"I usually do. Why?"

"No reason." The way she said it gave me the distinct impression that she had a reason for asking me.

"What are the lights?" Bella asked.

"Which way did you come up the mountain?" Ro asked.

"I came up the back side... through Reece City."

"If Edward had taken the normal route up the mountain and not decided to take the less scenic route, you would have seen Noccalula Falls Park," Ro said as she scowled at me. "Every year, the city of Gadsden decorates the park with lights and nativity scenes and all sorts of Christmas stuff. Ii's absolutely beautiful. At last count there was well over two million lights."

Momma continued, "And there's a train. You can get on the train and ride through the Pioneer Village. The whole thing is covered in lights and decorations. It's amazing."

"Do you all go?" Bella asked.

"We all went on Lighting Night," Momma explained. "With Edward, Jasper, and Alice living out of town, they don't get to go until Christmas."

"Do you want to go?" I asked Bella.

"Absolutely!" Bella said enthusiastically. "It sounds great!"

Suddenly the front door flew open and Jasper came barreling in followed closely by Alice. "There had better be casserole left," Jasper bellowed. He made a beeline for the kitchen.

"It's all he's talked about all day. You're going to have to give the recipe to Mary," Alice said as she flopped down next to Aunt Ro. "So, what's the game plan for tomorrow?"

With the women engrossed in making plans on how to adequately attack the Mall, I joined Jasper in the kitchen. He had a heaping plate of dressing casserole and was shoveling huge forkfuls into his mouth. With each bite, his eyes rolled back into his head. "My God," he said around one of the mouthfuls, "this is pure heaven."

"I guess it's an acquired taste," I replied. "Listen, can we take your car tonight?"

"We're in Alice's Prius."

"Yeah, I know."

Jasper shrugged. "Sure, we can take it. Can I ask why you want to?"

I smiled. "Bella's going with us and it has a small backseat."

I anxiously waited for the sun to go down. I kept a watchful eye on the French doors in the dining room. I checked my watch more than was necessary. I fidgeted in my seat. I made an all around ass of myself. I couldn't help it. I wanted to be sitting close to Bella. I had ridden in the backseat of Alice's Prius before. There was barely enough room for my gangly ass. I knew that at least one part of my anatomy would be touching Bella no matter how we situated ourselves. I was vibrating with excitement.

And I was obvious. "The lights ain't going anywhere," Emmett commented.

"I know," I replied with annoyance. He just shook his head and tried harder to ignore me.

I watched the sun descend past the horizon. I shot Alice a pointed look. I tried to tell her with my eyes that it was time. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the conversation she was having with Bella. I cleared my throat. Seven sets of eyes turned to stare at me. I blushed a bright red at the attention.

"Um, we should probably start getting ready to go," I said sheepishly.

"A little anxious this year, Edward?" Jasper teased.

"Never mind," I groaned.

"No, he's right," Momma said as she stood. "Everybody get your coats on and I'll get ya'll some blankets."

Bella went to her room and returned in a jacket. I looked at her and shook my head. "Do you have anything heavier?" I asked.

"No. Why?"

"It's forty-two degrees out there tonight. You're going to need more than a jacket."

"I don't really have anything heavier than a jacket," she replied.

"You can wear one of mine," Momma said as she went to the coat closet in the foyer. She reached inside and brought out her full-length, wool, dress coat. She handed it to Bella. "This will keep you nice and warm. The gloves are in the pockets. I'll go get you a scarf and hat." She retreated to the bedroom and returned with a brown scarf and matching beret style hat. "Here you go."

"Thank you, Esme," Bella said as she took the clothes. She put it all on and turned to look at me. "Well?" she asked.

I couldn't speak at first. She was breathtaking. I stared at her for way too long. I had to swallow back the extra saliva in my mouth before I could speak. She looked so good I was in danger of actually drooling at the sight of her. "You look... wow." There were really no words for how beautiful she looked in that coat with that hat on her head.

"Okay. Thanks?" she said as she gave me a funny look. I guess I did sound like an idiot. Momma had to push the blankets she got for us into my arms. I couldn't seem to stop staring at Bella.

"We can take our car," Jasper said as he walked to the door.

"Jazz," Alice started before Jasper cut her off with a pointed look.

"We're taking the Prius."

"Oh... okay," Alice said, trying to cover.

Bella and I squeezed ourselves into the backseat of Alice's little car. I was right... our knees and our shoulders were touching. The drive to the Falls was less than two miles so the car wouldn't have time to warm-up. Seeing Bella bundled up in my momma's best coat made me want it to be cold all year. That's big for me considering I'm such a Southern boy, I usually moan and whine about the cold all winter. She just looked so good in that color. The tan of the coat and the brown in the scarf brought out the green flecks in her brown eyes and made the red in her hair stand out. She was lovely.

As Jasper pulled into the parking lot, I heard Bella gasp. I looked over at her to see her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open as if in disbelief. The lights illuminating the park could be seen from where Jasper had parked. If she thought this little bit was awe worthy, just wait until we were on the train.

I managed to get out of the car without injuring myself. I tried to make it around to help Bella out, but she was too quick for me. She reached for the blankets, but I shook my head. "I got them," I said as we followed Jasper to the Park entrance.

I was fumbling for my wallet to pay our admission when Bella stepped forward and handed the clerk a ten dollar bill. "Bella, no, I got this," I said as I continued to struggle with the blankets.

"Too late," she giggled. I must have pouted because she tweaked my nose and said, "Oh, don't look so upset. You can buy me a hot chocolate later. Anyway, you all have done so much to make me feel welcome this weekend. The least I can do is pay your admission to the light show."

We had to wait about ten minutes for the train. Jasper stood behind Alice and wrapped his arms around her. I wanted nothing more to do the same with Bella, but I remembered what Daddy and told me. Don't push her. Instead, I offered her one of the blankets.

She shook her head and said, "I'm good. This is a really warm coat. I'm surprised your mother has something like this. It isn't really the type of coat I would think that you would need in Alabama."

"Ro has a mink," I said. "We didn't have these heavy coats until after 1993. It had never gotten that cold before and then in March of that year we had a blizzard. We had fifteen inches of snow here and it was worse in other areas. We don't know what to do with snow, so everything shutdown. We didn't have power or water for over a week. We ended up moving in with Jasper and his family because they had a gas stove and gas logs in their fireplace. The next year, Momma bought us all heavy coats, think gloves, and wool scarves. They also put gas logs in the fireplace and changed out the electric stove for a gas one. Daddy bought a generator too. It will probably never happen again in our lifetime, but Momma and Daddy are prepared at least."

"Wow. I've never seen snow. Well, not like that. I saw a few flurries in Texas, but it didn't accumulate."

"It's rare here. If we do get any, it's no more than a couple of inches and it's gone by noon the next day."

"So, what did you do for a week without electricity?"

"Jasper and I got extremely good at penny poker. Daddy and I developed a system of facial signals to cheat at Rook and spades. I think Jasper and I both read _Catch 22_ at least twice. That was the only good thing to come out of the whole experience."

"Why is that?"

"The snow started on a Friday night and we weren't really expecting much. I had a test on the book that Monday. I hadn't read a word of it. I had tried, but it was boring as Hell. Momma wouldn't let me drive in the snow, so I was stuck at home. Since it was snowing, I ended up sitting in the garage with Daddy all night watching it come down instead of reading. Really, I was putting off having to do it.

"I went to bed a little after midnight. It was still snowing when I woke up the next morning. I remember Daddy being really concerned because the power was starting to flicker. Finally, the power just died. By then, the snow drifts were up to the window sills. Daddy found some batteries for my old boombox and turned on the radio. They were calling for it to continue all day. Momma put the milk and a few other things out in the snow drifts in hopes of keeping them cold a little longer.

"Eventually the batteries died and we were left in silence. Daddy and I blocked off the doors leading out of the living room with blankets. We all bundled up and camped out in the living room. I think we all thought that they would get the power back on soon. I didn't have anything else in the house for entertainment, so I started reading the book.

"We didn't have power for a week. Like I said, we ended up at Jasper's house. He had the same assignment in his English class. He was in the same boat that I was in. I think I read the book all the way through three times. I know Jasper made it through it twice. It never got any better."

"How did the test turn out?"

"We both aced it." The train pulled into the station then. We waited for everyone to disembark. Bella started to follow Alice and Jasper to the front of the train. I grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Come with me," I said as I led her to the back of the train.

I spread one of the blankets on the cold seat and gestured for Bella to sit. "Why are we sitting in the very back?" she asked as she sat.

I sat next to her and covered our legs with the other blanket. "Because," I started, "I always sit here."

"Why do you always sit here?"

"These seat face out. They're better."

"I don't understand."

"When you're facing the front of the train, all you see is the back of someone's head and what's on one side. You don't get the full experience. From these seats, you can see everything. Trust me, these are the best seats." The train lurched forward and we began to move. "You'll see."

As the train wove through the park, I watched Bella's eyes widen with wonder. It really was a beautiful sight, but it paled in comparison to Bella. As the beautiful displays developed before us, I found myself watching Bella more and more. The lights reflected off her porcelain skin causing it to glow and sparkle like diamonds. I reached up and gently touched her cheek. She jumped at the contact.

"I'm sorry," I muttered as I withdrew my hand.

"It's alright," she said before turning back to the lights. "What's that?" she asked.

I looked to see where she was indicating. "That's the animal habitat. It was added a couple of years ago. It has all sorts of animals in it. There's even a lion named Sheila. We can come back in the spring to walk through it if you like."

"We'll see," she said with a shy smile.

"Look over here," I told her. "That's the deer park. It used to be a petting zoo, but I think they moved that to the habitat. See that grave marker? That's for Big Pebo. He was a tame deer in the petting zoo. A poacher shot and killed him in 1978. I've heard that the poacher went to prison for it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Pebo was state property and the guy was poaching." We rode along a little further in silence. I continued to watch Bella take in all of the colors and lights. We were approaching a very large rock. I tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to it.

"Before Sheila there was another lion. She stayed in a caged area that contained that rock. I can't remember her name, but I remember that she would roar a lot. When I was little, they used to have a festival in the pioneer village called 'Art on the Rocks.' It was an arts and crafts thing and Momma would always want to go. I was really little and I would hear that lion roar and be terrified. A few years after they stopped having the festival, I was here with some friends and we came into the village. I walked up to her enclosure and she roared at me. That's when I noticed that she had been declawed and she didn't have any teeth."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope. I had been terrified of a clawless, toothless lion." Bella laughed at me. We continued on toward the old entrance to the pioneer village. I pointed to Bella's right at a gate in the fence.

"See that?" She nodded. "It used to cost five dollars to get into the Pioneer Village; I guess it still does. Anyway, as a teenager we thought that this was outrageous. We figured out a way to go in through the campground. Looking back, I'm surprised we didn't end up getting killed doing it. We had to hike down into the gorge and cross the creek on an old suspension bridge. Then we'd take the steel stairs back up the gorge and come in through that gate. Momma would kill me to this day if she knew that I had done that. Don't tell her, okay?"

She smiled and said, "Your secret is safe with me."

We rounded the last curve and I could see the station in the distance. As we pulled in I took the blanket from our laps. When the train stopped I got out first and helped Bella onto the platform.

"That was so beautiful!" she said as Jasper and Alice joined us.

"We're not done," Alice said as she grabbed Bella's hand. "C'mon." She dragged Bella toward the actual falls. As we got closer, we could see the lights reflecting off the water as it fell to the floor of the gorge.

We made it to the edge and Bella looked over the railing. "It's an underground cave that collapsed," I said. She gave me a questioning look so I continued. "There wasn't always a waterfall here. A cave collapsed causing the waterfall. It also didn't used to be this far back. When Daddy was a kid, before it became a state park and all the barriers were put up, the Falls was actually several hundred yards further in. Erosion has caused it to look the way it does now. Daddy used to play here. He used to swim in the creek."

"My dad did too," Jasper said. "He said that it looked a lot different than it does now."

"What's that?" Bella asked as she pointed to the statue at the edge of the gorge.

"_That_ is Princess Noccalula," Jasper said proudly.

"Okay," Bella said slowly.

I rolled my eyes. "Go ahead and tell the story. You tell it so well."

Jasper smiled widely as he began. "Legend says that long ago an Indian tribe lived in this area. The chief of the tribe had a daughter who was known for her great beauty and loveliness of character. Many braves sought her hand, but her father promised her to the rich chief of a neighboring tribe. Princess Noccalula was in love with a brave warrior from her own tribe, but her father would not listen to her. He banished the warrior from the tribe and told Noccalula to ready herself for marriage to the neighboring chief. On the day of her wedding, distraught with grief, Noccalula leapt to her death from the falls. Her heartbroken and remorseful father gave the gorge and the falls her name... Noccalula."

"Wow," Alice said as she stood in front of a tablet at the statue. "Almost word for word."

"That's so... heartbreaking," Bella said as she joined Alice at the marker.

"And a complete fabrication," I said. "It's called Noccalula Falls because the creek that runs over the falls is the Black Creek. Noccalula means 'black creek' in the Cherokee language."

"Spoilsport," Jasper grumbled.

"How long have they been doing this here?" Bella asked.

"I don't know. I can't remember a time when they didn't do it to some degree. It's gotten bigger and more elaborate over the years," I replied.

"It's really amazing," Bella said as she continued to look around.

"I think it's hot chocolate time," Alice announced. We made our way over to the refreshment tent. I gave Bella the blankets so that I could get our drinks. We found a vacant bench that overlooked the creek just before it went over the falls. Alice spread out a blanket before we all sat to enjoy our refreshments.

"I wasn't kidding when I said we should come back in the spring," I said to Bella. "I think you'd enjoy the animal habitat and the petting zoo."

"I don't know, Edward," Bella said hesitantly. "We'll have to see."

"Hey, just as friends. It wouldn't be like a date or anything."

"I'll think about it."

"Are you going to the New Year's Party this year?" Jasper asked suddenly. Every year our firm has a New Year's blowout. I usually attend, but I hadn't last year because I didn't have a date.

"I don't know," I replied.

"You know that you don't have to have a date to go, right?" Alice asked.

"I know, but it makes it easier. I don't like the way that the partners look at me when I show up to firm functions alone." As the only single lawyer in the firm, I was a bit of an oddity. It was well-known that the partners preferred that all the attorneys be settled… especially the partners. My chances of becoming partner diminished more with each year that I remained an unmarried man.

"Surely there is someone you can call to go to the thing. It looks worse when you don't attend at all," Jasper said.

My past dates been… let's just say less than impressive in the partners' and the partners wives' eyes. "I'd rather not," I replied. Actually, the only person that I would even consider taking to the thing was sitting next to me and she had made it clear that dating was completely out of the question.

"Why would you rather not?" Bella asked with that teasing tone in her voice.

"You'd have to know the women I have dated in the past," I replied in hopes that she would just drop it.

"Please enlighten me," she said as she continued to mock me.

"Let's just say that they were young and beautiful, but not that intelligent."

"He's being nice," Alice said. "They were downright stupid."

"Oh really? What was the attraction?"

"They were young and beautiful," Jasper deadpanned.

"You make me sound shallow," I said as I tried to push him and Alice off the bench.

"See that shoe there… it's a fit!" Alice said as she jumped up from the bench. She grabbed Jasper's hand and said, "Let's walk through the campground." She started dragging him toward the bridge that crossed the creek and led to the campground.

"I'm not shallow," I said to Bella as we stood to follow them. "I didn't actually ever ask these women out… they asked me. I don't really know how I ended up dating some of them for as long as I did. They weren't really what I wanted."

"Obviously. If they had been, then you would no longer be a single man. Right?"

"Right," I replied as we walked further into the campground. "I just realized that we do the same things at the holidays every year. You know, you've had every Christmas experience I've ever had in one weekend. We always go to Ro's; we always eat finger food; we always have dinner at Momma's; we always see the lights. Do you have any family traditions? I mean, surely there are things that you and your dad do every year."

I looked at Bella and saw a wistful, faraway expression in her eyes. "There were things we did when my mother was alive. She loved Christmas. She would go all out with the decorations. She would turn the house into a winter wonderland. She would always take me to see Santa… no matter how old I was. She'd make a huge Christmas dinner… with stuffing that was in the 'turkey's ass.'

"She got her diagnosis right before Christmas. I was thirteen. I think that she knew it would be her last Christmas because she went even more overboard than usual. I think that she was trying to make it a Christmas that I would never forget. It was magical.

"She died the next October. Dad just shutdown after she died. We didn't have Halloween or Thanksgiving. When Christmas came around, he stayed in his room for three days. I ate a Banquet turkey dinner for lunch on Christmas Day. There were no gifts. I cried myself to sleep on the couch.

"Jacob came over and found me there about mid-afternoon. I remember how he held me while I cried and then he took me to his house for the rest of the day. His family had a huge dinner ready and they had gifts for me. After that year, I spent every holiday with Jacob and his family. They kind of took me in and became my family.

"I know now that Dad was depressed, but as a fourteen year old girl, I was angry. I was angry that he had left me too. I felt abandoned. It took a lot of years for me to forgive him for that first Christmas without Mom. He didn't really start coming back until after Jacob died. I think he saw me spiraling out of control and it reminded him of himself.

"After my Christmas breakdown at the cemetery, he tried harder. Things started to get better. We found each other again." She sighed and stuffed her hands in the pocket s of Momma's coat. "So, to answer your question, no… we have no traditions. We just try to get through it and hold onto what we still have. Hence, the vacations. It takes our minds off of all that we've lost."

"I'm sorry. You must miss him terribly today."

"I do. I talked to him yesterday right after we arrived at your parents' house and again this morning. He sounds happy and I'm happy that he's found someone. Mom has been gone a lot of years. It's time for him to move on."

"What about you? Is it time for you to move on?"

When she didn't answer me right away, I stopped walking and turned to face her. She looked up at me and I saw the tears in her eyes. I could feel my heart breaking. I reached out and caught the first tear as it fell from her eye. She bit her lower lip. It was more than I could take. I reached for her and pulled her to my chest. She didn't stop me. I felt her arms snake around my waist as the tears began to soak the front my coat. I held her there in the cold December air in the Noccalula Falls Campground as she wept.

I kissed the top of her head and stroked her soft, chestnut hair. I whispered that it was alright. I told that I was here for her. I told her that she was safe and that it was okay to cry. I wanted to tell her that she was loved… that I loved her… but I didn't.

Slowly, her sobs began to subside. She pulled back from my chest and looked into my eyes. Her lips parted and I felt that urge again… the one that I had felt in Aunt Ro's kitchen. I wanted to kiss her so badly. Before I could even think about it and before I think that she could react, I leaned down and kissed her.

You know in all those books and in all those sappy chick flicks where they say that the earth moved or that there were fireworks when the main couple kissed? You know all that bullshit? It ain't bullshit. I know that it isn't bullshit, because I experienced it. Standing there in the cold with Bella in my arms, the earth moved… there were fireworks… my whole body tingled… I saw my future flash through my mind. All of these things are real and they are wonderful.

Until they stop.

Bella pulled back and stared at me. Her hand shot to her lips and she began to back away. I immediately felt her absence. My entire body screamed for her to return to me.

I reached for her and said, "Bella, please."

"Edward… I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep doing that to you. I keep leading you on."

"What? No, you're not. You can't be. I can't be the only one feeling this. Why… why can't you just admit that we have something?"

"Because… it isn't my time. I doesn't matter what I feel. It doesn't matter how you make me feel. It isn't time for me to do this."

It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about. She didn't think it was right for her to move on. She was stuck, just like her father had been. She couldn't move on.

"So, it has nothing to do with my momma and her disease?"

"It does and it doesn't. Edward, don't you see? I can't give you what you give me."

"Yes, you can," I pleaded with her.

She shook her head. "I can give you my friendship. I need that more now than I need a boyfriend or a lover. I need you to be my friend."

"I want so much more than that." I took a step toward her and cupped her cheek with my hand. "You're what I've been looking for… you're what I want."

She closed her eyes and leaned her face into my hand. "Give me some time. I had stopped looking for this… this feeling. I just need time to figure it out."

I withdrew my hand. She opened her eyes. I could see all of her emotions in the dark pools staring at me. She was confused and afraid. She cocked her head to the side and begged me for time with those beautiful dark eyes.

"I can wait for you. I _want_ to wait for you. And I can be your friend."

I didn't sleep well that night. I couldn't get Bella out of my mind. She wanted time and I had told her that I would wait. But how long could I be patient? Forever… that's how long. Without a doubt, I knew that I could wait for her for as long as she needed. I could be her friend and I would give her time. I cared for her too much to let her go so easily.

I heard her talking to someone early the next morning. The walls in Momma and Daddy's house are thin and I could just make out that she was finalizing plans for my parents to leave for Texas first thing Monday morning.

After a long pause, where I heard nothing from her room at all, she spoke again, "Hi, Dad…. No, everything is fine. Did you have a good time at Sue's? That's good…. No, really, I'm fine…. Dad, you're more than a thousand miles away. How could you possibly 'just know' that something is wrong? I'm not sad… They've been wonderful to me. The Cullens are an amazing family. I wish you could meet them…. Can't I just call to say 'I love you' and wish you a good day? I don't want to talk about Jacob, Dad…. You don't understand…. It's not the same. You had a life with Mom. You were able to experience things with her. You had time."

I knew that I should stop listening, but I couldn't help myself. Bella usually stayed so guarded. Last night had been the most I'd ever gotten out of her. She had opened up a little. I had to know more and if eavesdropping would get me that information, then so be it.

"I'm trying to move on. Why do you think I stay away? I'm sorry that it hurts you. It hurts me too…. I didn't mean to hurt Sue, but I just couldn't be there…. I don't expect you to understand; I expect you to accept me and my decisions…. I know that I can talk to you about anything…. No…. I don't know…. I do have friends, Dad. You don't have to worry…. I'm not alone. I have you and I have… someone else… I think…. He's just a friend…. No, there can be nothing more…. You know why…. I'm glad you're happy and I'm glad that you've been able to move forward, but I'm not ready…. I don't know; maybe never. I loved him…. You don't know what he would want…. I don't want to talk about this anymore…. I'm not going to talk about this anymore. I'll call you next week."

I heard her sigh. She must have sat down hard on the bed, because I heard the springs in the mattress groan. A moment later, I heard her start to cry. I hated that sound. It was tearing out my heart that I couldn't go to her. I had eavesdropped on her very private conversation and if I went to her now, she would know.

It was killing me to lay there and listen to her sob. I got up and paced the room. I pulled at my hair and fought the urge to run next door. I heard the door to my parents' room open. I heard footsteps walk past my door and down the hall. I waited and listened. The footsteps padded back toward my door and then I heard a soft knock. I almost sprinted to the door and jerked it open.

Daddy was standing at my door with a concerned expression on his face. "Is Bella crying in there?" he asked. I nodded . "Why?"

I shook my head and said, "I can't say."

"Well, go check on her," he whispered.

"I don't think that I should."

"Stop thinking and go check on your girl."

"She's not my girl." He took my arm and dragged me into the hall. He pushed me toward Bella's door and gave me a pointed look. When I shook my head he mouthed, _Go, now._

I shook my head and knock gently on the door. Several seconds passed before Bella was standing before me. I glanced back down the hall to see that Daddy had already gone back to his room. I look back at Bella and saw her tearstained face. "Are you alright?" I asked.

She nodded quickly and said, "I'm fine, Edward. You can go back to your room."

"You don't look fine," I replied.

"It's nothing. I'm okay," she said as she tried to close the room. I brought my hand up and stopped it.

"You wanted me to be your friend. Let me."

She bit her lower lip and then motioned for me to come in. I walked into her room as she closed the door. "I called my dad. He's concerned for me and I can't seem to get it through his head that I'm fine."

"But, Bella, you aren't fine," I replied.

She stared at for a long time; so long that I began to get slightly uncomfortable. Finally, she spoke.

"When Jacob died… I started to doubt a lot of things. It just didn't seem possible. Why would God take him from me? Why did God do that to me? I hated God. I lost my faith. I left for college without a lifeline. I was lost and I was angry. I wanted to punish God for hurting me. I went a little out of control."

She sat on the edge of the bed. I walked over to join her. "I've never talked about this with anyone except my dad and my therapist. Remember when I told you that I was spiraling out of control? I was drunk and high when my dad found me at the cemetery that Christmas. I had been drinking for days and I can't remember how many pills I had taken. I couldn't even remember how I got there.

"I'm not proud of that time. I was a mess. I did everything and tried everything. I thought that I was punishing a God that had forsaken me, but really I was punishing myself. I didn't stop after Dad found me. It was years before I could see what I was really doing. I was trying to follow Jacob. I wanted to die too.

"It took years of therapy for me to be a functional human being again. I finally began to understand that just because bad things happen doesn't mean that God is the cause. God does not go around killing people. He doesn't have a quota that he has to fill. God didn't take Jacob; He _received _him.

"But forgiving God didn't fix me. You see, Edward, I'm still not whole. There's a part of me that will always be missing. That's why I can't give you what you need… what you deserve. I'm not enough for you. You are such a wonderful person and your family is amazing. You shouldn't want me."

"You can't see yourself, can you?" She dropped her head into her hands. "Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see a woman that has been through more tragedy in a short amount of time than anyone should in a lifetime. I see a woman that has survived those tragedies and fought her way to the other side. You _are_ whole, Bella. You're more than I deserve. And I do want you… I'll always want you."

"It's too complicated. There are too many factors…."

"I can be patient. I told you last night; I'll be whatever you need."

She nodded and placed her hand on top of mine. "Thank you," she said, "for being my friend."

I wrapped my hand around hers and gently squeezed it. "You should start getting ready. Alice and Rosalie will be here soon." I got up to leave.

"Edward?" I stopped and turned. "I promise to try. That's all I can give you right now."

"It's enough," I said and then left her room.

Bella spent the rest of the day with the women of my family. Jasper and I ended up at Emmett's to watch football. My mind never did stay focused on any of the games. I was with Bella all day. Not physically, but I thought about her all day. I worried about her. She seems so confident and together when we first met. She was nothing like the lost girl I had comforted the night before. My heart broke for her.

I also thought about what she had said about God. There were several reasons that I was an agnostic. One of the biggest was that I couldn't understand how a benevolent, loving God could let bad things happen to good people. Take my momma for example. She was a saint and yet all these horrible health issue kept coming up. She was a devout believer in God. Why was he punishing her?

What Bella said made sense. God didn't make the bad things happen. He didn't orchestrate the tragedies. He didn't kill Jacob; a drunk driver did. He wasn't punishing Momma; people just get sick. God doesn't take people; he _receives _them. I had never had it explained to me that way. If it had been, I may not have turned my back on organized religion all those years ago.

I realized that I had a lot of questions. I had never considered myself an atheist. It wasn't that I didn't believe in God; I didn't believe in religion. I hated to hear people say 'It's God's will' or 'He has a plan.' What if there is no plan? What if things just happen? Those were a few of the things that had always plagued me. Bella had answered those two questions in less than two minutes.

Since Momma and Daddy would be in Texas through the first of the year, Momma decided that the Christmas tree had to come down before they left. We all spent Saturday morning 'undecorating' the tree and putting it away.

"I have to ask," Bella said as she wrapped a glass ball in tissue paper, "why the artificial tree? I noticed that Rosalie had one as well. What's your aversion to a live tree?"

"Edward is allergic," Momma said as she also wrapped an ornament.

"So this is all your fault," she teased me.

"I can't help it that I break out into hives and my eyes swell shut. It's not like I want to be allergic to a Christmas tree," I defended myself.

"He was allergic to so many things as a child, we considered getting him a bubble," Daddy added.

"It wasn't that bad," I muttered.

"He's allergic to fir trees and pine trees, all stinging insects, most pollens, honeydew melon…."

"You cannot be allergic to melon," Bella interjected.

"I ate it one time and my throat closed. Tell me again that I can't be allergic."

"You are so sad," she said, laughing.

"I outgrew the stings… sort of."

"True… your reaction isn't as severe now, but still…."

"We should have gotten the bubble," Daddy said with a chuckle. "Esme, go get the photo albums."

"Please don't," I begged, but I was too late. Momma had already sprinted for their bedroom. When she returned to the living room, she and Bella abandoned the tree and the decorations.

Momma opened the first album and I groaned. I knew what was on the first page. "Look at your little, naked butt!" Bella exclaimed. I covered my face with my hand.

"Edward never liked to wear clothes. I would get him dressed, but if I turned my back for a second, he'd strip," Momma said.

"He started talking at eight months. He'd strip and then he'd say 'I ain't got no tothes on,'" Daddy said as he began to laugh. "It was the funniest thing."

"We can move on at any time," I said.

They continued to flip through the album. "You were a pudgy kid," Bella said.

"I was hefty," I replied.

"He was fat," Momma said with a grin. "He didn't lose his baby fat until he was fourteen."

"But look at me now," I said as I puffed out my chest.

"Still a geek," Bella said as she turned the album around to show my seventh grade school picture. "Love the braces and the glasses by the way."

"I would bet a large sum of cash that you have a similar picture floating around somewhere."

"Probably, but it would be in Arizona… safe from your eyes."

"Not fair," I grumbled. Daddy and I finished with the tree and decorations as Momma and Bella continued to flip through the picture albums. Bella would giggle and point occasionally, but I tried to ignore the teasing. I can fully admit that I was a late bloomer.

"Who is this?" Bella asked. I walked over and looked at the picture. It was my senior prom picture.

"That is Kate," I said.

"Girlfriend?" she asked.

"At the time… yes, she was."

"How long did you date?"

"A while."

"Three years," Momma answered for me. "We thought that she was the one, but…."

"It didn't work out," Daddy said.

I glared at Daddy before I turned back to Bella, "I'll tell you about it later." She nodded and moved on.

The teasing continued the rest of the day and into the night. Under normal circumstances, as in if Jasper and Alice were the teasers, I would have gotten angry, but not with Bella. I could see that Daddy at least noticed this, but kept his observation to himself.

All too soon, the weekend was over and we were all packing to go to Birmingham. Momma and Daddy were spending the night at my house so that I could take them to the airfield Monday morning. Bella told us that they would be flying out on the Eastman jet this time. She wasn't sure who would be bringing them back.

It was late in the afternoon when we finally started to load the bags into the cars. Bella brought her rolling case out to me. I noticed that she was still wearing the necklace.

"It looks nice," I said as I pointed to it.

"I like it very much, Edward. I can't thank you enough."

"My pleasure," I said as I put her things into the trunk of my car.

We were soon on the road. Bella was uncharacteristically quiet as we made our way through Gadsden to the interstate. In truth, I wasn't talking much either. It had been a somewhat exhausting weekend. I had learned a lot about Bella and had revealed a lot about myself. I thought we had made some headway, maybe even turned a corner, but her silence made me doubt this.

We were waiting at the last traffic light before getting onto the interstate and I could no longer handle the silence. I reached into the console of the car and retrieved my ipod. I plugged it into the dock and hit play. It was just my luck that the first song that played would break Bella's silence.

"'Ice Ice Baby?' Really?"

"It's a good song," I nonchalantly replied.

"It's Vanilla Ice."

"I am aware of the name of the artist."

"'Artist' would be a stretch, don't you think?"

"What is your prejudice against Vanilla Ice?"

"No prejudice. He just doesn't seem to be the type of 'artist' you would listen to."

"I'm not an elitist when it comes to music."

"Whatever," she said with a wave of her hand.

I laughed. "I have it to prove a point. Advance to the next song." She reached down and hit forward on the ipod. Queen's 'Under Pressure' came through the speakers.

"I don't get it," she said.

"Just listen." As the song played, I waited for the revelation.

"I still don't understand the point you're trying to make."

"Neither did Jasper. That's why both songs are on my ipod. Vanilla Ice stole the riff he uses in 'Ice Ice Baby' from 'Under Pressure.' The remaining members of Queen and Freddie Mercury's estate sued him. Jasper and I got in an argument about it. I downloaded the songs to prove a point to him. Go back to 'Ice Ice Baby' and listen to it again."

She reversed to the previous song and listened more closely. I glanced over to see the recognition flash across her face.

"I hear it!" she exclaimed. I smiled at my victory. "What else do you have on here?" She picked up the device and scrolled through my songs. "You like everything."

"I have a wide and varied taste in music."

"Is there any genre that you don't like?"

I thought about it for a minute before I replied, "I'm not fond of reggae."

She laughed and said, "Me either."

It's amazing how something as simple as music can break the tension between two people. After our Queen versus Vanilla Ice conversation, Bella seemed to be back to normal. As each new song played through my ipod, she would comment or tease me about it.

She gasped as, the first strains of 'What About Love' by Heart played. "I love this song," she said. Then she began to sing.

I had only thought that her laughter was the sweetest, most wonderful sound in the world. I was so wrong. As each perfect note left her lips, I became more and more captivated by her. I could hardly keep my eyes on the road. The irony of the song didn't escape me either.

As she sang 'What about love, don't let it slip away,' it was all I could do to not scream at her to listen to what she was singing. The song was speaking to me; surely it was to her too. Hell, it could have been written specifically for us.

As the last chords echoed through the car, I turned to her and said, "You have a beautiful voice. If this doctor thing doesn't work out you could be a singer."

She laughed. "Yeah, right."

"No, really. I've worked with a lot of songwriters, doing their copyright paperwork, and you could do their demos for them. You're really good."

She blushed and whispered, "Thank you. I used to sing in the choir at church."

"You don't anymore?"

"No. Some things don't ever return to the way they were before, no matter how much you wish they would." She turned to stare out the window again and I didn't push her for anything more.

Several minutes passed before she turned to me and said, "Do you think that you'll go to your firm's New Year's party?"

"Probably not."

"Why not?" she asked.

I sighed and said, "I don't feel like enduring the inquisition or the attempts to set me up with nieces or daughters… or nephews and sons."

She giggled. "So, some of them think that you're gay?"

"I suppose," I replied.

"That's funny. Would you go if you had a date?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I might."

"I could be your date," she said as if it wasn't that big of a deal. It was a _huge_ deal to me.

I turned and looked at her. "Seriously?"

"It isn't like it would be an actual date. We could go as friends."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course. It's what a friend would do, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'd love it if you would go with me. Thanks." I felt like I'd gotten either a late Christmas present or an early birthday gift. Either way, I was way more excited than I could let on with Bella in the car.

"No problem. What time do you want to pick me up?"


	6. Chapter 6

I want to sincerely thank everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I read every review even though I don't always reply to them.

Only my great friend, Charmie, knows how many times this chapter was re-written to get it to its final posting.

Please check out the forum and leave a comment.

http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=18171

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 6

I dropped Momma and Daddy off at the airfield on Monday morning. Momma hugged me and told me to take care of her 'precious' dog. Daddy rolled his eyes and told me to try to not kill the dog before they got back. I told him that I would try, but that I would make no binding promises.

I went back home before going in to work. I wanted to walk the mongrel one last time. I had no desire for my house to be soiled by the poop machine if at all possible. She was pad trained, but I still didn't trust the mutt to use it. I had this sneaking suspicion that she might just poop in one of my shoes for spite.

I walked into the office after lunch. I had nothing on my schedule until Wednesday, when I was meeting with a songwriter about some copyright issues. I had a couple of patent applications on my desk that needed to be reviewed, but I was in no hurry to look at them. Instead, I seemed to want to stare out my window and think about Bella.

I couldn't get her out of my mind. I had spent the night before obsessing about the fact that she had offered to go to my office New Year's party with me. I had purposely not told Momma about the non-date. I didn't think that I could handle her reaction to the news, nor did I need a partner-in-obsession. If I got nothing else from Momma, I got her tendency to over-analyze.

I was doing exactly that when Jasper barged into my office.

"Where you been?" he asked as he dropped into one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"I had to take Momma and Daddy to the airport this morning." His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. I sighed and said, "Momma didn't want to ruin the holiday so she didn't tell anyone that she had to leave for Texas earlier than they had first planned. I think she's going to call Aunt Ro when they get settled into their hotel this afternoon."

"Why did she have to leave earlier and why would it have ruined the holiday?"

"Daddy found a lump on her neck. Bella thought that they should go to Texas as soon as they could. Apparently, the lump thing is usually the first symptom of the disease."

"Is she going to be okay?" Jasper asked as he leaned forward in his chair.

"I don't know. Bella seems to think that it's still early. I keep getting told by her and Daddy to not worry, but..."

"I don't blame you," he said as he slumped back into the chair. "I'm worried about her and she ain't even my momma. Rose is gonna shit a brick. Waiting to tell her is probably a good decision. Keep me posted."

He stands to leave. Just as he reaches my door I said, "I'm going to the party Wednesday night."

He stopped in the doorway and turned to face me. "With or without a date?"

"I have a date," I said nonchalantly.

He walked back to my desk and asked, "Who?"

I smirked before I told him, "Bella."

He stared at me for a few moments and then said, "Ya do know that when I tell my wife about this, that she's gonna squeal like a schoolgirl and dance me around the room right before she asks me for all the details. If I have no details, then I may be seriously injured in some way. Therefore, ya hafta give me details." He sat down and waited for me to spill it.

"No real details. She just asked me if I would go if I had a date and then said that she would go with me if I wanted her to go." I tried to say this without much emotion. I wanted Jasper to believe that it meant nothing to me. I should have known that he would see straight through me.

"Don't sit there and act like ya don't think that this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to ya."

"Well, it's not the greatest thing..."

"It's pretty damn close."

I smiled and nodded my head in agreement. "I'm actually kind of excited about it. I told her that I would pick her up at seven. Is that too early or too late? What time are you and Alice getting there?"

"We usually get there between seven and seven thirty. We don't stay the whole night though. Are ya'll plannin' on stayin' past midnight?"

"Um, I don't know. I hadn't really thought that far ahead. Should we leave early?"

He actually laughed at me. "Do whatever ya want." He stood and started out my door. He turned back to me and said, "Did ya tell your momma about your date?"

"Oh, hell no!"

"Good decision." He laughed at me again and walked out of my door.

I couldn't get the tie right. This is why I hate these kinds of occasions. I wear ties at least twice a week and have no problem getting them to lay correctly, but that night... that night I couldn't get the knot to look right. I kept getting these two weird dimples in it. I finally jerked it off my neck and threw it across the room. I went to the closet to try to find another one. I flipped through the rack and didn't see a single one that I liked as well as the one on the floor.

I sighed and finally admitted defeat. I went to the discarded article of clothing and tried again. It still had two dimples. I sighed and shook my head. It would just have to do. I was going to be late if I didn't leave soon. If all the stores hadn't closed at six, I would have stopped by the Mall and bought another one.

I tried to adjust that blasted tie at every traffic light as I drove to Bella's apartment complex. She buzzed me in the gate and I parked in front of her building. I pulled the visor down and opened the vanity mirror once more to try to get those damn dimples out that tie. I finally sighed in defeat, closed the mirror and got out of the car.

I was still fiddling with that tie when Bella opened the door of her apartment. "Hi!" she said. "Come on in. I need to get my wrap and my purse and then we can leave."

I entered her apartment and looked around. Her place was really nice. It was tastefully decorated in greens and blues. Most of her furniture was dark wood. I was still looking around when she came back into the room. That's when I got a good look at her.

"Wow," I said as I openly gaped at her. She was breathtaking. She had on a dark blue velvet dress. It had long sleeves and the skirt stopped just above her knees, but the best thing about the dress was that it left her shoulders completely exposed. She had beautiful shoulders. The skin was creamy and smooth. Her hair was pulled back on the sides and fell down her back. A few loose stands danced around her gorgeous face. The effect framed her shoulders. I wanted to lean down and kiss one of those perfect shoulders.

I know that I stared too long, because Bella turned a lovely shade of pink and looked at the floor. "Sorry," I said. "You just look... wow. You're... stunning."

"Thank you," she whispered. "We kind of match."

I looked at her again and then down at my tie. The design had a similar shade of blue as her dress. I had opted for my grey pinstriped suit. It was a close match to the color of her wrap.

I smiled and said, "Yes, but the color is much more flattering on you."

She smiled shyly and looked at the floor. She finally looked into my eyes and frowned. Then she reached up and tried to fix my tie. My shoulders slumped and I shook my head.

"I know. I couldn't get the dimples out of it. I think I re-tied it at least four times."

She pulled on it and twisted it a few times before she finally just removed it from my neck. "I'll be right back." She placed her purse and wrap on the back of her couch and left the room again. She was gone several minutes. I moved from the doorway to one of the barstools that were at the counter that separated her living room and kitchen. She returned with the tie draped over her left hand.

"Take off your coat," she instructed. I took it off and draped it over the other barstool. "Here," she said as she held it out to me. I took it and started to drape it over her neck, but she stopped me. She flipped up my collar and took the tie from my hand. The next thing I knew, she was manipulating the tie into a perfect Windsor knot. She pulled it tight, but not too tight, and flipped my collar back down. She adjusted the tie a bit and stepped back to admire her work. "Not bad. There are no dimples now at least."

I stood and walked to the mirror she had hanging on the wall beside her front door. She was right... no dimples. I turned back to her and said, "What did you do?"

"You're going laugh."

"Probably, but tell me anyway."

"I flat-ironed it."

"Pardon me?"

"I used my straightening iron... the one I use on my hair... to kind of iron it."

She was right... I laughed. "You're kidding, right?" She shook her head no. I turned back to the mirror and then shrugged. "Whatever works, I guess."

Bella smiled and then picked up her wrap. She draped the gray shawl across her shoulders causing the hormonal teenage boy in me to cry out in protest. She grabbed her purse and said, "Ready to go?"

In truth, I wasn't 'ready to go.' I wanted to stay right where we were. I didn't want to share her with anyone… much less my co-workers. Of course, I couldn't exactly tell her that I wanted to stay at her apartment and do magnificent things to her body… starting with her shoulders and finishing with her toes, which I hoped had red toenails attached. Damn those red toenails!

I couldn't tell her those things, because we were in the 'friend zone' and she was with me tonight as a favor. I forced a smile and nodded my head as I got the door for her. I couldn't resist the urge to touch her though, so as she walked through the door I placed my hand on the small of her back. I felt the current run up my arm just as I felt Bella shudder against my hand.

I helped her into my car and rushed around to the driver's side. I started the car and quickly turned on the heat. I had noticed that as we exited her apartment that she had pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders. The last thing I wanted was for her to be cold.

"So," she started, "where is this shin-dig?"

"It's at The Club. It's a fancy, member's only club that most of the partners belong to. The membership fees are way too high for what you get. I seriously have to try to not laugh at the place whenever we have a function there. The décor hasn't been updated since the sixties. I swear the drapes are the original ones that were put up when the place was built."

"Why would anyone want to be a member?"

I turned and gave her a mock astonished look. "It's 'The Club.'"

"Whatever," she said as she punched my arm. "Seriously, why pay an outrageous price for a membership and then have a party at a place that is obviously outdated? How old are the partners?"

"I think some of them are original members," I said with a laugh. She held her tiny fist up; threatening to hit me again. "When we get there, you'll see the one reason that people want to be a member."

I turned off of Valley Avenue onto the driveway of The Club. We wound through the trees and finally came out at the building. I pulled up to the valet service that was provided and handed the attendant the keys. Another attendant helped Bella out of the passenger seat. I met her at the back of the car and again placed my hand on her back as I guided her to the front door.

I heard her stifle a giggle as we walked through the door. I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Don't be rude, Bella." She elbowed me in the ribs. I took her wrap and checked it with the girl behind the counter. When I returned to Bella, I found her talking with one of the junior associates, Mike Newton.

I heard her say to him, "No, this is the first time I've been here." Mike glanced up at me as I approached and then turned his eyes back to Bella.

"Are you a paralegal… or a clerk? There are so many of you that I never know all of you," Mike said as he ignored my presence.

"Oh, no, I don't work for the law firm," she said.

Mike looked at her and furrowed his brow. "Then why are you here?"

"She's with me," I said as I stepped up beside Bella and wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Well, hey, Cullen. I didn't think you came to these things. I was just talking to… I didn't catch your name."

"I didn't throw it," she said and I could have kissed her right then and there.

I took the lead and introduced them. "Mike this is Dr. Bella Swan... my date. Bella, this is Mike Newton. He's a _junior_ associate."

Mike frowned when I emphasized his status at the firm, but it didn't dissuade him. "Doctor, huh. What kind of doctor?"

"The M.D. kind," Bella said as she started to look around. "Edward, _sweetheart_, I've never been here. Please show me around."

"Sure, love. I'll see you around, Mike." I couldn't help the smirk that appeared on my face as we turned from Mike. We were almost into the main ballroom when I could contain it no longer. I pulled Bella to the side and said, "That was priceless. Did you see his face when you called me 'sweetheart?' I swear you are the best non-girlfriend ever." I pulled her into a hug and continued to laugh at what had just transpired.

She pulled back from me and I saw the gleam in her eyes. "I thought you'd get a kick out of that. I couldn't resist. He was being such a prick. I thought he deserved a little lesson in manners. He obviously has none."

"He thinks that he's a ladies' man. If you hadn't done that, he would never have left you alone tonight. I would have eventually had to say something to him and it might have gotten ugly."

"Well, it's a good thing _I_ took care of it then. I wasn't kidding about showing me around. You said that I would see why everyone wants to be a member. So far… I'm not impressed."

"Come with me," I said as I took her hand and led her into the ballroom. I took her past the bar and around to the back of the room. The back wall is made completely of windows. I heard her gasp as she looked out over the patio. "This is why. You can see all of Birmingham from up here."

"It's beautiful," she whispered as she dropped my hand and stepped toward the glass.

"I know that it's chilly out, but would you like to step outside for a minute?" She nodded. I took her hand again and walked with her to the doors that led outside. We walked to the rail and looked out over the entire city. I noticed that she wrapped her arms around her body, so I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her. I told myself that it was to keep her wrap, but in truth, I just wanted to be closer to her. She didn't protest or step away from me. I took that as a good sign that she was okay with what I was doing.

I raised one arm and pointed to the right. "The hospital… St. Vincent's… is right over there. And if you look a little to the left of that you can see the City Federal building. Our offices aren't far from it."

"This view is spectacular," she said. I could hear the amazement in her voice. "It's definitely worth a membership."

"Hmm, yeah, it's something to see." I pulled her closer to my body and felt her shiver. "We should go back inside. You're cold."

"Besides parties, what else do they do here?"

I heard her question, but my mind was still on the fact that she hadn't pulled away from me. I was in heaven with Bella's back pressed against my chest.

"Edward, what else do they do here?"

"What? Oh, well, they have weddings and receptions. I think that's why a lot of the families maintain memberships. The Junior League has its meetings here. Several high society charity organizations use this venue as a meeting place. You know the wealthy and their philanthropy."

She sighed and looked again out across the treetops at the lights of Birmingham. "It is so beautiful."

"The view isn't the most beautiful sight on this patio," I whispered in her ear.

She pulled away from me slowly and turned to face me. She smiled at me, but I could see a hint of sadness in her eyes. "We should go back inside."

"Bella, I didn't mean to..."

"Let's just go inside, okay."

I nodded and again placed my hand on her back as I guided her through the door. I felt like I should apologize, but I wasn't quite sure of what I did. I had thought that she was okay with having my arms around her. Her sudden change in attitude and the sadness in her eyes confused me.

As we re-entered the ballroom, I saw Jasper and Alice come through the door. Alice waved and rushed to Bella. She pulled Bella into a hug, which Bella comfortably returned.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked me.

"Sure. Why do you ask?"

"You look like someone killed you kitten. Did something happen between you and Bella?"

Before I could answer, Prof. Theibert walked up to our group to say 'hello.' I had fallen in love with property law in Prof. Theibert's class. He was the man who had encouraged me to take the patent bar. He was also a partner in the firm and my mentor.

"Good evening, Edward... Jasper. It's very nice to see you again, Alice. And who do we have here?" he asked as he reached for Bella's hand.

"This is Bella Swan, Professor."

"I assume that you are with Edward tonight." Bella nodded her head. "Well, it is very nice to meet you." He turned to me and said, "She's lovely, Edward."

I smiled and looked at Bella. She was blushing and biting her lip. "Yes... she is very lovely."

He finally released Bella's hand and said, "Keep an eye on her. Judge Spina is here and you know he has a way with the ladies." I caught the joke and Prof. Theibert and I had a good laugh. Bella looked at me, confused.

"I'll explain later," I told her.

"You young people have a good time tonight. I'm going to find the missus and see how much longer she wants to stay." Prof. Theibert left us with a wave. I watched him walk over to his wife and take her hand. They had been married over forty years and yet they still held hands.

"That's sweet," Bella said as she followed my gaze.

"They've been married a long time."

"You're mom and you're dad are like that. They always hold hands and they look at each other like they are the only people in the room. It's beautiful to see."

"I grew up seeing that, you know. That's what I think a relationship should be like."

Bella smiled and took my hand as she led me to the vacant table that Alice had found. A late dinner would be served before the real festivities started. I pulled out the chair next to Alice for Bella and then I sat in the chair next to her. I noticed that there were two empty seats at the table and I was hoping that someone I liked would occupy them. I was out of luck. I watched with almost horror at Newton made his way to our table and took the seat next to Jasper.

"Hey, guys, mind if I sit here?"

"No, not at all," Jasper said before he looked up at me. I guess that I had a less than happy expression on my face, because Jasper immediately mouthed, _Sorry_. I sighed and resigned myself to having Newton at our table, flirting relentlessly with Bella.

"So, Dr. Swan," Mike said, getting Bella's attention, "what do you practice?"

"I'm an oncologist."

"Another cosmetologist, Edward? Really?" I internally groaned as Jessica Stanley flopped down in the seat next to me. "At least we know you have type, right?"

I gritted my teeth as I answered her. "She didn't say that she is a cosmetologist. She's an oncologist. She's a doctor who treats cancer."

I guess I should explain. I don't like Jessica Stanley. Up until about eight months ago she made my life hell at work. She was always there; flirting with me. She'd bring me coffee in the mornings even though I was adamant with her that I wasn't a Starbucks fan. If she heard me in the hallway discussing a case with Jasper or another associate, she would pop out of her office and insinuate herself into the conversation. It finally came to a head one night when I was working late on a patent application that had to be processed the next morning.

I was deep into the paperwork and really concentrating on finishing it so that I could go home. I was tired and more than little frustrated that the application had been sent to me with such a close deadline. I had my door open for the cross breeze from the hallway. I thought I was the only person on the floor. I was wrong.

Jessica cleared her throat and when I looked up she was standing in my doorway. She had unbuttoned her blouse to the point that I could see the bra she had on underneath. I remember thinking, _what now_, as I looked up at her. I think I asked her something along the lines of 'what do you want.' She walked into my office, leaned over my desk, and said, "You."

Let me just say, that when I'm tired and frustrated, I am extremely cranky. I may have said a few things that hurt her feelings. Okay, I definitely said things that hurt her feelings, but seriously… enough is enough. I'd tried to be nice about everything and that didn't work. I tried to just ignore her and that didn't work. I'd had it.

She didn't speak to me again for several months, which was alright by me. Jasper asked me a few times about the absence of my stalker; his word not mine. Eventually the firm hired Newton and she moved on to him. I think that they did 'hook-up,' but I wasn't sure of their status. Frankly, I didn't care.

I was more concerned with the fact that she had plopped her ass down in the chair next to mine and had scooted it close to me… too close. I turned and frowned at her as I moved my chair a little closer to Bella.

"Ooo, a doctor," Jessica cooed. "How impressive." The whole table could hear the bile in her voice.

Bella took it in stride. "No more impressive than being an attorney, I'm sure," she said with a demur smile. She then reached out and took my hand. "Edward impresses me every time I'm with him. If all attorneys are like him, then it truly is a noble profession."

I could feel the stupid grin spread across my face. I turned to look into her eyes as I brought our joined hands to my lips. I softly kissed the back of her hand. She smiled and my heart almost burst. I knew that she was just putting on a show for my two overeager co-workers, but it still made my heart do that little flutter thing that I was finding less and less alarming.

"Hmm, how sweet," Jessica said before scooting her chair closer to Newton and turning her attention to him.

I leaned in so that I could whisper in Bella's ear. "Thanks. You have no idea how hard it would have been for me tonight if you weren't here. I owe you big."

"I'm sure you can figure out a way to re-pay me," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

I was shocked. I pulled back and looked at her for a minute before I leaned in again and whispered, "My, my, Dr. Swan. Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe," she said as she began to blush. She bit her bottom lip and I nearly lost it right there. "Do you want me to flirt with you?"

"Only if you mean it," I replied.

"Okay, I'll remember that."

After a light dinner of chicken cordon bleu and asparagus with hollandaise, one of the managing partners stood and thanked everyone for a good year. That is about all of his speech that I heard. I couldn't stop staring at Bella. She had released my hand to eat, but as soon as the plates were cleared, she scooted closer to me and placed her hand on my knee. I draped my arm across the back of her chair and she leaned slightly into my side.

I'm not sure if there is a Heaven or a Hell, but if there is, then I was surely in Heaven at that moment. I could have died a happy man that night. With her close proximity to me, I could smell her hair. She had to use strawberry scented shampoo. No one naturally smells that sweet, right? I brushed my hand along one of her smooth shoulders causing her to shiver. I couldn't help myself. I had to know if her skin was as smooth and soft as it looked... it was.

As the speeches came to a close, most of the older partners and associates said their goodbyes and left. Professor Theibert stopped by our table. He shook my hand and then took Bella's hand, raised it to his lips, and lightly kissed her knuckles.

"Tonight, you are the envy of all the men here, Edward," he said. Bella blushed and she lowered her head to hide it. "Bella is not only beautiful; she is intelligent and obviously modest. Treat her well... she is a keeper."

He left before I could say anything. I would have agreed wholeheartedly. I reached out and took Bella by the chin to raise her eyes to mine.

"He's right about you. Everything he said is true. I feel very lucky to have you here with me."

Bella's lips parted as if she wanted to reply. She paused and licked her lips. I inhaled sharply at the sight of her tongue darting out of her mouth. The rest of the world disappeared. It was like I was on auto-pilot. It's the only way I can explain it. I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips.

As I pulled back, I saw that her eyes were wide. "Was that okay? Should I have not done that?" I asked.

"No, no, it was fine. It was perfect actually."

"Look, they have a DJ this year instead of a band!" Alice exclaimed.

"I kind of liked the band last year," Jasper said with a slight pout. "They played some Pearl Jam."

"But it wasn't dancing music. You do dance, right, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Um, not usually. At least not in public. I'm afraid I may injury someone," she said with an embarrassed laugh.

"You're a doctor… fix them back up," I heard Jessica mutter. I shot her a glare that I hoped told her to shut the fuck up.

"You have to dance with me!" Alice said as she grabbed Bella's hand. The first song came out of the speakers and Alice dragged Bella to her feet. "C'mon!"

I watched as Alice started dancing and Bella stood there staring at her. Bella then threw her head back and laughed before she started to imitate Alice's moves. Soon other people joined them on the dance floor. Alice motioned for Jasper and he jumped up to dance with his wife. Angela, one of the paralegals, asked Mike to dance. This left me alone at the table with Jessica.

"So," Jessica said as she slid a little closer to me, "A doctor, hmm? You two seem awfully cozy. Been together long?" She ran one of her too long fingernails down my arm.

I moved my arm out of her reach and said, "No, not long." I didn't feel the need to share my personal life with this person who I didn't like.

"Oh, a new relationship. So you guys aren't that serious. How did you meet?"

"We're serious enough, Jessica and, frankly, how we met is none of your business. If you'll excuse me." I stood and turned directly into Bella. "Hi," I stammered in surprise.

"Um, the song… it's changed and I kind of need a partner now."

I paused to listen and recognized 'Lover Lay Down' by the Dave Matthews Band. "I'd love nothing more than to dance with you, love." I pressed my hand possessively to the small of Bella's back and walked with her back to the dance floor.

"You looked like you needed saving," Bella said as I took her into my arms.

"Yeah, I guess some people just can't take a hint." I lowered my forehead down until it touched Bella's. "Thanks for being here tonight."

"You've already thanked me… multiple times. You don't have to thank me again. I'm having a great time."

"Really?" I said as I pulled back to look at her. "I'm glad; I was afraid that you'd be bored and regret that you offered to help me out."

"Cut the crap, Edward. I think we both know that I'm not here simply as a favor to you. I like you… a lot. Much more than I wanted to and it scares me to death. I haven't felt this way about a man in almost a decade. Do you know how disconcerting that is for me? I'd given up ever having romantic feelings for anyone ever again and then you show up. I don't even know what to do about you most of the time. My brain is telling me that this isn't right and that it can't work. I'm your mother's doctor, for God's sake! I shouldn't be this close to a patient's family or a patient for that matter. I lose all of my objectivity.

"And then there's the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on Jacob, which makes absolutely no sense. He's gone and I should move on. I want to move on. Do you see how messed up I am? Do you have any idea what you're getting into? I'm probably the last person that should be in a romantic relationship with you or anyone else, for that matter. Jeez, Edward, I work _all the time_. I've basically married my career. I don't even know if I have time for a relationship.

"I sometimes think that I should just refer your mother to someone else, but I know more about her disease than anyone else in this state. Then I think that I should just tell you that I'm completely not interested and let you go find someone who isn't a basket case. You keep my brain tied in a knot about what to do with you. I don't know if I should push you away or pull you to me and never let go."

"Wow," I replied. "I don't know that I'm that fond of your brain meddling with 'us.' What does your heart say?"

She looked into my eyes and sighed. "It says that I'll probably never find another person as wonderful as you ever again. It's telling me to not be an idiot… to stop trying to push you away. It tells me that I deserve to be happy and that Jacob would want me to be happy. I tells me that my career won't keep me warm at night; that my career won't hold me when I cry or laugh with me when I'm happy. It tells me that I need more in my life… that I need you."

"I like your heart."

"I do too." The song changed again, this time to 'Low' by Flo Rida. Alice whooped and grabbed Bella's arm from around my neck.

"Let's shake it, girlfriend!" Alice said and she began gyrating around the floor. Bella shot me a look that clearly said, 'help me.'

I smiled and threw my hands up in surrender. "You're on your own. I know better than to go against Alice in a battle of wills."

"At least get out here and embarrass yourself with me," Bella said as she dragged me into the fray. I laughed when I looked over and saw Jasper doing the 'white boy dance.'

"See that," I said as I motioned to Jasper. "That is a white boy with no rhythm. That is me. I'll see you for the next slow song." I tried to leave the floor and was immediately pulled back in by a surprisingly strong Alice.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I can't dance to this," I said as I tried to retrieve my arm from her grasp.

"All you have to do is shake your hips… like this." Alice got behind me and placed her hands on my hips. She then began to jerk me from side to side.

"Jesus Christ, Alice, stop it!" I cried as I struggled to get away from her. I staggered free and ran into Bella who was laughing hysterically.

"Oh, you think this funny?" She nodded and then bent over at the waist as she clutched her stomach. I pulled her back into an upright position and said, "Shut-up and dance with me." I tried to find some semblance of a beat and feigned rhythm as I moved against Bella.

The song changed to something that sounded vaguely like a Britney Spears song, but I wasn't sure. I had to try to find the beat again, but I'd be damned if I was going to let go of Bella. She was pressed against my body and moving in way that she occasionally brushed against my crotch. I wasn't complaining.

"You aren't that bad," Bella said loudly.

"Yeah, whatever. I think we just complement each other. I know that I can't dance."

"Well, you're doing better than Jasper." I looked over to see him doing something that looked like he was imitating riding a motorcycle.

"What the hell is that?"

"I have no idea, but it's hilarious," Bella said as she laughed.

We danced for several more songs, before we both decided that it was time for a drink. We walked to the bar. I ordered a Crown and Seven. Bella got a ginger ale.

"You don't drink, do you?" I asked.

"Not anymore. I kind of had a problem with it… before. But I don't mind if you have a drink. I'm not tempted… really."

"I'm more of a social drinker." I took the drinks from the bartender and handed Bella her ginger ale. "I usually stop at two or three. I don't like to feel out of control." I took a sip of my very strong drink and grimaced. "They aren't skimping tonight. I'll probably have one more of these and then some champagne at midnight. I have to drive you home after all."

"You better remember that. I don't ride with people who are drunk," she said, pointedly.

I smiled and pulled her to me. "In that case… one of these and the champagne. I definitely don't want anyone else taking you home tonight."

"Like I'd go home with anyone else," she purred. I looked at her in confusion as the blush spread from her neck up to her cheeks. "I can't believe I say some of the things I say to you. I've never been so bold with a man before… at least not sober. What do you do to me, Edward?"

"I think it's the same thing that you do to me. I lose my ability to think straight. I seem to say and do things that I would never normally do. You make me crazy, Bella, but in a good way." I suddenly had an idea. "Wait here."

I walked quickly to the DJ and asked him if he had two particular songs. He said that he did, so I asked him to play them next. I rushed back to Bella and took her drink from her hand. I placed her drink and mine on the bar and grabbed her hand.

"I wasn't finished with that," she said as I started walking with her toward the dance floor.

"It's an open bar, I'll get you another one," I said just as the first notes began to play through the speakers. Alice hadn't let Jasper leave the dance floor yet, so I was able to see, if not hear, him groan.

"Really, Edward?" he asked.

"Oh my God," Bella gasped. "You had him play 'Ice Ice Baby?'"

"It's our song," I replied as I started to dance. I pulled Bella to me and whispered in her ear, "Dance with me to our song."

"This is _not_ our song," she said adamantly. I laughed and twirled her around as I tried to keep time with the beat. I looked around and noticed that the dance floor was filling up again. I guess everyone was up for a little nostalgia.

"I love this song," Alice yelled.

Jasper rolled his eyes and said, "I hate it!"

The DJ began bringing the volume down on Vanilla Ice as he turned up the volume on the next song I had requested.

"How about this one? Can this be our song?" I asked as 'What About Love' began to play. I pulled Bella close to me and buried my face in the hair that was draped across her shoulder. I felt her sigh as her body melted into mine. I leaned back to push her hair from her shoulder. I bent down and placed two gentle kisses on the perfect skin between her neck and shoulder.

She moaned and I nearly came undone. "This can be our song," she whispered.

I danced with Bella the rest of the night. As I had promised her, I didn't have another drink until the champagne at midnight. We were standing on the dance floor as the DJ counted down the seconds until midnight. Just as everyone exclaimed 'Happy New Year!' I turned to look at Bella.

"Happy New Year, Bella," I whispered to her as I brushed her cheek with my knuckles.

"Happy New Year, Edward." She took a step forward and wrapped her arms around my waist. I placed my champagne glass on the nearest table and took her face in my hands. I kissed her like I'd never kissed a woman before in my life. It was gentle, yet deep. I wanted to convey everything that I was feeling for her in that moment in that one kiss. I wanted her to know that I desired her, but that I would wait for her to feel the same way. I wanted her to know that I had hope for the future... a future with her. I wanted her to know that I felt more for her than I was ready to voice. I poured all of my heart and my soul into that kiss.

She pulled me closer to her and my arms slid around her shoulders. One of my hands fisted into her hair. The world fell away. It was just me and Bella and that one perfect kiss. I don't know how long we stayed like that. It must have been a while, because Jasper finally cleared his throat and broke the spell.

"Edward, seriously, get a room."

I reluctantly pulled my lips from Bella's and looked around the room. Everyone was staring at us. Bella buried her flushed face into my chest.

Tyler Crowley's wife punched him in the arm and said, "Why don't you kiss me like that?"

The room erupted in laughter. I leaned down and kissed the top of Bella's head. "Are you ready to go?"

"Oh yeah," she replied. I led her from the room. I got her wrap and helped her drape it over her shoulders. She refused to wait for me to get the car, opting instead to wait in the cold with me for the valet to bring it around.

I held her to my side. She kept repeating that she was so embarrassed; that she never behaved that way in public. I laughed and teased her. She poked me in the ribs.

"Hey, at least you don't have to see them all at work on Monday morning."

"This is true," she replied. That thought seemed to make her feel a little better.

I drove her back to her apartment. I didn't take my hand from hers until we got to the gate at the complex when I had to punch in her entry code. I parked in front of her building and walked her to her door.

"Well, I had a great time. I'm really glad you went with me," I said nervously. You'd think that after the PDA we'd shared that I wouldn't be so nervous around her, but, damn if she wasn't the most intimidating woman I'd ever known. I was standing there looking at her and wondering why a woman so beautiful and so intelligent would want someone like me. The more I thought at it the less sense it made.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked.

I thought that I had misunderstood her. "Pardon me? What?"

"It isn't midnight in Phoenix, so technically it isn't really the New Year for me yet. Do you want to come in and watch the ball drop? I have ABC West. I'm pretty sure that we can watch it drop... if you want to."

"Sure," I said a little too enthusiastically. We walked into her apartment. She threw her wrap and purse on one of the barstools.

"Make yourself at home, Edward. I'm going to change out of this dress." She went to what I assumed was her bedroom; leaving me with the beginnings of a major hard-on. All Little Ed heard was 'out of this dress.'

I swallowed back the excess saliva that was threatening to pour out of my gaping mouth. I was having completely inappropriate fantasies of Bella removing that dress. I shook my head and removed my coat and tie, placing them on the back of the chair in her living room. I slipped off my shoes and left them by the door.

I had just settled on the couch and started to flip channels on the television when Bella came back into the room in black pants and a t-shirt. She had brushed out her hair and pulled it into a ponytail.

"You look cute... and comfortable," I said. I looked down at her bare feet… red toenails! "Um, what color is that one called?" I asked as I pointed at her feet.

She looked down and cocked her head to one side. "I don't really remember. Ruby Slippers… Ruby Shoes… Ruby Heels… something like that. Do you like it?"

"It's a nice color." That was the best I could do at the moment. What I really wanted to tell her was that just the sight of those 'ruby' toenails made me want to do obscene and completely inappropriate things to her body. Probably not the impression I wanted to make at that moment.

"Thanks," she said. She sat next to me on the couch and motioned for the remote control. I gave it to her and she quickly found the channel she wanted.

"It's tape delayed from New York, but I still like to see it drop. My dad and I used to watch it every year when I was a kid. It's never the New Year for me until I see the ball drop in Time Square."

The time in the corner of the screen said that we had about twenty minutes before the ball would drop. I leaned back into the corner of the couch and pulled Bella to me. She sighed and settled in, placing her head on my chest.

I awoke to light streaming into my eyes. It took me a few minutes to ascertain that I was still in Bella's apartment and that the light was coming from her balcony doors. Then it hit me that I was stretched out on Bella's couch and that Bella was laying on top of me. I had my arms wrapped tightly around her body and she was curled into me with one hand clutching the front of my shirt.

I didn't want to move from that spot for the rest of my life, but I seriously had to go to the bathroom. I was debating on how I could get out from under Bella and not wake her when I heard her moan. Any human moment I might have needed dried up right then and there.

Softly, so softly that if she hadn't been so close to me I probably wouldn't have heard her, she mumbled, "Hmm, Edward, so sweet."

I cocked one eyebrow and whispered to her, "What's 'so sweet,' Bella?"

"Edward... Edward's so sweet."

"Only to you, my love... only to you," I whispered and began to run my hand up and down her back. We laid there for about another half hour. I rubbed her back and fantasized about how wonderful it would be to wake up to her like this every morning. I was truly disappointed when her breathing changed and she began to stir.

She slowly opened her eyes and rose from my chest. I met her eyes and said, "Hi."

"Oh my God... did we..?"

"We fell asleep," I answered her. She pushed up from me and stood up at the side of the couch.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she said as her hand flew to her mouth.

"For what?" I asked as I sat up on the couch. I reached out for her and pulled her closer to me. "This has been by far the best New Year of my life." I hugged her to me. I felt her nails against my scalp as she brushed my messy hair back from my face. I tried to pull her to me for a kiss, but she stopped me.

"I know that I have some major morning breath. Let me take care of it and then I'll make us some breakfast, okay?" She rushed from my arms and the need to relieve myself returned.

I followed her down a hallway. "Um, Bella," I asked before she retreated into the bathroom. She stopped and turned back to me. "Do you only have the one bathroom?" She nodded. "Okay, never mind." I turned to go back to the living room.

"You have to pee, don't you?"

"Lil' bit," I replied, turning back to her.

She laughed and motioned to the bathroom door. "You first. Just make sure you put the seat back down."

I could hear her in the kitchen when I left the bathroom. She was pulling out pans and placing them on the stove. I walked around the bar and said, "Need any help?"

"I got it. I hope you like pancakes."

"Love 'em!" I said happily. "Momma made them every Saturday when I was little."

"Good! As soon as I get back from using the bathroom, I'll start them."

I saw the sausage sitting on the counter by the stove. "We're having sausage too?" She nodded as she walked past me. "I can start that."

"Okay," she said. "The utensils are in the drawer by the stove. I'll be right back."

I took off my wrinkled dress shirt and draped it on the chair with my coat and tie, leaving me in my white 'wife-beater' t-shirt and suit pants. I washed my hands and found a serrated knife to begin cutting sausage patties from the package.

I was busy cutting sausage and placing it in the skillet when I heard Bella gasp from behind me. I turned with the knife still in my hand and said, "Are you okay?"

"Jeez, that's hot," she said, breathlessly.

"What's hot?"

"You... cooking... in that shirt... and those pants... Holy Mother of God." She placed her hand on her chest and leaned back onto the couch.

I looked down at myself and then back up at Bella. I smirked at her and said, "So you think that this is 'hot?'" She nodded. I turned and put the knife on the counter. I turned back to her and said, "Just what does it make you want to do?"

She cleared her throat and stood up. She took a deep breath and blew it out through her mouth. "Things that are completely inappropriate at this stage in our relationship," she finally answered. I smiled at her and turned to pick the knife up again. I had made one cut into the sausage packet when she stepped up to me and placed her hand on top of mine. "Seriously, you have to get out of my kitchen, right now. I'll end up killing myself in here with you looking like that. Go... sit... watch TV... I don't care. Just get out of here while I finish breakfast."

I laughed at her as I leaned down to give her a quick peck on the lips. "Fine, I'll take my 'hot' self to the living room and watch TV." I shook my head and sat down on the couch. I had made it through all of the channels twice when Bella told me that everything was ready. She had set two places at the bar. She put the plate of pancakes and the plate of sausage between to the place settings.

She scooped up her wrap and purse and carried them to her room as I took a seat at the bar. I had just placed four pancakes on my plate when she came back in. She looked at the counter and said, "Oh, I forgot the syrup." She went into the kitchen and got it from the pantry. She handed it to me as she took the barstool next to me. "I hope that they're good."

"I'm sure that they're wonderful." I handed her the syrup and took a bite of my breakfast. My eyes rolled back into my head. I would never tell Momma, because it would hurt her feelings, but Bella's pancakes were the best ones I'd ever had. "Fuck, these are good." I turned to see the shocked expression on Bella's face. "I said that out loud, didn't I? I'm so sorry. It just came out. I... I don't... I'm..."

"It's okay," she said as she turned to her own plate and began dousing her pancakes with syrup.

I reached out and touched her arm. "It's not okay," said. "It was rude and disrespectful to you. I'm truly sorry. I shouldn't talk like that in front of you. It's inappropriate language to use in front of a lady. My momma would kill me if she knew that I had said that around you. I really am sorry."

She looked at me and her expression softened. She smiled and said, "It's okay... really. Let's just eat and forget about it."

"Okay," I said. "These are really good; the best I've ever had."

"You're so sweet."

"Only to you, love," I said. Bella's eyes grew wide with surprise. "What?"

"Nothing," she mumbled. I then heard her say something that sounded like 'déjà vu,' but I wasn't sure.

We finished breakfast and I helped Bella clean up the mess. It was almost noon by then and I decided that it was probably time that I went home.

"I guess I should go. Thanks for last night and this morning too. The pancakes really were the best I've ever had… don't tell Momma." I shrugged on my shirt and fastened a few of the buttons before I draped my tie around my neck and put on my coat. I laughed at the irony.

"What's so funny?"

"I feel like I'm doing the walk of shame and I didn't even do anything shameful," I said as I laughed again.

"Yeah," she started, "I've been on that path a few times myself. Not some of my prouder moments, that's for sure."

I stepped closer to her and cupped her face with my hand. "Can I call you later?"

"I'm going to go into work for a while today. Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure." I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. As I pulled back she sighed and stood there for a few seconds with her eyes closed.

I opened the door and took a step outside. "I'll talk to you later." I was stalling. I really didn't want to leave.

"Pet Suzy for me," she said and reality kicked back in. I had left the dog alone overnight.

"Crap, I gotta go. She's probably pooped and peed all over my house by now!" I could hear Bella's laughter as I sprinted to my car.

I got in the car and quickly started the engine. I was pulling out of the gate when I heard my phone beep. I had left it in the car, because I had never in a million years thought that Bella would invite me inside and I sure as hell never expected to spend the night. I checked the phone at the first traffic light and saw that I had a message. I held down the one to call my voicemail.

Apparently, Momma and Daddy had called me not long after I had gotten out of the car to walk Bella to her door. Of course, Momma left a message.

"_Hey, baby, it's Momma. I just wanted to say, Happy New Year! __ I guess you're asleep."_

"_Or he went out. Don't just assume that he's asleep."_

"_I don't think that he was going to that party. He said he wasn't. Did you go to the party, Edward?"_

"_He might have just gone out. He didn't necessarily go to the party. __ He may be 'entertaining' right now and that's why he didn't answer the phone."_

"_Carlisle, that's just not a nice thing to say. Edward wouldn't go out and just pick up a random person and bring them back to his house. You wouldn't do that would you, bab__y?"_

"_You act like he can hear you. It's voicemail. Tell him 'Happy New Year' and hang up the phone."_

"_Happy New Year, baby! Daddy says it too. We'll call you later. Hug Suzy for me and tell her that I miss her. We love you. Bye!"_

I shook my head and closed the phone. I tossed it in the passenger seat as I turned into my driveway. I knew I had a problem the instant I opened the door. I could smell the foul stench of shit and the dog was standing there staring at me like 'where have you been.'

"You better have used the pad," I muttered to the mutt. She growled at me as I walked past her to the downstairs half bath. She had used the pad, but she had also used the floor in a couple of places.

"Great," I mumbled. I had a hell of mess to clean up. I walked past Suzy as I went to start opening the downstairs windows. I didn't care how cold it was outside… that smell had to go. She grabbed my pants leg as I tried to get past her and growled.

I swatted at her and said, "Let go, demon dog." She whimpered and I sighed. "Fine, I'll take you out." I walked into the kitchen to get her leash from the breakfast nook table. I managed to open the kitchen window and the nook windows before I took Suzy for her walk.

It took almost an hour to get the mess in the bathroom cleaned. I searched the rest of the downstairs for 'surprises,' but I didn't find any. The smell was a different story. I had to open the upstairs windows as well. I eventually found a forgotten can of Lysol under the sink in the kitchen and walked through the entire house spraying as I went.

I spent twenty minutes trying to get my contacts out of my eyes. As I peeled the left one off my iris, I muttered, "This is why I don't sleep in these damn things." I placed the torture device in the case and screwed on the lid. I then picked up a bottle of eye drops to try to sooth the burn of having to pry them from my eyes. That was a mistake. It was like putting drops of liquid fire in my eyes. I danced around my bedroom fanning my face… trying to put out the increasing burn.

"Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed as I stumbled into the bathroom to splash water in my eyes. "What the fuck is in this shit?" I rubbed my red and swollen eyes as I picked up the bottle of eye drops. I held it close to my face and tried to decipher the ingredients. I eventually gave up and threw the almost full bottle into the trash. When I looked down, I could barely make out the outline of the dog. I put on my glasses so that I could make sure that it was Suzy and not some creature that had wandered in through one of the open windows. I swear the dog was laughing at me.

My eyes eventually stopped burning, so I took a shower. I felt dirty from cleaning up dog shit and really wanted to wash off. I had washed my hands three times with anti-bacterial hand soap, but they still didn't feel clean. I scrubbed with my dead-sea salt soap in hopes of finally feeling clean again. Okay, maybe I do have a bit of the OCD.

As I stepped out of the warm shower, I was hit with the wall of freezing cold air in my house. I still had the windows up and I couldn't tell if I still smelled shit or if I was just imagining it. I decided to err on the side of caution and keep the windows up a while longer. I grabbed my bathrobe and wrapped it around me as I made my way to the bedroom to find some clothes.

I didn't want to have to go through that ordeal of cleaning up after the dog again, so I made sure that Suzy went for a walk every two hours for the rest of the day. I eventually got tired of freezing my ass off inside my house and closed all of the windows.

I had just fed the dog and was preparing my own dinner when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID, so I was reluctant to answer. I flipped the phone open and said, "Hello?"

"Hey, Edward," Daddy said. I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "How was your night?"

"A better question is 'how was yours.' You sound exhausted."

"The night was fine. This morning and today is another story altogether," he replied.

"Is everything okay? What's going on?"

"Your mother has had a rough morning. I knew that it was too good to be true. She was having too easy a time with this chemo." He sighed and I waited for him to continue. "She had a dose on Tuesday morning. It's a really high dosage, Edward, and it's for so long. Normal chemo is for about three to four hours; this is for seven hours. She sat in that chair for seven hours, Edward. This treatment may kill her."

"What are you talking about?" I said as I fell into one of the breakfast table chairs.

"They told us when we got here, that there is a fifty/fifty chance that the treatment will kill her before the lymphoma."

"And she still agreed to do it?" I exclaimed.

"Yes," he replied. "You know how she is. She's stubborn as hell. She'll do anything… take any chance… if there is even a possibility of beating this."

"Did you try to talk her out of?"

"What do you think?"

"You're right… stupid question," I muttered. Once Momma had made a decision, it was nearly impossible to change her mind. I know that Daddy had tried, but I also knew that he would never have been successful. "Where is she now?"

"She's sleeping… finally. She's been in the bathroom floor all day. I thought that I was going to have to take her to the emergency room for dehydration, but she was finally able to keep down some Gatorade."

"How are you?" I asked.

"Tired… worried… scared… angry… you name a negative emotion and I'm probably feeling it. It's so unfair."

"I know," I said softly.

"Anyway," he said, "how was your New Year's night?"

"It was great. I got your message. I ended up at the firm's party."

"That's good. Did you have a date?"

"Um, yeah. Don't freak out, but I took Bella."

"I'm not the one that you have to worry about 'freaking out.' Your momma will want full, minute-by-minute details when she's able to talk to you again. I just want to know if you had a good time."

"I had a great time. I ended up spending the night at her apartment."

"Edward… you didn't."

"Oh, God, no. We fell asleep waiting for the ball to drop in Time Square. We were on her couch. It wasn't like that at all."

"Are you going to see her again, or was last night a onetime thing?"

"Well, I'm not sure. She said that she likes me… a lot, but she works all the time. She wants me to call her tomorrow. I thought I'd ask her to dinner… maybe for Saturday night."

"Well, that's good. I know how much you like her. Maybe it will work out. Do you want me to tell your momma?"

"In her weakened state, she probably won't feel up to harassing me too much about it, so, yeah, go ahead." My phone beeped, signaling an incoming call. I looked at the screen and saw Bella's name.

"Do you have someone calling in?" Daddy asked.

"Yeah, but I can call her back." I really wanted to answer the call, but this was my daddy, who was hundreds of miles away taking care of my momma who was going through extremely difficult treatment for a highly deadly cancer. I thought that in this case, Bella could wait.

"Is it Bella?"

How did he know? "Um, yeah."

"For Pete's sake, Edward, answer the call!" He abruptly hung up the phone, leaving me in the clear to talk to Bella.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HaLF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, there you have it. Leave me a little something to let me know what you think.

Ch. 6 Recs: _The Hall_ by morgenlefay & _Damn Kid _(a one-shot) by light4dawn

On a side note, I still need a banner so that I can post _Only in My Dreams_ on Twilighted. It's up on , but I don't want to put it up on Twilighted without a kick ass banner.


	7. Chapter 7

I want to thank Charmie for all her help. Without it, I doubt that I would be posting this chapter at all.

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 7

"Hey!" I said quickly into the phone.

"Oh, hi. I was going to hang up," Bella said. I heard her clear her throat before she continued. "How was Suzy? Did she survive the night all alone?"

"Oh, yeah, she was... is fine. She's actually stopped growling at me when I put her leash on her to take her out for a walk.

"Well... that's good."

I smiled as I heard the hesitation in her voice. I could have made it easier on her and asked her why she was calling me, but I was kind of enjoying the fact that 'Miss Confidence' was a little nervous for a change.

"Did I tell you that I had a good time last night?" she asked.

"You did," I replied as I tried to suppress my laughter. I shouldn't have been enjoying her nervousness as much as I was, but, damn it; she intimidated the hell out of me most of the time. It was kind of nice for the shoe to be on the other foot.

"Um, okay. Have you talked to your mother today?"

"I was on the phone with Daddy when you called."

"Oh... do you need to get back to him?"

"No, he hung up." I couldn't stand it anymore. It was cute and all, but I seriously wanted to know why she was calling me. "I thought you were working today. I was going to call you tomorrow."

"I went in for a while... checked on a few patients."

"Okay," I prompted her.

"Oh, for God's sake," she muttered. "Do you like Chinese food?"

"Most of the time. I'm not a big fan of the all-you-can-eat buffet. I take it as a personal challenge and eat more than I should. Why do you ask?"

"I found this place on Greensprings Avenue that has a really good Mongolian combination dinner." She paused and I waited for her to continue. "Anyway... it's always way more than I can eat."

"Okay," I prompted her again.

I heard her sigh before she said, "I was wondering if you wanted to share it with me."

I looked over to the forgotten sandwich on the kitchen counter and then I looked down at my attire. I had changed into pajama pants and a sweatshirt after Suzy's last walk. It didn't take me long to make a decision about dinner. "Sure! Just tell me where it is. I'll put on some clothes and meet you there." She didn't say anything for several moments. I thought I might have lost the call. I looked at the phone; nope, no lost call. "Bella?"

"You don't have on any clothes?" she hesitantly asked.

"Maybe... maybe not. Why? What does it make you think about?"

"Well, it makes me wonder why you were talking to your dad in the buff. I also wonder if it's a common thing for you to walk around your house naked. I guess it would be your prerogative if you wanted to walk around your home without any clothes on; but still... Aren't you a little cold? Doesn't the cold usually adversely affect... certain parts?"

It was becoming increasingly difficult to not laugh at this point. "Why are you thinking about my... certain parts?" I teased.

"Never mind. I'm going home. I'll talk to you later."

"No, no, wait. I seriously want Chinese food now. Where are you?"

"I'm sitting in the parking lot of the Publix shopping center on Greensprings, but I don't want you to come here. I got the food to go. I thought that I could maybe bring it over to your house. Is that okay?"

I looked around and then sniffed the air. I couldn't really smell shit anymore and the house was clean. I glared at Suzy and tried to telepathically tell her to not shit anywhere before Bella got here. She glared back and let out a low growl.

"Sure, that'll be fine. I still need to put some clothes on though."

"Are you seriously naked?"

"You're a very literal person, aren't you?"

"Most of the time. Answer the question."

I laughed and then said, "No, I am not actually naked. I have on my pajamas. I thought that I would at least put on a pair of jeans and try to do something with my hair before you get here. Is that okay or would you prefer that I be, in fact, naked when you arrive?"

She didn't say anything, but then I thought I might have heard her mumble something to herself.

"Are you still there?"

"I'm still here and you're a tease. I don't think we're ready for you to be meeting me at the door sans clothes. Give me directions and I'll be there in a few," she said.

I gave her directions from the shopping center to my house. I actually shopped at that Publix, so I knew that I had about fifteen minutes before Bella would be at my house. I changed into a pair of faded jeans and ran my hands through my hair a few times. I rubbed the stubble on my face and decided that I really didn't have the time or the desire to shave.

I went back to the kitchen and put away my sandwich fixings. I wiped down the counters and then cleaned off the breakfast nook table. I thought that music might be a good idea, so I got my ipod from the docking station in my bedroom and placed it on the counter in the kitchen. I turned it on and Pearl Jam radiated through the room. I shrugged. I liked Pearl Jam and "Jeremy" was one of my favorite songs. It would probably switch to something else by the time she got to the house.

I looked down at the dog. "Do you need to go out again?" I asked as if she could answer me. "Please don't shit anywhere after Bella gets here. I don't want to be forced to kill you." She responded by narrowing her eyes and growling. I sometimes thought that she could understand me. I also thought that if she could talk, she'd tell me to go fuck myself.

I had one scented candle in the whole house. It was supposed to smell like vanilla. Momma bought it for me a few years before. I had put it under the sink in the kitchen. I found it earlier in the day when I also found the Lysol. I got it out and lit it before placing it on the breakfast table.

I surveyed the area and decided that it didn't look too bad... for a bachelor pad. I tended to be a neat freak. The house was always tidy and, for the most part, clean. The only wild card on this night was the dog. I walked to the half bath one last time to check the piddle pad. It was clean, but then I thought about where Bella would use the bathroom while she was here. I looked down at the dog.

"If I move this to my bathroom, can you remember where it is and use it?" She stared back at me blankly. "I'm losing my mind," I muttered.

I picked up the pad, showed it to Suzy, and walked with it to my bathroom. She followed me. When I put it on the floor, she walked over to it and sniffed it. She looked up at me approvingly. I took that as a good sign.

The doorbell sounded through the house and Suzy went nuts. She was barking her head off as she ran to the front door.

"Would you just shut-up," I yelled at her as I ran for the door. "Jesus Christ, you'd think that someone was trying to break down the door the way you're acting. Shut-up!" I slipped on the hardwood in the foyer and nearly faceplanted into the front staircase. "Fuck," I said under my breath.

I grabbed for Suzy and she scooted out of my grasp... barking incessantly. "Shut-up," I said to her again. I managed to push her back from the door with my foot without losing a toe. I opened the door to a very amused looking Bella. "Hi," I greeted her. "Ignore Satan's spawn. She likes you and I don't think she'll attack."

Bella laughed and handed me the bag of food. "Come here, precious," she said as she bent down with her arms outstretched. Suzy quieted immediately and rushed into Bella's arms. That reaction from the Hellhound still baffled the shit out of me.

Bella scooped up Suzy and walked through the door. I was shaking my head and looking at the two of them when Bella finally said something to me.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's just so surreal. Honestly, she hates everyone, but you." I took the food into the kitchen and began laying it out on the counter. "This smells really good. I've never had Mongolian combination before. I've had Mongolian beef... it was spicy."

Bella put Suzy down and went to the sink to wash her hands. "Usually Mongolian anything is spicy, but this isn't. It has more of a sweet flavor. It has chicken, beef, and shrimp in it. I think you'll like it."

"I'm sure I will." I took two plates and two glasses out of the cabinet. "I have tea, Diet Coke, water, and I may have a few Sierra Mist left over from the last time Momma was here. What's your poison?"

"I've had the tea around here... too much for me. I like to keep my sugar levels below the diabetes range, thank you. I'll take a Sierra Mist, if you have any... if not, then water will be fine."

I went to the pantry and found a Sierra Mist for Bella. I retrieved a Diet Coke from the refrigerator for myself. I put the cans on the table and then took the glasses to the refrigerator and filled them with ice before placing them both on the table as well. Bella had dished up the food when I returned to the counter. I took both plates from her and put them on the table. She followed behind me with two pair of chopsticks.

I shook my head and said, "I don't think so. I'd like to actually get some of the food into my mouth tonight."

"You can't use chopsticks?" she asked. I shook my head. "Really? Have you ever tried?"

"Once... in lawschool. Alice tried to teach me. More of the food ended up on the floor than in my mouth. I'm way too hungry at this point tonight to suffer through that again. I'm getting a fork."

She laughed at me and said, "You _cannot_ eat Chinese food with a fork."

"Actually, you can. I've done it on numerous occasions."

"It's just wrong on many levels," she replied.

"What's wrong is the Devil dog getting more of my meal than I do. She's like a tiny, fur covered vacuum cleaner when it comes to food hitting the floor."

"Let me teach you," Bella said as she took my hand. At that point, I would have done anything that she asked. The feel of her skin against mine made my brain shut completely off. It suddenly got very warm in the room and I thought that I might have seen stars or something like that. I don't know what was happening to me, but I was light headed and wanted more than anything to take her in my arms and kiss her until neither one of us could breathe. I nodded like an idiot and let her lead me to the table.

She showed me how to hold the chopsticks. Her hands were on mine the whole time and think that I might have forgotten to breathe. She smelled like strawberries again and I wanted to hold that scent in my head for as long as possible. I licked my lips and nodded as I think she instructed me on how to use those damned sticks. I have no real idea what she said. I was too focused on watching her lips move and imagining how it would feel to have my tongue in her mouth. Or vice versa... I wasn't really picky about whose tongue went where.

Bella helped me pick up a piece of beef. I slowly tried to get it into my mouth. I almost had it to my lips when it flew out of the chopsticks and landed on the floor. Suzy sucked it up like a Hoover vacuum. I don't even think that she chewed it up. Bella doubled over laughing.

I frowned at her and said, "Are we done with this little experiment?" She continued to laugh. "Can I please have a fork now?"

"No," she said as she gasped for air. "You have to try again."

"Bella, come on. I'm starving. Please let me have a fork."

"You are not 'starving.' Try again." She took my hand and repositioned the chopsticks. I picked up a shrimp this time and actually got it in my mouth. She looked at me with a very satisfied expression. She continued to stand beside me as I managed to get a piece of chicken and a few onions into my mouth.

"See," she said as she sat in the chair next to mine, "you _can_ use chopsticks."

"For the meat and the onions... sure, but what about the rice. That's going to be dang near impossible," I said as I continued to slowly manipulate the food into my mouth. "And this is going to take forever to eat. I could take much larger bites with a fork." I don't know what went wrong, but another piece of meat landed on the floor at Suzy's feet. She gobbled it up. I gave Bella a look that I hoped said, 'see.'

"Quit complaining and eat your food," she said with a smile.

"I know that the Chinese people are supposed to be smart and all, but really... eating with sticks? You'd think that one of them would have looked at a shovel or a pitchfork at some point and thought 'aha!' or something."

Bella threw her chopsticks down on the table and began to laugh hysterically. I looked at her for a long time; wondering what was so funny about what I had said.

She wiped her eyes and said, "You're insane."

"I was serious," I muttered.

She started laughing again. "That just makes it funnier."

Bella finally regained her composure and we were able to finish the meal. She showed me how to eat the rice with the chopsticks. I was right... it took forever. Suzy got as much of my food as I did. Bella helped me clean up and we retired to the living room.

"So, do you want to watch a movie... maybe some TV? It's up to you." I didn't want her to leave. I would do whatever she wanted to keep her at my house for as long as possible.

"This house is crazy huge. I was driving up to it and thought that you might have another family living in the upstairs. Is it just you here?"

"Yep, it's just me. Would you like a tour?"

"Yeah," she said enthusiastically.

"Well, you've seen the kitchen and the breakfast nook." I walked across the living room to the double doors at the opposite side. "This, of course, is the living room. You saw the foyer when you came in. The room to the right of the front door is my home office and the room to the left is the formal dining room." Bella followed me back out into the hallway. I walked down the hall. "This is the half bathroom... if you need to go... or anything." I said it and then felt like a complete moron. I cleared my throat and walked on down the hall.

I gestured to the right. "This is a spare room. I put the piano and my guitars in here."

"You're a musician?" she asked.

"Uh, well, that might be a stretch. I can play the piano and the guitar, but I don't think I'm that good."

"Would you play something for me sometime?" she asked.

"Okay," I said before I was truly aware of what I was agreeing to do. I hadn't played for an audience since high school. "Um, my bedroom is through here." Bella walked through the door before me and looked around. She went to the floor to ceiling windows that faced the back of my property. It was that view that had sold me on the house.

"This is a beautiful view," she said. I nodded even though she couldn't see me. I couldn't speak at that moment. My inner teenage boy was screaming that I had Bella in my room. I was having a very difficult and serious internal fight with myself. One part of me wanted to grab her up and throw her on the bed. The other more grown up and sane part knew that this wasn't really the right time for this. My inner teenage boy began to pout.

She turned and I cleared my throat. "Um, yeah, uh, the bathroom is there," I said as I pointed to my right. She walked into the bathroom and laughed.

"Is that a bidet?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "It was here when I moved in. I've never used it. I don't even know how to use it or if it even works."

"That's hysterical."

"Yeah, I know. Do you want to see the upstairs?" I asked as I started out of the master suite.

"What's upstairs?" she asked as she followed me back to the double doors that separated the living room from the hall and the foyer.

"Three more bedrooms and three more bathrooms," I replied.

"This place a frigging huge," she said. "Why do you need so much house?"

"Do you always say the first thing that pops into your head?"

"Usually, yes. Answer the question."

"I don't need this much house. It was a foreclosure. I came out with Jasper to look at it before it went to auction. I fell in love with the view from the bedroom. I put in a bid and won it. I can't help it. I love the house. It's in a great neighborhood. It's built on three lots. It has a pool. What's not to love? I couldn't resist it. Plus, they accepted my ridiculously low bid."

"That makes sense," she said as she walked into the living room and sat on the couch. "So, you've lived here all by yourself since you bought it?"

I smiled. I knew what she was asking. "I haven't had a roommate since Jasper and that was in lawschool. Momma and Daddy moved in for a few weeks when she was going through chemo... the breast cancer, you know. It's just me and, at the moment, the dog from Hell."

"Hmm,"she said as she bent down to scratch Suzy behind the ear. I walked into the room and sat on the opposite end of the couch, turning so that I could face her. She looked up at me and asked, "Do you ever get lonely?"

"Sometimes," I answered truthfully. "I miss having someone to talk to, especially if I've had a bad day. I've started talking to her," I said as I pointed at Suzy. "That kind of worries me. I think I may be losing my mind. You live alone too. Do you get lonely?"

She furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side before she said anything. "I didn't used to, but lately I have. I want someone to talk about my day with me. I want someone to watch television with me. I want someone to help me prepare dinner. That sounds kind of needy, doesn't it?"

"I don't think so. I know what you mean. If you hadn't called, then I would have had a turkey sandwich for dinner. I'd have probably watched TV alone, walked the dog a couple of times and then gone to bed. Boring, huh?"

"So, my bringing you a hot meal made your night?"

"The food had nothing to do with it, Bella. Just being in the same room with you makes my night. I'd gladly never eat again if it meant I could spend every night in your presence."

The expression on Bella's face made me want to retract everything I had just said. "I'm so sorry. I have no idea why I said all that. Just forget it, okay?"

"That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me," she whispered as she leaned toward me.

"Oh," I said as I leaned toward her.

"Did you mean it?" she asked. She scooted across the couch until her knee touched mine.

The butterflies that were always in my stomach when I was around Bella took flight at that moment. "Every word," I answered again with complete honesty.

"If you don't kiss me soon, I may explode."

She didn't have to tell me twice. I took her face in my hands and kissed her. I kissed her hard and deep. I shifted to get closer to her and the next thing I knew, she was straddling my lap. I wasn't complaining. Our new position on the couch meant that I could hold her closer to me. But it still wasn't close enough.

I slid down the back of the couch, pulling Bella with me, until we were laying there; making out like a couple of teenagers. Bella ran her fingers through my hair causing chills to course through my entire body. Her shirt had ridden up in the back. My fingers found her bare flesh and I couldn't resist touching her soft, smooth skin.

She moaned into my mouth and I groaned. She was killing me slowly and I was loving it. I was suddenly grateful that I was wearing loose fitting jeans, because I was hard as a rock. Bella ground into me and I broke our kiss as my head fell back in equal parts ecstasy and agony.

She kissed my chin and then my jaw. She moved down to my neck before settling on the skin just behind my ear. My hands slid up her back until my fingers grazed the clasp of her bra.

"Jesus, Bella, you're killing me," I moaned. "I want you so much right now."

She leaned up and looked into my eyes. "I want you too... so much. I haven't wanted anyone like this in a long time. It scares me, Edward."

"I would never hurt you," I told her. I knew it was the truth. To hurt her would mean hurting myself. "I don't want just one night with you, Bella. I want so much more."

She bit her lip as her eyes welled with tears. I touched her cheek and said, "Don't cry. I didn't say it to make you sad."

"I'm not sad, Edward. I'm the opposite of sad. You make me feel things that I never thought I'd ever feel again. I want more than just tonight too."

Bella stayed with me that night.

I awoke to the sounds of an alarm clock, but when I reached out to hit the 'snooze' button, the alarm sounded again. My sleep addled brain finally registered that it was my cellphone and not the alarm clock. My mind also registered the fact that there was a slight weight on my chest and the delightful aroma of strawberries in my nose. I inhaled the wonderful fragrance… Bella.

The phone rang again. I fumbled around on the bedside table with one hand until I located first my glasses and then the phone.

I held it up and silenced it. I saw the name 'Momma' on the screen.

"Hello?" I whispered into the phone as I slowly and carefully removed myself from underneath Bella. She stirred slightly and then snuggled into the pillow where my head had been.

"Hey, baby, why are we whispering?"

I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. "Um, I kind of have company," I confessed as I entered the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.

"Company?" she asked.

"Yeah… I mean, yes ma'am."

"Edward Anthony Cullen, remembering your manners will not get you out of this one. I thought you had a good time with Bella just two days ago. Your daddy said that ya'll went to that party and that it went well. I thought that you both might have come to your senses. I can't believe that you would bring someone else to your house and… do things with them."

I sat down at the breakfast table as the coffee started dripping into the pot. "Are you finished?" I asked.

"I swear if I were there, I'd bend you over my knee. I raised you better than this, Edward."

"Can I say something now?"

"What? What could you possibly say that would fix this? You do realize that this will ruin any chance you might have had with Bella, right?"

I looked up as Bella walked into the room. She was wearing one of my old U of A Lawschool t-shirts, her panties, and no shoes. Damn those red toenails!

"Who's on the phone?" she asked. She ran her fingers through my bedhead hair as she walked past me to the coffee pot.

"Momma," I answered her.

"Tell her 'hi' for me," she said as she poured two mugs of coffee.

"Bella says 'hi,' Momma." I smirked as Momma stayed silent for a longer than normal amount of time. "Are you still there?"

"Bella is your 'company?'"

"Yes, ma'am." Bella sat next to me, placing a mug of coffee at me free hand. I smiled thanks and took a sip of my coffee as I waited for Momma to finally speak again.

"Atta, boy!" she exclaimed.

"So, you approve?" I asked as I placed my mug on the table and put my hand on Bella's thigh.

"Wholeheartedly! And may I add that it's about time."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I guess that's when Bella and I started dating. I use the word loosely. Bella wasn't kidding when she told me that she worked all the time. Finding time to see each other was challenging. I had gotten spoiled by the holidays. After New Year's, Bella went back to her normal schedule of practically living at the hospital.

I almost got the feeling that she didn't want to see me sometimes, but then I had to remember that she was trying to save lives. There were many times that Alice and Jasper had to verbally slap some sense into me and give me some perspective on the situation. I had an eight to five job. Bella had a twenty-four hour calling. It wasn't just a job for her… it was her life's work.

The last verbal lashing Alice gave me about the whole thing made me realize that I was being a selfish prick. Whining about never seeing my girlfriend… my DOCTOR girlfriend who was trying to cure cancer, one patient at a time… was petty. I started making more of an effort to work around her schedule instead of belly-aching about her working around mine.

Bella would usually stay late at the hospital, and sometimes even stay the night, if she had a patient that was not doing well. She told me that she couldn't bear to not be there if something went wrong. On those nights, I would bring dinner for us to eat in her office.

It was on one of these 'dates' that Bella started the Question Game.

"What's your favorite color?" she asked me between bites of Mongolian combination.

"I don't have one," I answered as I managed to get a piece of chicken into my mouth using two sticks. Yes, I was eating with the chopsticks. No, I wasn't particularly good at it and I didn't like it. It made Bella smile and that is the only reason I wasn't demanding a fork.

"Oh, come on. Everyone has a favorite color."

I looked up at her and smiled. "Brown."

"That's sweet, but I'm serious," she said.

"So am I. I like brown... and red," I added in a whisper.

"What was that?" she asked with a smirk.

The shrimp I was trying to eat fell back onto the plate. I sighed and put down my chopsticks. "I said that I like red too. Damn it, Bella. You drive me crazy with those red toenails. Your feet are just about the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

"Do you have a foot fetish?" she asked as she tried to suppress her giggles.

"No, I do not have a foot fetish. I do not want to suck on your toes or do obscene things with your feet. I just think that red nail polish is sexy. You have sexy feet." I picked up my sticks and tried to get that shrimp up to my mouth again. It fell back onto the plate and I sighed. I stabbed it with one of the sticks and put it in my mouth.

"That's cheating," Bella said.

"I'm starving. Cut me some slack, okay? At least I'm trying."

"You are and I think that's sweet too. Who's your favorite band?"

"I don't have just one."

"Do you always have to make this complicated? How many do you have?"

"There are three that come to mind and I'm not making anything complicated. You're asking ambiguous questions."

"Okay, fine. If you were stranded in your house and could never leave it ever again, what CD could you absolutely not live without?"

"Why would I never be able to leave?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Are you purposely trying to be difficult?"

"No, it's a silly question."

"Fine. What are your _three_ favorite bands?"

"In no particular order, except maybe chronological because you know I have OCD, Led Zeppelin, Pearl Jam, and Dave Matthews Band. Jimmy Page is a genius, Eddie Vedder is a poet, and Dave... well, Dave is just the man."

"You know that makes no sense."

"What? Dave _is_ the man. Have you heard _Big Whiskey and the Groo Grux King_? He's an artist in every sense of the word."

"So Dave is your favorite?"

I shake my head and roll my eyes. She hasn't heard a word I've said. "Sure, Dave is my favorite."

"What's your favorite type of food?"

"You're all over the board tonight! Colors, music, food... where are we going next?"

"I have no idea. I guess my ADD is kicking in. Food?"

"Italian. I could eat it for every meal. I love pasta. A good veal parmesan is paradise for my taste buds. What about you?"

"Truthfully?" I nod. "Your mother's Christmas dinner menu. I've never had food that good in my life. I can't wait for December this year."

"Momma's Christmas menu really isn't a food type," I said. I fist pumped as I finally got a shrimp into my mouth with the chopsticks... and not by stabbing it.

Bella laughed at my antics and then replied, "Well, it should be."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella actually took the night off for Valentine's Day. To say that I was a bit excited would have been an extreme understatement. I had booked us a table at Satterfield's. It's usually a two month wait to even get on the list, but Prof. Theibert pulled some strings for me and got us in.

I didn't tell Bella anything about the night other than to dress like she was going to the Club. She asked if I was taking her to the Club again with a slightly pained expression. I laughed as I told her that I wasn't, but that the place I was taking her was about as old and almost as exclusive. She then proceeded to lecture me on not trying to impress her.

I think her exact words may have been, "You've already convinced me to give you a shot, Edward. You've obviously already impressed me in some way. Don't go overboard."

I ignored her. Bella was special. I had never felt the way I felt with her. She deserved the best and I intended to give it to her.

I picked her up for our eight o'clock reservation at seven. I took the stairs to her apartment two at a time and knocked on the door. I was struck speechless when she opened it. She had on a strapless red dress that fell just below her knees. Her hair was up causing her neck to look longer than it usually did. Her shoulders were exposed and I was suddenly no longer hungry... at least not for food. All I wanted to do at that moment, and for the rest of the night, was worship at the altar of Bella.

I completely forgot about the rose I had in my hand. It was white with red tips on the petals. I was standing there gaping at the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen when Bella said, "Is that for me?"

"What?" I managed to mumble.

"That," she said as she pointed at the flower. "Is it for me?"

"Uh huh," I nodded and held it out to her."

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "You... you're... wow... I... no words..." I knew that I was stuttering and stammering like an idiot, but, seriously, you should have seen her.

"It's just a dress, Edward." She stepped back into the apartment and I followed, shutting the door behind me. She walked into the kitchen and retrieved a vase from the cabinet.

"Not on you. On you, _that_ is a work of art. My God, you're gorgeous." I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I kissed her shoulder and felt her shiver.

"You're cheesy," she said as she turned in my arms.

"I'm honest," I said before I captured her lips with mine.

She broke our kiss and asked, "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," I said as I leaned in to kiss her again.

She leaned away from me and said, "You know that I hate surprises."

I kissed her neck and said, "You'll like this one."

She gasped and her head fell back. I kissed a trail from her neck down to her shoulder. "If you keep that up, we won't be going anywhere," she moaned.

"Um, promise?" I said as I continued to kiss and tease her neck and shoulder.

"Okay... you have to stop," she said, pushing on my chest. I pulled her tighter to me and ignored her. "Seriously, Edward... stop."

"No," I growled between kisses. "Don't wanna."

"I spent two hours getting my hair to do this. And this dress wasn't exactly cheap. I'd like someone besides you to see it before it ends up on the floor of one of our bedrooms."

This stopped me. I pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Seriously, that's where you see the night going?"

She smirked and said, "If you play your cards right, big boy."

I cocked one eyebrow and said, "Well, what are we waiting for, Dr. Swan? Let's get you seen and back here as quickly as possible!"

We walked into the restaurant and I heard Bella gasp. Satterfield's is beautiful on a normal night, but they had gone all out for Valentine's Day. There was hardly a surface not covered in red roses or red rose petals. The lights were dimmed more than normal and each table looked as if it had been placed to optimize the intimacy of the area.

Bella and I were seated next to each other. I took her hand in mine as we waited for the waiter to take our orders.

"You look beautiful tonight," I told her. "You always look beautiful, but tonight... that dress. I didn't think anything could top New Year's, but I think maybe this dress did."

"I'm glad you like it. You did say that red is one of your favorite colors." She smiled mischievously. "The toenails match the dress, by the way."

I smiled and placed her hand on my upper thigh. She slid it up and her eyes widened as she felt my obvious arousal. "Let's eat quickly and get out of here."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella was the first girlfriend I had ever taken with me to my birthday dinner with the family. My actual birthday fell on a Thursday in 2009, so my dinner was planned for that Friday... the tenth. Bella worked the ninth and was off the entire day on the tenth. We went to Gadsden. Momma and Daddy were in town, although they were scheduled to leave again the next week.

I had no idea what the sleeping arrangements would be at Momma's house. I didn't say anything to Bella on the drive up and she didn't ask. We pulled into the driveway and Daddy came out to greet us with Suzy following not far behind him.

Bella scooped up the dog and began to nuzzle her with her cheek. I shook my head at the display of affection. "That still baffles me," I said as Daddy came around the car to help with the bags.

"It is a mystery," he said with a chuckle. "Go on up to the house, Bella. Esme is finishing Edward's cake. I'm sure she'd love some company." He turned back to me and said, "Apparently, I hover and make her nervous. I've been banned from the kitchen."

"How's she feeling?" I asked as I placed Bella's bag on the driveway and reached into the trunk for my own.

Daddy picked up Bella's bag and said, "She's tired and she's weak. She's pushing herself too much. I can't get her to slow down. She keeps saying how she's not going to let it beat her. I get it... I do... but she needs to know that she has limitations now."

We started for the house and I said, "She didn't have to make me a cake. I've had the ones from Publix... they're really good."

Daddy stopped just outside of the garage. "Don't let her hear you say that. All she's talked about for the last week was making you a cake. I think she's unhappy about us all going out to eat tonight instead of having her cook. The cake was something that she wasn't willing to concede."

"I just meant..."

"I know what you meant, but she may take it the wrong way. Just smile and say 'thank you.' And for Pete's sake, tell her that the food tonight isn't as good as her cooking. I don't want to have to deal with the aftermath if you actually like The Fish Market better than her stuffed halibut."

We walked into the house and I was a little taken aback by what I saw. Momma was sitting on a barstool as she frosted my cake. Bella was leaning against the counter talking to her. She looked up when I walked through the door. If I hadn't know Bella so well, I would have thought that she was smiling and having a good time, but I could see the worry in her eyes even though she had a smile on her lips.

Momma turned and I had to make myself not run to her and pull her into my arms. She was pale to the point that she was gray. Her eyes were sunken in with deep purple circles underneath. I could see every bone in her face. Her bald head was covered with a scarf, but a few stubborn strands remained and were coming out of the sides. I turned and looked at Daddy. He had a smile plastered on his face as well, but his eyes glared at me. I mentally kicked myself and pulled it together.

"So," I started with fake enthusiasm that I hoped sounded more sincere than I thought it actually did, "where do you want us?"

Momma smiled and the effect was frightening. I tried hard to not shudder. I saw Bella's eyes widen, but she quickly recovered. Momma looked between the two of us and finally said, "You can both take Edward's old room." She turned back around and picked up the frosting knife. That's when I noticed the slight shake of her hand.

"Esme," Bella said as she placed a hand on my momma's arm, "I can sleep in the guest room... like at Christmas. I think that it would be more appropriate."

"Nonsense," Momma said. Her voice was too gravelly and it made me wince. "We're all adults here and I'm not naïve. Anyway, I don't want to have to clean two rooms when you're gone."

"That makes sense," I said with pseudo-cheerfulness." I turned and started through the house to the bedrooms. Daddy followed.

We got into my old bedroom before I turned on him. "Jesus Christ! What happened to her? She didn't look this bad when ya'll got back last week. What the fuck?"

Daddy glared at my last outburst, but said nothing. "We were told that this could happen. They're basically killing her. She'd actually been doing too well." He sighed and placed Bella's bag on the bed. "She can't keep anything down. She's living on Similac and Ensure. She sleeps in one or two hour increments. She tries to not show it and she never complains, but I know that she's in pain. I don't know how much longer she can keep it up. I'm hoping to get Bella alone this weekend and pick her brain."

"Back up. What do you mean by 'too well'?"

"Apparently, most patients in the study are permanent residents of the hospital by this stage in the treatment. Your mother's stubborn body, not to mention her stubborn attitude, refused to get to that point. She was too determined to be here for your birthday."

I groaned and sat down hard on the bed. "She should be in the hospital where they can take care of her. I'm not as important as her health."

Daddy sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "You don't get it. You are the most important thing in your momma's life. You're the most important thing in my life. Everything else is secondary. You are our greatest accomplishment."

The weekend continued as planned with everyone smiling and acting like nothing was wrong, but none of our smiles ever really reached our eyes. I was really proud of Rosalie. She kept her opinions to herself, which is highly unusual for her, and maintained an upbeat appearance throughout dinner Friday night. I would have thought that she hadn't noticed Momma's condition if I hadn't seen her breakdown into sobs the second Emmett got her into their car for the trip back to their house.

Daddy got Bella alone Saturday night and asked his questions, many of which Bella couldn't answer. She'd never seen anyone able to get out of bed at this stage, much less bake a cake or go out to dinner. She promised to make some calls. She also suggested that they get back to Texas as soon as possible.

Bella and I were laying in the bed Saturday night, trying to find sleep, when she said, "Your mother is a fighter. If anyone can beat this, I think that it's her. She's... remarkable."

I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head. "Thanks. I needed to hear that. Watching her move her fish around her plate last night and seeing her trying to function normally today has had me scared to death."

Bella rose up on her elbow so that she could see me and said, "I'm not saying that she will beat it, Edward. I don't want to give you false hope. I'm saying that the fighter in her gives her a better than average chance. She won't give up. That's exactly the attitude she needs."

"I know. I'm under no misapprehension about the severity of the situation. I know that her chances aren't great, but you're right... she won't give up."

Bella laid down and snuggled into my side. "She says that she has to stick around to see her grandchildren born."

I didn't say anything for a long time. I didn't' really know what to say. Bella and I had only been officially dating for four months. I wasn't sure if Momma saying that to Bella freaked her out, like it did me, or not. "Um, okay, uh, not sure what to do with that one."

Bella giggled and I could feel her shake her head. "Don't worry, Edward. My biological clock isn't ticking yet. Your momma just likes to drop hints. Just because she's putting the cart before the horse doesn't mean that I'm following suit."

I sighed and thought,_ Oh, thank God!_

We packed up the following day for the trip back to Birmingham. I had expected to take Suzy back with us, so when Daddy didn't have her bag ready to go, I was curious. "Where's the dog's sh- stuff?"

Daddy smirked and shook his head. "Nice save. You don't have to take her with you."

"I don't mind keeping her. I think we have a tentative truce. If nothing else, we don't hate each other anymore. It's more of an intense dislike now. I think that I've proven that I won't kill her."

"It's not that. Esme doesn't think that she can make the flight. She wants to take the RV. Actually, I think that she's just tired of the flying. You know how she hates it. I don't think that she wants the stress of it. We can take Suzy in the RV."

"That makes absolutely no sense. It will take forever to drive all the way to Houston, Texas from here. Tell her that flying makes more sense. We can wait for you to get the dog ready to go."

"Yeah. Why don't you go and do that. Explain it to her. See how far you get, because I got nowhere when I tried. She's made up her mind and there's no changing it. You aren't new to this family. You should know this by now."

"Does she realize how long of a drive it is?" I asked.

"She googled it. It will take about twelve hours. We have to be there by Thursday morning. We're leaving Tuesday morning. She wants to drive half way Tuesday and finish the trip on Wednesday. She already has it all planned. She even talked with the hospital. They're letting us park in one of the off-site parking areas."

"Ever the planner," I mumbled. "They didn't try to change her mind?"

"I have no idea. All I know is that she's made all the arrangements and I'm expected to follow orders. I've been doing the same dance for almost forty years. I'm good at it."

"Your whipped," I teased.

"I am and I love every minute of it. And anyway, you have no room to talk."

The women came out of the house before I could respond. Bella helped Momma down the steps and held her hand as they walked out of the garage and down the driveway to the car.

"Momma," I admonish her, "you didn't have to come out here. I was going to come back in to you to say goodbye."

"I am _not_ an invalid. This is all temporary. I'll be back to myself in no time," she said adamantly.

That wasn't the case. They made it back to Houston by Thursday morning; not Wednesday afternoon. Momma was immediately admitted to the hospital. She was in such bad shape, the treatments had to be postponed for two weeks while she regained some strength. Bella flew out when the treatments resumed to observe.

Momma was an anomaly; no real newsflash to those of us who had known her our whole lives. She didn't respond as they expected. It was as if her body was fighting not only the lymphoma, but also the treatment. The doctors, including Bella, had never seen anything like it. The research team was working non-stop to find a different formulation just for my mother.

I called Momma on Mother's Day. Daddy gave her the phone and I told her that I loved her and wished her a happy day. She tried to laugh and began coughing. I winced at the sound. She told me that she got my flowers. I tried to make small talk with her, but I could hear her labored breathing through the phone.

Finally, she apologized and told me that she just couldn't hold the phone any longer. She thanked me for calling and told me that she loved me before handing the phone back to Daddy. He mumbled something about her tiring easily, told me that he'd talk to me later, and abruptly hung up the phone.

It was the last week in May when they tried the new formulation. Within a week the lump on her neck disappeared and the other lumps that had started to form in her other lymph-bearing areas began to shrink. It was the first good news we'd heard in over a month.

Bella called me daily with updates. I missed her terribly, but I was glad that she was there with Momma. I trusted her more than I trusted any other doctor to take care of my mother. Who am I kidding? I trusted her more than I trusted any other person period; whether it was Momma's life, Daddy's life, or my own.

I called Daddy on June 21st, Father's Day, to let him know that even with all the focus on Momma, he was still the greatest father in the world. I know I'm biased. Anyway, I was more than thrilled when Momma answered his phone.

"Hey, baby!" she said cheerfully. Gone was the disturbing gravel sound I'd been hearing for the last several weeks. She also didn't sound like talking to me was making her more exhausted than if she was running the New York City Marathon.

"Well, hello, there. How do you feel?"

"I wish that wasn't the first question that everyone asks me," she complained.

"Sorry. Um, what's shakin', bacon?"

"Ha ha," she deadpanned. "If you must know, I feel great. I can eat most anything I want as long as I stay away from really spicy things and my hair is coming back. I have peach fuzz, Edward! Peach fuzz!"

"Well, that's good, I guess. Is that normal?"

"Oh, who knows. Apparently, I'm not normal. They're writing papers about me. I'm going to be famous!"

I laughed. "You are in a really good mood."

"Life is good, Edward. You should enjoy life more. It's precious and you never know when you may run out of it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella flew back home on August 1st. I picked her up at the Birmingham airport. I was waiting for her at the luggage carousels when I saw her descending on the escalator. Before I could sweep her off the steps and into my arms, she flew at me and wrapped her arms and her legs around my body. I kissed her like I hadn't seen her in months. Wait, I hadn't seen her in months. God, how I missed her!

She slid down my body and found her footing, but didn't removed her arms from around my neck. "I have missed you so much," she said breathlessly.

"I know. Me, too. I didn't think this day would ever get here." She finally removed her arms and took my hand in hers. We walked to baggage claim to wait on her luggage.

Momma and Daddy came home the week after Bella. The good news was that Bella now had the formulation for Momma's protocol and could administer it in Birmingham. Momma and Daddy would have to go to Texas for one week a month instead of three. Momma was feeling much better. She had about a half inch of hair on her head and her color was back to normal.

I asked Bella about the improvements. It didn't seem normal to me, but I'm not a medical doctor.

"It's normal," she explained. "The goal of the protocol is to eventually administer it one time a month for the rest of the patient's life... or until the body stops responding to it. I'm happy to say that your momma is responding better than anyone we've ever had in the study. The prognosis for her is good."

The entire family was overjoyed at the possibility that we would have Momma around for a long, long time. Rosalie and Alice resumed the bi-monthly girl's day out with Momma, but now they included Bella. I watched as Bella was assimilated more and more into my family. She and Alice went for pedicures every other week. We had dinner with Jasper and Alice at least once per week.

It seemed that the fates were smiling down on us. Momma was doing far better than could have been predicted. Bella's other cases were also doing quite well. She had to spend less and less time at the hospital. We spent more time together. We learned more about each other. I fell more in love with her than I thought was possible.

Her birthday was coming up and I wanted to do something really special for her. I knew that she hadn't seen her dad in a long time. I decided that I would fly him to Birmingham for her birthday, but I had no idea how to get in touch with him to plan this. I started trying to drop hints to Bella.

"Your dad's name is Charlie, right?" I asked one night as we cooked dinner at my house.

"Yep," she replied.

"That's short for Charles? Charles Swan?"

"Yeah," she said slowly as she turned to look at me with a confused expression.

"He's the only Charles Swan in Phoenix, right?"

"As far as I know," she replied. She placed the knife she had been using to chop carrots on the counter and turned to me. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged and tried to appear nonchalant. "Just wondering."

"What are you planning?" she asked.

"Nothing," I replied. "I'm just curious."

"Uh huh," she said as picked up the knife again. "You're a horrible liar. Not really a good trait for an attorney."

"You're not funny," I said as I moved the chicken around in the skillet.

I googled 'Charles Swan Police Chief Phoenix, Arizona' at work the next day. The search gave me the number of the Phoenix, Arizona police department and a home telephone number. I was nervous as hell, but my time was running out. Bella's birthday was September 13th. It was already August 27th. This left me with two weeks to get this all planned.

I was hesitant as I dialed the Phoenix Police Department's number. My mouth was dry as a bone as I asked for Charlie Swan.

I was placed on hold, but less than a minute later a gruff voice said, "This is Chief Swan."

"Um, hi, you, uh, don't know me, but I'm a friend of your daughter's." Wow, what a way to start a conversation with your girlfriend's father. I felt and sounded like a seventeen year old asshole.

"Is she okay? Is Bella okay?" he asked frantically. "Who is this?"

"Oh, no, sir, she's fine. I don't know if she's mentioned me. My name is Edward Cullen."

"Edward Cullen, huh?" I swear that I heard him chuckle. "She may have mentioned you once or twice. What can I do for you, son?"

"Well, her birthday is coming up..."

"I'm well aware of when my only daughter... my only child... was born. Cut to the chase, kid."

"Yes, sir, of course. Anyway, I want to do something special for her and I know that you two haven't seen each other in a while, so I was thinking of maybe having you come visit for maybe a week... or for however long you can visit. I don't want to presume to know your schedule. You may have plans. I don't know. I just thought that you'd like to see her and I know she'd like to see you. It's just an idea." I was rambling and I knew it, but I couldn't seem to stop.

I could hear him laughing when I finally stopped to take a breath. I chuckled too at my absurdity. "I'm sorry. I'm a little nervous."

"Completely understandable. Bella's Grandfather Higginbotham scared my pants off when I first met him. I hope that I'm not that scary. If it's any consolation, Bella has told me a lot about you."

"All good, I hope."

"Good enough for me to like you already. You don't have to impress me, Edward. From everything my daughter has told me, you are exactly the type of man I would have handpicked for her, if given the chance."

"Oh, well, thank you, sir."

"Please, call me 'Charlie.' I would love to come for that visit, but I can pay my own way. I guess I was just waiting for an invitation."

"No need to wait for an invitation, sir. You're always welcome."

"Um, maybe you should clear that with Bella before you go making those kinds of promises."

"Okay," I replied in confusion. I shrugged it off and continued, "I thought that we could surprise her... on her birthday."

"You do realize how much she literally hates surprises, right?"

"She may have mentioned it. It doesn't stop me from surprising her as often as I can. I take it as a good sign that she hasn't dumped me yet."

He laughed again and then said, "You are exactly what she needs. Give me your telephone number. I'll call you as soon as I have a flight and hotel booked. We can coordinate from there."

Charlie Swan flew into the Birmingham-Shuttlesworth International Airport at two o'clock on September 11, 2009. I was waiting for him at baggage claim. I had never laid eyes on the man before in my life, but I would have known him anywhere. I watched a man with Bella's eyes walk off the escalator, look around, shrug, and head toward the baggage carousels.

I walked up behind him and said, "Chief Swan?"

He turned slowly and looked me up and down. "You Edward?"

"Yes, sir," I said as I extended my hand.

He shook my hand and said, "Good to finally meet you. Bella talks about you and your family a lot. Thank you for taking care of her."

"Well," I said as I ducked my head to hide my embarrassment, "I think it's more her taking care of us, sir. Thank you for coming in like this. She's going to be really surprised."

"Probably. Probably won't like it either. Are you sure about this? She may kill both of us?"

"She can kill me a thousand times. Just as long as she doesn't dump me, I'm okay."

He laughed. "Being dumped by my daughter... a fate worse than death."

After he had turned down my invitation to stay at my house, I had suggested that he stay in Homewood, close to the Brookwood Mall, since it would be close to Bella's apartment. I dropped him at the Courtyard so he could check in and let him know when I'd be back to get him for dinner. Bella was on call that night and had decided to stay at the hospital. She had a patient on a ventilator in the last stages of terminal lung cancer. The family had made the decision to honor his last requests and turn off the vent. I knew that she wouldn't leave him until he was gone... which would probably be later that night.

I called her office to see if she wanted me to bring her anything for dinner. She didn't answer and I didn't bother to leave a message. I knew where she was... she was with the family. I pulled into my garage and killed the engine. I took out my phone again and texted Bella before I walked into the house.

I had just stepped out of the shower when my phone beeped. I read Bella's text. It was short and simple.

_With fam. No to Dinner. Call u ltr. _

I smiled and nodded. If I planned on being with Bella, I knew that I would have to get used to being in a close second behind her career. Since I planned on being with her forever, I beat back my pride and hurt feelings with a large mental stick. I needed her, but the grieving family needed her more tonight. I'd have her all to myself for the next few days anyway.

I changed into jeans and a t-shirt and left to pick up Charlie for dinner. I parked in the lot at the Courtyard and rode the elevator to his room. I knocked on the door.

He opened it and when he saw me said, "Hi, come on in. I'm just putting on my shoes."

I walked into the room and looked around. It was nice enough. "I really wish that you would have taken my offer to stay with me," I said as I continued to look around.

He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. "No offense, but I just met you. I like you and all, but I don't know you well enough to stay at your house." He bent down to continue tying his shoe before he said, "Plus, there's no guarantee that I won't be dead and you won't be dumped by this time tomorrow."

"Hmm," I responded as I thought about what he was implying. I had just assumed when I started planning all of it that Bella would be thrilled to see her dad. Charlie wasn't making me feel very optimistic about my plan. "Any particular reason that you think she'll be that angry?"

He stood and turned to look at me. "Not angry; unprepared. Bella is nothing if not a planner. Surprises make her feel out of control and she_ hates_ to feel out of control." He shrugged. "It really doesn't matter now anyway; I'm already here. Let's eat."

I didn't know Charlie Swan at all. The most I had gotten from Bella was that he loved the Seattle Mariners and to fish. I took that as he was the sporting kind. I had decided that I would take him to On Tap Sports Café. I wasn't entirely sure how he really felt about me. He said that he liked me, but we really didn't know each other. If nothing else, he could watch whatever sporting event was on their numerous televisions and completely ignore me if he wanted.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, Charlie turned to me and said, "You've been talking to Bella." I smiled and nodded. "I have other interests besides baseball you know."

"Well, maybe tonight I can learn what they are."

We entered the restaurant and were seated at a table with an excellent view of at least three televisions. Each one was showing a different type of sporting event. One even had a rugby game from somewhere in Europe on it.

We picked up the menus and Charlie immediately flipped his over to the beer list. "Hmm, just what I thought. So what's the local beer and is it any good?"

"I don't know how local it is, but I usually get a Sweet Water 420. It's a pale ale." I shrugged. "I like it."

"Well, order two then." When the waitress came to our table, I ordered two 420s. She quickly brought them back to us. Charlie took a long sip and said, "Not bad. Where's it made?"

"Atlanta. That's about as local as I think that we get. There are a couple of microbreweries in Hoover, but there isn't anything around here that I know of anyway. Um, thought about what you want to eat yet?"

Charlie laughed and shook his head. "Kid, I'm not going to bite you. I don't think that I'll hit you. I seriously doubt that I will even raise my voice to you. Calm down. I know from the way that Bella talks about you that you're important to her. I'm willing to give you a chance just on that recommendation alone. Breathe."

I chuckled and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I am extremely nervous. Bella means a lot to me and don't want to screw this up."

"You act like you haven't met the parents before." He turned the page in the menu and smiled as if he had found what he was going to order.

I stared at his lowered head until he looked up and met my eyes. "I haven't. The last serious relationship I had ended my freshman year of college. Bella is... different. She's special."

Charlie's eyes narrowed and he bit his lower lip in much the same way as Bella did. "Why am I here, Edward?"

"It's not what you're thinking. I'm not going to propose this weekend. I guess I wanted to meet you and let you know that this relationship isn't short-term for me. I'm in it for the long haul. I don't know if Bella feels the same, but I think that she might. I want you to know... I want you to see it in my eyes... that I'm not going to hurt her. I care about her... my entire family cares about her.

"I also wanted to do something nice for her. I know that she missed you at Christmas. Family is important to me. A person should be with their family for certain occasions; birthdays are one of those. Please know that you are welcome any time. My door is always open to you... no matter what Bella has to say about it. Bella is family now... and so are you."

Charlie took a longer than normal drink of his beer and looked at me again. He rubbed his mustache with his right thumb and forefinger before he said, "So, I'm not here because you're planning on proposing?" I shook my head. "After that speech, you'd have my blessing, you know?"

"That's not why I said those things. I meant every word I said."

"That's why you'd have it."

As we ate and drank 420, Charlie and I got to know one another... I also learned more about Bella. She was a curious child. Charlie said that he thought that she would have gone into medicine even if her mother hadn't gotten sick. He had many stories from her childhood, but not too many from her teenage years. I remembered what Bella had told me at Christmas. I wondered if Daddy would react the same way when Momma died. I hoped not.

"I was wondering about something," I said. Charlie motioned for me to continue as he chewed a bite of his steak. "Bella's told me a little bit about Jacob and all that, but I was wondering if she had dated anyone seriously after… you know."

Charlie swallowed and took a drink of his beer. "What's she told you?"

"I know that they were very close and that they were planning on going off to college together. I know that she wanted to marry him, but that he died in a car accident."

"Drunk driver… he was hit by a drunk driver. That's not an accident… it's vehicular manslaughter."

I cleared my throat and nodded. "Yeah, it is. I didn't mean to imply... anything. Anyway, she says that there were some difficult years after that, but she hasn't really elaborated."

"Listen, I'm more than willing to answer you initial question. The answer is no. She would got out of dates, but she never kept anyone around long enough for it to become a relationship… until you that is. But I'm not telling you anything about her 'bad years.' That's Bella's story and she'll have to be the one to tell you about it."

I looked into his eyes and knew that I wasn't going to get anything out of him that he wasn't willing or felt comfortable to share. "You're right. Bella will tell me when she's ready, I guess. I'm sorry if you thought that I was pushing."

Charlie smiled at said, "It's okay. You'll learn, if you haven't already, that she's a private person, but if she trusts you, she'll let you in. You just have to let her do it in her time and when she's ready."

"Yeah, I know," I said. I took another drink of my beer.

"So, what's the plan for tomorrow night?" Charlie asked as he pushed his empty plate toward the center of the table.

"I thought that we'd go to Brio. It's a really nice Italian restaurant. You do like Italian food, right?" He nodded and I sighed with relief. "I thought that I could drop you off at the place and you could get us a table while I go to pick up Bella."

"So, you're going to spring me on her in a public place?"

"Yeah. Is that a bad idea?"

He chuckled and shrugged. "She won't commit murder with that many witnesses. It's a good idea."

I dropped Charlie off at Brio a little before seven the next night. He wished me luck, and I think I heard him mumble that I would need it, before I left to pick up Bella. Charlie and I had both gone with casual but nice in our attire. I had told Bella to do the same. When she opened the door of her apartment she was wearing grey slacks and a blue blouse that dipped low in the front. She had on a long strand of pearls and pearl earrings in her ears.

"You look stunning," I said as I leaned in and kissed her. "Happy Birthday." I handed her the gift I had purchased.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she said as she took the box. "Taking me out to dinner is enough. I really wish you wouldn't make such a fuss. It's just another day."

"It is _not_ just another day. It is the greatest day on the calendar. It should be a national holiday."

"You're silly," she said with a smile.

"You're beautiful. Open your gift."

She sighed and tore the paper from the small box. She took the top off the outer box and looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. "You better not have spent a fortune." She removed the velvet box and opened the hinged lid. I heard her gasp as her hand flew to her throat. "Oh, Edward, it's beautiful."

"It pales in comparison to you. Do you want me to help you put it on?" She nodded. I removed the pearl and sapphire bracelet from the box and affixed it to her right wrist. I turned her hand over and placed a kiss on her palm. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," she replied. She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a long, deep kiss. "You spent too much."

"Totally worth it."

I drove us down Lakeshore Drive to the restaurant in the Brookwood Village. Bella held my hand the entire drive. I glanced at her a few times and caught her smiling as she admired the bracelet on her arm.

When we arrived, I helped her from the car so that the valet could park it and escorted her inside the building. I heard her gasp as she looked around. Brio isn't as nice as Satterfield's but it's still something to see. I had asked to be seated in my favorite waiter's section. I had left Charlie at the table about twenty minutes earlier and given John instructions to take extra special care of him. John had told me that he would… the twenty dollar bill I slipped him kind of guaranteed it.

The hostess approached us and said, "Good evening, Mr. Cullen. I have your table ready. Right this way."

Bella leaned into me and said, "How many times have I told you to not go overboard? This is too much, Edward. You could have taken me to Sonic for a chili dog. This is…."

She suddenly stopped talking and I followed her eyes to where they were staring at her father. Her mouth fell open as Charlie rose from the table, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Dad?" she whispered.

I leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Happy birthday… again."

"Dad!" she exclaimed and rushed to him. She hugged him and began gushing. "I can't believe you're here. Oh my gosh. This is… perfect." Then she turned to me. "Did you do this?" I nodded and she punched me.

"Ow! What was that for?" I asked as I rubbed my bicep.

"I hate surprises," she said before she threw her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek, "but I love that you did this. Thank you!"

John came to the table and took our drink orders. When he returned several minutes later, we had to ask him to come back. Bella and Charlie had yet to look at the menu. They were too busy talking and laughing and just in general enjoying being with each other again.

I had finally gotten them to look at the menu and make a decision by John's third trip to the table. As we waited for our food, I started asking questions.

"So, what do ya'll usually do to celebrate Bella's birthday? What did ya'll do when she was living in Phoenix?"

They exchanged a look and Bella bit her bottom lip. Charlie finally said, "There were a few years when we did nothing. That was my fault. I'm still so sorry. But before Bella's mother died we would have a party and invite her friends and our family. Renee always liked to throw a big affair."

"She loved an excuse to decorate," Bella said in agreement.

"Since Bella has been away from home, we usually just try to talk on the phone. I send her something… a gift."

"I should have known something was up when I didn't get anything today," Bella said as she shoved my shoulder. "I thought that you might have forgotten."

"I'd never forget the greatest day of my life," Charlie said as he squeezed Bella's hand.

The food arrived and the conversation ceased as we all savored the cuisine. I know that my eyes rolled back in my head when I took the first bite of my veal parmesan. Bella laughed at me and shook her head.

"Are you sure this meal is for me?" she teased.

We were eating and chatting when my phone began to vibrate. I looked at the screen and saw 'Daddy'. He knew that I was out with Bella and her father. I hadn't expected him to call. I was just answering it when Bella's phone paged her. I saw her look at the screen and cock her head to one side.

"Hey, Daddy, what's up?" I asked, trying to hide my irritation. I noticed that Bella had her phone up to her ear with an intense look on her face. Suddenly, her mouth dropped open and her eyes locked with mine.

"Edward," Daddy started, "it's your momma. I've had to bring her to the emergency room."

"What? Where? What's wrong?" I asked.

I saw Bella close her phone and look at her dad. "Is everything okay?" Charlie asked.

"No, it's…."

"Momma."

PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 7 Recommendations:

_Queen of the Goths_ by Michellebelle

_Atlantic City_ by PhoenixRN

_EAC: The Journal of Edward Cullen_ by katmom

_The Morphing Games_ by Orrington_Rose


	8. Chapter 8

_**HUGE thanks to Charmie for all of her help with this chapter and all previous ones. You are the best of the best. I also want to thank all of the reviewers. It is very difficult to want to continue posting if you think that no one is reading. Reviewing lets the author know that someone is out there reading and maybe enjoying the story. It encourages us to continue. Please leave a review for **__**all**__** of the stories that you are reading.**_

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 8

"Momma," I repeated. "We have to go." I was bordering on hysteria as I stood and started to motion for John. "We have to go," I said again. "I have to go to the emergency room. I have to drop you guys off." I motioned for John again. "What is taking him so fucking long…? I'm sorry." I took a hundred dollar bill out of my wallet and threw it onto the table. "John," I called, "I need you to box this food up… quickly." I took out a twenty and thrust it at the hostess. "Have my car pulled around."

In my mania, I could vaguely hear Bella calling my name. When she finally grabbed my arm, I turned and focused on her face. "Edward, you need to calm down. You're barking orders like a madman. It's ridiculous. She is at the hospital. They can handle the situation until we get there. From what little information I have, it sounds like nothing more than an allergic reaction. Please sit down and breathe."

I nodded and followed her instructions. I took a deep breath and dropped my head into my hands. "I'm sorry." I looked up and touched John's shoulder. "I'm sorry, man."

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Cullen. Jane and I will have all this boxed up for you as quickly as possible. I believe that your car has been brought around. I'll get your change for you and you can be on your way."

"No change. Just keep it… you've earned it. And again, I apologize."

"Thank you, sir. I hope to see you again soon." John handed the bag of boxed food to Bella and said to her, "Please take care of him. He's one of our favorites."

Bella nodded and took my arm as she helped me to stand. "Give me your keys," she said.

"No, I can drive."

"Son, give her your keys. You're in no condition to be behind the wheel," Charlie said as he took the food from Bella and placed it in the backseat before he crawled into the car.

Bella held out her hand. I reluctantly relinquished the keys. "We should drop your dad at the hotel first."

"Nothing doing. I'm going too," Charlie called from the backseat.

"Chief Swan." He gave me a dirty look. "Charlie, there's no need for you to…."

"Shut-up and get in the car."

The expression on his face told me to not argue with him. I got in the car and immediately felt bad that I hadn't helped Bella get in on the driver's side. I turned to her and said, "I'm sorry. I'm not myself right now. I promise that tonight will be that last time you touch a door handle in my presence."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm not offended, Edward. I can open and close my own car door."

"But you shouldn't have to." I took her right hand and said, "Thank you for calming me down back there. I don't know what happened."

"It's alright." She squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

"Do you really think that it's an allergic reaction?"

"I'm not sure. All they told me was that she's swollen. That sounds like an allergy, but I won't know for sure until I see her and find out what happened." She patted my knee and returned her hand to the steering wheel. "It will be okay. We'll figure it out and fix it."

I nodded and turned to look out the window. We were pulling into the doctor's parking deck faster than I had anticipated that we would. Bella swiped her badge and parked near the door. She swiped her badge again and we entered the hospital through a door not normally used by laypeople.

Bella walked quickly down a hallway, made a right turn and swiped into another door. Charlie and I followed. We made so many twists and turns I knew that I would never be able to find my way out on my own. We entered the emergency room through a back door. Bella walked up to the nurses' station. I noticed that she had affixed her badge to her blouse.

"Excuse me. I need to know where Esme Cullen is, please," she said to the nurse at the counter.

The nurse looked up. Her eyes trailed down Bella's attire before she finally looked her in the eyes. "She's in room three, Doctor."

"I need her chart."

"I believe that her nurse has it. He's in with her now."

"Thank you," Bella said as she turned toward what I assumed was room three.

"Doctor, would you like a smock?" the nurse asked.

Bella smiled and bit her lower lip. "Yes, please." The nurse handed her a plain, white lab coat from a closet behind the nurses' station. Bella nodded thank you and put it on; affixing her ID badge to the coat pocket.

We started for the room when the nurse called out. "I'm afraid that your friends will need to wait out in the lobby."

Bella stopped and I watched as her demeanor changed. She turned slowly and said, "They most certainly will not be waiting out in the lobby. This is Edward Cullen, Esme's son, and this is my father. They're coming with me."

The nurse nodded quickly and said, "Yes, doctor. My apologies." She then retreated to another room behind the station.

"Well," Charlie said as he cleared his throat, "that was kind of impressive."

Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I hate doing that. I try to be nice to the nurses. They work so hard. This just isn't the time to be questioning me. I'm stressed enough."

We turned a corner and saw a man stepping out of a door. He was writing on a chart. He looked up as Bella approached. "Hello, Dr. Swan."

"Hi, Felix. May I see her chart?" He handed it to her. She flipped a few pages and read it quickly. "I need my glasses," she muttered. "What does this say?"

"Her output is extremely low... non-existent really. She's received a half a bag of fluids, but nothing appears to be coming out."

"Is she leaching?"

"No, not that I can see. I was going to ask the attending about a catheter."

"And I would have told you to wait for an MRI and I'm sure Dr. Swan would concur."

"Dr. Crowley," Bella addressed the tall, dark-haired doctor that had approached Felix from behind. "It's good to see you again. Do you still believe this to be an allergic reaction, because it sounds to me that it may be her kidneys."

"I haven't ruled out anything. I think that more tests need to be completed before we diagnose."

"You do tend to favor testing," Bella muttered. "I think that I should consult with my patient and find out exactly what's happened. Excuse me." Bella opened the door and entered the room. I started to follow when Dr. Crowley grabbed my arm to stop me.

"I don't think that it would be appropriate for her _date_ to go into her patient's room, do you?"

I looked down at his hand on my arm and then back up and into his eyes. "You can take your hand off me or I can take it off you… your choice."

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Tyler, that's Esme's son. Get your hands off of him," Bella snapped as she stepped back into the hall.

"Technically, _Bella_, Esme Cullen is my patient. I don't think that she needs a roomful of visitors at the moment."

"Seriously," I said as I jerked my arm out of the asshole's hand, "touch me again and I'll break your hand off at the wrist."

"Do I need to call security?" he asked.

"You go ahead and do that," I said, calling his bluff.

"Enough! You," Bella said as she stabbed her finger into my chest, "get in there and take my dad with you. You... come with me." She and the asshole walked around the corner.

Charlie and I walked into the room. Daddy was standing at the side of the bed blocking Momma from my view. I touched him on the shoulder and he stepped to the side. I saw Momma and my breath caught in my throat. Swollen was an inadequate description. It looked like my tiny mother had been swallowed by a very large person.

"My God," I gasped.

"Hey, baby," Momma said weakly. "Who's your friend?"

I couldn't speak. Looking back, I probably went into shock. I stood there staring at the stranger with my mother's voice.

Charlie cleared his throat and stepped around me. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, I'm Charlie Swan... Bella's dad. It's nice to meet you. Bella talks about you guys all the time."

"Please," Daddy said as he shook Charlie's hand, "call us Carlisle and Esme. We just love your daughter. She's a blessing to us. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances though."

"It is what it is. How are you, Esme?"

"Oh, well, I've been better. I'm so sorry that we interrupted your dinner. I told Carlisle to wait to call."

"Nonsense. Family first... right, Edward?" Charlie smacked me hard on the back causing me to lurch forward and effectively knocking me out of my shock induced trance.

"Momma... what the hell!"

"Edward, language."

Bella came into the room at that moment and said, "Well, what do we have here?" She had the chart open. "Carlisle, I left my glasses at home. Can you fill me in?"

"It all kind of started Wednesday. She noticed that her hands were slightly swollen. She had to use dishwashing liquid to get her rings off. Then yesterday morning she couldn't button the cuffs on her blouse, but it had gone down by last night. She woke up this morning and it was like Wednesday. I told her then that we needed to at least call you, but she insisted that it could wait until next week... when we would be back in Texas. But it just kept getting worse. I started noticing that she wasn't urinating all that much, but she was still so thirsty. Squeeze her arm." He reached down and pushed his thumb into her flesh. "She's... squishy... like a wet sponge, but she isn't leaching."

"You've seen this before, haven't you?" Bella asked. Daddy looked at Momma and then nodded his head. "Do you think that it's her kidneys?"

"I wasn't sure until today."

"But now you're sure?" Daddy nodded again.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"She may be having a kidney issue. Felix is right... she needs a catheter. I'm sorry, Esme, I know that they're uncomfortable." Bella walked halfway out the door and motioned for someone. Felix came through the door. Bella handed him the chart and started to dictate her orders.

I walked to the other side of Momma's bed and took her hand. Daddy was wrong. She felt more like a full water balloon. "Does it hurt?" I asked.

"Not really. It's more... uncomfortable. And a little embarrassing. I'm wearing a pair of your daddy's sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts. I'm just so... big."

"You aren't that big." I smiled at her and squeezed her swollen hand.

"Edward... I've put on fifty-seven pounds in three days. I'm huge."

"What?" Bella asked. "How much did you say?"

"She weighed one hundred thirteen the last time we were in Texas. She's at one seventy now," Daddy answered.

Bella turned back to Felix. "Page doctors Gorenski and Reed."

"You're calling in Dr. Reed?" Daddy asked.

"He's the best." Bella smiled before she said, "I'd insist on nothing less than the best for our Esme." She patted Momma's leg through the thin blanket. Then she turned to a retreating Felix. "Would you please bring a heated blanket in for Mrs. Cullen?"

"Of course," Felix replied as he left.

Bella walked around the bed and touched several buttons on the IV. She placed her hand on my back. "I don't think that we need that anymore. You have enough fluid in you, Esme. Let's not add to it until I can consult with Dr. Reed."

"Who's Dr. Reed?" I asked.

"Dr. Marcus Reed is the best nephrologist in Birmingham… maybe even the state. I worked with him when I was working in acute dialysis last year. If this is a kidney issue, he'll figure out how to fix it," Daddy answered, smiling.

"While we're waiting on my colleagues… I'm admitting you," Bella said.

"Do you have to?" Momma whined. "I don't want to be in the hospital. I feel like I just got out of one. I wanna go home."

"You can't go home like this, sweetheart," Daddy said as he stroked Momma's arm. "You need to be here so they can figure out what's wrong. Just let Bella admit you, okay?"

"Can't it just wait until we go back to Texas next week? I really don't feel all that bad. We leave Monday."

"I'm afraid that you won't be making that trip until we can get this situation under control," Bella replied. "You can't travel like this, Esme. If it is your kidneys, then it will get worse before it gets better. I need to admit you so that we can do an MRI and a biopsy."

"Oh, God," Momma groaned.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked in near panic.

"More cutting; more anesthesia. I swear that a little more of my memory disappears each time you people put me to sleep. I can't remember a thing," Momma complained causing all of us to giggle a bit.

Bella's phone buzzed. She checked the caller ID and then said, "Excuse me." She stepped out of the room and I followed.

I waited, standing slightly away from Bella, as she spoke to the person on the other end of the line. She ended the call and looked up at me. She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. I hoped that she understood that I meant _everything_ and not just the phone call.

"I think everything will be fine."

"So this is normal?"

Bella hesitated, glancing quickly at Momma's room and then back at me, before she answered, "Well... no, not really."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Calm down, Edward..."

"No, don't tell me to calm down. Tell me what's going on."

"I... I've never seen this before."

"Seen what?"

"MCL doesn't usually attack the kidneys. It likes the lymph system... the colon, stomach... not the kidneys."

"I don't understand."

Bella smiled and patted my shoulder. "Don't panic. I'm sure that it's nothing. It could be a simple adverse reaction..."

"Don't," I said as I took a step away from her. "Tell me the truth, Bella. I can take anything if I know. I can't handle the not knowing. How serious is this?"

"The truth? I don't know. I won't know anything until we can run some tests. In the meantime, it's Friday night. No one will be available to process anything until Monday. That was Dr. Reed on the phone. I agree with him. We need to admit her, start her on Lasix to maybe cause the fluid to come off, and give her intravenous prednisone to try to jump start her kidneys."

"So, they have shut down?"

"I don't know. All I know for sure right this moment is that they aren't functioning at one hundred percent. I can't tell you anything definitive until we run some tests and that won't happen until Monday."

"Excuse me," Felix said as he approached us, "there's a bed available in the South Tower... fourth floor... like you requested."

"Thanks, Felix."

"Fourth floor... the cancer floor. You aren't telling me everything," I accused her. I frowned and took a step away from her. My back hit the wall. I shook my head. "I don't understand why you're keeping things from me."

Bella's eyes narrowed and she said, "Do you even comprehend how many rules of ethics and maybe even HIPAA laws I have violated by telling you what I have?" She advanced on me. Her finger came out and poked my chest. "I would think you... the attorney... would understand. You aren't her next of kin. You're not listed on any of her paperwork as a contact. She hasn't given permission for me to tell you anything. I'm keeping you in the loop because I love you and I love her and I know that she would want you to know even if I don't have her written permission."

I heard her. I heard her entire speech. I felt her finger jab into my chest. I knew that I would probably have a bruise. I quit caring about any of that when I heard her say that she loved me.

I felt the idiotic smile creep up my face. I reached out and cupped her cheek with my hand. "You love me?"

She staggered back and looked at me... confused. "What?"

I stepped forward and took her hands in mine. "You said that you love me."

She furrowed her brow. "I did?"

"Yes... you did."

"Oh."

"Did you mean it?" She bit her lip and nodded. I nodded with her and said, "I feel the same. I love you too. I have for a long time. I just didn't know how to tell you."

"Yeah, well, telling you while I was yelling at you for being a moron probably wasn't how you wanted to hear it, huh?"

"I'll take what I can get," I said right before I pulled her into a kiss. A throat cleared behind us and I reluctantly removed myself from Bella's lips. I turned to glare at the interrupter and locked eyes with her very amused looking father.

"Time and place, guys, time and place." Charlie hitched a thumb back toward Momma's room and said, "That male nurse kicked me out. He's putting in the catheter now. I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry. Where's the caf?"

"Shit, I should take you back to your hotel. I'm sorry about tonight," I said, shaking my head.

"It's not a big deal, Edward. I'm just hungry. I don't figure that too much more will be done tonight. We can all go after Esme is settled in her room."

I glanced at Bella. She smiled and said, "He's right. Nothing can really be done until Monday. We'll make her comfortable and try to get some of the fluid off with the Lasix, but all the tests will be done on Monday. You can drop us at my place and then come back here, if you want."

I sighed. "Yeah, I'll probably stay here tonight."

"Why?" Daddy said as he came out of the room. "I'll be here. You need to go home and rest. I'm gonna need someone to stay with her tomorrow while I go back home to check on the dog."

"Hmm, the dog," I muttered. "I guess you can bring her and your things with you when you come back. My upstairs is always available."

"I don't think it will be necessary. We shouldn't be here long. Right, Bella?"

"Not if I can help it," she confirmed with a nod.

"See, a completely temporary situation. Nothing to worry about." Daddy smiled, but it was an empty smile and it never reached his eyes. I think that he was trying to convince us all that this was nothing to worry about. He wasn't succeeding as far as I was concerned.

"Still hungry here," Charlie said as he motioned to his stomach. "Point me toward the food."

Daddy smiled and patted Charlie on the back. "Come with me. The cafeteria is closed, but the snack bar should be open. I need a decent cup of coffee anyway."

We watched them walk down the hallway and disappear around the corner. I turned back to Bella and said, "I think Daddy has made a new friend."

"God help us both!"

Felix walked out of Momma's room and Bella started for the door.

"I didn't have a problem with the catheter and she actually has some output in the bag already. Joe and Manny are on the way to transport her to the fourth floor."

"Thanks, Felix. I'll take it from here," Bella said as she took the chart from him.

"It was good to see you again, Bella." Felix shook Bella's hand and walked back to the nurse's station to retrieve another chart.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Felix?" I nodded. "His fulltime job is on the fourth floor. We've worked together on other cases. You know how erratic a nurse's schedule can be. He does three on, four off and then four on and three off. He picks up shifts in other departments on his off days."

"He seems like a good guy," I said as a watched him walk into another room down the hall.

"He is. He's worked as an oncology nurse for a long time. He has a lot of knowledge. Just like I deferred to your dad about Esme's kidneys, I would defer to Felix for his cancer expertise. That's something that a lot of doctors seem to forget. Nurses see more than we see and experience more than we experience. They're input can be invaluable sometimes."

Although I knew that I was being ridiculous, I had felt a small twinge of jealousy about Felix. She loved _me_. I was still trying to wrap my mind around that concept when Daddy and Charlie came back from getting something to eat. They were laughing and talking like old friends. I couldn't help but be a little pleased at this development.

The guys from transport showed up and we followed Momma upstairs to her room on the fourth floor. We had been here before. After Momma had the mastectomy, she stayed on the fourth floor for a few days. The rooms in the cancer wing are spacious to say the least. They're like hotel suites actually. They even have microwaves and mini-fridges. They're also large enough to have a cot brought in for someone to stay overnight.

That's how this floor is different. There are no 'visiting hours' per se. We learned quickly, when Momma was here the first time, that most of the people who are on the fourth floor don't go home. Allowing the family unlimited access was more than just a courtesy.

Bella checked Momma's output. "Well, you haven't completely shutdown. That's a good sign. It's getting late and you need rest," she said to Momma. Then she turned to Daddy and said, "Carlisle, I'll have Manny bring a fold-away bed in here for you, because I know that you have no intention of leaving tonight."

"Don't go to any trouble. I think that sofa pulls out on the end. I can sleep on that."

"Have you ever slept on one of those?" she asked. Daddy shook his head. "That... is a torture device designed by the Marquis de Sade himself. No one should be subjected to sleeping on that thing. They should be banned from the hospital."

This even made Momma laugh. I turned to look at her... and I mean really look at her. Through all of the chemo and treatments, she had remained beautiful. Her dark hair and eyes with that porcelain skin reminded me so much of Bella. Even with fifty plus pounds of fluid trapped in her body, she was beautiful. Momma had a light inside of her that even cancer couldn't extinguish.

I walked over to her bed and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I'll be back in the morning," I said.

She took my hand and squeezed it. "Not too early. I think that I'll sleep in. I'm really tired." She smiled a weak smile and for a brief instant I saw the long absent worry in her eyes.

"Hey," I said as I gave her hand a gentle tug, "it's going to fine. You're going to be fine."

But it wasn't fine. I returned to the hospital a little after eight the next morning to find Bella, Dr. Gorenski, and another doctor I didn't know in Momma's room. Daddy was still there too although he was supposed to have left for Gadsden already.

I couldn't see Momma for all of the doctors in the way. I took Daddy by the elbow and asked, "What's going on?"

He shook his head and held up one finger, before he tapped his ear. He was listening to the doctors.

"It could be from the lymphoma," Dr. Gorenski said. "It causes swelling as well."

"Some, but I've never seen this much for this long. Usually a few days here and there, but this isn't going away and it's increasing. I think it's her kidneys."

"I concur with Dr. Swan," the one I didn't recognize said. "I think that she's having a kidney issue, but they aren't completely shutdown. Could it be the lymphoma?"

"MCL doesn't attack the kidneys," Bella said, shaking her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I've never seen it attack the kidneys and neither has anyone at Anderson."

"She's always been an anomaly," Dr. Gorenski sighed.

"_She's_ laying right here," Momma said with exasperation. "Don't talk about me like I'm not even in the room. I may be a part of your little research study, but I'm still a person... a very worried person. What's going on and how are we going to fix it?"

"That's the problem, Esme," Bella said. "We don't know what's going on and we have no clue how to even start to fix it."

"We need to do a biopsy," Dr. Gorenski said. The other two doctors nodded their agreement.

"I can't do it," Bella said with sadness in her tone.

Dr. Gorenski glanced back at me and said, "I know. I'll do it. It's a simple puncture biopsy, Esme. I can use a local anesthetic. I won't even have to put you to sleep."

"Will you be in the room?" Momma asked Bella.

"I'll hold your hand through the whole thing," Bella said as she took Momma's swollen hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I can probably get an OR this afternoon. I'll set it up," Dr. Gorenski said as he left the room.

"There is no possible way this could be the MCL?" the unknown doctor asked.

"I can't say that for sure," Bella replied. "Nothing about Esme Cullen is ever normal." She smiled sown at Momma.

"It could be that the lymphoma is producing protein. That can cause kidney failure."

"This rapidly? What's her Albumin?"

Dr. No Name tapped a few keys on the bedside computer and then said, "It's at 3.5. Normal is between 4.1 and 5.5. It's low, but not too low."

Bella sighed and said, "Let's just wait on the biopsy results. I'll be back in a little bit, okay?"

Momma nodded. Bella turned and smiled a sad smile at me as she and the other doctor left the room.

"Who was the other white coat?" I asked as I took the chair next to Momma's bed.

"Dr. Reed," Daddy answered. "He's the nephrologist. They aren't really in agreement as to what is causing the swelling. She has output, but has put on ten more pounds since last night."

"Jesus Christ, Momma!" I exclaimed.

"Edward... language," she said weakly.

"Are you okay?" I shook my head at the stupidity of my question. "Scratch that. Do you need anything?"

"Sleep," she replied. "Carrying this much extra weight is exhausting. You need to go, Carlisle. Suzy is probably about to burst." Daddy looked very reluctant to leave. "Oh, for heaven's sake, go so you can get back sooner. Edward is here and Bella will be back soon."

"But what if I'm not back before they do the biopsy?"

"I'm sure that Edward can take care of me until you do return, but the likelihood of you getting back in time decreases the longer you hang around here. Go and hurry back."

Daddy leaned over the bed and gave Momma a quick kiss. He patted my shoulder before he left for the trip to Gadsden and back.

"Sorry about last night," Momma said as soon as she heard the door click behind Daddy. "I told him to wait."

"I'm glad he didn't."

"But I ruined Bella's birthday and her time with her dad."

"No you didn't. If I learned nothing about Charlie Swan in the last couple of days it's that he's a family man. Trust me when I tell you that he understands. Anyway, we're going out to dinner again tonight... if you're okay after the biopsy that is."

"I will be great," she said with certainty. "Go to dinner and have fun." She fell asleep not long after that and stayed asleep the rest of the morning.

I was watching some stupid action movie on the television when Bella came back in the room dressed in scrubs. I never thought that anyone could make scrubs sexy, but I was so very wrong.

"Hey," she said softly, "we're going to take her down in about thirty minutes. It shouldn't take long. There's an oncologist at UAB who can read the results so we're going to send one sample to him and another to Anderson."

I took her hand and asked, "Do you think it's spread?"

She bit her lip and sighed. "I don't know. I honestly hope not."

Daddy returned in time to kiss Momma as they wheeled her out of the room. He stood in the hall as they rolled her bed onto the elevator for the trip to the OR. When the doors closed, he came back into the room and collapsed on the hard sofa.

He didn't say anything for a long time, so I finally decided to break the silence. "How was the dog?" He chuckled to himself and shook his head.

Momma was back in the room within an hour. Bella told us that it went well. Momma said that it didn't even hurt... just a little pressure. She assured me that she was fine and told me to go to dinner with Charlie and Bella. I relented and promised that I would be back the next morning.

"Well?" I asked as I walked with Bella to the doctor's changing rooms.

"Well what?" she replied.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Is she going to be alright? Can ya'll make her kidneys work?"

"It depends."

"That's a lawyer answer."

"You would know," she teased. I glared at her and she sighed. "Fine. I don't know. We're not even sure why they've started to shutdown. I don't think that the MCL is in the kidneys. It just doesn't go there. But, lymphoma of any kind will sometimes put out a protein that will shut down the kidneys. The good news is that the kidneys are still functioning, just not at one hundred percent. I think that if we can figure out exactly what the problem is, then we can turn it around."

"How confident are you that ya'll can figure it out?"

She wrapped her arms around my waist and said, "Very. Dr. Reed is the best and I'm no slouch. It will be fine."

I nodded and thought to myself, _I hope she's right._

I waited for Bella to change into her street clothes. We left the hospital and she followed me back to my house so that I could change my clothes before we picked up Charlie at the hotel. We entered the house and I turned toward her. I took her in my arms and kissed her.

"I have wanted to do that all day."

She laughed and said, "Yeah, probably not the most appropriate thing to do in front of Dr. Reed and Dr. Gorenski."

"I was almost to the point of not caring when you came in the room in those scrubs. You make those things look good."

She swatted my arm. "You're biased."

"I'm in love," I corrected her.

"And you're a sap," she said playfully.

"I'm a sap in love," I said as I kissed her again.

"We're going to be late."

I kissed her behind the ear. "So?"

"So, my dad is waiting on us."

I kissed her neck. "Tell him that you got caught at the hospital."

"He's leaving Monday."

I kissed her collar bone. "You're spending the entire day with him tomorrow. He can wait a little while tonight."

"You're being very selfish and rude."

I kissed her neck again and finally heard her moan. "Don't really care."

She pulled my head back by my hair. I stared into her eyes a moment before I kissed her lips again. I picked her up and her legs wrapped around my waist. I started for the bedroom.

She broke our kiss and said, "We can't do this right now. There isn't time."

"We'll make time," I growled. I attacked her neck again.

Her head fell back and she moaned, "Edward."

Hearing my name leave her lips like that sent me over the edge. I lowered her to the floor in my bedroom and began unbuttoning her blouse.

"Edward," she said again, but without the moan this time.

I pushed her blouse off her shoulders and pressed my lips to one. "God, I love your shoulders," I mumbled.

"Edward," she said a little more forcefully.

"Bella," I replied as I finally looked up at her face.

"I'll make a deal with you. We don't do this right now..."

"No deal," I interrupted and pushed her blouse off her arms. It pooled on the floor. I reached for the clasp of her bra, but she stopped me.

"Let me finish." I sighed and motioned for her to continue. "We don't do this right now, but we continue this after dinner."

I raised an eyebrow and said, "And..."

"And I stay the night." She bit her lip.

"You know that drives me nuts, "I said.

"Do we have a deal or not?"

I growled as I bent over to retrieve her blouse. "Deal," I said.

We picked Charlie up at the hotel and drove to Cocina Superior. As we got out of the car in the parking deck and were walking across the street I said to Charlie, "I know that this probably won't compare to the Mexican food you get in Arizona, but it's pretty good."

"It's good, but it's more TexMex, Dad. And he's right… we have better back home."

"I'm sure it will be great… for Alabama," Charlie teased and then punched my arm. I rubbed my bicep and wondered what it was with this family and hitting.

We were seated and had placed our orders when Charlie asked, "How's Miss Esme?"

"She's about the same," Bella replied. "She had gained about ten more pounds of fluid last night, but had lost most of it by this afternoon. We did a biopsy today. We should get the results early next week."

"So you think it's the cancer?" he asked.

"I don't know. I don't think that it has metastasized. If anything, the lymphoma is putting out too much protein. We can fix that."

This was the first time that I heard that it could be fixed and it sounded simple. "Then why haven't you done something to fix it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure that's what it is. We'll know more after we get the biopsy results."

The waiter returned with our drinks. I've never been much of a drinker, but after the last couple of days, I needed something. I had ordered a Negra Modelo. Bella had given me a quizzical look when I ordered it. I just shrugged. As I took that first sip, I knew that I had made a good choice. I had never 'needed' alcohol and I wasn't on the road to being an alcoholic, but the cold, malty flavor of the beer was already calming my nerves.

We placed our orders and made it through the meal without any interruptions. I also noticed that Bella and her dad seemed to purposely avoid talking about my mother. Instead, I learned more about Bella and her family. Charlie reminisced about Bella's mother. Bella smiled wistfully as her dad recalled memories of her childhood.

Near the end of our meal, Charlie reached out and took Bella's hand. "I've missed you, Bells. I know that we haven't always seen eye to eye and we've had some difficult times, but I love you. I always have and I always will. I don't want to go so long without seeing you again."

Bella squeezed her dad's hand and said, "Me too, Dad... me too."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sat with Momma all day Sunday so that Daddy could take care of the dog. I also figured that he needed a bit of a break from the hospital. When he returned, he found us both asleep; Momma in the bed and me in the recliner.

Daddy woke me and I was slightly bewildered by the smirk on his face. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, but there was a 'something' in that 'nothing.'

I let the recliner down and tried to stand. Both of my legs from the knee down were so asleep that I couldn't even feel them. "Holy shit!" I exclaimed. "I'm crippled." I fell back into the chair and started to massage my calves.

Daddy and Momma were both laughing hysterically. I glared at them and said, "Why didn't you warn me?"

"Where would the fun have been in that?" Daddy asked.

I stayed with them until my legs had full circulation again. I called Bella as I drove home just to check in.

"Hello?"

"Hey, love. What are you doing?"

"Well, Dad and I are at Vulcan Park. We just finished going through the museum. What about you?"

"I'm driving home. I just thought I'd check in."

"Oh, really?"

"I might have missed you just a little bit."

"I miss you too, Edward, but I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm being a 'sap' again. I should be at the hospital to sit with Momma around noon."

"See, in little more than twenty-four hours you'll see me. I'm dropping Dad off at the airport at one."

"That doesn't make me miss you any less," I replied. "I'll let you get back to your dad. Tell him 'hi' and that it was a pleasure meeting him."

"I will. I'll call you before I go to bed tonight."

For the next week we all fell into a routine. I would go into the office early and work until around noon. Then I would pack up the laptop and go to the hospital to sit with Momma while Daddy went back up to Gadsden to check on the house and the dog. I couldn't convince him to just move in with me. He and Momma were positive that all of this was temporary and she would be home soon. As the week progressed I began to believe that they were right.

Aunt Ro came to the hospital Tuesday afternoon with chicken roll-ups from Taziki's. We all were enjoying the deliciousness of grilled chicken and feta cheese, when Daddy returned and admonished us for feeding Momma so much salt.

"Oh, loosen up, Carlisle," Rosalie said with a roll of her eyes. "I don't think that two roll-ups and a little pasta salad will kill her. They're her favorite and they have to be better than hospital food."

"Amen, sister," Momma said as she held up one of the roll-ups. Rosalie touched it to one of hers as if they were toasting.

Bella would visit with Momma every day. She came in on Wednesday and told us that the team in Texas had found no MCL in their portion of the kidney biopsy. We all knew that was good news. We were waiting on the specialist at UAB to return from a conference so that he could read his sample and give his diagnosis.

In the meantime, Momma began to lose some of the fluid from her body. Bella and Dr. Reed were ecstatic. It appeared to them that the Lasix was working. Her output began to increase, although not as much as they had hoped. They were still hopeful that the situation was temporary. Dr. Reed even talked about sending Momma home the next week.

I was at the door of Momma's room Thursday afternoon, when I heard a familiar voice and decided to stop to eavesdrop. Alice was talking to Momma and they were gossiping... about me.

"He's... different with her," Alice said.

"I know. He's almost his old self again," Momma replied.

"I missed him. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he was a bad person or anything, but he just seemed so... I don't know... unhappy. Know what I mean?"

"I thought he seemed lost. After Kate... did what she did... he just seemed to withdraw."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to will the memories that they were bringing to the surface to go away. I didn't want to think about Kate. I didn't want to think about that time in my life. I wanted to leave it all where it belonged... in the past.

"He was so hurt," Alice said and I rolled my head from side to side. I could feel the tension building in my neck.

"I think that he lost his ability to trust."

"He also lost his ability to choose an appropriate girlfriend," Alice said with a laugh.

"Oh, lord, did you meet the last one," I heard Momma said before she too began to laugh.

"The hairdresser... Tanya? Oh yeah, Jazz and I met her. What a piece of work. They were together long enough that I was beginning to worry. I almost stepped in a couple of times and tried to make him see reason."

"It wouldn't have worked." I heard Momma sigh. "Like most things with Edward, he has to figure these things out for himself. Anything that we said would have just pushed him closer to her. He's stubborn that way."

"You pushed Bella on him and look how that turned out."

"I didn't push her on him. I just made it easier for him to get to know her."

"Whatever you say, Aunt Ez. I say that you manipulated the situation just a bit. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have. I just wonder how you knew."

"Knew what?"

"That Bella was 'the one'."

"What are you doing?"

"Holy Hell!" I exclaimed. I turned to see Bella standing there looking at me like I'd sprouted a second head. "You scared the shit out of me. Don't ever do that again. You could have given me a heart attack."

She laughed and said, "Well, if you do have a heart attack, you're in the right place. I ask again... what are you doing?"

The door opened and Alice poked out her head. "Hey, guys. Why are you standing out here? Come in. Aunt Ez and I are doing pedicures."

"You have no idea how badly I need to get to the nail salon," Bella said as she entered the room. I followed behind her. As I crossed the threshold I glanced at Alice. She had one eyebrow raised and was giving me a knowing look.

"What?" I asked.

"Eavesdropper," she said as she poked me in the chest.

I rubbed the spot where her bony finger had most likely left a bruise. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"For an attorney, you can't lie for crap."

I was shocked when I walked into Momma's room that Friday afternoon and it was filled with people. Daddy was standing between Bella and Dr. Gorenski.

I touched Bella's shoulder. When she turned I asked, "What's going on?"

She looked back at Momma and then motioned for me to follow her into the hallway. We stepped down the hall to the window at the end.

"We have a little problem. Her output was zero this morning and she hasn't had any since yesterday. Her Albumin has dropped to a two. Dr. Reed is out of town, but his associate, Dr. Mallory, is here and wants to try something drastic. We're all kind of trying to come to a consensus."

"What does Daddy want to do?"

"It isn't his decision."

"Oh shit," I muttered as I pushed past Bella and entered the room. "Momma, think about whatever it is they want you to do for a long time before you make a decision. Don't jump into anything. And don't take any chances that could be unnecessary. In other words, don't be yourself."

"Who is this?" the doctor who I assumed was Dr. Mallory said as she gestured to me.

"That's my very rude son," Momma said as she glared at me. "I suggest that you hear what the doctors are proposing, Edward, before you tell me to not be myself."

"I didn't mean..."

"I know what you meant. We'll talk about it later." I knew what that meant. I turned when I felt Bella place her hand on my shoulder.

"Dr. Mallory has had some success at jump-starting a patient's kidneys by giving them a high dose of Lasix and Solumedrol." Bella explained.

"What's the catch?" I asked. "Obviously there's some reason that ya'll aren't moving in this direction."

"It doesn't always work. Sometimes it has the opposite effect."

Dr. Mallory turned back to Momma and said, "I've had a ninety percent success rate with this procedure. I have every confidence that it will work."

"Well, then let's do it," Momma said.

"Wait," I said as I stepped between Momma and the new doctor. "Daddy, what do you think?"

He sighed and looked at the floor. I could see the wheels turning as he thought about all the possible outcomes. "I think that she has no kidney function right now. If the treatment works, then her kidneys will start to work again. If it doesn't then they won't and we're no better off or worse off than we are now. I defer to the doctors on this one."

"Bella?" I asked.

She looked at Momma and then back at me. "I'm willing to try anything at this point."

Dr. Mallory nodded and smiled. She logged into the computer beside the bed and began to enter in her orders. "The pharmacy will have everything here within the hour. We can push it rather quickly through the IV. If it works... and it should... then we could see output as soon as tonight."

The next morning we still had nothing. The doctors were all gathered in Momma's room again. Daddy and I stood by the windows and watched them argue.

"I think that we should do it again," Dr. Mallory said.

Bella shook her head. "No. It didn't work. We move forward from here."

"What's forward?" Dr. Mallory asked. "What do you propose we do?" 

"Dialysis," Bella replied.

"That's temporary. Another dose will work. Ultimately, it isn't your decision. What do you want to do, Esme?"

Momma looked at Daddy. She reached out one hand and he stepped forward to take it. "What should I do?" she asked.

Daddy looked up at Bella. She looked down at the floor and shook her head. "Are you positive it will work with another dose?" he asked Dr. Mallory.

"Well, no, I'm not positive. It does sometimes take more than one dose. I'm very optimistic that a second dose will jumpstart her kidneys. If I were the one laying in that bed, then I would do it."

"Bella? Dr. Gorenski?" Daddy looked between them; wanting one of them to tell him what to do.

Bella shook her head again and turned to walk out of the room. I heard her mutter, "I can't do this."

I went after Bella and caught up with her at the end of the hall. She was staring out of the window at the parking lot below. I touched her back and said, "Hey. Are you okay?"

"No," she said as she turned to face me, "I'm not okay. I'm too close. I knew this would happen. I have no objectivity when it comes to your mother... to your family. I love you all too much. I can't make a clinical decision because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of losing her. I can't do this anymore."

"Whoa, calm down. What are you talking about? What can't you do?" I was in a state of pre-panic. I didn't know what she was talking about, but I didn't like the sound of it. "You can't be Momma's doctor or you can't be with me? Which is it?"

She turned back to the window and said, "I don't know what to do."

"We're doing the second dose," Dr. Mallory said from behind us. Bella turned and nodded. She pushed past me and opened the door to the stairwell. I watched her as she disappeared down the stairs.

I don't know how long I stood there staring out the window at the parking lot below. I watched the ambulances come and go and I thought about what had happened. I had just watched Bella walk away from me and my mother and I had no idea if she was coming back. I had tried to call her, but the calls had gone to her voicemail.

I turned in time to see Dr. Mallory and Felix go into Momma's room with the bags of medicine. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. The longer I thought about what Bella had implied, the angrier I became. Why was she doing this? Why now?

Daddy stepped out of the room and walked down to me. "You alright?" he asked.

"It's not about me."

He nodded. "Yeah. Let's go back in and wait for this long shot to work."

Felix had just finished hanging the bags and getting all the lines set when we walked in. "We're going to do a fast push just like before?"

"Yes," Dr. Mallory replied. "We want to shock the kidneys." Felix shrugged and set the machine. We all stood back and waited.

Momma laughed and pointed at us. "You'd think by the way that you're all staring at me that there was going to be some sudden and miraculous change in the way I look. I don't think that it's going to be that quick, right?"

Someone knocked softly on the door. I looked up and saw Bella come into the room. She bit her bottom lip and shrugged. I sighed and cocked my head toward Momma. Right then, it wasn't about us. We could talk later.

Bella came to stand next to me. She took my hand. I squeezed it gently and smiled down at her. I silently asked if we were okay. She smiled and wrapped her arm around my waist. I hugged her to my side. I sighed knowing that we were fine for now.

Bella left my embrace and walked to the side of Momma's bed. "How's she doing?" Bella asked.

"_She _is doing fine," Momma answered. "I am still in the room and I am still conscious. Talk to me."

"Sorry, Esme. How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine. Maybe it will work this time."

"There's no reason that it shouldn't," Dr. Mallory confidently replied.

Felix checked a few things, entered some information into the computer, and then left. Dr. Mallory decreed that there was nothing else she could do at the moment and left as well. We all relaxed and took seats around the room.

We were talking about nothing in particular when Momma suddenly got the strangest expression on her face. She reached up and touched her chest and then her forehead. "Um, Carlisle..."

Daddy was on his feet instantly. "What's wrong?"

"I feel funny."

Bella practically ran to her bedside. "Funny how?"

"I'm too hot and my chest..."

"Your chest what?" Bella asked as she reached for the nurse call button.

"I... I can't... breathe."

Bella ran out into the hall and yelled, "Felix! Get in here now!" She hit a button on the wall.

_Code Blue 412 Code Blue_

"What's happening?" I asked. No one answered me. Daddy was standing over Momma telling her to take slow breaths and to calm down. "What the fuck is going on?"

Felix came in along with about four other nurses. They had some kind of machine with them. One of them began pushing me out of the room.

"Get the fuck off me! What's going on?"

"Edward, she's coding!" Bella yelled. "Just wait in the hall!"

Daddy finished pushing me out the door. "Coding? What does that mean?" The door slammed shut behind us. "What does that mean?" I kept asking even though I knew.

I was standing by the door, panicking, and Daddy was bracing himself in the doorframe, waiting, when Rosalie and Emmett rounded the corner. When they saw us in the hallway they stopped. Rosalie dropped the flowers she was carrying. Water went everywhere. She suddenly started running down the hall.

She grabbed my shirt and yanked me around to face her. "Is she..?" I shook my head. "Why are you out here? What's happening?" I shook my head again. "Speak!" she yelled.

"She coded, Ro," Daddy answered somewhat calmly. "They're in there working on her."

"Coded?" Rosalie whimpered. Emmett barely caught her as her knees buckled under her. "Oh, God."

It seemed like we waited in the hallway forever. Daddy had collapsed against the wall opposite the door and was sitting there with his head in his hands. Rosalie and Emmett were holding each other so tightly that they looked like they were morphing into one person. I was pacing and fighting the urge to break down the door to find out what was happening, when Bella walked out of the room.

Daddy scrambled to his feet and rushed to Bella. He took her hands and asked, "Well?"

"She's stable, but she's third spaced."

"No," Daddy said as grabbed the wall.

"I have no clue what that means," I said. "I doubt that Ro and Em do either."

"It means that the fluid has come out of her veins and cells into the third space or physiologic compartment, the interstitial space between the skin and fascia. People with normal kidney function will just expel it in their urine, but Esme doesn't have that option anymore."

"What do you mean 'she doesn't have that option'?" Rosalie asked.

Bella looked down at the floor and said, "Her kidneys are gone. They're destroyed. She has absolutely no function."

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"There's not much we can do. We'll start dialysis of course. Maybe they'll start back on their own... maybe not." Bella continued to stare at the floor.

"What about her cancer treatments?" Rosalie asked.

Bella shook her head. "We can't. The chemo has to filter through her kidneys. With no kidney function, we can't do anymore treatments."

"Take one of mine," I said.

"What? No!" Daddy exclaimed.

"I only need one, right? Give her one of mine."

"Edward... no." Daddy shook his head. I could see the anguish on his face.

"Why not? I'm O negative... the universal donor. I've got to be a match, right? Take one of mine."

"That's not how it works, Edward." Bella took my arm.

I jerked out of her grasped. "NO! Don't say that. She needs a kidney and I have a spare. I want to do this."

"You don't understand. She has a terminal illness. No doctor would ever give her a healthy kidney. It's unethical."

"Fuck that!" I yelled. "We'll go to another country. Someone will do it. Daddy? Tell her. Tell her that we're doing this." I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"No, Edward," he said as the first tear fell down his cheek.

"This is bullshit," I yelled before I hit the door of the stairwell and ran down the stairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_**Just a little bit shorter chapter than I normally post. Let me know what you think!**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**HUGE thanks to Charmie for all of her help with this chapter and all previous ones. You are the best of the best. I also want to thank all of the reviewers. Because of you guys, I broke the 100 review mark.**_

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 9

I burst through the door and into the first floor hallway. I had basically sprinted down eight flights of stairs and I had no recollection of my feet hitting a single one of them. I looked around like a madman as I tried to figure out exactly where I had come out.

I have a vague memory of people staring at me as I turned in a circle. I couldn't figure out where I was or where I needed to go. I was a fucking mess.

I finally turned to the right and started walking quickly and calmly, or at least I thought I was walking calmly, down the hall. I turned a corner and came face to face with a large, crystal Jesus. It was inside a glass case and was slowly turning. I stared at it for a few moments until I realized that I was standing outside of the hospital chapel. I don't know what compelled me forward, but I was through the door and collapsing on a pew before I was even fully aware of what I was doing.

I dropped my head into my hands and realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Momma's kidneys were not working. Without kidney function, she couldn't receive the cancer treatments. Without the cancer treatments, the MCL would begin to grow and spread... quickly and Momma would _die_...

I pulled at my hair, wanting to have some physical manifestation of the emotional pain I was feeling. I wailed and beat my fist into the seat of the pew. Why? Why was this happening?

The tears had begun to flow when I heard the door behind me open. I sniffed a couple of times and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. Even though I felt completely justified in crying, I was still a man and I didn't want a stranger to see me bawling like a baby.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my back. I turned to see Bella easing herself down onto the pew.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked.

"No," I answered truthfully. "I'm so far from okay that I can't even see a way back to it. I can't believe this is happening. Why her? Why can't you just take my kidney? Can't anything be done? Please... you have to help her."

"We're going to do everything we can to make sure that she's comfortable..."

"No, not comfortable... save her!"

"Edward..."

"Don't. You don't understand. It's not your mother. I can't lose her. We can't lose her. She's the only thing holding us all together. You don't... you can't understand."

I felt Bella's arm slide off my shoulders as she leaned away from me. In hindsight, I should have begun apologizing right then, but I wasn't really thinking clearly and I couldn't seem to keep my trap shut. I continued to spit vitriol at her.

"You were supposed to save her. You're her doctor. You were supposed to protect her. Don't you people take some kind of oath or something? How could you let that… that… quack kill her?

"Don't you get it? She's our strength. She isn't _just_ my mother; she's a mother to our entire family. She's always taken care of us. What are we supposed to do without her? You have no idea how this is going to hurt my family.

"Do something. If you can't do something then don't sit there and tell me that you understand. You can't possibly understand."

In the dim light of the chapel, the rage in her eyes made them appear to glow crimson. I opened my mouth to ask her why she was angry, I was the one with the reason to be angry, and was immediately cut off.

"Shut it! You're right, Edward. I would have no idea what it's like to lose my mother. I don't have any idea the kind of pain you're feeling." She shook her head and stood. "At least I had the excuse of being a fourteen year old child when I was acting like a brat. What's your excuse, Edward?"

She turned to the door and took a step, but then seemed to change her mind. She turned back to me and said, "If you don't think that I know how I've failed her… failed your family… then you are truly a moron. I love her too. I _do_ know how hard this is going to be on you and your family. I've already lived it… twice.

"You need to step back and get some perspective. Call me when you grow up." She turned and walked to the door. She placed her hand on the door handle and turned back to me. "On second thought, don't bother. You're incapable of being an adult… that much is obvious. I'm not available to you anymore, Mr. Cullen."

I had no idea what to say. In my grief I had forgotten that Bella knew exactly what I was feeling. She had been through this already and she had done it as a kid. I was sitting there in stunned silence as she turned and stalked out of the room.

I leapt to my feet and called out, "Bella, wait." But I was too late. I collapsed back onto the pew. "Fuck," I muttered as my forehead found the back of the pew in front of me. I banged my head on it a few times. I was an idiot and I knew it.

I heard the door open again. I didn't even bother to raise my head this time. I just wanted to be left alone. I hoped that whoever it was would sit across the room and leave me alone. No such luck. I felt the pew creak next to me. I sighed and continued to stare at the floor.

After several minutes of feeling a warm body sitting next to me, my curiosity got the best of me. I looked up and saw Emmett staring at me.

I rolled my eyes and said, "How did you find me?"

"I ran into Bella at the elevators."

"Yeah, I fucked that up royally."

"Now that you mention it, she did look a little pissed."

"What did she say?"

"I asked her if she had found you and she said that she had. I asked where you were and she said to look in the last place anyone would ever look. Then she got on the elevator and I went to the cafeteria."

"Why in the hell did you go to the cafeteria?"

He shrugged and said, "I don't know. I thought that it was the last place you would go, I guess. It would be my first stop so I figured it would be your last. Doesn't matter... I was wrong. I tried the gift shop next and you weren't there either. I saw the sign for the chapel and I thought 'what the hell.' I figured I'd look in here and if I didn't find you, then I'd go back upstairs."

"You do realize that your logic makes absolutely no sense, right?"

He shrugged again and said, "Sixty-one and half a dozen of either."

My mouth dropped open and I stared at him in complete and utter confusion. "What the fuck?"

"I don't know. Rose says it all the time. I have no idea what it means."

Then it dawned on me what he meant. "She says 'six of one, half a dozen of the other,' Emmett. It means that the two things you are comparing are essentially the same. It doesn't apply to this situation."

"Huh, well, that explains why she gets so irritated when I say it. I was using it wrong."

"And butchering it as well." I dropped my head into my hands again. "Did you come in here to annoy me or is it just an unpleasant side effect of your presence?"

"It's a side effect. It was a little too heavy upstairs and I was worried about you." He paused so I looked up to see what had drawn his attention. He smiled a nervous smile and said, "I've always hated hospitals. I don't have any good memories of a hospital. No one I love has ever left a hospital healthy. It feels like a place where someone comes to die."

"Not helping, Emmett," I muttered as I hit my forehead on the pew again.

"Sorry. I love her too, ya know. I don't want this to happen to her anymore than you do. Hell, I'd give her my kidney too. Of all the people in the world, Esme is the last that this should be happening to.

"She's always been so special. There's just something about her. She has a light in her that just shines on the people around her and makes us all better. I noticed it the first time I saw her. She made even the biggest fuck up want to learn. There's a reason that she was voted teacher of the year so many times. She wants the best and makes you want to be the best. She's special.

"Ya know I've never heard her say a bad word about anyone. Even Kate..."

I interrupted him and said, "I don't want to talk about Kate."

"Still, the whole time when we were all calling her a bitch and a whore..."

"Emmett..."

"I got a point, just give me a minute. " I sighed and motioned for him to continue. "That whole time, the only thing your momma said was that Kate wasn't the person we all thought and that she wasn't very nice."

"What's your point, Emmett?"

"My point is that you're mother has earned her place in Heaven. She hasn't had the easiest life. I know that there's been times that she's even asked 'why me,' but she hasn't let it change her. She hasn't let it make her bitter.

"It's that light in her. No matter how many people have tried to extinguish it, it has burned on. She's one of God's chosen."

I shook my head. "That's bullshit. If she's so chosen, then why is she dying and not someone evil son of a bitch?"

"You don't get it. God wants the bad people to continue to suffer this world, but only His chosen get to go home and be with Him. Your momma isn't afraid to die. She knows that she's going home. She's afraid to leave you. She doesn't want to leave you lost and alone."

"I'm... I'm not lost. I'm not alone. Why does she think that?"

"We all know that you don't believe, Edward. That's why she thinks that you're lost. You don't have any faith."

"I don't understand how you can all just _believe_ in something that you can't touch... you can't see. It doesn't make any sense to me."

"That's why it's called faith, Edward. You don't think that we all have doubts? Just because we're Christians, doesn't mean that we don't doubt. I believe in God with all my doubts. We all struggle with questions like, if God is all-loving and all-powerful, why is there so much suffering and evil in the world? Doubt is not the enemy of faith; it is a part of it. You can be a thinking person and still be a Christian.

"Hell, Edward, look at me. I'm not exactly the poster child for the Christian church. I drink, I cuss like a sailor, and I'm a lawyer. What part of me screams Christian? But I am. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I have faith and that is what comforts me when I'm sad. My faith is what helps me to keep going when I want to crawl into a hole and hide.

"I know that you don't believe and it makes me sad for you. How lonely must you feel? How afraid? We're here for you, Edward. We love you and we'll do everything we can to support you and Carlisle and to help you two through this, but we can't be everything to you all the time. You need to find something that brings you comfort. Carlisle has his faith. What do you have, Edward?"

He stood and I looked up at him. I could see the tears glistening in his eyes. I had never seen my bear of an uncle cry before. He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. He nodded once, turned, and walked out the door.

I stayed in the chapel for a long time. I thought about what Emmett had said. I had been to church before... I wasn't a complete heathen... but no one had ever explained Christianity quite the way Emmett had.

Momma had made sure that I had gone to church every Sunday as a kid. I had continued to go in middle school and high school as a way to be near my friends. I had tried to believe, but some things just didn't make any sense to me.

I guess it started when I had tuned the radio in the youth room to 103.7, which at the time was a pop/rock station. We were all sitting around talking and listening to the radio when the youth director came in and turned off the music. He said that we were going to Hell for listening to the Devil's music. I asked why it was considered the Devil's music. Didn't God say to make a joyful noise? Nothing sounded more joyful to me than pop music in the late eighties and early nineties.

The youth director told me that I would be the first one in Hell and that he would pray for my soul. He turned the knob away from the station. Then he took the tuning knob off the stereo. I got Alice's nail file and rigged the stereo so that I could tune it back to 103.7 and turned the music back on. I was asked to leave.

And the 'God's will' thing always bothered me. It's was like people in the church justified horrendous events as being the will of God. Apparently, when bad things happened it was because God wanted it to happen. I made the mistake of asking 'why?' one time too many and was asked to leave.

I had doubts... lots of them. And when I asked questions, no one seemed to be able to answer me. Take the evolution thing. Am I supposed to believe that species don't evolve? Look around! The earth and all its creations are in a constant state of evolution, but God forbid you ask about it in church. They looked at me like I had defaced one of the stained glass windows in the sanctuary. Then they asked me to leave. See a pattern here.

I had tried to have faith. I had tried to find a way to believe, but no one could ever answer my most basic question... why? Why is it God's will? Why is some music of the Devil and some not? Why can't I believe in evolution and in God? Why will I go to Hell for asking questions or for having a belief that is different? Am I not supposed to have free will and mind to think and reach my own conclusions?

I couldn't put it off any longer. I reluctantly stood and left the chapel. I stepped outside for some air and tried to call Bella. I needed to apologize. The call went straight to her voicemail, which wasn't unusual. She often kept her cell off when she was in the hospital. I left a message and then called her direct office line. She wasn't there so I left another message asking her to call me.

I walked to the elevators to go back to Momma's room. As I exited onto the fourth floor I caught a glimpse of Bella turning the corner toward the staff elevators. "Bella!" I called. I saw her steps falter when she heard me call her name, but she didn't turn or stop.

I quicken my pace to try to catch her. I was just rounding the corner when I saw her disappear into the elevator. I called to her again. I made it to the door of the elevator just as it was snapping shut.

"Damn it," I swore under my breath. I took out my phone and called her cell.

Again, it went to the voicemail. I left another message. "Bella, I know that you heard me call out to you and I know that you're mad. Please talk to me. I'm sorry, but I'm just so upset. I know that you understand that... you understand everything. Please talk to me. I love you. Please call me back."

I ended the call and trudged back down the hall to Momma's room. The door was closed, but I could hear them all talking inside.

"He'll be okay," Emmett said. "I don't think that it had hit him until now."

"What can we do for you, Carlisle?" Rosalie asked.

"Pray... just pray. We need a miracle," Daddy replied.

I knocked softly and pushed the door open. "Hey," I whispered. "Is she...?"

"Sedated," Daddy replied. "They're coming in later to put in a dialysis port. I need to go back to Gadsden for a little bit."

"We can stay and Alice is on her way," Rosalie said quickly.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked.

"I think that your mother would like to see your face when she wakes up, Edward." I nodded that I understood. Daddy looked at Emmett and said, "Will you come with me, Emmett?"

Emmett glanced at Rosalie. She nodded so he agreed to go with Daddy.

"I don't think that we'll be leaving here anytime soon, so I'm going to get a few things and pick up Suzy... if the invitation to move into your upstairs is still good."

"You don't even have to ask." I pulled a chair close to Momma's bed and took her hand. "Do you still have your key?"

"Yeah, it's at the house." He placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him. "I love you, son."

"I know."

"She's a fighter. We'll get through this."

I nodded and turned back to Momma. Daddy hugged Rosalie and promised to hurry back. I think that he wanted to be there for the port installation.

The room grew silent after Emmett and Daddy left. I sat beside the bed stroking Momma's hand while Rosalie sat on the hard couch and watched us. I jumped when she finally spoke.

"She prayed so hard for you. I remember how they tried and tried and how every time they thought they had it... she miscarried. Carlisle doesn't even know how hard she took it when the doctor's told her that there was no chance that she would ever carry to term. I was the one who held her when she cried. She didn't want to burden him."

She smiled wide and said, "Do you know that you're a virus?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "I've heard."

"She really thought that she had a stomach bug. She made me afraid to get pregnant. The poor girl was sick _all the time_. I'd never heard of anyone having all-the-time-sickness before. She actually lost weight the first trimester

"No one thought that you would make it, except her. She would tell me that she could feel you fighting to live. She'd say, "Ro, this one will make it... he's a little fighter.' She was convinced that anyone who could make her that sick wasn't going to leave quietly."

"I know all this, Ro. Why are you telling me again?"

"Because you are so much like her. She's a fighter too. Esme is used to doctors telling her that things will happen or won't happen. She's used to proving them wrong too. I know that it looks grim right now, but don't count her out just yet. I'm not a gambling woman, but if I were, I'd put my money on Esme Cullen... not cancer."

Alice arrived just then. She breezed into the room without even knocking and rushed to her mother. They hugged and she asked her how she was doing.

"I'm betting on Esme," Rosalie replied with a smile.

Alice looked confused, so I replied, "Inside joke."

"Where's Bella?" Alice asked.

I noticed the expression on Rosalie's face change. "What?" I asked.

"I don't know what you said to the Good Doctor Swan, but she's not happy with you," Rosalie replied.

"What did you do?" Alice asked. "I really like her, Edward. You better not have screwed this up."

"I might have said something along the lines that she doesn't understand what I'm going through."

Rosalie and Alice exchanged a look before Alice crossed the room and smacked me across the top of my head. "You're an idiot. She's seen more death in her career than any of us will see in a lifetime. I should hit you again just for good measure, you moron."

I rubbed the top of my head and said, "If it were just about her career, then she probably wouldn't be so mad. When Bella was fourteen she lost her mom to pancreatic cancer. I kind of forgot that when I was pitching my fit in the chapel."

Rosalie drew in a breath and Alice cringed. "What did you say... exactly?"

"I don't remember exactly. I told that she couldn't understand because it wasn't her mother. I might have accused her of letting that quack nephrologist destroy Momma's kidneys. I may have even said that she let him kill her." I flinched as Alice drew back to hit me again. "Don't! Don't hit me again! I know I screwed up. My mouth got away from my brain. I'm going to apologize. I've been calling her. I've left three messages. When she slows down, I'm sure she'll call me."

But she didn't. Daddy made it back from Gadsden and dropping everything off at my house. Jasper stopped in to check on all of us. The surgeon came in and put in the dialysis port. Momma woke up and received the news that she would be on dialysis three times a week. She wanted Daddy to be the one to do it and was told that he couldn't for ethical reasons. This upset her more than the impending dialysis. All of this happened without a single call from Bella.

After all the excitement of the day, it was no wonder that Daddy and Momma both fell asleep before we all left. I walked everyone to the elevators and promised to call if we needed them. I checked my phone again for a missed call, a text... anything... before I went back into the room. Daddy woke up as I was turning off the lights and the television.

"Hey, has Bella called?" I shook my head. "Give her some time. She's angry and she has a right to be. Give her a while to calm down." I nodded.

"I'm going to go. Can I get you anything before I leave?"

He shook his head, but I heard him mutter, "A miracle."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*HaLF*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After a restless night of alternating between worrying about Momma and worrying about Bella, I awoke on the couch in my living room with a massive crick in my neck. I reached for my glasses and my phone that were on the coffee table. My stomach knotted... no missed calls and no texts. This was not good.

I had left Bella no less than ten messages on each of her phones last night. I'd lost count of how many times I had texted her... pleading for a chance to apologize. She gave me nothing.

I rubbed the stubble on my face and hit the send button again. This time instead of going directly to voicemail, it rang... twice. I was holding my breath when I heard it click to voicemail again.

"Seriously, Bella, this is getting ridiculous. I know I screwed up. Please stop punishing me. I'm sorry. I'm an ass. Please talk to. Answer the phone... call me back... anything. Please, love, let me explain. I love you. Call me, please."

I hit end and squeezed the phone, wishing I could crush it with my bare hands. I resisted the urge to throw it across the room. I tossed it on the sofa cushion beside me and dropped my head into my hands.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the phone suddenly rang. I grabbed it up and didn't even look at the caller ID before I answered it.

"Hello? Bella? "

"Um, no, sorry," Daddy said quietly. "I was actually calling to tell you that Bella is here now talking about options with your momma."

"She's there? But she usually waits to do rounds until the afternoon. At least, she waits to see Momma until the afternoon. Why is she so early? Is there someone with her?"

I heard a door close on Daddy's end and then he said, "No one is with her. I think you may have to work a lot harder to get forgiveness from her than any of us thought."

"Why do think that?" I asked.

"Well, she's not unfriendly with us or anything, but she's being extremely professional." He stopped and I heard Bella speak to him.

"Is that her? Put on the phone."

"Just a minute," he said as I heard him place his hand over the phone. He may have muffled the conversation but I could still hear it.

"We're going to start the dialysis this afternoon, Carlisle. I've been conferring with my colleagues at Anderson on some other treatments that we can try. I've discussed a few with Esme. We're not giving up."

"Thank you, Bella. You tell us what we need to do and we'll do it."

"It would still be her decision on how we proceed. I'll simply give my recommendation and guidance."

"Bella, um, Edward is on the phone and..."

"Please tell Mr. Cullen that I cannot discuss his mother's treatment with him without her written authorization."

"No, I don't think..."

"Put her on the phone!" I yelled.

"Mr. Cullen and I have nothing to discuss outside of his mother, therefore, I do not need to speak with him. _You_ may call me if you have any concerns or questions. Otherwise, I will see you and Esme tomorrow."

"Daddy! Put her on the phone!" I yelled again.

"That's not really on option anymore... she's gone. See what I mean. I don't know what you said, but she's not getting over it. I may have given you bad advice last night. Time may be your enemy, not your friend."

"What do I do? She won't talk to me. Should I just show up at her office and demand to see her?"

"Nooooo. Don't do that. Don't show up at her work. That would make me angry if I were her. It would be like showing up at your office."

I thought about it a minute. He was right. "Flowers maybe?"

"That might be a good starting point, but I would bet that you're going to have to work a lot harder if you want her to even consider you a friend, much less a boyfriend. I'm going to go back in with your momma."

"I'll be there a little after noon," I told him.

"She'll be in dialysis."

"I don't care. I'll be waiting on her when she gets back to the room."

"Well, walk Suzy for me and order flowers for Bella."

"Will do." I ended the call and immediately opened the Yellow Pages App on my phone. I found a florist near the hospital and called them.

"Norton's Florist, this is Ann. How may I help you?"

"Um, yeah, I made my girlfriend really mad yesterday and I need something that says I am profoundly sorry for being such an ass. Is there a particular flower that means 'I apologize'?"

"A purple hyacinth says 'please forgive me,' but we don't usually do just a bouquet of hyacinth. White tulips mean 'forgiveness' and yellow ones mean 'hopelessly in love.' I can probably put together something really nice using all three."

"Ann, you are a life saver," I said with a relieved sigh.

"What should I put on the card?"

I thought a minute and then said, "I beg your forgiveness with the purple hyacinth and the white tulips, but with the yellow tulips I tell you that I am hopelessly in love with you. Please, Bella, find a way to forgive me, because I can't picture a life without you in it. Love always, Edward. How does that sound?"

Ann didn't say anything at first, but then she said, "If she doesn't forgive you, may I give you my phone number? Any girl that would dump a man like you needs her head examined."

I laughed before I replied, "If you knew what I had done, then you'd probably take her side. I'm an ass, but I'm an ass who knows when to grovel."

I gave Ann the address to Bella's office and my credit card information. I walked the dog before I started to get ready for work. I hoped that Daddy was right and that the flowers would open the door, because I didn't have any other ideas. Well, not any idea that didn't involve me showing up at her door and begging her on my hands and knees to take me back. I wasn't quite to that point yet. I'd leave the personal humiliation to when I was truly desperate.

I waited impatiently all morning from some communication from Bella. I checked my cell obsessively. Not one call from Bella... not even a text to say 'I got the flowers but you can still kiss my ass.' Nothing. I called Norton's before I left for the hospital to see if the flowers had been delivered. Ann confirmed that they had been delivered at ten that morning... signed for by a J. Stanley.

I was only able to stay calm enough to drive to the hospital by reminding myself that she had done her rounds in the morning the day before. Maybe she had done the same thing again. Maybe she just hadn't gotten the flowers yet. She would call me when she got them, right?

I walked into Momma's room. The bed was gone, but Daddy was sitting on the hardass sofa. "Hey. Is she still in dialysis?"

"Yeah. I went down with her, but they wouldn't let me go into the room."

"Did you honestly expect them to let you go in with her? They know as well as you do that you'd try to take over."

He flipped me off and then replied, "I would not have taken over and, yes, I did think that they would let me in. All I wanted to do was hold her hand for this first one."

"The Nile is not just a river in Egypt," I mumbled as I set my laptop bag on the corner desk.

"She's really scared," Daddy grumbled.

"I'm sure that she is, but she's a big girl. She's handled worse."

"I'm really scared," he said with a sigh.

I sat down next to him. I bumped his shoulder and said, "We're all scared. What is it you all keep telling me? She's a fighter, right?"

"This is a fight that she might not win."

I stared down at my hands. "I know." I took a deep breath and said, "What did Bella have to say this morning?" Daddy didn't say anything so I finally looked up at him. "What?"

"We really didn't talk about you, Edward," he said incredulously.

"Shit, I know. I meant what did she say about alternative treatments?"

"Oh. I'm sorry, my mind is a little scattered... I didn't mean to..." He waved his hands in the air and shook his head. "She told us that they were looking into radiation maybe, but they would need to have an area to focus it. She's hoping that the dialysis will take off enough fluid so that they would be able to see if any lumps are forming."

"Hmm. So now we want lumps?"

"Yeah, I know that it seems backward, but I think they're grabbing at straws. Bella is... focused. She seems to be obsessing. I think that she's upset."

"About more things than one," I mumbled.

"She still hasn't called?"

"Of course not! I don't even know if she's gotten the flowers yet. I have no idea where I stand. I haven't quite hit desperation levels yet, but I'm not far from it."

"I think that I can tell you where you stand," he said as he stood to leave. "You're in the proverbial doghouse. You may even be in the basement of the doghouse."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. "That makes me feel so much better."

"I'm here to help. I'm going to walk the dog and clean-up a little. I'll be back this afternoon. If your momma gets back before I do, let her know what I'm doing and that I'll be back. She worries that I won't come back, for some reason."

"Will do," I said as I stood to get my laptop. I had a little work to do and it interested me far more than daytime television ever could.

I was working on one of my regular songwriter's latest copyright application when the transporters brought Momma back into the room. This particular songwriter was, in my opinion, extremely talented. She had a way of making the listener feel her story with just her melody and lyrics. Every time she sent me a new song, I was more and more amazed by her. She also had this amazing voice and played all of the instruments on her recordings. Too bad she was a shut-in, agoraphobic. She could have had a huge career as a performer.

I closed my computer and stood as they pushed the bed back into place and got Momma situated in the room. She smiled at me, but didn't say anything until everyone had left.

"How are you holding up?" she asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I replied.

"What did you do... exactly?"

"I fu... I messed up. I said some things that were completely out of line and now... now Bella won't talk to me."

"Have you tried to apologize?"

"You have no idea." She motioned for me to continue. I sighed and said, "I've called... I've texted... I resorted to e-mail this morning. I've even sent her flowers. I haven't heard a word from her. I'm inching closer and closer to desperation."

Momma smiled. "What?" I asked.

"I have never seen you work this hard for a girl before," she chuckled.

"She's not a girl... she's more than that. She means more than that to me. I love her, Momma. I didn't think that it was possible, but I love her. I can't... no, I don't want to imagine my life without her in it. I don't know what to do."

"When she finally talks to you again, what are you going to say?"

"Well, I'm going to apologize and try to explain myself. Then I'll beg her to forgive me and promise to never be such an ass again."

"What are you going to say... exactly?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"The way that you apologize could be the deciding factor on whether or get forgiven and taken back or forgiven but still dumped. You should practice."

"Are you saying that I should stand in front of a mirror and practice apologizing to Bella?" I asked in disbelief.

"No. I'm saying that you should practice. Pretend that I'm Bella and say what you plan to say to her."

"Um, no." I turned and went back to my computer.

"Why not?" Momma asked.

"Because, it's weird and not normal and wrong on many different levels."

"Oh, grow up!" she exclaimed. "Get over here and apologize to me, you big baby."

I turned and stared at her. "You're serious?"

"Yes. Apologize to me."

I could tell by looking at her face that I wasn't going to get out of doing this. "Fine," I huffed as I stood and walked to the side of her bed. "I cannot believe that I'm going to do this," I muttered.

"I'm waiting," Momma said impatiently.

I cleared my throat and said, "Bella, I am profoundly sorry for what I said..."

"Stop," Momma interrupted me. "'Profoundly?' Really?"

"What do you want me to say? Please tell me."

"Not 'profoundly'. It sounds ridiculous. Would you really say something like that to Bella? Seriously, Edward, if she were in the room right now, and willing to listen to you, what would you say?"

"I don't know. I'd tell her that I'm sorry for what I said and that I didn't mean it... I guess."

"Pretend I'm her and apologize."

I rolled my eyes and sighed before I said, "I'm so sorry, Bella. I know that what I said was way out of line and that it hurt you. I didn't mean for that to happen. I was just so upset and..."

"Okay, you just went from forgiven and taken back to forgiven and dumped forever."

"Why?" I asked. "What did I say wrong?"

"It took me years to get your daddy to understand this one. I hope that you learn a little faster. Listen to me and listen good. When you apologize to a woman, especially a woman that you are in love with, just apologize. Do _not_ explain yourself. Do not say, 'I'm sorry, but...' All that we hear when you do that is 'You should understand,' or 'You overreacted,' or 'My feelings are more important than yours.' Is that what you're trying to say? Are your feelings more important than Bella's?"

"Well, no. What should I say then?"

"Tell her that you are sorry and that you never meant to hurt her. Tell her that you know that you messed up. Tell her that you're only human and you can't promise her that you won't screw up again, but you promise to do your best to not do it again. Tell her that you love her and that even if she can't forgive you and take you back that will never change."

"And she'll take me back?" I asked.

She shrugged and said, "I have no idea, but you have a greater chance than if you try it your way. Trust me... I'm a woman. I know what we want to hear. Apologize, but don't explain yourself. Be sincere."

"Oh... I'm sincere. I sincerely know that I'm an ass and that I fucked up."

"Edward... language!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*HaLF*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I stayed with Momma the rest of the afternoon. Daddy had brought us dinner when he returned from the house and Momma's tray arrived not long after. We all ate. Daddy agreed with Momma about how I should apologize to Bella. He also told me that it was probably the most important relationship advice that Momma could ever give me.

I left the hospital just before dark. I had been checking my phone every fifteen minutes or so. I still hadn't heard from Bella. I pulled her number up again and hit send. It was going to voicemail as I started my car. I hit end and threw the phone in the passenger seat.

I was pulling into my driveway when my phone alerted me that I had a text. I parked in the garage and checked the message.

_Thank you for the flowers, Mr. Cullen. Please refrain from contacting me further. I have no desire to continue a relationship with you outside of your mother's treatment._

I sat there and stared at the phone. "Oh hell no!" I exclaimed as I put the car in reverse. I drove faster than I probably should have to Bella's apartment complex. I pulled into the visitor's driveway and entered Bella's code. The gate didn't open. I tried the code again with the same result. "She changed the fucking code," I muttered.

I pulled into the turnaround and drove to the main gate. I buzzed Bella's apartment. She didn't answer. I buzzed again and got nothing. I was about to turn around and drive back to the hospital, when I suddenly heard, "Yes?"

"Bella, please open the gate. Please let me talk to you."

"Go home, Edward."

Oh, now I'm Edward! "No, Bella, please. Please talk to me. Please don't let it end this way. I'm so sorry. Please open the gate."

She didn't say anything. I dropped my head to the steering wheel. I felt like crying. I hadn't cried over a girl since Kate and I had promised myself then that I'd never shed a tear for a woman again, but I'd also sworn to never love a woman ever again. We all see how that turned out.

"Please," I whispered to the inside of my car. "Please open the gate." I heard the buzzer and the gate began to rise. "Thank you, Bella. Thank you. Thank you," I said into the intercom.

I drove to Bella's building and parked my car. I took the stairs two at a time. I sprinted to her door and was raising my hand to knock when Bella jerked open the door. Her hair was wet and she was in her bathrobe and slippers. I had obviously caught her just as she had gotten out of the shower.

"Say what you have to say and then go," she said curtly.

"May I come in?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Okay..." I took a deep breath and said, "Bella, I am so sorry for what I said. I didn't mean a word of it. I wish that I could take it all back. I'd never intentionally hurt you. I love you. Please, please forgive me. I know that I screwed up royally and if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please forgive me."

She stared at me for a long time before her expression finally softened. She bit her lip before she finally stepped to the side and motioned for me to enter.

"Thank you, Bella," I said as I walked through the door.

"Why are you thanking me? I'm just letting you in so that my neighbors don't get a free show with their dinners. Don't think that just because I let you in the door, you're forgiven. You said some really out of line things to me, Mr. Cullen."

"Can you please stop calling me that?" I asked.

"You are in absolutely no position to ask me for anything. I'm very angry with you..., Edward. You not only questioned my feelings for you and your family, but you also questioned my professional abilities. You made light of my past too. I've never opened up to someone the way I've opened up to you and you just threw that all back in my face."

"I know," I said as I stared at the floor. "You have no idea how badly I feel about that."

"I know exactly what you and your family are going through and I have intimate knowledge of how much worse it can get before it gets better. Don't you think that it's killing me to watch it again?"

I noticed the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She wrapped her arms around her body. I stepped forward to hold her. Bella took a step back and held up her hand.

"No, I'm not ready for you to touch me yet." A tear ran down her cheek and I almost collapsed to my knees.

"Please," I begged and reached for her again.

"No," she insisted.

"What do I have to do, Bella? Name it and it's done."

She sighed and shook her head. "I can't be with you and effectively treat your mother. I get too personally involved."

I dropped my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I understand," I managed to squeak out. "I'll go." I turned to leave.

I had my hand on the doorknob when I felt her hand on my shoulder. "Don't go," she whispered.

I turned and saw a sight I knew that I never wanted to see again. All the pain that Bella was feeling was present in her eyes. I could see all the loss she had experienced in her life. All the times that she had told me about and probably some that she kept bottled up inside were present in her eyes. I could see her heart breaking time and time again. I saw how I had hurt her even more because I knew what she had been through, what she went through daily, and I had selfishly disregarded how this was all reminding her of her own mother's death. I was such a jerk. As the tears coursed down her cheeks, I felt my soul break into pieces.

I reached out and took her hand as it fell from my back. I squeezed her hand as I tried to force my own tears to stay in place. I saw her jaw clench and her mouth opened several times as if she had something to say, but didn't know quite how to say it.

"I need you, love," I whispered.

As a tear escaped my eye, Bella said, "I can't do it anymore. I've taken her as far as I can. What's happening now is beyond my expertise… it's beyond all of our expertise. We've never had a patient do this… we've never had a kidney issue before. I think that it's time that I let the nephrologists and the kidney specialists do their jobs."

"I don't know what you're saying."

She bit her lip again and took a step toward me. "I'm saying that I can't be the lead physician on your mother's case anymore. I'm giving control of her case back to Dr. Gorenski. I think that with Dr. Reed's help and with me to advise, he can take it from here."

I stepped forward and took her other hand. "So, you forgive me?"

"I'm going to try. I'm not making you any promises, because I'm still hurt and so very angry, but I'm willing to try."

I reached up and cupped her cheek with my hand. "I'll never do it again… I promise."

She smiled through her tears and said, "Yes, you will. You're only human and you'll screw up again. And I'll end up forgiving you eventually, because no matter how angry I am or how much you hurt me, I still love you. I still get that wonderful tingly feeling when we touch. I still can't see my forever without you in it.

"That's why I'm choosing you. Not because you sent me flowers and not because you came here and groveled, although the groveling was a nice touch, but because I love you and I know that you love me. I also know that Dr. Gorenski is an excellent oncologist and that I can be more effective on the sidelines.

"I always knew that I'd have to make a choice… you and your family or my career. Six months ago, I would have chosen my career. Six months ago, I didn't want to love you or be loved by you. You refused to give up and you made me give in. So I choose you, Edward, because without you I'm a good doctor, but with you I'm a better person."

I could do little more than stare at the exquisite creature standing before me. She loved me; she was going to forgive me; she was giving me another chance; and she chose me. I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb.

"If you don't kiss me soon, I may explode," Bella said with a smirk.

As I leaned in I asked, "Are there any documented cases of a person actually exploding from not being kissed?"

"I would probably be the first," she said just as my lips met hers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*HaLF*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I walked into Momma's room the next day as Bella and the other doctors were explaining Bella's decision to step back and let Gorenski and Reed take over.

"We should get the results from the UAB lab in the next couple of days. Dr. Reed is of the belief that it is definitely a kidney issue outside of the MCL." Bella paused and glanced up as I walked through the door. She smiled and continued. "Dr. Gorenski and I are beginning to agree. It would be best to let a renal specialist take over at this point. I'll still be here to advise on the MCL aspects and, of course, M.D. Anderson is still very interested in what's happening with you, but we really need to get the kidney situation under control before we can continue treating the MCL."

"Do you think that this is temporary? Do you think that my kidneys will start to improve?" Momma asked.

Dr. Reed replied, "We don't know. I want to continue the dialysis in hopes of decreasing the edema. At this point, if you do have a tumor or a swollen lymph area, we can't see it. There's just too much fluid."

"What about her albumin?" Daddy asked.

The doctors looked at each other before Dr. Reed answered, "That's the other thing. Normal is between 4.1 and 5.5. Yesterday, Esme, you were at 1.2."

"So what does that mean?" I asked.

"People usually don't last long when it gets below a two," Daddy replied cryptically.

"What does that mean?" I asked frantically.

"We think that the glomarilis has opened and is dumping protein... probably the excess protein produced by the lymphoma. But at the same time, it's dumping albumin as well."

"So she's in protenura? It could be the lymphoma triggering all of this, right?" Daddy asked.

Dr. Reed shrugged and said, "Um, maybe. We're still not sure. I know that the sample of the biopsy sent to Anderson showed no MCL, but they didn't check for renal cancer."

Momma interrupted, "You think I have renal cancer too?"

"We don't know yet. We'll have to see what the sample at UAB tells us," Dr. Gorenski answered. He placed a hand on Momma's shoulder and said, "You have us stumped, Esme, but with you... that isn't unusual. We _will_ figure it out."

Momma nodded and slumped down in the bed.

The doctors and Daddy left the room. Bella brushed my hand as she passed me and flashed me a smile. I was still feeling the tingle of her touch when I sat down next to Momma's bed.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked.

She smiled slightly and said, "Truth?" I nodded. "I feel tired and my feet and hands are so swollen that they are beginning to hurt. It feels like my skin is about to burst open. And I itch. God, how I itch! My legs... I would claw them raw if I didn't have these stupid compression tights on."

"So, you're having a bad day?"

She stared at me for a few minutes and then shook her head as she smirked at me. "You could say that," she said flatly.

"Hey, I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Whatever happened to laugh so you don't cry?"

She bit her bottom lip and looked down at her hands. She turned them over a few times before she spoke again. "I've heard your daddy crying... at night. He thinks that I'm asleep, but I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I'm usually awake. I can hear him."

She looked up at me and reached for my hand. I placed it in hers and she squeezed it. "Promise me that you'll not let him do something stupid to himself. Promise me that you'll make him take care of himself. His blood pressure and his cholesterol... you know that they're high. Make sure that he takes his medicines and that he watches his diet. Don't let him just give up."

"You're talking like you're leaving us. You aren't going anywhere. You're going to be with us for a long time. You can take care of him."

She sighed and said, "No, baby, I'm not. I need to know that he'll be okay... that you'll be okay. Make him sell the house and move closer to you. Help him find a townhouse or something without a yard. He doesn't need to be doing a lot of yard work... not with his back and knees."

"Momma, I..."

"Promise me, Edward," she insisted.

"I don't want to talk about this," I said as I tried to pull my hand away.

She latched on with surprising strength and said, "I need for you to be the strong one, Edward. You and I are a lot alike. I was always the strong one... not your daddy. You get your strength from me. I need you to harness it and hold this family together."

I gritted my teeth as the tears welled in my eyes. "I don't want to talk about this," I said through my teeth.

"I need to have this settled, Edward."

"What about Ro and Emmett? Why can't Rosalie 'hold this family together'?"

"Rosalie projects this strong, invulnerable woman to everyone. It's an act that she's perfected, but it's still just an act. She's going to be a mess and Emmett will have to deal with that. Alice will help her daddy, as she should, and you know that Jasper will follow Alice... he always has. Your daddy will need you and you will need to be the glue. If I pass nothing else on to you... I pass this. You will have to be the person who holds it all together. You have to do this for me."

We heard Daddy open the door. "Wipe your eyes," Momma whispered quickly. I wiped my hand across my face and felt the moisture of tears that I didn't even know I had shed.

"Hey," Daddy said as he came into the room. "Everything okay?" he asked as he looked at the two of us.

Momma patted my hand and said, "We're just fine. Right, baby?" She gave me a pointed look, but all I could manage to give Daddy in response was a weak nod.

She had just told me that Daddy was already starting to fall apart when he thought no one was looking and that I had to be the strong one. I wasn't feeling particularly strong at that moment. If anything, I felt more like a five year old child in a thirty- five year old body. I wanted my mommy to take care of this. I wanted my mommy to handle this situation. But 'Mommy' wasn't able and she had passed the task to me. I suddenly felt very small and very worried.

Then a thought crossed my mind that I have felt guilty about ever since. _If I'm supposed to be the strong one and take care of everyone else... who will take care of me?_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*HaLF*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	10. Chapter 10

**Many thanks to Charmie for all of her help. She convinced me that the chapter was a little too long and she was right. **

**This is for RandyWriter and blb0157, who both contacted me about this story. You restored my faith that someone is actually out there reading this little endeavor.**

**Just an FYI note: There will only be one more chapter and then this story will be finished. I am at the halfway point in writing the final chapter and hope to have it posted within a couple of weeks.**

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 10

Bella came over after she left the hospital that night and I told her what Momma had said. I guess that the look on my face spoke volumes because she wrapped her arms around me and just held me. I didn't cry... I'm still a man... but I did think. I sat there in Bella's arms with my cheek pressed against her chest and I thought of all the things I had seen Momma do for us. She did so much that we could see, but what about the things that we never saw?

After who knows how long, I pulled away from Bella slightly and asked, "How long does she have... honestly?"

"I can't give you a definite answer to that. We should get the kidney biopsy results from UAB tomorrow."

"Okay. What do you think it will say?"

"Honey, I don't know. I'm hoping for good news, but..."

"But what?"

She looked down at her lap before she answered me. "Hope and faith will only take you so far; then you have to rely on science and logic."

"What are you seeing that you don't want to say? Don't say 'nothing'. I can see it in your eyes. There's something that you don't even want to admit to yourself. What is it?"

She bit her lip and I saw fear flash across her face. "She has all the symptoms. Dr. Gore isn't as optimistic as I am. He thinks that it's renal cancer."

I pulled completely from her arms and put my head between my knees. I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out... or throw up... or something. I just felt sick. "Fuck," I managed to whisper. I felt her start to rub circles on my back.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some water?"

"Why didn't the MCL chemo work? Shouldn't it kill the kidney cancer too?"

"It was a different formulation. The Anderson Protocol is very specific for MCL. We were so focused on treating the lymphoma that we didn't see... we didn't even think to check for anything else. I'm sorry."

"No, don't you ever apologize for this. It isn't your fault. I've never blamed you." She gave me a look that said _really._ "Okay, I blamed you for like a second, but you know that I didn't mean any of that, right? I was being an asshole and nothing that I can say will ever make it right, but I'm sorry. Please don't forget that I love you no matter what happens. I was out of line, but ultimately, I don't blame you. This is definitely not your fault."

She pulled her hand away and clasped them in her lap. "It sometimes feels like it is," she whispered.

"Remember what you told me before... about God? He doesn't make bad things happen to good people. Things just happen, right? He doesn't take people... he receives them."

"You remember all of that?"

"I remember everything that you tell me. I remember that especially because it was the first time that religion made sense to me. It was the first time that someone had explained God to me and it sounded right."

"You know, we've never really talked about your beliefs, Edward. What do you believe?"

I smirked and said, "I don't. I thought that you knew. I'm agnostic. I don't believe in God."

Bella smiled and asked, "Are you sure?"

I nodded and said, "I'm pretty sure that I don't believe in God."

"Then you aren't agnostic... you are an atheist. But I don't believe that. I think that you aren't sure that there is a God. Since you have no personal knowledge, you believe that God must not exist. But you want someone to prove you wrong. That's why you aren't an atheist. You want someone to show you proof. An atheist doesn't want proof. Their mind is made up and closed. I think that you are open to explanations. It's not that you don't believe in God; you don't have definitive proof of His existence. You should be from Missouri."

"What does Missouri have to do with this conversation?" I asked.

"It's the 'show me' state. You want someone to show you God. Look around you, Edward... this is God."

"See, that's why I have a problem with Christianity. What am I supposed to see? Where is He exactly?"

Bella reached out and placed her hand on my chest. "He's right here." She placed her other had on her own chest. "And He's here. God is in all of us. He is in people like your mother... good and kind. He's in murderers and thieves. He's in us all. You just have to learn how to look."

"But what if Christianity is the wrong one? What if the Muslims have it right... or the Jews... or the Mormons..."

"Mormons are Christians," she replied.

"You know what I mean. Which religion is the right religion?"

"All of them... none of them. It isn't about religion, Edward."

"Yes, it is," I insisted.

"My God, you're not agnostic or atheistic. You're anti-religion! This has nothing to do with God. You believe in God." I shook my head. "You can deny it all you want, but deep down, Edward... you believe in God. You just don't believe in organized religion. That's okay. A lot of people don't believe in organized religion. Don't label yourself as an agnostic, because that's not what or who you are."

"I disappoint Momma because I won't go to church with them and I won't pray. I hurt her when I don't want to hurt her."

"Maybe," Bella said as she draped her arm across my slumped shoulders. "Or... maybe she worries about you."

"I don't want her to worry about me, but I'm not sure. I have questions."

She pulled me toward her in an awkward hug. "We all have questions... we're human after all. Questions are normal... doubts are normal. I can't tell you what you should do or what you should believe, Edward. That's something you have to figure out for yourself. I'll be here if..."

I interrupted her and said, "When... never if."

She smiled and continued, "_When_ you need me. No matter what conclusions you reach... I'll still love you."

I was sitting in my office the next morning staring out at the Birmingham skyline when Jasper stuck his head in my door.

"Yo," he said. "What'cha doin'?"

I sighed and turned around in my chair. "Thinking. I know that's a foreign concept to you, but it is done occasionally. What do you want?"

"Man, you are in a foul mood," he said as he flopped down in one of the chairs in front of my desk. "What crawled up your ass?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"Fuck you," I said as I turned back to stare out the window.

Jasper laughed and then said, "Dude, seriously, you have got to chill. You are an uptight bitch. What is _wrong_ with you?"

I turned back to him and looked over his shoulder. I nodded behind him and said, "Close the door."

He furrowed his brow in confusion, but got up and did as I requested. He sat back down and asked, "Is something seriously wrong, Edward? Is it Esme?"

"Yes and no. She's a lot sicker than we all thought and I'm extremely worried about that. She says that I have to be the strong one when she goes. _When_, Jazz. She's starting to say things like that. I don't think I can do it. When I think about losing her it makes me physically ill. I don't know what to do."

"We'll all be here for you, man; you and Carlisle. You won't be alone. Is that what has you so upset?"

"Mainly... yes."

"But that isn't all. What did you want to ask me?"

"Do you go to the Christmas service with Momma and Daddy?"

"We all go... you know that."

I turned back to the window. "We don't _all_ go. I don't go."

"You also don't pray with us. We accept it, Edward. It's not that big of a deal."

I whipped back around and said, "What if it is a big deal? What is wrong with me that I can't go into a building for an hour and sit there to make my mother happy? Why can't I just... look at the floor or something when ya'll pray? Why don't I just go through the motions to make her not worry about me?"

"Because you're not a hypocrite. Listen, man, half the people in that room at the Christmas service only set foot in the church twice a year... Christmas and Easter... present company included. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian or even a good person. I guarantee that Newton graces the door of whatever church he goes to every Sunday and we both know what a sleaze he is. He goes with the same objective he had when he went out to the club the night before... to pick up women.

"That you don't go to church or pray isn't what upsets Esme. She thinks that you're lost. Esme's generation thinks that if you don't have faith then you are... I don't know... adrift. You have no direction. I don't think that's the case with you. I think that you're too analytical for your own good. You want to put your hands on it."

He leaned over and placed his hands on my desk. "It's like this desk. You know that it's a desk because someone told you that it is a desk and that it exists... and because you can put your hands on it. Faith is the same. For most people all it takes is for a preacher or a parent or some authority figure to say, 'There is a God and He exists.' Not for you. You have to put your hands on it."

He leaned back and said, "When you figure out how to touch God, then you'll believe."

"You just basically told me that I'll never believe because there is no way to touch God."

"No, that is not what I said. I said that _when_ you figure out _how_ to touch Him, then you will believe. If anybody can find a way to touch God, then it will be you."

My phone began to vibrate on my desk. I picked it and saw that it was Bella. I held a finger up to Jasper and answered the call. "Hey, love, what's up?"

"Can you come to the hospital right now?" she asked.

"I can, but why do I need to?"

"We have the biopsy results from UAB and you need to be there when we tell your parents."

I don't remember what I said to Jasper. Hell, I don't remember ending the call with Bella. The next thing I remember after agreeing to be at the hospital in less than ten minutes is sitting in the passenger seat of Jasper's Z71 and hearing "Freak on a Leash" by Korn coming out of the speakers at a volume equivalent to a sound check at Oak Mountain Amphitheater.

"You have got to turn this shit off," I screamed.

"What?" Jasper yelled back as he turned the volume down to a conversational level. "What did you say?"

"Could you please turn that off or change it or... something... anything? I can't listen to Korn right now." I might have said it with a little more bile than necessary. I was sitting in the seat of Jasper's massive truck having an internal freak out and the motherfucker beside me was calmly driving toward my possible personal Armageddon while blasting Korn like it was a typical day and we were going to a fucking meeting or to court or some ordinary shit. This wasn't normal or typical, or ordinary or any other adjective. We were going to the hospital to hear the results of Momma's biopsy. Results, that judging by the tone of Bella's voice, were not good.

Jasper pressed a button on his ipod and the song switched to "Without Me" by Eminem.

"Seriously?" I asked. "Just turn the shit off, okay?"

"You have got to calm down," he said as he turned off the entire system washing us in blessed silence.

We were just passing UAB on the way to University Boulevard when Jasper said, "Alice is meeting us there. She called Ro and Em, but they're in Gadsden. They're on their way though."

I nodded as I started to gnaw on the corner of my mouth. Momma always hated it when I did this. It's a nervous habit, much like Bella's chewing of her bottom lip. I tend to get carried away and bite to the point that I leave a sore in the corner of my mouth. Momma always thumped my ear and told me to cut it out. Just thinking about it made me wonder who would thump my ear after she was gone.

"It's too quiet in here," I heard Jasper mumble. He hates the quiet. There's always music playing or a television on in any space that Jasper occupies. He says that the background noise calms him.

I turned to him and asked, "Do you have any Dave on that thing?"

We were stopped at a redlight so he picked up the ipod and began scrolling through it. "What do you want to hear?"

"'Save Me'," I replied as I continued to stare out the window. We had made it to University Boulevard and were passing the Doubletree Hotel. I was noting the irony of the mentioning of trees in the concrete jungle that is downtown Birmingham, Alabama when the first strains of the song came through the speakers.

_Driving through the desert I met a man_

_ Who told me of his crazy plan._

_ He'd been walking there for twenty days._

_ He was gonna walk on for twenty more._

_ I said, "How 'bout a drink or a bite to eat?"_

_ He said, "No, my faith is all I need."_

_ So then, save me, save me,_

_ Mister Walking Man, if you can._

"Is it really all you need?" I said to no one in particular.

"What?" Jasper asked. I didn't look away from the window. I kept listening to Dave sing about faith and beg a stranger to save him.

_You don't need to prove a thing to me._

_ Just give me faith; make me believe._

"Make me believe," I whispered. "Save me, Stranger, if you please. Or am I too far gone to get back home?"

I swear I heard someone whisper in my ear, 'Try savin' yourself.'

Jasper's behemoth of a vehicle wouldn't fit in the parking deck, so we had to park in the lot behind the hospital. I sprinted across the street, leaving Jasper to fend for himself, and ran up the hill to the entrance of the hospital. I was throwing myself at the sliding doors when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

"I only run if someone is chasin' me, asshole. Wait for me at the door," Jasper said curtly and then hung-up on me.

I started pacing in front of the doors. Jasper was apparently taking his own sweet time walking up that hill. I was debating telling him to go fuck himself and go on up to the fourth floor when I caught a brief glimpse of the rotating, crystal Jesus behind the glass in front of the hospital chapel entrance.

I walked over to it and stared as it made its clock-wise 360 degree turn inside of its glass enclosure. The statue looked like any Jesus you'd see; long-hair, beard, long robes, sandals, hands out stretched at his sides. It was beautiful.

I tasted blood as I finally broke through the skin at the corner of my mouth. I couldn't tear my eyes form the crystal Jesus. Jasper found me there. He stepped up beside me and started staring as well.

I cocked my head to one side and said, "No one has ever explained things to me like Bella and Emmett and you have explained things. Why is it that ya'll make sense, but all the preachers and youth ministers I've encountered only added to my confusion and made me think that something was wrong with me for having doubts and questions?"

"I don't honestly know, man. It's not like I heard anything useful at church either. I think I just came to my own conclusions. I mean, not everything that they preach in church can be right. It doesn't always make sense and it's sometimes contradictory. I think that it all comes down to being as good a person as you can be while you're here and thanking God for the things that you have."

I chuckled and turned to look at him. "So be good and thankful. That's it?"

He shrugged and smiled. "I guess. You know, 'do unto others' and all that shit."

The sliding doors opened and gale force Alice blew in. "Why in the hell are you standing here staring at Jesus? Let's go people!" She flew past us, managing to grab Jasper by the wrist as she went and dragged him down the hall to the elevators. I ran to catch up and was rounding the corner when they both disappeared into the elevator.

"Get the lead out, Edward," she called to me as I dove into the closing elevator.

The doors opened to the fourth floor. We all tumbled out and headed in different directions with the same destination in mind. Jasper and Alice made it to the door before me. I was about to burst through the door when Alice stopped me by grabbing my forearm.

"Are you going to be okay in there?"

"Well, yeah. Why do you ask?"

"You freak out."

"I do not freak out."

"Dude," Jasper said nodding his head, "you freak out."

"It's not a bad thing," Alice said as she started rubbing my arm. I cocked my head to the side and raised my eyebrows. "Okay, it's a bad thing, but you always calm down after you've had time to think about it. Let's skip to the calmed down part this time. We all know that it's bad. We all know that Aunt Esme is very sick. Whatever they tell us will not be a newsflash. We all knew ten months ago that she was living on borrowed time. Just keep your cool until you're at home, or in your car, somewhere away from her and your daddy. Then you can freak out all you want. Got it?"

I gritted my teeth and stared down at the little task master standing in front of me. "When did we put you in charge?" I asked.

"I'm not in charge, Edward. I'm just as upset as you are, but I'm not the one who's sick. I hold it together for Esme and my momma and you. Do the same for your momma. Okay?"

I nodded and said, "Okay." I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard Momma say 'come in' as I was pushing the door open.

"Hey," I breathed as I looked around the room. Daddy was sitting in a chair by Momma's bed and a nurse was on the other side adjusting something on the IV.

"Well, I guess we should call the doctors since everyone is here," Momma said with a weak smile.

"Are you okay, Momma?" I asked.

"I'm having a bit of a bad day, baby, but I'll be okay. Why don't you call Bella? She said that she wanted you here this morning... that she has something to tell us. I wasn't expecting the whole cavalry though."

"We're all in this together, Aunt Ez," Alice said as she walked past me to take Momma's hand. "Momma and Daddy are on the way from Gadsden. They should be here in an hour or so."

"I would say that ya'll don't all have to be here, but I'm being a little selfish today. I want my family with me." She pulled Alice down into a hug. I could hear her whisper something to Alice, but I couldn't make it out. When Alice stood up she nodded her head. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes. She took a deep breath and retreated back to Jasper's waiting arms.

Momma weakly motioned toward me. "Make the call, baby," she said quietly.

I shook my head. "I... I can't. I don't want to." I began backing up until my back hit the wall. "I don't want to know."

"Not knowing doesn't change anything, Edward," Momma said sternly. "Whatever news Bella has for us... it doesn't matter. What's gonna happen will happen, whether we want it to or not."

"I'm not ready," I mumbled.

"Do you think that _I_ am?" Momma asked with obvious indignation. "This isn't about you right now, Edward. Make the call or I'll have your daddy do it."

"Fine," I said a little too loudly. I threw my hands in the air. "Let him call." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I tossed it to Daddy. "Use my phone."

"God, you are a spoiled rotten ass!" Alice yelled at me. "Do you honestly think that you are the only person in this room that's hurting... grieving... scared? Grow up, Edward." She walked around the bed and snatched the phone from my daddy. "I'll make the call."

Alice scrolled through my phone and hit send. I heard a familiar ringtone just outside the hospital room door. I turned to see Bella standing just outside the door staring at the phone. She looked up and our eyes met. She didn't have to say anything... I knew. I could see the pain and hopelessness in her eyes. She silenced the phone. Her lips parted like she wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say. I shook my head as her eyes found the floor.

It was like my world went into slow motion. With each step that I took to the door it felt as if I was dragging a ninety pound weight. I reached to pull the door open and it suddenly weighed a ton. Bella bit down on her bottom lip. I cupped her cheek with my hand. She looked up into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

I shook my head and took her hand as I led her into the room. I walked with Bella to Momma's bedside.

"I'm sorry. You're all right. I'm an ass and I need to grow up. You have something that you need to tell us, don't you?" I turned to see Bella staring into my momma's eyes.

"I didn't want to have to tell you this, Esme, but I wouldn't want you to hear it from anyone else either. The specialist at UAB found some very small cancerous cells in your kidney biopsy." She paused and took a breath. I saw Daddy wrap both of his hands around Momma's.

I squeezed Bella's hand and then let go to sit on the edge of Momma's bed. I placed my hand on top of Momma's and nodded for Bella to continue.

"We... I want to do a full body PET scan to see if it's spread. If it has, then I'd like to discuss possible treatments..."

"No," Momma said suddenly.

Bella glanced at Daddy then at me. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"No more treatments. No more chemo. No radiation. I'm done. Obviously, God is trying to tell me something."

"Momma, please..." I started.

"It isn't your decision, Edward. And it isn't yours either, Carlisle. I'm tired."

"You're tired now, sweetheart, but you may not be tomorrow or the next day," Daddy said. "Let Bella explain everything. Don't make a decision now."

Momma looked around the room and sighed with defeat. "Explain it, Bella. Explain it to them, because I already know that I'm dying. Tell them so that they'll understand why I'm saying no to treatment."

Bella looked at the floor and bit her lip again. "If it has spread," she said quietly, "then there really isn't much that can be done. It will eventually spread to your lungs and..."

"But we don't know that it has spread," I said frantically.

"That's why I want to do the PET scan. If it hasn't spread, then maybe we can..." Bella said before Momma interrupted her.

"You can do the scan, just so we know, but I'm not having anymore treatments."

"Esme, you can't just give up," Daddy pleaded. "You'll have to continue with the dialysis or the toxins will build up. It's excruciating."

"Okay, I'll do dialysis, but no more cancer treatments. I'm done. I don't want to purposely make myself feel worse on the off chance that I might have a few more months. It's not worth it to me. I want to enjoy the time I have left. I don't care if it's a few weeks. I don't want to be sick the whole time."

"But you are sick. You're very sick. You're just having a bad day... you said it yourself when I walked in. Don't make a decision right now. Wait until after the PET scan. Think about it. Please?" I pled with desperation in my voice.

"Baby, I have thought about it. I've done nothing but think about it. For the last ten months, I've been preparing myself for the end. I've been preparing you all for it." Momma took my hand and gently squeezed it.

"You have to let me do what's right for me. You haven't been through chemo and radiation like I have. You don't know how horrible it makes you feel. If I thought that it would save my life or that it would give me ten... not even that many... if I thought it would give me five years, then I would do it. But I know that what I have is a death sentence. I've known it for ten months. Do you think that I left Dr. Gore's office last year and didn't do my own research? I shouldn't be here now, Edward. I should have died four months ago, at least. I shouldn't have had the four relatively healthy months that I had.

"I'm so grateful to God that he gave me this extra time with you... with your father... with Ro and Alice. But I'm out of time, baby. What I was put here to do is done."

"No," I whispered, noticing the tears for the first time. "You're not done. I haven't gotten married and you don't have grandchildren yet. You were going to be around for all of that, remember?"

"Well, you should have worked faster," she said with a mischievous smile. I narrowed my eyes at her and she actually chuckled. "I'm kidding. Quit looking at me like it's inappropriate."

"It kinda is," I heard Jasper muttered. I looked up to see the twinkle in his eye and the smirk on his lips.

"You're gonna be fine," Momma continued. "I think that you've met your match." She looked up at Bella. I turned to see Bella blush and look at the floor.

Daddy reached up and pushed the few, short hairs off of Momma's forehead. "I don't' agree with your decision, but I respect and understand it. I think that most of my opposition to it is that I'm not ready to lose you. You're the only woman I've ever loved. I don't want to imagine a world without you in it."

"I'm not gonna die tomorrow. Am I, Bella?"

Bella wiped the tears from her cheeks and said, "No, probably not tomorrow."

"Then let's enjoy now. I wanna go home."

"I don't think..." I started.

"Are you a doctor?" Momma asked.

"Technically?" I replied.

"Are you a medical doctor?" she asked with an eye roll.

"Well, no."

"Bella, is it feasible for me to go home?"

"I'd like to do the PET scan first, but after that... yeah, you could go home."

Bella scheduled the PET scan for that afternoon. Rosalie and Emmett arrived about an hour before they came to prep Momma for the test. Ro tried in vain, just like the rest of us, to change Momma's mind. She eventually just started to cry and beg. She sat in a chair by Momma's bed and laid her head on Momma's lap. I heard her mumble something that sounded like, 'I can't lose my sister,' but I wasn't sure. Momma stroked Ro's long, blond hair and cried with her.

We all had to leave the room when the technician and the nurse came in to prep Momma for the scan. Emmett wrapped one of his huge arms around Daddy's shoulders and took him to get a cup of coffee. Rosalie and Alice retreated to the family area and huddled together; talking in hushed voices. Jasper went out of the deck to smoke; a habit that he had quit, but used as a crutch in times of extreme stress.

Bella and I were left standing together just outside of Momma's room. She wouldn't look at me and I began to worry that she was going to run again

"Hey," I said to get her attention. She glanced up at me and then looked at the floor again. "Bella, please," I said as I stepped toward her and took her hand. "Look at me."

She looked up with tears brimming in her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

I pulled her into my arms. "None of that. This isn't your fault. You've done a brilliant job. You've given us time that we probably wouldn't have had otherwise."

"I wanted to save her. I've never wanted to make someone live so much in my entire career. I love her so much. I don't want her to go."

"I know. I don't want to lose her either." I stroked her hair and kissed her head. "Tell me something." She pulled back to look at me and nodded. "If she had agreed to some form of treatment, would it have worked?"

She placed her forehead against my chest and said, "I don't know. Probably not."

She looked up at me again. "We couldn't have done any chemo, because of the nonfunctioning kidneys and the radiation would have to have been localized. If it has metastasized, then targeting would have been a problem. Then there's the MCL. Without any treatment, it would eventually become active and then there would have been no stopping it. With or without any form of treatment, she would have only a few months."

She sighed and pulled me to her. "I'm sorry."

"Stop that," I whispered. "You've been great. I've been an ass, but you've been great. Momma's right... I've found my match. I'm so happy that she got to see me in love again. I know that she worried about that."

Bella looked up and smiled. "Again? I thought that I was your 'one and only,'" she teased.

"You are," I replied with a forced smile. I should have known that Bella would see through me.

"You know, you never told me about Kate. I've heard snippets here and there and references that make you change the subject, but you've never really elaborated. What happened?"

I gritted my teeth and removed myself from her embrace. I walked to the window and stared down at the ER parking lot. I felt her hand on my back and I shuddered. I shook my head. I really wanted to tell her that I didn't want to talk about it, because I didn't, but I knew that she would ask again eventually. I turned and leaned against the window ledge. With a heavy sigh I began.

"Kate and I started dating in high school. You saw the pictures. I was kind of nerdy, but I played ball. This didn't exactly put me in with the popular crowd. Kate was a cheerleader. I honestly never figured out what she saw in me. She was so beautiful and I was so... well, not."

"I think that you're beautiful," Bella said as she touched my cheek.

"You're blinded by love. I know the feeling." I chuckled and shook my head. "She was really good to me at first. And I admit that it was nice to finally be in that crowd... the popular group.

"She and Momma never really clashed, but I knew that my devotion to Kate worried Momma. Looking back, I think that I was a little obsessed. She started to change in our senior year. She would be all needy and clingy one minute and then want me to stay the hell away from her the next. I didn't know if I was coming or going, but I thought that it was me. It had to be me. She was too perfect and I was this nerdy guy that she for some reason deigned to date.

"She was so much more experienced than me. She showed me things..." I trailed off when I noticed the uncomfortable expression on Bella's face. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Anyway, I was in love. I wanted what my momma and my daddy have and I wanted it with Kate. I'd never really dated anyone else and I had surely never 'been with' anyone else. She was going to be it for me; I was sure of it.

"We both got in at the University. I moved into the honors dorm and Kate moved into the freshman girl's dorm, Tutwiler Hall. Her room was ridiculously small. It was like a closet that they had shoved two beds and two dressers into with a desk and a closet added as an afterthought. Lee went up to Montevallo every weekend to see his girlfriend, so Kate would stay with me in my much larger room. It was completely against the rules and I don't know how we didn't get caught, but we never did.

"Lee and I stayed in the same dorm for the entire four years, but Kate moved into an apartment at the beginning of our sophomore year with some girls that she had met in the dorm. That's when things started to change. I had to keep up a certain GPA to maintain my scholarships and to stay in the dorm, but Kate wasn't on scholarship. Her parents could afford to send her to school and pay for the apartment. She wanted to go out a lot more than I was able to at the time. Besides my grades, I didn't have that much money. She didn't always understand. She started to go out on Thursday nights with her girlfriends. Lee and I went a couple of times, but it wasn't our thing. I trusted her, so I didn't think a lot about it.

"I had started staying with her at her apartment on the weekends. It was like playing house... if we hadn't had three other people living with us. I was happy. I was well-satisfied. I was completely in love. I was an idiot.

"I remember that she got really moody and confrontational. I thought that she was having extremely bad PMS, but it lasted for weeks. I tried to be passive and accommodating. I just kept my head down and did the 'yes, dear' thing, but she was always so angry with me.

"She finally caught me on a bad day and I snapped. I don't even remember what the fight was about or how it started; I just remember that we were yelling at each other in her apartment, when she collapsed to the floor and screamed, 'I'm pregnant.'

"Time seemed to stop. I stared down at her in confusion. We'd always used protection. I think I might even have said that to her because she reminded me that it wasn't one hundred percent effective. I remember kneeling in front of her and pulling her to me. I think that I told her that it would be alright. I do remember that I told her that I loved her. I told her that I'd marry her. I think that I was actually happy about it. She would be mine forever.

"I know I had a goofy smile on my face, when she finally looked up at me. I know that I was happy because what she said next felt like someone had reached inside of me and ripped out my guts. She said... and I remember the words like it was yesterday... 'It might not be yours.'"

Bella's mouth dropped open in surprise. She took my hand and said, "Oh, Edward. What did you do?"

"I sat on the floor and stared at her. I couldn't believe what she had said. I asked her what she meant and that's when she told me about what was really happening on those Thursday nights. She wasn't really sure who the father was. I was a possibility, but there were two or three others.

"I suddenly didn't recognize her. She wasn't the person I thought that I had known. I must have been looking at her differently because she went into desperation mode. She grabbed me and begged me not to leave her. She then started swearing that it had to be mine.

"I peeled her off of me and left. I drove all the way back to Gadsden without even packing a bag or calling to let anyone know where I was going. I pulled into the driveway at Momma and Daddy's house. I sat in the car for a long time. I didn't know what I was going to tell them. Daddy came out to get the mail and found me sitting in the car. He walked me into the house and sat me at the kitchen table.

"I told them everything. I was devastated. There was still a chance that it was mine. I didn't know what to do. Momma wanted to call Kate's parents, but I didn't know if she had told them yet so I wouldn't let Momma make the call.

"Daddy gave me a sleeping pill and I conked out on the couch. I guess Kate finally figured out where I had gone, because Momma woke me after a few hours and said that Kate was on the phone. I didn't want to talk to her, but Momma thought that I should. We had to make some decisions; that was Momma's reasoning.

"I told Kate that she needed to tell her parents and that it should be sooner rather than later. She asked me to go with her and I reluctantly agreed. She drove up that night and stayed in the guest room at Momma and Daddy's. I couldn't sleep with her. She wasn't who I thought that she was.

"The next morning, Sunday morning, she called Gary and Brenda from our house and said that she had something to tell them. We drove over there in silence. I remember that when Gary answered the door he shook my hand and called me 'son.' It was like another punch to the gut. We sat in their formal living room and Kate immediately burst into tears. I couldn't comfort her. I was just numb.

"She finally sputtered out that she was pregnant. Her mother fainted and her dad stood up and back handed me across the face. I fell to my hands and knees. I was so angry. I stood up and I said the first thing that popped into my head. I told him that she had been slutting around and it might not be mine. Which made him promptly hit me again.

"By this time Brenda was conscious and was sobbing uncontrollably, Kate was hysterical as well, and Gary was standing over me threatening to kill me. I'd had enough. I had made my decision. I told them to call me for the DNA test when it was born. Until then, I didn't want to know that Kate or her entire family even existed. I walked out of that house and I haven't set foot in it since.

"She called me just about every day for the next few weeks. I'd told Lee what had happened and he fielded the calls. He was a pretty good guy about it all. He dubbed her 'the slut' and took me out to get drunk a few times. I became extremely adept at avoiding her on campus. It didn't hurt that the few friends I had made outside of our circle all knew about what had transpired and helped to run interference. I heard through the grapevine that she finally took a leave from school and moved back home.

"I didn't go home at Christmas. I went with Lee and his family to Colorado to ski. I was packing up my shit after spring semester finals to go home for the summer when Momma called to tell me that Kate was in labor at Riverview Regional Hospital in Gadsden. I finished packing the car and drove straight there.

"I knew he wasn't mine the second they brought him out to the family. He had curly, jet black hair and dark skin. I submitted to the DNA test anyway. I was right. The test was 99.9% positive that I wasn't the father.

"I went on with my life. I never spoke to Kate or her family again. Momma says that I changed. She says that I stopped trusting people. I didn't date anyone seriously for a long time. I just kind of slept around... sowed my wild oats, if you will. But I was always overly cautious after the Kate fiasco.

"I was well out of law school and practicing law before I had a somewhat serious relationship. It lasted a few months. That was kind of my pattern. Three, maybe four months and then I'd move on. Tanya was the last long-term relationship that I'd had.

"And then I met you." I reached out and took her hand. "I only thought that I knew what love was. I didn't love Kate. Not like I love you. I know now how Daddy felt when he first saw Momma. The first time I laid eyes on you... I loved you. When you shook my hand it felt like I'd come home.

"You're my heart; I need you to live. Those few days when you wouldn't talk to me... they were excruciating. I couldn't breathe without you in my life. You have become my everything in such a short time. I love you, Bella. There aren't words to express how much. You gave me back my trust. You give me hope. You give me faith."

She reached up and stroked my cheek. "I don't even know how to follow that. We've both been through so much. What that girl did to you... I don't blame you for not trusting people after that. You gave her your whole heart and she threw it away. I'd never do that to you, Edward. I couldn't. I'd only hurt myself if I hurt you. I love you too much. I'm sorry for getting so angry about what you said. I should have been more understanding. It was my silly pride. I'll never do that again. It was excruciating for me too."

I pulled her to me and kissed her. I kissed her like my life depended on it, because it did. This woman was my life. I was still kissing her and it was getting kind of passionate, when I heard a throat clear. I pulled back just far enough to see who was invading my moment of pure bliss. The tech was standing there looking at us with a rather embarrassed expression on her face.

"Excuse me, Dr. Swan, um, I'll send transport up in a few hours to get Mrs. Cullen for the scan. Uh, I'm sorry... excuse me." She began backing up and tripped over her own foot before she turned and almost sprinted down the hall to the elevators.

Bella's head dropped to my chest. "That was so embarrassing."

"Hey, it wasn't for me. I want the whole world to know that you're with me. I don't care who sees me kiss you. As a matter of fact, I wanna do it again." I leaned down to kiss her. She stopped me with a finger to my lips.

"Down, boy. Let's find everyone else and visit with your mother until they come to get her."

We found everyone in the family lounge and told them that we could go back into the room with Momma. Daddy stopped us all just outside the door.

"I want positive attitudes when we get in there. No more crying." He pointed a finger at Rosalie. She glared back at him. "No more spoiled brat crap." This time the finger was pointed at me. "Does everyone understand?" We all nodded. "Good. Now, plaster on those fake smiles and make her feel like she's the most important person in the world... because she is."

Daddy knocked softly on the door and pushed it as soon as we heard Momma tell us to come in. We piled into the room like a litter of unruly puppies. Momma smirked at us and then laughed.

"What?" Emmett asked as he flopped down on the couch and immediately grimaced. "Holy sh-h-h... crap. I think I just broke my butt bone. What the hell is this thing made out of... concrete?" He stood up and rubbed his rear.

I looked over to see Momma biting her lip and trying to not laugh. If it weren't for the dark circles under her eyes and the edema, no one would suspect that she was sick. She looked happy.

"There's no such thing as a 'butt bone'," Daddy said, laughing.

"I beg to differ. _I_ have a butt bone. I can feel it when I press right here." He turned and touched his behind. "And it's broken."

"That's your pelvis, Emmett," Bella said through her laughter and tears. "You can break the tip off of your coccyx, but I seriously doubt that you did that by sitting on a padded couch."

"Have you sat on that thing? There's very little padding. Why do you think that I don't sleep on it?" Daddy asked.

"Laugh all you want and call it a cock-whatever. It still hurt." He pouted and then gingerly eased himself back onto the couch.

"You are such a wimp," Rosalie said as she smacked him across the back of the head. "No man should ever complain about any pain until they push a baby out. That's pain."

"Amen, sister," Momma said.

"I don't want to hear this," Alice mumbled. She turned and buried her face in Jasper's chest.

"This is an almost perfect moment," Momma said suddenly. "The only person missing is Suzy. If she were here then it would be absolutely wonderful. All of my family in one room and it's not even a holiday. I'm so happy right now."

"It's a dog, not a person," I reminded her.

"I still miss her. She's my furry baby. I'll see her in few hours when we pick her up from Edward's."

"I'm not discharging you today, Esme. We have to set up dialysis with an outpatient clinic and you'll need one more treatment before you leave. It can't be done today because of the PET scan. I also would like to get the results from the scan before you go. I'd say that you're going to be our guest for at least three more days."

"Three days!" Momma exclaimed. "I want to go now. I miss my baby dog."

"Three days isn't that long, sweetheart. You'll see her before you know it," Daddy said as he patted Momma's swollen hand.

A few minutes later, the transportation crew came for Momma and they wheeled her down the hall to the elevators. Bella went with them, leaving us all in the room to wait. We all sat there staring in different directions absorbing the intense silence. I could see Jasper start to fidget. He cleared his throat and pulled out his cellphone. He looked at the displayed and sighed loudly.

As the silence dragged on, Jasper became more and more agitated. He began to tap his foot. He repeatedly cleared his throat and sighed. I finally could take no more of his fidgeting.

"Would you please say what you're thinking or just go outside? You're driving me insane."

Jasper blushed a bright red and said, "I'm sorry. I just hate the silence. It just feels like there are things to say. I mean... do ya'll really think that it's a good idea to take Aunt Esme all the way to Gadsden. What if something happens? That's a long drive. I don't think that she should even leave the hospital. She sounds like she's fine, but she looks terrible."

"Please don't say that in front of her," Daddy said.

"I would never, ever say anything like that to her, Carlisle, but seriously, I think taking her home is a bad idea."

"Bella says that she can go..."

"I know what she said, Edward, but I don't think she should be that far from the hospital and her doctors."

Daddy sighed and spoke. "Bella said that she could go home because there really is nothing else that the doctors can do. She is in terminal renal failure. She has an incurable form of cancer that could suddenly go into overdrive at any moment. It's over. This is the end. She's letting Esme go home so that she can spend the last few semi-healthy days with the people that she loves."

"Ya'll can come stay with me," I said softly.

"What?" Daddy asked.

"You all," I said as I gestured around the room, "can come and stay with me."

"We couldn't..."

"Don't say that 'you couldn't impose,' because it isn't imposing when someone is inviting you. It's not like I don't have the room. Hell, the whole upstairs is never used. I have two beds that have never been slept in. There's room for everyone."

"I don't know that we could leave work for that long," Rosalie said as she glanced at Emmett.

"If you want to be with Esme, I can cover for you," Emmett replied as he squeezed her hand. "You don't have that huge of a caseload right now anyway. And I can come down on the weekends."

"We live close enough that it wouldn't make sense for us to move into your house," Alice said. "We can visit a lot more if ya'll stay with Edward."

"We're making these decisions without discussing it with Esme. Ya'll know how much she hates that. Maybe we should wait until she gets back before we commit to a plan."

"Carlisle's right... we shouldn't make decisions for her. She's already lost control of her health. Ya'll should discuss it with her when she gets back," Jasper said. "But I do think that staying with Edward is a better idea than taking her all the way back to Gadsden."

We fell into silence again and Jasper started his fidgeting. I finally grabbed him by the arms and said, "Go smoke."

"He quit," Alice said.

I looked at Jasper. He gave me the 'shut the fuck up look' so I said, "Go get a cup of coffee or a Coke or something. Just get out of here with the fidgeting. You're driving me crazy."

"He can't help it," Alice defended him. "You can cut the tension in here with a knife. That's probably driving him crazy."

"It's okay, honey. Edward's right. I gotta get out of here for a while. I'm gonna go down to the cafeteria and get a snack."

"I'll go with you," Emmett said quickly.

"Big surprise there," Rosalie muttered.

"Hey, I'm a growin' boy... I gotta eat."

"Hey, Momma, do you wanna go down to the gift shop and have a look around? I thought I saw 'Best in Show' figurines in the window," Alice said to Rosalie.

Rosalie looked at Daddy and then at me. She smiled and said, "Sure. Let's go have a look."

They left Daddy and me alone. I stood and walked to the windows. I looked out over the tops of the buildings to the mountains beyond. "Which direction are we facing, do you think?" I asked.

Daddy joined me at the window. "Hmm, probably east." He pointed to the left. "I think 20/59 is that way."

"What are we going to do without her?"

"We'll grieve and mourn and then we'll go on with our lives... just like she'd want us to."

"I should have moved faster. I should have grown up sooner. I knew that she wanted grandchildren. I knew that she worried about me being settled, but I just dragged my feet. I thought I had more time."

"She never would have wanted you to just settle for someone so that you could give her a grandchild. She would never want that. She wants you to be happy. We can tell that Bella makes you happy. If you had rushed into a marriage with someone when you weren't ready, then you wouldn't have Bella now. Your momma is so excited for you. She sees Bella as your salvation. She loves you both so much."

"I just feel like I've let her down."

"You could never let us down, Edward. We are so proud of you. You are our miracle."

I laughed. "Jasper says that I'll believe in God when I can put my hands on Him." I placed my hands on my chest and laughed again. "I still have my doubts."

Daddy rolled his eyes. "You ain't God. You ain't even a god. You are a miracle. Alice is a miracle. Your momma is a miracle. Life is a miracle, Edward." Daddy reached out and took my hand. He placed it on the window. "Feel that? That heat from the sun? That's God. Look at the trees. See how they move with the wind? That's God. You touch God every day. You just have to be open to feeling Him."

We heard the door click open as transportation brought Momma back to the room. Daddy rushed to her side and took her hand. "Well?" he asked.

"Piece of cake," she said with a weak smile. "Where is everyone?"

"They went for a snack," I replied.

"Are you hungry too? You should eat."

"I'm fine, Momma. How are you?"

"I'm tired. I need a nap."

"Where's Bella?" Daddy asked.

"She said that she'd be up in a few minutes. She and the technician are reviewing the scan." She looked around the room and then asked, "What time is it?"

I checked my watch and said, "It's a little past three. Why?"

"I'm hungry."

Daddy's eyes lit up. "Really? You haven't had an appetite for a while. What do you want? I'll go get you anything that you want."

"I think that I want a hamburger. Could you go to the grill in the cafeteria and get me one?"

"I'll be right back," Daddy said as he all but sprinted out the door.

Momma waited until we couldn't hear his footsteps in the hall before she spoke again. "How's he doing?"

"Daddy? He's fine," I lied.

I should have known better. I've never been able to lie to my mother. Every time I tried, she'd catch me in it. This was no exception. "For a lawyer, you are a horrible liar. Not only does your face give you away every single time, but in this situation telling me that your father is 'fine' is unrealistic and slightly insulting."

"Insulting?"

"Yes. You obviously think that I'm stupid. Really, Edward? How would you feel if you knew that Bella only had months, maybe even just weeks, to live? Would you be fine?"

I sighed and sat in the chair next to her bed. "He's devastated... we all are. Do you even know how important you are to this family?"

"You have to hold it together for him, Edward. He's going to need you. Like I've told you... he's not as strong as he likes to think that he is. You, on the other hand, are stronger than you think. You have to grow up, baby. I need you to be strong for all of them."

"Momma," I groaned. "I can't even think about you leaving us without going into a panic. My chest feels like it's caving in and I can't breathe. I'm constantly on the verge of losing my mind. How in the hell am I going to... be you?"

"You'll figure it out," she said as she laid her head back onto the pillows. "I'm so tired... always so tired."

"Do you really think that it's a great idea to leave the hospital?"

"I want to go home, Edward."

"But Gadsden is over an hour away. What if something happens? It would be a long trip back here."

"I can't look at these four walls anymore. I want to be able to go out if I feel like it. I want to see my dog again. I want to live my life... what's left of it anyway."

"Not funny."

"You have got to get a sense of humor, Edward. How many times have I told you to laugh at this situation to keep from crying?"

I sighed and shook my head. "Stay with me." She opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off. "Don't say 'no' or that you don't want to impose. You would not be imposing. It makes perfect sense. The dog is already at my house and we're living in some kind of awkward peace. You'd be close to the hospital. You could come and go as you please and there is a shitload more stuff to do here in Birmingham."

"Edward, language."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Momma, English. I'm being serious. You should try it. I've already talked about it with Daddy and Ro..."

"Ro?"

"Yeah. She's gonna move in too so that you and she can spend time together. She wants to spend as much time with you as she can before... you know."

"Before I die?"

"Stop it!"

She rolled her eyes. "Lord, you're exhausting."

"Agree to stay at my house and I'll shut up so you can sleep."

"You would seriously keep a dying woman awake just to get what you want?"

"Playing that card is a low blow, but yes... I would. I'm that selfish."

"It's that dang only child syndrome. Absolutely no cure." She smiled weakly. She finally raised her hands in defeat. "Fine. We'll stay with you, but only because I'm tired and I want you to shut-up."

Daddy came back with Momma's hamburger, but she was already asleep. I told him that she had agreed to stay at my house; he seemed relieved. The rest of the family came back to the room. We were all trying to be quiet so that Momma could sleep when Bella finally came in from reading to PET scan. She didn't look particularly happy.

"Well?" Daddy asked.

"We should wake her," Bella said.

"Let's not," Daddy said. "She's very tired and I'm fairly certain that she already knows that there will be very little if any good news from now on."

Bella looked around the room. A single tear ran down her cheek. I went to her and wrapped my arms around her. I whispered that it would be alright.

She took a deep breath and said, "It's everywhere. The MCL chemo didn't even touch it. It's in her organs. There's nothing more that can be done. She'll need dialysis for the rest of her time, which won't be long. Eventually, it will reach her lungs and they'll fill with fluid. I'm so sorry."

"How long?" Rosalie asked.

Bella wiped her face and said, "Weeks... maybe. I doubt that she'll make to Thanksgiving."

"When can we take her home?" Daddy asked.

"I don't really think..."

"She wants to get out of here. I won't keep her imprisoned in this room for what's left of her life. We're staying at Edward's so we'll be close."

"She'll have to be dialyzed here tomorrow. I'll arrange for her to have a chair at the clinic at UAB after that. She can leave the day after tomorrow."

True to her word, Bella released Momma two days later. Daddy drove her to my house and they took over my bedroom; just like when she had the breast cancer treatments. I moved to one of the bedrooms upstairs. Rosalie showed up two days later. It was that most people I'd ever had in my house.

**Thank you for reading. Please review.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Once again I must thank Charmie for holding my hand and walking me through this. This was a rough chapter. _

_Also, much thanks to everyone who is reviewing. I got some really touching reviews recently. I hope that as you read this and when you reach the end that you get as much out of it as I got writing it._

_Tissue Alert_

**Have a Little Faith**

Chapter 11

Having so many people under my roof made me strangely restless. By the end of that first week, I was sleeping very little, if any each night. It was Friday night and Bella was staying with me as she always did, but her usually calming presence was doing nothing to ease my mind or help me sleep.

I eased out of the bed, being careful to not wake Bella, and tiptoed down the back stairs to the kitchen. Momma was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of untouched hot chocolate in front of her.

"Edward? Why are you up?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. You?" I asked as I started to fix my own cup of hot chocolate.

"I sleep all the time, except when I should. Plus, your daddy snores."

"Yes, I know. I used to be able to hear him from across the hall when I was a kid." I sat at the table and took a sip of my drink. I promptly burnt my tongue.

"You never could wait for it to cool," Momma said with a smile.

"I have no patience," I replied and placed the cup on the table. "Did you have a good day?"

"It's really not so bad... this dying thing," she said wistfully. "It's really rather comforting... natural. I'm not frightened like I thought that I would be. Do you know what I do most of the time? I try to remember things. I try to think about things that I've done or haven't done. I think about regrets.

"It's strange, Edward. I have very few, if any, regrets. My life has been wonderful. I've done things that I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would do. I married an extraordinary man who worships me and I him. I had a beautiful, perfect child. I've loved and been loved. It's been a wonderful life.

"I don't want to die, but if I must... and apparently I must... then I have nothing to complain about. God has given me more in this lifetime than most people get in a thousand."

She picked up her cup and took a tentative sip. She looked up at me and said, "Live your life, Edward. Love with all your heart even if it sometimes hurts. Don't regret anything. Our time here is too short for regrets."

A few days later, I walked in on Momma and Ro in the living room. Ro was painting Momma's toenails an obnoxious shade of blue. They were talking and laughing like teenagers. I looked at Momma and realized that she didn't look sick at all. She looked happy.

I shook my head and leaned over the couch. "Blue? Seriously, Ro, that color is awful."

"I don't know," Momma said as she surveyed one foot. "I think that it goes well with my skin-tone. I may have the funeral home paint my fingernails this color." She held up one hand and chuckled. Rosalie looked at the floor and pursed her lips.

"Not funny," I mumbled.

Momma sighed and said, "No one gets my sense of humor." Then she wiggled her toes at Ro. "One more coat?"

I came home from work about a week after everyone had moved in and heard Momma in the living room talking to someone. I placed my things on the kitchen counter and eased closer to the door to listen.

"I'm not afraid. I know where I'm going."

"I'm afraid," Alice said softly. "I'm afraid for Carlisle and Edward. I don't know how they're going to cope without you."

"Carlisle will grieve, but he'll be fine. He and I have talked about it. I don't want his life to end just because mine has. I want him to do all the things we had planned to do before God had other ideas. I told him to live for me. He'll be okay."

"But Edward…."

"Edward is stronger than you realize. Yes, he can be a spoiled brat sometimes, but in the end, he's my son. We're more alike than you'd think. He's going to surprise ya'll."

"I hope so," Alice muttered.

"I don't hope… I have faith," Momma said. "Enough with the heavy. It's almost November and I haven't done any Christmas shopping. I want to go to the mall tomorrow. Can you take the day off and go with us?"

I came home the next day to an empty house. Suzy met me at the door. She danced around my feet and all but handed me the leash. I tried to walk around her and into the living room… she ran between my legs and tripped me.

"Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill me?" I exclaimed as I caught myself on the kitchen bar. "Can I please put down my things before I cater to your every whim?" She nipped me on the back of the leg. "Bite me again, bitch, and lose a few teeth." She growled and bared her teeth at me. "Yeah, I'm really afraid of your five pound ass." I set my briefcase on the floor by the stairs and picked up her leash from the table. She growled at me as I reached down to hook it to her collar.

I rose back up and said, "If you bite me, I will drop kick you into next week. Capisce?" She may have rolled her eyes at me at this point. She knew that I was bluffing.

I finally got the leash on her and headed out the door when my phone rang. "Hey, love, what's up?"

"I'm going to be late tonight," Bella said abruptly. That's how she'd been for the last few days. I'd tried to find a way to talk to her about it, but she was always too tired or just not around.

"Bella, is something wrong. You've been kind of distant lately."

"No, nothing's wrong. I have to go."

"Bella, wait." I heard her sigh on the other end of the line. "Did I do something or say something to piss you off?"

"It's not about you, Edward. It's me. I feel like such a failure. I can't stand to watch your mother just slip away. I love her so much. It's like watching my own mother die all over again." I could tell that she was crying and it broke my heart.

"I didn't think about it that way," I mumbled. "I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you, but you aren't a failure. You did everything that you could. We knew that she was a short-timer from day one."

"I should have found the renal cancer sooner," she whispered.

"Coulda, shoulda, woulda. All words of regret. Momma has no regrets and neither should you. It's not your fault. It just is."

"It brings back so many memories."

"I know and I'm sorry. I know that it's selfish, but I need you right now, Bella. You've been through this. I need you to help me get through it too. Please don't leave me to cope with this alone."

She was silent for so long that I checked to make sure that my phone hadn't dropped the call. Finally, she said, "I'll be there at the normal time. I'll bring Chinese."

A few nights later, I awoke to find Bella gone. I got up and started down the back staircase when I heard voices coming from the kitchen. Being the natural eavesdropper that I am, I sat down on the stairs to listen.

"It changed him," Momma said. "He was so trusting and open before. The thing about Edward is that when he loves, he loves with his whole heart. If you're lucky enough to be loved by him, then you get all of him.

"Kate very nearly broke him. He loved her so much. He gave himself to her so completely. When she betrayed him... he just wasn't the same Edward when she finished with him.

I sighed and buried my head in my hands. Everything that she was saying was true. Kate had broken me.

"He stayed away for a long time. He didn't come home for Christmas or for Spring Break. He sent a card and had flowers delivered for Mother's Day. We thought that he wasn't coming home for the summer, but he did. She had the baby then.

"I thank God that it wasn't his. Not that having a grandchild would have been a bad thing. I just don't think that he could have been tied to Kate like that for the rest of his life after what she had done. I still don't think that he's forgiven her."

I started when Bella spoke. "I would never do anything like that to him, Esme."

"I know that," Momma replied. "I just wanted you to understand that my little boy loves completely. He loves you... I can see it and it's beautiful. But it can also be intense sometimes. You are his world. He will move heaven and earth for you. He will do anything you ask and he will give you everything you desire. It's just who he is. It's not a bad thing, but it is a bit overwhelming sometimes."

I heard Bella laugh. "Well, he'll have it easy with me, because all I ask of him is that he be kind to me and that he be happy and all I desire is to love him and be loved by him. I know how special he is, Esme. I sometimes don't feel worthy of his love because of it."

I stood and had to stop myself from exposing my eavesdropping by rushing to her and telling her that I was the lucky one to have found her. It turns out that I didn't have to do that.

"He's the lucky one, Bella. We're all lucky that you found each other. You gave him back to us. Ever since he met you he's back to the open and loving Edward that we all remember. It's because of you and we can't thank you enough. Thank you for giving me back my son."

_Yes, thank you, my love, for teaching me how to love again._ I thought as I turned and went back to my bedroom.

It was a Saturday, a little over three weeks after Momma was released. It was well into the afternoon and Momma had still not emerged from the bedroom; the days that she spent more time out of the bed than in it were becoming fewer and fewer.

We were all just kind of lounging around the house when Momma shuffled into the living room. She called my name so I put down the patent application I was reading and looked up at her. She was still swollen, but not as badly as she had been a few weeks before. The dialysis was keeping the edema somewhat at bay. Her skin was a ghostly gray-blue and her eyes had sunken in and were heavily hooded. It scared me to see her like that.

"What do you need, Momma?" I asked.

She motioned for me to come to her. In the last few days, we had noticed that she could barely speak above a whisper. I got up and walked to her.

"Play for me," she whispered.

"What? I haven't played for anyone in a while, Momma. I'll probably suck," I replied.

She shook her head. "Don't care. Play anyway." She shuffled into my music room and sat on one end of the piano bench.

I sat on the other end and turned to her. "What do you want to hear?"

"Doesn't matter. Just play."

I took a deep breath and blew it out as I cracked my knuckles. I mentally went through the list of pieces that I had once memorized and decided that there was only one that I thought I could play all the way through without too many mistakes.

"How about a little Beethoven?" I asked as I began to play _Piano Sonata No. 8._ Four bars in, I made my first mistake. "Shit," I muttered.

"Edward…."

"I know… language. Let me start over." I began again. I made it through the _Grave_. As I moved into the_ Adagio_, Momma gently laid her head on my shoulder. I stopped playing and turned to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't stop," she whispered.

I swallowed back the lump that was forming in my throat and began where I had left off. My vision began to blur with tears and I was thankful that I wasn't trying to read any sheet music. It would have been impossible.

As the first tears ran down my cheeks, I felt the moisture on my shoulder. I bit my lip and continued to play. I was approaching the _Allegro,_ and was dangerously close to losing my shit, when Momma placed her hand on my knee.

"Stop," she whispered. "Please stop. It's _too_ beautiful. I want you to play it at the funeral."

"No, I can't. I'd never make it through it," I said through my tears.

"You have to do it, Edward," Bella said from the doorway. She was crying too. "It's almost as if the piece was written for this. You have to play it."

"For me?" Momma asked.

I sighed. "I'll try."

We were two weeks into November and it was looking as if Momma would make it to Thanksgiving. She had dialysis three times a week which kept her swelling down. She didn't appear to have trouble breathing, which Bella said was a good sign. She had begun to tire easily though and spent most of the time either in the bed, on the couch, or, if it were nice outside, in a lounge by the pool.

I walked into the kitchen from the garage. The whole room smelled like chicken soup. Daddy was standing at the stove.

"Esme's dinner," he said as he began to stir the contents of the boiler. "She and Ro are out by the pool." I nodded and headed for the stairs. "Hey, she wants to talk to you."

I stopped and turned. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Just something she needs to say to you. Go change and I'll tell her that you're home."

Rosalie was helping Momma inside as I descended the stairs after changing out of my work clothes. Walking was becoming more difficult for her. Just a few steps seemed to exhaust her. I went to her side and helped Ro get her to the couch.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Ro… do you mind?" she asked as she motioned toward her bedroom.

"No problem. I'll be right back."

I sat next to Momma on the couch. "Daddy said that you wanted to talk to me?"

"Just a minute," she said and closed her eyes. "I need to lay back." I moved and helped her get her legs and feet onto the couch. I moved to sit on the loveseat, but she patted the cushion next to her hip. "No. Here."

I moved back to the couch just as Ro came back into the living room. She walked over and placed something in Momma's hand before she left for the kitchen. Momma took my hand and placed the object in it.

"You're engagement ring? I don't understand."

"When the time is right, you give this to Bella. It's not a large stone, but it's flawless. I want you to give this to her with my blessing. I already love her like a daughter. Your daddy and I agree that its place is on Bella's finger and not in the ground with me."

I nodded. I ground my teeth to hold back the tears that always seemed to be threatening to spill over. "I'm sure that she'll be honored."

A couple of days after Momma gave me her ring, I found Bella standing in the doorway of Momma's bedroom. She was watching Momma sleep. I slipped my arms around her waist and hugged her to me.

"She looks so peaceful," Bella whispered. That was when I noticed that she was crying.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She shook her head. "My mother... when she was dying... she looked peaceful when she slept. Mother's cancer was very painful in the end and she had to be given pain meds... morphine. She would sleep and be at peace. When it wore off, she would writhe in pain. She'd beg for more, but sometimes it would be too soon. I remember my dad screaming for the nurse to just give her the medicine."

She turned to face me. "I've never withheld morphine or any other pain meds from a terminally ill patient. It's not right for their last days to be filled with pain. I always order the nurses to give them what they need, when they need it. No one should die in pain... not with the medications we have available."

"Momma doesn't appear to be in much pain," I said.

"Not yet, but if she begins to experience any, and I do mean any, pain, I _will_ give her whatever she needs. I can't watch another person I love suffer like that."

Momma had decreed that Thanksgiving would be prepared by Daddy and Ro. Bella and Alice had offered to help, but Momma had insisted that Daddy and Ro were perfectly capable. We were all a little skeptical.

It was the Friday afternoon before Thanksgiving. Momma's permanent place had become the living room couch. From her post just outside the kitchen she could plan the menu and somewhat supervise Daddy and Rosalie.

She had sent Alice and Jasper to the grocery store and had our reluctant chefs in the kitchen practicing some of the more complex recipes. I was the gopher, taking samples to Momma and instructions back to the two in the kitchen. I also seemed to be mediating all of the disagreements between Daddy and Ro; there were many. Bella was still at the hospital and Emmett was doing what he normally did when there was work to be done; he was hiding.

Momma had just finished sampling the second try at dressing casserole when she asked me to help her to the bathroom. I placed the spoon on the coffee table and helped her stand. I supported her weight as she shuffled to the half-bath in the hallway. She said that she could take it from there so I pushed the door to. I was waiting for her to tell me that she was ready to go back to the couch when I heard it; a loud gasp and then a thud.

I jerked the door open. Momma was lying, motionless on the floor.

"Momma," I screamed as I dove for her. "Daddy… Ro… help!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ HaLF ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Momma never regained consciousness. She remained in a coma for two days before quietly passing from this world. The doctors think that she might have had a stroke.

I started chronicling her story, and I guess mine as well, in September of 2009. At that time it looked as if she was going to beat it. At that time she had lived ten months... four longer than any doctor had anticipated. God had other plans. She made it exactly one year and one week.

When she died, Momma was the longest survivor of mantle cell lymphoma in the country. There are medical journal articles written about her and her treatment. Her anomalies were chronicled. What she had hoped to happen has... others are surviving because of her and what the doctors learned from her.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room when Momma took her last breath. Even Dr. Gorenski cried. I remember how we all stayed in the room just staring at the remarkable woman who had quietly left us to go to her new home. It seemed like such a tragedy for someone so good to leave this world when so many evil people get to stay.

Daddy had her transported back to Gadsden to Morgan Funeral Chapel. I don't know how funerals work in other parts of the country, but in the South, we have visitation the night before the interment. This is when most people pay their respects. It lasts a few hours.

Momma's visitation was scheduled for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and was supposed to last from six o'clock to nine o'clock. Daddy, Ro, Em, Bella, and I got there at five o'clock; there were people waiting for the doors to open.

I've never seen that many people at a visitation in my life. The director had to open three additional chapels to accommodate the overflow. There had to have been close to a thousand people there that night. It was amazing to see how many lives that she had touched in her sixty-one years.

Daddy and I stood at the head of her casket and accepted people. Bella didn't get too far away from me. There were times when I needed a hand and all I had to do was reach behind me. She'd place her hand in mine and give it a squeeze. She had promised that she'd not let me go through it alone and she was true to her word.

I was doing alright, not great but I was maintaining, when I suddenly turned and grabbed Bella by the wrist, jerking her to my side.

She hadn't changed much; she was still quite beautiful. Her dark hair was shorter and her figure had rounded a bit, but I would still have recognized her anywhere. She had a dark haired, dark skinned teenage boy with her.

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle," I heard her say to Daddy. "She was a wonderful woman."

Daddy nodded and mumbled 'thank you.' He had been silently crying since Saturday, so talking wasn't always possible for him.

She turned to me and our eyes met.

"Kate," I said and pulled Bella closer to my side.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so, so sorry. Esme was... she was just so..."

"I know." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Thank you for coming." I really wanted her to leave quickly. After all these years, I still had nothing to say to her.

"This is my son... Hunter."

He stepped forward and extended his hand. "Hi. I'm sorry about your mother."

I shook his hand and replied, "Thank you. This is my Bella."

"It's nice to meet you," Bella said as she shook Kate's hand.

Kate smiled and then said, "Edward, is there somewhere that we could speak... alone?"

"No," I replied.

"There are things that I need..."

"No, there isn't," I said, cutting her off. "There's nothing that needs to be said. It's done. I've moved on."

She looked at the floor and nodded. Then she said, "I'm sorry... for everything."

"I know," I replied. "Thank you for coming."

"Take care of him, Bella. He's special," she said as she walked away.

I blew out the breath I had been holding. "Thank you," I whispered to Bella. She smiled and hugged me to her side.

My mother taught second grade at Sand Rock School for thirty-two years. She had no less than thirty students in her class each year. Multiply thirty by thirty-two and you get nine hundred sixty. That's how many students Momma taught in her career. I swear that at least half of them were at the funeral home that night. Daddy and I shook all of their hands.

They all had stories to tell.

One woman had been in mother's class in 1974, the year she became pregnant with me. She told us that twenty years later, when her own daughter was entering the second grade, she had called the school and insisted that she be in mother's class and not the other second grade teacher's.

Her daughter was with her and told us how thankful she was that her mother had done that, because Momma had taught her so much more than the required subjects. She said that she had learned how to be a good person from my mother. Momma was the reason that she had gone to college to be a teacher. She now teaches second grade too.

A man approached Daddy and was almost unable to speak. He told us how he was being abused at home and was afraid to tell anyone. He said that Momma just seemed to know and told him that she would make sure that he was safe. He told her everything and she contacted DHR. She stayed with him at the school until a social worker arrived. She testified in court to the marks she had seen on him. Her testimony resulted in his abusers spending several years in jail.

He said that he was placed with a wonderful family who petitioned to adopt him when he was twelve. Momma went to court again and testified on his and his foster family's behalf. Because of Momma, he grew up in a loving, supportive home. He said that he was so thankful for her and felt like he could never repay her for all she had done for him.

Another man told us about how if it hadn't been for Momma encouraging him to do better and to get better grades, then he never would have even graduated high school... much less gone to college. Apparently, Momma kept at him even after he left her class. He graduated in the top ten of his class in high school and went to Auburn University on a partial scholarship. He's a veterinarian now and the first person in his family to finish high school and go to college.

A young woman approached Daddy and gave him a hug. She then asked if she could sing at the funeral the next day. She had been in Momma's second grade class in 1990. She told us that she was always singing in class and rather than admonish her, Momma encouraged her. She kept singing. She went to the University of Montevallo on a choral scholarship. After she graduated from college, she moved to Nashville. She now sings back up for Carrie Underwood and is shopping around a demo tape.

We told her that we'd be honored.

It was fast approach midnight and there were still quite a few people waiting to speak to us. I looked out through the crowd and saw an older man and a woman about my age. They both had long white, blond hair. I was sure that I had never met them, but they looked oddly familiar.

They walked up to mother's casket. The man bent over and looked long and hard at Momma. I then heard him say to the woman with him that Esme hadn't aged a day and that she was still beautiful.

I kept my eyes on them as they waited for the line of people to dwindle down to just a few before they got in line themselves. I couldn't figure out why they looked so familiar.

The funeral director had brought Daddy a chair at around ten. As the familiar couple approached, Daddy stood.

"Hi, Marcus," he said. "It was good of you to come."

"Thank you for putting the announcement in the _Daily Mountain Eagle_. She looks exactly the same."

Daddy smiled. "She aged well. When was the last time you saw her?"

"The day I escaped... in 1960. Esme was twelve. I hated leaving her, but I was only sixteen. I could barely take care of myself."

"She understood. She didn't blame you. It was a difficult house to be in... from what I've heard. Is she still alive?" Daddy asked. By this time I was wondering who the hell this was and why he was here.

"Lillian? No. She died about five years ago. Father is in a nursing home in Jasper. I've seen him a few times, but he doesn't know me. I don't think that he knows anyone... Alzheimer's."

"Daddy?" I finally asked.

"Right," he said. "Edward, this is your uncle... Marcus. He's your mother's brother."

"You have her nose and mouth," he said. "This is my daughter, Jane."

I was in shock. All this time I had thought that Momma didn't have any family; that they had abandoned her. Now this man and his daughter show up at her funeral... I was more than a little confused.

"Where have you been?" I asked. "Why haven't we ever met you before? Why are you here now?"

"Edward..." Daddy tried to admonish me.

"It's alright, Carlisle. He has every right to be angry. After I... got out, I went to Kentucky. I worked in the coal mines there for over forty years. My ex-wife and my other daughter are still there. Jane and I moved back to Oakman in 2000.

"I found Esme eight years ago. I wrote her a letter asking to see her. I sent her pictures of us... me and Jane and my other daughter, Heidi. She wrote back that she wasn't ready to see any of the family. She had dismissed us from her life. To her, it was like we had all died. I never tried to contact her again.

"If I had known that she was sick, I would have been here. I never forgot her. I carried her with me in my heart. She was my sister and I loved her."

"She forgave you," Daddy said. "She didn't want you to see her when she was sick. She told me to put the announcement in the _Eagle_."

"Thank you for that. And thank you for not throwing me out," he said. "I wouldn't have blamed you."

"That's not what Esme wanted. You will be here tomorrow, right?" Daddy asked.

"Of course." He turned to Jane and said, "Let's get out of their hair so they can go home and get some sleep."

She looked up at me and I suddenly realized why she looked so familiar. She had Momma's facial features. The only difference between the two was the color of the eyes and the color of the hair. I gasped.

"You look more like her than I do," I said with surprise.

She smiled. "Daddy says that all the time. She was beautiful. I'll take it as a compliment."

It was almost one in the morning when we got in our cars to drive home. To their credit, none of the staff at the funeral home complained about having to stay late. They did tell us that they were moving us to the largest chapel and removing the walls between the two that adjoined it. They were anticipating a crowd.

I don't know about anyone else, but I couldn't get to sleep that night. Momma's pastor was going to say a few words and then Rosalie was going to speak. Daddy had asked me to say something before I played the sonata. I had no clue what I was going to say.

I finally got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I opened the cabinet to get a mug for hot chocolate and there was the one I'd made for Momma when I was in the sixth grade. I was taking home-ec as an elective to meet girls. We painted mugs. I did one for Momma that said 'Bestest Momma.'

Took it off the shelf and stared at it.

"You were the 'bestest'," I whispered. I took the mug back to my room and finally slept.

We were at the funeral home by ten the morning of the funeral. I had been practicing the sonata on my piano and on the one at Daddy's house, but all pianos are different. I wanted to run through it one time on the one at the funeral home.

As the last notes rang out in the chapel, I heard the applause. I looked up to see Bella and Jane standing in the doorway.

"It was beautiful, honey," Bella said as she and Jane walked down the aisle. "Esme would be proud."

"That was amazing," Jane exclaimed. "My sister plays a little and her son has started lessons, but they're nowhere near that good. How long have you played?"

I smiled as I remembered how I didn't want to take lessons, but Momma had insisted. She had said that I would value being able to play an instrument when I was older. She said that it would bring me comfort. She had been right.

"Momma made me start lessons when I was eight. So, I've played for a long time." I pulled Bella down on the bench beside me. "I just never understood why she wanted me to play so badly until now. Was she ever not right?"

"She was very wise," Bella replied.

"I'm beginning to see that. Have you seen all the flowers?" I asked.

"I don't think that you can miss them. They're everywhere."

"I don't think that I've ever seen this many flowers in one place," Jane said as she looked around the room.

"Dad sent a wreath." Bella said as she stood and pulled me up. I followed her to a very large standing arrangement that was placed against the far wall.

"I wish he could be here," I said.

"He does too," Bella said. "But with a dispatcher out on FMLA, a patrolman out of paternity leave and another out on restricted duty, he just couldn't get away."

"Daddy talked to him last night. I think they've become e-mail and telephone buddies."

"Well, they have a few things in common," she said as she squeezed my hand. I nodded and sighed.

The service was to begin at one o'clock. People began to arrive at the chapel at eleven. By twelve, all but the first pews on either side of the aisle were full. There was no more seating, but there were people waiting in the lobby. The funeral director had the staff start bringing in chairs. By the time the family was seated in the front pews, it was standing room only in the chapel and the funeral director was praying that the fire marshal didn't show up.

Momma and Daddy's pastor, Bro. Bill, walked to the lectern and began the service.

"Esme Anne Platt Cullen was born August 18, 1948. She went home to her God on November 21, 2009. She leaves behind her husband, Carlisle, and her son, Edward, her brother and sister-in-law, Emmett and Rosalie Cullen, and her nephew and niece, Jasper and Alice Whitlock, as well as countless friends. Truly, as I look around this room, I know that Esme was loved.

"Many times when people pass, I have to ask the family for information about the deceased. I didn't have to do that for Esme. I knew Esme Cullen and it was a privilege. She was the kindest, most sincere, most giving person I have ever had the pleasure to call my friend.

"Esme was a teacher. She taught second grade at Sand Rock School for thirty –two years. As I mingled with you all before this ceremony, I began to realize that I was in the company of her students. You all had a story about how Esme had touched your lives and made you a better person. Through you all, Esme will live on. You are her legacy.

"Esme didn't just teach at the school, she taught everyday outside of the classroom with how she lived her life. Esme taught me, a pastor, how to be closer to God. She showed me what it truly means to be 'God-like.' Esme didn't just talk the talk; she walked the walk. If there was ever a person on this earth that could be described a 'good,' then Esme was it.

"The wonderful thing about Esme was that she was good, not for show, but because that was who she was. She was a very active member at James Memorial Baptist Church, but she didn't do the things she did, like teach Sunday School or chair committees in the church, for recognition. She did it because she wanted to give of herself.

"I could stand up here for hours and tell you how wonderful Esme was, but you all already know that about her. As I look around this room, I see life after life that she has touched. I can't speak for all of you, but I'm a better person for knowing her.

"This is the part of the eulogy where I'm supposed to quote scripture that applies to the life of the person who has passed, but I'm not going to do that right now. Not because I can't think of any that would apply to Esme, but because there are too many and to choose just a few would not do her life justice. If you want to know which ones applied to Esme and which ones you should use for your own life, I say open any _Bible_ and start reading. Esme lived that book.

"Let us pray... Heavenly Father, we come to You this day with sad hearts. An angel that You sent here to be with us has gone home to You. And though we miss Esme and mourn her passing, we know that she is at Your right hand, Father. We know that the grief we feel is for ourselves, for we have lost one of your true vessels. We know that for Esme, this is a joyous time. She is with You, Father, and there is no more cancer... there is no more chemo therapy... there is no more dialysis. She is at peace with You.

"We ask that You please be with her family as they mourn this loss. Please give them strength in these times. Help them to understand that Esme is with You, Father. Give them the knowledge that they will see her again someday. Please let that knowledge be of some comfort in their time of grief. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen."

As I opened my eyes, I turned to Bella. She was smiling. She leaned over and whispered, "You prayed." I shrugged and managed a weak smile.

Maria walked to the altar and took the microphone from the stand. She began an acapella version of _Ave Maria_. Her voice was so beautiful that it almost brought me to tears. I looked over at Bella. She was dabbing her eyes. I heard someone behind me mumble, "wow."

We all sat there in silent awe as she finished. She then walked over to the casket and placed her hand on it before she returned to her seat.

Rosalie slowly stood and made her way to the lectern. She paused briefly at Momma's casket and took a shaky breath. I saw her swallow back the lump in her throat. She had a stack of note cards with her. She tapped them on the lectern a couple of times and took a few deep breaths.

When she finally looked up at the crowd, you could obviously see that she had been crying. Her face contorted into a grimace as she tried to hold back the tears. Emmett stood and walked to her side. He put his arm around her and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and took another ragged breath. Emmett stepped back but stayed on the altar as Ro began.

"I met Esme in 1969, when I started dating Emmett. She had been seeing Carlisle for a couple of months. I remember thinking that I had never seen a more beautiful woman in my life. She could have been on a movie screen, she was that breathtaking. I was so intimidated.

"But it was more than an external thing with Ez. She seemed to glow from the inside. She just had this light about her. As intimidated as I was, I was also drawn to her. I wanted to know her and I wanted her to like me. I shouldn't have worried about that, because Ez liked everyone.

"A lot of you know me and you know that I can be a real pain sometimes. I tend to decide really quickly if I like someone or not and I develop my opinions rather quickly as well. I'm usually quite vocal if I don't like someone, to the point of being rude. It's just how I am. I don't have Ez's light.

"Ez was never like me. She _never,_ and I do mean _never,_ said a bad word about anyone. She never thought ill of anyone. She always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. She and I were complete opposites, but she was still my best friend... my sister.

"She helped me to be a better person. I'm still not as good as she was, but I try harder than I would have if I hadn't known her.

"Ez and I went through a lot together. I was there with her through the miscarriages and the doctors telling her that she'd never have children. Proved them wrong, didn't you, Edward?"

I smiled and shook my head at her.

"She held my hand when Alice came too soon and we thought she wasn't going to make it. We were each other's rock when our husbands just couldn't fully comprehend the pain and the fear.

"I see our red hat girls there in the back." She raised a hand and waved. "Ez and I joined the Red Hat Society a few years ago. I joined for the hats. I've always been a sucker for accessories. Ez joined for the charity work. That was how she did things. She joined groups and participated in functions for the right reasons.

"I have all this stuff written down about Ez, but I don't really know what to say. I loved her. She was an extraordinary woman. She did so much for this community and it's things that she never talked about or that were never really publicized. She just did them. She didn't do it to say 'look at me, look at what I'm doing.' She did it because she felt called to help.

"I think that's what made her so special she didn't need or want the recognition... she just wanted to help. She wanted to make her part of the world... the part she could influence... a better place. I think that she did that. I know that I'm a better person for having her in my life."

I looked around at all of the heads nodding in agreement. Daddy was looking around too; his eyes wide in amazement.

He leaned over to me and said, "I had no idea that she had touched so many lives in such a profound way."

"She was truly remarkable," Bella whispered. "I know that she had a dramatic effect on my life." She squeezed my hand.

Rosalie and Emmett stepped down from the altar. Rosalie sat next to Daddy and put her arm around his shoulders. Daddy looked at me and I knew that it was my turn. I took a deep breath and squeezed Bella's hand. She bent down and retrieved an item from her purse. She placed it in my hand as I stood to walk to the lectern.

I turned and faced the crowd that had assembled to pay their respects. I placed the coffee mug on the lectern and turned it so that everyone could read what I had painted on the side so long ago.

I cleared my throat and began. "I made that in the sixth grade. I took home-ec to meet girls." A few people giggled. "I was kind of geeky and Momma thought that if I was around girls, then I would come out of my shell. We had to paint these mugs. It wasn't for Mother's Day or anything. We could paint whatever we wanted on them. I don't remember why I was thinking that Momma was the best in the world... she had probably done something for me... I can't remember.

"I found this in her kitchen cabinet last night. She kept it all these years." I picked it up and looked at it. "The 'bestest' was our little joke. But really, if there was a word to describe her, it would be that. She was better than the best. I've heard so many adjective these last couple of days trying to describe her and her influence on the people around her, but none of them really came close until I saw this mug last night.

"I've heard you all say how fortunate you were to have known her and how she helped you and encouraged you. Imagine being her kid. She never told me that I couldn't do something. If I said that I wanted to be a fireman, then she'd say that I'd be the best one ever. When I wanted to play football, she told me that I'd be great at it, even though I'd only touched a football twice in my life. When I said that I wanted to be a lawyer, she told me that she thought it was a wonderful decision.

"That's just the way she was. She never told me that I couldn't be anything I wanted to be. She never told me that there was something that I couldn't do. She's the reason that I've accomplished all that I have. It's because I was always told that I could. She made me believe that I could do anything.

"A few weeks before she died, Momma asked me to play a song for her on my piano. I hadn't played for anyone in a long time and I didn't really think that I would be able to play anything worth a crap, but she said that she knew that I could do it. She had faith in me, so I played. She asked me to play the composition here... now. I still don't think that I'll pull this off, but if Momma thinks that I can do it... then I can. As long as Momma believes in me, I can do anything."

I placed the mug back on the lectern and moved to the piano that was behind me on the altar. I cracked my knuckles and took another cleansing breath. "For you, Momma," I whispered as I placed my hands on the keys.

As the first notes of the sonata rang out from the piano, I felt a presence beside me. I glanced quickly to my right, but no one was there. A feeling of calm descended over me and the notes just seemed to flow through me and out my fingers.

I lost myself in the music. I didn't even notice as the tears began to course down my cheeks. All I could think was that I was playing for my momma for the last time. I poured my soul and all my grief into that sonata.

I was so into the music that I didn't notice the people in the room with me. I didn't notice as they all began to cry with me. I didn't notice as they all shared the emotions that were flowing through me and out that piano.

I played the last notes and placed my hands on my lap. I stared down at the keys and hoped that I had done Beethoven justice. I hoped that I had made Momma proud.

I must have sat there for a while, because I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and into Bella's tear-stained face.

"It was beautiful," she whispered as she helped me to my feet. She placed a tissue in my hand. I wiped my face and walked to my seat.

Bro. Bill returned to the altar and said, "I think that we all have been touched in some way by Esme Cullen and we are all better for it. This concludes this portion of the service. We will continue at the graveside. The family asks that you all join them at Mount Pisgah Baptist Church for the interment."

People began to file out of the sanctuaries. The family, including the newest addition, Marcus and Jane, gathered around Momma's casket for one last viewing. Daddy reached blindly for my hand. He squeezed it as his mouth twisted into a grimace.

"It's okay, Daddy. Let it out," I said.

"No," he whispered. "She told me to be strong for you… and for her. She told me that she's gone to a better place… a happier place, where there's no pain. She told me that I'd see her again; she'll be waiting for me. I don't want to cry anymore. The tears aren't for her, they're for me."

"What do you mean?" Jane asked.

"I'm sad and lonely. A piece of my heart is missing. My tears are for me. Esme isn't in pain anymore. She isn't sick. She's whole. She sheds no tears and neither should I. I am happy that she is at peace. That means no more tears of grief. Now I just have to wait until I can see her again."

"And you will… see her again," Bella said as she wrapped an arm around Daddy's shoulders. "When it's your time, she will be there to welcome you home."

We left the sanctuary and got into our cars. Daddy, Bella, and I were in the lead car. We had requested a police escort and it's a good thing that we did. The procession to the cemetery was several miles long.

Parking became a premium when we arrived at the church. Pisgah is a small country church. Many centuries ago, Monroe Cullen donated the land for the church and the cemetery. The only stipulation was that all Cullen men, from then until eternity, would receive two cemetery plots; one for themselves and one for their spouse. Momma would be placed in the Cullen section of the cemetery in one of Daddy's two plots.

The parking lot quickly filled as did the roadsides through the cemetery. People began to park along Tabor Road. The sheriffs stayed to conduct traffic through the area.

The family took their seats by the grave as the casket was brought in and set in place. Bro. Bill stood at the head of the casket.

When everyone had assembled, Bro. Bill began. "Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we come to you today in conflict. Should we mourn the passing of this extraordinary woman or should we rejoice that she has gone home to you? I do both, Lord. I mourn that I will no longer have deep, thought-provoking and highly educational conversations with a woman that I respected so greatly. I mourn that her family will not be able to continue to learn from her as I know that there was more that she could have taught them. I mourn that the community has lost a patron and that her contributions will be so greatly missed.

"But I also rejoice her passing, Father. I know without a doubt that Esme is with You. I know that Your plan for her on this earth is complete and that she will continue her work at Your side. I know that she is no longer suffering from cancer and that she feels no pain in Your arms. And I know that I will meet her again one day in Heaven. For all these things I rejoice and I take comfort in the knowledge that You and Your angels are rejoicing as well now that Your earthly angel, Esme Cullen, is home. In Jesus' name… Amen."

Bella reached over and placed her hand on my knee. I covered it with my hand. I took a deep breath and swallowed back the lump in my throat. I turned to her and nodded. I was okay. I was going to be okay.

Bro. Bill continued. "I know that the family is grateful that you are all here. The love and support that you have shown them at this time is astounding to them. They had no idea that Esme had touched so many lives in such profound ways. They ask that you join them in the church fellowship hall for a small reception during the final interment."

The crowd began to disperse and make their way to the church. Daddy and I didn't move. I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, I saw that she, Ro, Em, Alice, and Jasper were standing there watching us. I glanced at Daddy. He was staring forlornly at the casket as they lowered it into the ground. I turned back to my family and nodded for them to go ahead to the fellowship hall. We would be along later.

I reached over and took Daddy's hand. He blinked and looked up at me. I saw the tears in his eyes. He was barely holding them at bay.

"I'm going to make it really pretty here for her," he said. "I'm having the entire grave bordered by marble. I'm going to get that small, white gravel put in the border. I thought that I could put a tulip tree by her side of the headstone. She so loved the one that's in the front yard. What do you think?"

"That sounds nice," I replied.

They finished lowering the casket into the ground as we sat there in silence. I started to gnaw at the corner of my mouth.

Daddy reached over and swatted my knee. "Cut it out."

I chuckled. "So that's your job now, huh?"

He looked up at me and said, "It was never a job to her. It all came natural. She was a mother to us all."

The next day was Thanksgiving, but we didn't really feel like celebrating. I was finding it hard to be thankful that year. We all ended up at Aunt Ro and Uncle Em's house. Alice put together a meal. It wasn't traditional, but that was fine. We were all just trying to hold it together.

Christmas wasn't much better. We spent it at Ro and Em's again. Alice and Ro had taken Momma shopping before she went downhill. They gave us all our presents from Momma. She knew that it would either be her last Christmas or that she wouldn't make it there at all. We each got a book about losing a loved one and a journal. She had written a letter to each of us in the journals. Daddy read the first page of his and had to leave the room. We didn't see him for several hours. When he came back, we could tell that he had been crying. He wasn't alone.

Life went on for us, but there was a noticeable hole in the family. We all missed Momma terribly. Rosalie told me that she would see a ring in a jewelry store and would instinctively grab her phone to call Momma. Suzy's hair began to fall out so Daddy took her to the vet. Apparently, she became so depressed that she started to go bald. Have you ever seen a balding Pomeranian? It's actually kind of sad. She looked like a long-haired Chihuahua. Daddy had to start giving her Prozac.

Things moved on. Things changed. People changed. I changed.

I had come to realize something is the months and weeks that Momma battled MCL. I'm not an atheist or an agnostic. It's not that I don't believe in God or a higher power. I just don't believe that any one religion has it completely right.

I guess you could say that I'm anti-organized religion.

I think Momma actually had the inside track on this Christianity thing. It isn't what church you go to or what tenants of the Bible you believe. It's about being as good a person as you can be. It's about treating the people in your life with respect. It's about giving of yourself for no other reason than it's the right thing to do.

It's about being and doing good.

And, yes, I pray. Praying isn't asking God to do things for you or to give you things. It's like the power of positive thinking. I pray for the strength to be the person Momma wanted me to be. I pray for the ability to help my family through this. I pray for peace… not world peace, but peace in my heart.

Jasper says that I finally put my hands on it. I think that I just got enough facts to wrap my mind around it. Regardless, I'm on the path Momma wanted for me. I thank Bella for taking my hand and leading me to it.

_One Year Later – Christmas 2010_

I walked across the cemetery to Momma's grave. It was unusually cold for Alabama. I had on the heaviest coat that I owned, which wasn't all that heavy, zipped all the way up. I was still freezing.

I could hear and feel the dead, frozen grass crunching under my feet. It had frosted the night before. I looked up at the sky and prayed that it wouldn't rain. Rain would mean an ice storm, which would make the roads impassable… especially up the mountain.

I placed the flowers I had brought near Momma's headstone. There wasn't much room. Daddy had been there already as well as many of Momma's friends. I sat down on the bench that Daddy had put at the side of the grave. I knew that he came here often to talk to her, just like I had come that day.

"Hey, Momma," I began. "Do ya think that you could have a little talk with the All Mighty? It's unbearably cold down here. You know how thin my blood is. I'm freezing!

"We miss you, but you know that already. Daddy's doing much better. He's joined a men's group at the church. It sounds a lot like your red hat group. They eat breakfast and, from what I can tell, they gossip. It's kind of funny actually.

"Ro and Emmett are talking about retiring. I can see Emmett quitting and taking it easy, but Ro… I just don't see it. She'll get bored. Then again in a few months she'll have something to keep her busy.

"Alice and Jasper are pregnant. Well, Alice is pregnant. She's due in April. I keep pushing for her to induce on the ninth. She keeps telling me to shove it.

"I'm doing okay. I went to church with Daddy at Easter; Bella and I did that is. We're going with him tomorrow too. You were right, Momma. Having just a little faith in a higher power is a comfort. Knowing that you're somewhere waiting for us to join you makes it easier to bear.

"I miss you so much, Momma. I'm trying really hard to be what you wanted me to be. I'm trying to hold us all together. Bella helps. She and Alice made a great Thanksgiving dinner for us last month. They're going to do Christmas dinner tomorrow. The Whitlocks are going to come over, so we'll all be together. Charlie's coming too. He's bringing his girlfriend and her daughter. We're making it work, but it's hard. You made it all look so easy."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out Momma's engagement ring.

"I talked to Charlie a few weeks ago. I'm going to ask Bella to marry me. He gave me his blessing. I wish you could be here, Momma. I'm going to give her your ring. Maybe one day, we can give it to our daughter and tell her what an amazing woman her grandmother was."

I turned the ring over in my hand a few times. I started to chew the side of my mouth, but caught myself.

"You know what I miss the most about you being gone, Momma? I miss you keeping me in line. It annoyed the hell out of me when you were here, but it's the thing I miss the most."

I looked at the diamond in the ring. "I know why Daddy wanted the diamond to be perfect. You deserved no less. Bella is so much like you, Momma. She's kind and patient, but she doesn't cut me any slack either. She's so good to me and Daddy. I'm really lucky to have her."

I stood and put the ring back in my pocket. "I should go. Bella's picking Charlie up at the airport and I want to be there when they get back."

I kissed my fingertips and touched Momma's headstone. "I hope she says 'yes.'"

_Acknowledgments_

I began writing _Have a Little Faith_ when my mother was in the hospital with kidney failure. Every day the doctors would come in and tell us that it was her last. I wanted to chronicle her life… pay homage to a great woman.

You see, most of this story is true. My mother has mantle cell lymphoma. She was diagnosed in October of 2008 when she went in for routine blood work. Her only symptom was that she felt overly tired, but she attributed that to age.

The doctors told her that without treatment she could expect to live anywhere from six months to three years; with treatment she could expect to live anywhere from six months to three years. That's not a typo. They basically gave her a death sentence.

Her oncologist, Dr. Gore, scheduled for her to see the doctor's at M.D. Anderson in Texas. They are the only hospital that has developed a treatment, The Anderson Protocol. It is just a treatment… there is no cure. She and my father left two days later.

My mother has been receiving The Anderson Protocol since January of 2009. It is an extremely high dose of chemotherapy, administered every other week. She sits in the chemo chair for seven hours to receive this treatment. It leaves her tired and sick for two days afterward.

In September of 2010, my father rushed my mother to the emergency room at St. Vincent's Hospital in Birmingham because her whole body was swollen. Her kidneys had failed. After numerous tests and a screw up by a doctor (I wrote it like it happened.), it was determined that she had had an adverse reaction to Advil.

The problem was that the chemo is filtered through her kidneys. Without kidney function, the treatment would have to stop. Mother went on dialysis and people began to pray.

This is why the story is titled the way that it is and why Edward had to go through that journey. I am Edward. I didn't believe in religion or prayer. I didn't have faith until I saw it in action.

My mother is loved by many people. She has touched many lives. And all of those people began to pray. Prayer groups were started. The nurses in the hospital fell in love with her and they began to pray with her.

The doctors told us that her kidneys would never work again. Today she has 80% function and is able to take the chemo treatment once a month.

Last October Mother hit the three year mark. The doctors told her that she would be dead now. She isn't. And another thing that has the doctors stumped is that she's relatively healthy.

She is not cured. She will never be cured, but the MCL is not growing. It is not spreading. She's still with us.

You can't tell me now that there isn't power in prayer.

Thank you for reading our story. I hope it touched your life in some way. I pray that it gives you hope… and faith.

The End


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